RiffText/AruseusEmails/asianfoods

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Fang, Various Shadowolves, Joey, Pter

Places: Aruseus' Room, Cheng Fang Wu's

NAMINE: Cheng Fang Wu's does not sound like an actual Chinese restaurant.

Computer: SkyPod

Date: August 19th, 2008

Transcript

ARUSEUS: {singing} This email's not for anybody, this is purely for myself!

NAMINE: That's the most inaccurate statement of all time.
NAMINE: Then again there are stupid people who think Let's Plays are only for the enjoyment of themselves, who do Let's Plays and wonder why nobody cares.

There is no way I'm gonna give up till the very end.

NAMINE: You should've given up at around email 10.

{Aruseus clicks the email icon}

Hey Aruseus
Do you like Asian food?

ARUSEUS: {typing} Erm...who sent me this? I don't like emails from no one. It scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares me. Do I like Asian food? DO I LIKE ASIAN FOOD?! I love it. In fact, I love it so much, I forced Fang to open up a restaraunt!

NAMINE: You don't just force someone to open up a restaurant and have it there in an instant. You'd have had to have months and months of pre-planning on this.

{Cut to the restaraunt}

FANG: Welcome to Cheng Fang Wu's. How may I seat you?

ARUSEUS: One, please.

FANG: Oh! Aruseus! It's you! You are one of the few to get the "friend discount." You get 5% off of sashami!

ARUSEUS: Tanks!

NAMINE: Thanks

So...where do I sit?

FANG: Follow me.

{Fang leads Aruseus into a booth. Aruseus looks around to see multiple Fang-like people with different clothing, hairstyles, sizes, and ages at the tables eating}

ARUSEUS: Woah. There's like...so many Fangs here.

FANG: Sorry. I just had to invite all of my friends and their friends of the Shadowolf tribe to eat here and see my success!

NAMINE: what

They've all heard of you and everyone else at our house.

ARUSEUS: Cool.

{A Shadowolf in a suit walks up to Aruseus. He has no extending fang and brown, spiked hair}

JOEY: Hello. My name is Joey and I'll be your waiter. What will you be having to drink?

ARUSEUS: Oh, just get me a Diet Coke.

NAMINE: Why would anyone order a Diet Coke?

JOEY: Right away. I'll give you time to look at the menu.

{Joey hands Aruseus a menu and leaves}

PTER: Aruseus? That you?

ARUSEUS: Pter? Hey! You're sitting behind me!

PTER: Yep! So...you get the friend discount?

NAMINE: The horrible-for-business discount that shows incredible bias to other people and makes it so you get paid less?

NAMINE: The incredibly-shallow discount that does not reward customers for doing much other than befriending the manager?

NAMINE: That "friend discount?"

ARUSEUS: Yes...

PTER: Hah! Pathetic. I got the best friend discount, meaning I get 20% off!

NAMINE: Fang doesn't have any best friends. Neither does Arceus, but that's a whole 'nother story.

ARUSEUS: Swinebag.

PTER: Yeah, you should get the Swine Bag.

NAMINE: There is no such Chinese food item as the "Swine Bag."

It's delish.

ARUSEUS: Wait, WHAT?

PTER: It's a wrap filled with pork lo mein. It's really called the lo mein wrap on the menu, but people have called it the Swine Bag.

NAMINE: Don't let those idiots nickname the food something stupid.

ARUSEUS: Wait, so they took a word coined by Good Deal Dan's friend Cody and used mostly by Dan himself and made it a food?

NAMINE: Who cares where the term came from?! It still makes no bloody sense!

PTER: Yup.

ARUSEUS: That's just odd.

{Joey comes back with Aruseus' drink}

JOEY: Here's your Coke.

NAMINE: {imitating Arceus} It was a Diet Coke, you plebe!

What will you have to eat?

ARUSEUS: The Swine Bag, please.

JOEY: HEY! I am not a swinebag!

ARUSEUS: I mean the food.

JOEY: Oh...heh...right away.

NAMINE: This email is incomplete. We don't have a resolution at all other than Arceus and co. eating at a wannabe-Chinese restaurant.

{Joey leaves, The Paper comes down}

Fun Facts

• Aruseus breaks the fourth wall.

NAMINE: The thing is, is that Arceus does that all the time. That's not what constitutes a Fun Fact at all.