RiffText/AruseusEmails/band

Aruseus begins his own band...and fails.

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Tom, Lyle, Marzipan, Strong Mad, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room, Stage, Marzipan's House

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: January 4th, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}: *imitates a techno beat* SOMEBODY EMAIL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

NAMINE: Not if you're going to shout that loud

TOM: {offscreen} I will!

ARUSEUS: You don't count.

TOM: Crap!

NAMINE: "Crap! Now I have to double your rent while you're staying at my house! I was trying to be nice!"

subject: band

Dear Aruseus or whatever-
I've been wondering about a few things--namely,
if you started yourself a band, what would it be
like, and what kind of music would it play?
From your best pal,
Zippy P. Platypus

ARUSEUS: {typing} Ah, Zippy. My crazy purple general. I was about to Hyper Beam you but instead I'll answer.

NAMINE: CONTINUITY

{Aruseus clears the screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well Zippy, of course I would be a rock band. Rock is like THE newest kind of music.

NAMINE: Uh, I think you mean R&B.

NAMINE: Rhythm&Beat, for the laymen in the audience.

NAMINE: Ahahaha, who am I kidding? This has no audience!

The name however, I am stuck on...Sneakerpork? The All-FCUSA Rejects? Metaloclypse? I got it! The RING ZING!

{Cut to a stage, Aruseus is standing with a microphone, Lyle is by an electric guitar}

ARUSEUS: {looking around} Where in the holy name of Strongbadian Crap is Tom?

LYLE: {The Cheat noises}

ARUSEUS: {sniffs} Wait! I can smell his crappy cologne! {runs offscreen}

NAMINE: Crappy...cologne...? When'd this happen?

LYLE: {looks around, grins nervously}

{Cut to Marzipan's House, the Cool Tapes are there, with Tom hanging upside-down, rocking back and forth slowly, he has a bandana over his mouth, muffling his speech}

NAMINE: Yup. Great conflict set-up right there.

ARUSEUS: {looking around} What in Pete Sampras is going on here!?

MARZIPAN: Well we were afraid your band would be better than us, so we captured your lead singer.

STRONG MAD: RING ZING RUUUULLLEEE!

NAMINE: Pretty sure Strong Mad's supposed to make sense

ARUSEUS: Singer? He's our crappy drummer! Keep him!

TOM: {muffled} HEY!

NAMINE: "HEY! Drummers are actually cool! We get laid more than the rest of you!"

STRONG MAD: COOL GRAPES!

MARZIPAN: That's Cool Tapes.

NAMINE: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY RHYME

{Cut back to stage, Aruseus and Lyle are playing}

TOM: {imitating and old person, throws tomatoes at Lyle and Aruseus} Boo! Boo! You guys stink!

{Tom is shown sitting in one of the many empty seats in the audience, he is dressed in a leather coat and has a fake beard and a golf hat}}

TOM: Where's your drummer?

ARUSEUS: Uh...should we go free Tom now?

NAMINE: Pretty sure he already freed himself. Although The Chea- I mean "Lyle" will tell us all this soon.

LYLE: {angry The Cheat noises}

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Tom's hat to see an album for "Ring Zing! Crappy Hits!"

Fun Facts

• Aruseus threatening to Hyper Beam Zippy is a reference to the previous email, jlammy.
• The All-FCUSA Rejects is a parody of The All American Rejects.
• Metaloclypse is a TV show about a heavy metal band.
• Sneakerpork is actually one of the ideas for a name of a band my brother's friends were forming.
• The Email rap is a parody of Dane Cook's "Just Wanna Dance" Routine.
• "What in Pete Sampras is going on here!?" is from the actual Cool Tapes toon.

NAMINE: Cool, references that are actually pretty decent in context! If only this wasn't heinously short...