Difference between revisions of "Space-Aged Stupidity/eps/notso17butnot18yet"

Revision as of 05:28, 28 July 2013

Summary

After a rough time escaping one of the biggest world disasters of the 20th century, the crew dry themselves off and put the Time Machine away, never to fall into the wrong hands again. That is, until it's found straight after and used inappropriately due to the shenanigans of B-621 and Unholy Tracy.

Transcript

The scene opens with the Time Machine fading in from time and space. As it fully materializes in present-time, the door opens, and the whole crew tumble out of it, every single one of them ringing wet from seawater. They all struggle to pick themselves up, while shaking all the water off their bodies.

RYAN-X: Right. This is the last time I go on holiday with any of you.

SEPHIROTH: Hey, how was I supposed to know that out of all the 20th century luxury cruises we could have gone on, we just happened to go on the one that sunk?

RYAN-X: Gee, I don't know! Reading a history book, perhaps? Hell, you could have just watched the goddamn movie to see what happens!

WADE: I dunno 'bout you guys, but I-a thought it was fun-fun-fun!!!

CHAOS: That's only because you spent the whole entire cruise trip eating in the banquet hall.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, you were so deep in your eating trance that we actually had to save you from the water!

CHAOS: You should thank him, really. I just suggested that we go ahead and leave you behind. It's not like we don't have enough annoying novelty characters onboard, anyhow.

B-621: MAN, THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME. GUYS, WE SHOULD TOTALLY GO BACK AGAIN. LIKE... TO THE 1960S. SEE ALL THE COOL HIPPIES AND STUFF, YEAH.

UNHOLY TRACY: Yeah, man. Like.. go back and smoke bud with Hendrix or something. This machine, dude, we could do absolutely anything.

CHAOS: Yeah, as much as I'd like to do all that shit, you really have to keep in mind that we were lucky that we didn't mess things up when we were on the Titanic. Man, who would know what would happen if we hung out with Hendrix, huh? Knowing you idiots, we'd probably end up causing World War III. Seph? Tell them.

SEPHIROTH: Well personally, I don't think it would be that much of a big-...

CHAOS: DAMN IT SEPH, IT'S THE LAW OF PARADOXES. YOU KNOW...YOU DO SHIT IN THE PAST, AND IT EFFECTS SHIT IN THE FUTURE? NO. NO. TIME MACHINE IS OFF-LIMITS, FOR SCIENTIFIC USE ONLY.

SEPHIROTH: Hey, I'm the captain here, I-...

CHAOS: I CREATED THE DAMN MACHINE. NO, I DECLARE THE MACHINE OFF-LIMITS. GO MESS SHIT UP IN SOME OTHER PLACE WHILE I FIND A PLACE TO PUT THIS INFERNAL CONTRAPTION.

{Chaos picks the machine up singlehandedly and walks offscreen with it as the crowd disperses, all muttering in disappointment. Cut to the dining hall, six hours later. The entire room is empty, except for Unholy Tracy and B-621 sitting together at the center of the hall.}

UNHOLY TRACY: Man, Chaos sucks! He's always telling us to "do this, do that", and now he's not even letting us use the time machine! I mean, what harm could we possibly do with it, anyway?

B-621: Yeah, I know!! And Sephiroth too, I mean, he's the captain!! He's the one with the power! But what does he do?

UNHOLY TRACY: {In a mocking voice, imitating Sephiroth's} "Gee guys, I think we should do what Chaos says! He's the doctor!"

B-621: The thing is? I don't even think he's an actual doctor! When has he ever patched up our injuries?

UNHOLY TRACY: Yeah, you're right. Now that I think of it, it's always been K-Bot who's done that kind of stuff. Chaos just.. spends most of his time in his lab, making crazy inventions that always try to kill us!

B-621: You know what, Tracy? I think we need to...

{Close in zoom of B-621's face}

B-621: Buy some extra time.

{Zoom back out}

UNHOLY TRACY: No offense dude, but that pun was kinda sucky.

B-621: Hey, it's the best I could think up on the spot, okay? Let's just go grab that machine.

{Cut to Chaos' lab, where he is observing the Time Machine. He pulls out a big white sheet and throws it over the machine.}

CHAOS: Ah, excellent! Nobody will ever suspect it being under a white sheet! Great thinking, Chaos.

{Chaos walks out of his lab and into the hallway where he bumps into Tracy and B-621.}'

CHAOS: Oh. it's you two. Scooby and Shaggy. What are you two doing around here at this hour? Your quarters are on the other side of the ship.

UNHOLY TRACY: What? It's not like there's a rule against walking around at the dead of night now, is there?

CHAOS: Hm, I suppose you're right. Well, I'm off. Need to catch on some Z's. Gotta be extra alert for tomorrow, y'know. Sciencey, experiment stuff.. yeah. Nothing you cretins would understand anyway. Laters.

