RiffText/AruseusEmails/birthday

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Zippy, Roy Jr, Ryan, Various Guests, Fenri Lunaedge

Places: Kitchen, A Store, Another Store, Ryan's Living Room

Computer: SkyPod

Date: September 3rd, 2008

Transcript

REAL-WORLD ME: {voiceover} Last time on Aruseus Emails...

{Flashback to the previous email}

ARUSEUS: Hm...what's going on this week OH DAMN RYAN'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP.

{Fade to black, and fade to the present, Aruseus is running through a store, panicking}

NAMINE: You could easily have merged this email with the previous one instead of wasting the energy necessary to split the two emails together. Not only would it make your story arc more capable of being concise later, but you also don't feed information from the previous email as part of the script.

ARUSEUS: Dammitdammitdammitdammit! I need to get a cake, gifts, stuff, and things! AND FAST! RYAN'S BIRTHDAY IS IN LESS THAN A WEEK.

NAMINE: I read the Fun Fact of this earlier. I didn't know September 3 and September 23 had the time differential of less than a week.

{Aruseus' SkyPod pings}

ARUSEUS: What now?! {clicks the email icon}

subject: berraarrghthday

Hey, Aruseus!

Tell Ryan I said happy birthday.

Even though you forgot mine.

IT WAS ON WEDNESDAY ARUSEUS

Weeping openly,
Zippy P.

ARUSEUS: {typing} AAARRRGGHHH! Ok. Listen, Zippy. Meet me at my pad on Saturday at 12:00 PM SHARP. We'll throw a party for you and Ryan, and then we'll-

{Aruseus trips over Zippy, who is buying a beer}

NAMINE: So Zippy was 21 in 2008?

ZIPPY: OH COME ON. I'M NOT THAT SHORT.

ARUSEUS: Zippy! Just the man I wanted to see!

ZIPPY: Oh. The big white birthday forgetter...er. Just the man I wanted to not see.

ARUSEUS: Listen. I'll throw you in the party too. Ryan's birthday party is yours too.

ZIPPY: And this time, you won't forget it?

ARUSEUS: It's at my house, doofus. How could I forget it?

NAMINE: It's as simple as not having an emotional connection to that person which would allow you to remember birthdays LIKE A BOSS.

{Namine flinches.}

NAMINE: I'm still feeling the pain of that phrasing being overly used, while reading a Venomancer guide for Dota 2 no less.

ZIPPY: True. True.

ARUSEUS: So, you gotta help me. Take this list, and buy everything on it. I'll provide a cake, and your presents.

ZIPPY: But, you don't know what I want!

ARUSEUS: I'll learn from Mitch.

NAMINE: Who's Mitch?

ZIPPY: Ok.

{Aruseus runs off}

ZIPPY: This guy wants a... What the hell is a Fen-ree Luna-edge?

{Cut to a different store}

ARUSEUS: Hello? I need a cake for my friends birthday.

??? ??: That...voice.

ARUSEUS: Um...hello?

??? ??: Aruseus?

ARUSEUS: WOAH! Roy Jr?!

ROY JR: How's it been, man?

ARUSEUS: You're...a full-fledged Lucario now?!

ROY JR: Yep. I'm not the little "dog" you knew me as anymore, heh...

NAMINE: Do characters rapidly age or is this just as confusing for other people as it is for me?

ARUSEUS: Wait...so you work here?

ROY JR: Yup. Whaddya need?

ARUSEUS: A birthday cake for two people.

ROY JR: What should it say?

ARUSEUS: "Ryan and Zippy."

ROY JR: Gotcha.

{Roy Jr. hands him a cake with the names on it.}

ARUSEUS: Thanks.

ROY JR: No prob, dude. Keep chillin'.

{Cut to Ryan's Living Room, the cake is out, and the presents are behind Zippy}

ZIPPY: Ok. {pant pant} I got everything. Even the ridiculous ones.

ARUSEUS: Ok. So...Ryan should be waking up soon. He's a late sleeper.

ZIPPY: What time is it?

ARUSEUS: 2 PM.

ZIPPY: Wow.

{All of a sudden, people start coming in}

ARUSEUS: Oh snap. Now what?! We need to wake him up...

{Zippy runs off}

RYAN: {offscreen} Zippy?! How did you...wait, what's with that Met...why is it...AAAARGH! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF. AAAH.

NAMINE: This part could've been cut out, if script bandwidth was a concern for you.

{Zippy runs back in}

ZIPPY: Done.

{Ryan walks in, his fur is ruffled, he's covered in scratches, and in a bathrobe}

RYAN: I...hate...you-

EVERYONE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

RYAN: Wow! Um...never mind! I take that back! Thanks guys!

ARUSEUS: Your welcome!

NAMINE: you're

Truth be told, I almost forgot your birthday!

RYAN: ...again?

ARUSEUS: Yup!

ZIPPY: So...ready to open your gifts?

RYAN: Um...sure! Just let me put on some gauze, hair-safe bandages, and my normal clothes.

{LATER}

RYAN: So...which one should I open?

{Ryan opens a large box, inside is an exact copy of Fenri Lunaedge}

RYAN: EEE! YOU GOT ME MY OWN...

ZIPPY: LOVE IT. IT TOOK ME AGES TO FIND ONE.

RYAN: I DO. Now...how do I activate it...

{Ryan smacks it and the head falls off}

RYAN: Oops. I can fix that...

{Ryan reattaches the part and presses a button on its back. The Reploid of extreme awesomeness turns on}

FENRI: Greetings, lifeform. I am Fenri Lunaedge, a Reploid with the power to freeze anything.

RYAN: {puts on a Emporer Palentine outfit} I AM YOUR MASTER. NOW GET ME A SANDWICH.

FENRI: Affirmative. {gets Ryan a sandwich}

RYAN: Hm...needs more...hype.

{Ryan kicks Fenri in the leg}

FENRI: {in his normal voice} YAHOO! {starts spindashing}

{Fenri rolls through the wall and out into the yard}

RYAN: Now he's just like me! Wait up!

{Ryan runs through the wall, creating a hole shaped like him}

ARUSEUS: Um...happy...birthday?

NAMINE: This remaining part of the email wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't very good either.

{The Paper}

Fun Facts

MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 23RD OF SEPTEMBER. DON'T FORGET IT.

NAMINE: Since you're not around in the Wiki User Wiki anymore, I plan on forgetting your birthday.