(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/AruseusEmails/biketheif
NAMINE: I like how already there exist two spelling errors and I haven't even started the email yet. Now to correct both of them:
- thief
- biscuits
Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Fang, Pom Pom, Tom, Homsar, Strong Bad, Anthruseus {easter egg}
Places: Computer Room, The Field, The Stick, 20X6 Field {easter egg}
Computer: E-Mach 1000
Date: September 14th, 2007
NAMINE: Almost a whole month since the last email! I wonder what Arceus has been doing in his spare time?
Transcript
ARUSEUS: For the first time in Arumail history, I'm gonna do a sbemail clone.
NAMINE: It's not the first time, buddy. Not even close. This is more like your tenth time minimum.
Here goes. {clicks the email icon}
ARUSEUS: Aw, sweet! I love this one!
NAMINE: Love what? This line seems to be out of place by being fifteen seconds too early.
subject: bike thievesHey Aruseus,
I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being
stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out
how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike?
Virginia
MI
{Aruseus says MI as Mii}
NAMINE: Oh no, not another Wii-based joke.
ARUSEUS: {typing} Woah...a Mii emailed this? Then this must be declared a Mii-mail. Ok, I'm getting off topic.
NAMINE: You don't lampshade your off-topicness, because that's not how Strong Bad does his emails
{Aruseus clears the screen}
ARUSEUS: So...a bike thief, huh? Well, let's go to Aruseus' Many Methods of Bike Thievery! {ta-dah} Anyways, Method 1, my favorite.
{Cut to The Field, Fang is talking to Pom Pom, beside Fang is a black bike labled
NAMINE: labelled
"Night Shadow"}
NAMINE: And knowing references is only half the battle.
FANG: So, I was telling him the other day that you gotta go for the jumbles.
NAMINE: "Y'know, my friend Vanille told me to go for the jumbles. I somehow believed her, despite not really caring about non-Dragoon stuff."
POM POM: {bubbles, as if he was laughing}
FANG: Am I right?
{Pom Pom laughs some more, Aruseus sneaks up and puts his hands on the bike}
FANG: Hey! {grabs the bike}
ARUSEUS: Cheezit!
NAMINE: Uh, what? How are Cheez-Its involved in this, exactly?
{Aruseus pulls the bike away, with Fang's arms still attached to the bike, thus pulling Fang's arms off}
FANG: Aw, biscuits.
NAMINE: I forget this show initially tried way too hard to avoid cursing like a sailor. Props to 'em for that, though.
{Cut back to the E-Mach}
ARUSEUS: {typing} Although that method drastically went wrong when Fang's arms started punching me until he returned to pick up the bike. So...on to method two.
{Cut to The Stick, Aruseus is holding The Stick and pointing it at Tom's Bike, labled
NAMINE: For the second time already, labelled
"Speed Masta"}
ARUSEUS: One move, and the pie gets his doggie filtered.
NAMINE: That threat's too confusing to be legitimate.
TOM: You mean my bike, right?
ARUSEUS: Wadja!? Homsar! You wrote the script wrong!
HOMSAR: {offscreen} AaaAaahm a bottle of hairspray...
HOMSAR: A bottle of hairspray should be near a lighter. The ozone layers need blankets for the coming winter.
NAMINE: I agree with you.
{Cut back to the E-Mach}
ARUSEUS: {typing} You know, that didn't woik either. Well...Method 3. Forget stealing and save up for a bike! Let's see my funds...{Looks in a wallet
NAMINE: Butterflies come out of the wallet, which is otherwise empty. The very fabric of reality then is shattered by Arceus' colossal stupidity.}
.} Ooh! I know what to get!
{Cut to The Field again, Aruseus is sitting on Red, White, and Banana, Strong Bad is next to him}
ARUSEUS: So...this is all I could buy!?
STRONG BAD: Yep.
ARUSEUS: But I had 100 dollars!
NAMINE: Aren't most bicycles outside of that price range? Last I checked they were around $200 minimum.
STRONG BAD: No...you had 10.
ARUSEUS: WHA!?
STRONG BAD: If you did have 100 dollars, you could buy everyone's bikes!
NAMINE: How badly could Arceus be at math?
ARUSEUS: Well, I didn't. So this is the bike I have. More like bike seat. It's very painful...
STRONG BAD: Well...you've got a small butt.
ARUSEUS: You've got a big one.
STRONG BAD: Oh you are asking for it!
NAMINE: Asking for what?
{Strong Bad kicks Aruseus, Aruseus falls over}
STRONG BAD: Oh crap... {runs off}
{Cut back to E-Mach}
ARUSEUS: Ow...painfull
NAMINE: painful
memory...anyways, {starts typing} Yeah. Go with method one. Or two. But not three. Unless you have a bajillion dollars. Man...you could buy a really cool bike with that money! Well, bye. Man, feels good to be checking an email again...
{The Paper comes down, five seconds later}
{Tom runs in flailing his arms wildly with a playbill for Butt's Twelve By Pies taped to his face}
TOM: Aagh! It's the exorcism of Emily Rose! {runs off}
ARUSEUS: Wha!?
NAMINE: My sentiments exactly.
{Zoom in on the screen}
Easter Eggs
- Click on "Mii" to see a Mii of Aruseus that I made. (Picture sometime)
NAMINE: "You definitely got me and my gigantic Nintendo boner pegged quite nicely, Cyrus."
- Click on "Aruseus' Many Methods of Bike Thievery" To see a book with that title. The picture on the book is a chibi drawing of Aruseus with a bike in his hands.
- Click on "bajillion" at the end to see a bajillion dollar bill, with Aruseus on the front, its value is "something" and it says "In Pie We Trust" at the bottom.
- Click on "cool bike" at the end to see a scene.
{Cut to the 20X6 Field, Aruseus, holding a wallet, is talking with Anthruseus, and a hoverbike is behind him}
ANTHRUSEUS: Now for the low, low, price of 1 bajillion dollars!
ARUSEUS: It's a deal!
NAMINE: "Even though the hoverbike is severely overpriced!"
Fun Facts
Soon.