{Chaos walks past Tracy and B-621 and they both continue on their way. Pan over to Chaos' face as he's walking.}

CHAOS: {Monologuing} Pfft, it's obvious those dolts are trying to access the Time Machine. Little do they know that I've hidden it in the one place they wouldn't ever suspect. I can't even imagine a scenario where they would even come across it, not at all.

{Chaos chuckles to himself}

CHAOS: Chaos, you sly dog, you. You need to treat yourself one day, just forget about the rest of the crew and spend the rest of your time watching soap operas. Now that is pleasure, mmmhmm.

{Cut to Tracy and B-621 entering the laboratory. As they walk through it, several weird and nasty things are on display, including a dissected Neoptr, a human skull, a beating heart inside a jar, and a half-eaten twix bar. They reach the end of the laboratory and see the time machine, just standing there with a white cloth hanging over it.}

B-621: ...Really?

UNHOLY TRACY: Wow. You can tell that Chaos wasn't the hide and seek champion of 20x6.

B-621: You can really say that again.

{The two pull the cloth off the machine, and they both take no time to climb aboard it. Closing the doors, they observe the panel, which is a complicated display of blinkers and bleepers.}

B-621: Right. So, how do we work this thing?

UNHOLY TRACY: Shit, I actually have no idea.

B-621: Wanna just push random buttons until something happens?

UNHOLY TRACY: Gee, that doesn't sound irresponsible and proving of his point at all.

{Silence}

UNHOLY TRACY: Let's do it.

{The two proceed to smash random buttons, but nothing happens. This goes on for twenty seconds before Unholy Tracy stops.}

UNHOLY TRACY: WAIT.

B-621: Huh?

UNHOLY TRACY: There was something we forgot! I distinctly remember Chaos turning the machine on from the outside first, oops. Just a sec.

{Tracy gets out of the Time Machine and walks around to the back, where he pulls a giant lever.}

B-621: That was the air conditioning!

UNHOLY TRACY: Oops, sorry.

{Tracy then flicks a much smaller switch right next to the lever and the machine begins to vibrate. Cut back to B-621 observing the display. The blinkers stop blinking, and the control panel flips over to a more elegantly and simply designed control panel, with a number pad and an LED display for the dates.}

B-621: Oh, it's on!!

{B-621 tries to type in "Janurary 29th, 1961", but ends up typing in "1941" instead. Unaware of this mistake, he also accidentally leans on a button that determines location. An interactive screen display comes down from the top, showing a world map.}

B-621: Hey Tracy!! Where are we going again?

UNHOLY TRACY: 1960s LA, of course!

B-621: Right, I see!

{Zoom into the map, which is focused on Europe.}

B-621: LA... Hmm.. Where's LA?

UNHOLY TRACY: Hell if I know! Just pick something, I'm sure the 1960s has a great culture wherever we go! We'll just pop out for a few hours, and bring it right back, good as new! No one will suspect a thing!

B-621: Alright! Hmm... Ooh, Europe. They had the song contest there! Yeah, umm...

{B-621 presses a random spot on the map, which just happens to be the center of Berlin, Germany.}

B-621: Right, I'm ready! Hop aboard, dude!

{As Tracy prepares to get around to get in, B-621 accidentally leans on another button. The machine starts fading out, with Unholy Tracy on the outside still.}

UNHOLY TRACY: Shit. Shit. Shit!!!

B-621: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

UNHOLY TRACY; Reverse it!!!

B-621: I don't know how!!!

{As Tracy attempts to hop onto the machine, it vanishes into thin air, causing him to fall flat on his face.}

UNHOLY TRACY: God damn it.

{Cut to Sephiroth's bedroom, where he is sleeping on the floor, having fallen off. Tracy runs in and shakes him awake.}

UNHOLY TRACY: CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN, CAPTAAAAAAAIN!!!

SEPHIROTH: WHAT WHAT WHAT????

UNHOLY TRACY: SOMETHING AWFUL HAS HAPPENED, OH MY GOD WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU AND CHAOS MAN, SHITTTTT.

SEPHIROTH: That's something I don't hear every day. What is it?!

UNHOLY TRACY: ...The Time Machine.

SEPHIROTH: Oh god. What happened?

UNHOLY TRACY: Well... B-6 and I just decided to take the machine on a little spin, y'know? A little bit of fun and all that bollocks. Well.. some stuff happened, and he kinda ended up catapulting himself into the past without me, and.. we didn't know how to work the machine. Meaning, he's probably stuck.

SEPHIROTH: ...Oh, for Pete's sake. CHAOS!!!!

{Cut back to the Laboratory, where the crew are standing around the white sheet where the machine once stood. Chaos is pacing up and down in a frenzy.}

CHAOS: Shit, shit shit!! How the hell did you find it? I hid it perfectly!!!!

UNHOLY TRACY: It was in plain site with a sheet over it. That's hardly a good hiding spot.

SEPHIROTH: Wait, seriously, Chaos?

CHAOS: Don't criticize. The sheet method never failed me in the past, that's why I'm so shocked that it's done so right now.

K-BOT: So.. what exactly are we going to do about B-6?

CHAOS: Hm, well I don't know about him, but the machine should be perfectly safe. You see, I knew one of you idiots would end up doing this, so that's why I built this recovery device!

{Chaos pulls out a device that looks just like car keys, and he presses a button on them. The machine materializes right in front of them, but completely empty.}

SEPHIROTH: Where's B-6?

CHAOS: Hm. The little bugger must have gotten out. No doubt he's messing shit up in the past, just like I said he would. Lemme just check where he went...

{Chaos goes inside and looks at the coordinates. Immediately after, he runs out in shock.}

CHAOS: GREAT SCOTT!!!

SEPHIROTH: What's wrong?!

CHAOS: Well, out of all the times and places he could've gone to, he went to what could possibly be the most volatile and dangerous one in history. Figures.

UNHOLY TRACY: Hey, what's so bad about the 1960s?

CHAOS: Well, minus the Vietnam War and the Cuban Missile Crisis, and a whole bunch of other shit, I guess nothing much! But he didn't go to the 1960s!

UNHOLY TRACY: He didn't?

CHAOS: No, you fool! For some reason that only an asinine bunch like you two could ever come up with, he ended up going on a nice holiday to Germany!

{Silence}

CHAOS: IN 1941.

{The whole crowd gasps. Suddenly, there is a flash and a crackling sound is heard.}

SEPHIROTH: What was that?

CHAOS: It's happening already. No, damn it! His presence alone in that time and place is altering the future as we speak! K-Bot, access the history archives!!

K-BOT: Right away, sir!

{K-Bot pulls out a tablet with all the world's history stored onto it.}

CHAOS: Look up.. hm.. World War II.

{K-Bot types something into the tablet and gasps in shock at the results. He quickly passes the tablet over to Chaos who reads it out loud.}

CHAOS: World War II, also known as the Second World War, was a global war that lasted from 1939 to 1942. It involved the vast majority of the world's nations—including all of the great powers—eventually forming two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis. It was the most widespread war in history, with more than 100 million people serving in military units from over 30 different countries. The War ended abruptly in 1942, with victory being handed to the Axis Powers, due to a miraculous technological breakthrough on their behalf.

SEPHIROTH: Oh god no.

CHAOS: The "Eisen Blitzkrieg Vernichter", a series of autonomous war machines were used against the Allied Powers to gain victory. Their superior technology rendered them practically unstoppable in the art of war. With the initial liberation of the entire western hemisphere, Adolf Hitler was world renowned as the greatest commander of all time. His dream of a thousand year reich was an astounding success, with the Nazi German Empire standing in history as the biggest and longest standing empire in history.

K-BOT: I can't believe it. Hitler won.

CHAOS: And all because of that stupid damn robot!

SEPHIROTH: Looks like we need to get him back as soon as possible.

CHAOS: Yes, we really do. Right now, the effects of the paradox haven't reached us yet, due to timey wimey shenanigans that I really don't care for explaining at the moment. But if we don't hurry soon, I'm afraid our lives will also change drastically.

SEPHIROTH: Let's do it. Let's kick some Nazi butt.

K-BOT: Should I go, guys? I mean, considering how B-2 ended up, I don't wanna end up having the same done to me!

SEPHIROTH: Alright, good point. K-Bot, I advise you to stay outside and keep watch.

K-BOT: Keep watch for what?

SEPHIROTH: I don't know, just in case somebody starts speaking German or something!

K-BOT: Understood, sir!!

SEPHIROTH: Right, let's do this.

{Sephiroth, Chaos, and Unholy Tracy climb into the machine and launch it. Cut to 1941 Berlin. The time machine lands right in front of the Reichstag, in an almost convenient manner.}

SEPHIROTH: So, Chaos? Any idea how much time has passed here since B-2 landed?

CHAOS: Not much, I'd assume. A day or so, perhaps?

UNHOLY TRACY: So, what are we gonna do? We just gonna waltz in, find the bot, and get the hell outta here?

CHAOS: Gee, I dunno. I don't think it would be that easy, you know, walking into the main base of operations for a nation currently caught in an massive war?

SEPHIROTH: It's obvious what we have to do.

CHAOS: Huh?

SEPHIROTH: We have to knock out a few guards, steal their clothing and infiltrate the compound, obviously.

CHAOS: You really think that would work?

{5 minutes later, in a street corner just across the road from the Reichstag. Three SS guards are lying on the ground unconscious, and the crew are in their uniforms.}

CHAOS: I can't believe that worked.

UNHOLY TRACY: Man, this feels so nasty. Dressing like a goddamn Nazi really wasn't something that was on my bucket list, y'know.

CHAOS: Perhaps you should have thought about that BEFORE YOU TOUCHED MY MACHINE, HUH?

SEPHIROTH: Guys, let's not argue, let's just get in there and grab him as quick as possible.

JOSE GONZALES, MEXICAN SPACE JANITOR: Putos

{Jose sweeps}