Conshow/63

Summary

Unrelated to the episode title, Conchris and Company go out to find a new antagonist for Season Six and beyond, until they get a surprise visit from their old nemesis.

INTRO GAG: The screen glitches out for a split second, showing evil versions of the protagonists.

Transcript

{Cut to a non-descript office building, Conchris is standing in front of a white board behind a office desk}

CONCHRIS: Okay guys, we need ideas for a new episode. What should we do?

{Swipe-cut to one part of the table, where two men and a woman sits, the man sitting on the end is resting his head on his elbow}

MAN #1: Mr. Person accidentally awakens the ancient ice cream of Ikahulu!

WOMAN #1: Katie and Jake get married!

MAN #2: Reference memes.

{Cut to a shot of Conchris's eyes, which are narrowing in pure anger at the second man. Cut back to the shot of the man, still looking bored}

CONCHRIS: Why you...

{Cut to outside the office building, with the wind whistling and the birds chirping and the sun is smiling. The sun recoils in shock as the man gets tossed out of the window}

{Intro sequence}

---

CONCHRIS: {v.o.} Five friends become the guinea pig of a brilliant writer. The goal? To revive one of the greatest text fics of all time! They failed... Now witness the failure, CONSHOW!!

(Intro proceeds as normal)

JAKE: {v.o.} This intro sounds way too similar to...

CONCHRIS: {v.o.} QUIET YOU.

---

{Cut to Jake's House - Living Room, Jake and Conchris are sitting on the couch, playing a non-descript video game}

JAKE: Boy, this first person shooter sure is invigorating.

CONCHRIS: It sure is. I heard they made it even more dramatic this time, even in the multiplayer.

{Cut to a shot of the tv, showing a split screen. On the left side of the screen, a man gets shot and begins to roll about in pain lamenting his life choices}

MAN: ARGH! WHY! WHY DID I JOIN THE ARMY! {sobs} AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-{ded}

{Cut back to the two on the couch, both having looks of confusion}

JAKE: Uhm, should we stop playing now?

CONCHRIS: Yes. That is great idea.

{Cut to a side shot of the front door, which swings open to reveal Katie carrying bags and bags of stuff}

KATIE: Hey guys! I'm home! And I brought stuff!

{Jake bounds into the scene}

JAKE: Oh boy, I love stuff!

{Conchris walks in, less enthusiastic than Jake}

CONCHRIS: Oh boy, stuff. Why'd you bring stuff?

JAKE: Hey! Don't question her! She's allowed to bring stuff whenever she pleases! {leans over to Katie} Amiright?

KATIE: Yeah! {gives Jake a smooch} Mwa!

CONCHRIS: {sticks his tongue out, looking sick} Uwah... I think I'm gonna be sick.

KATIE: Well don't do it in here, do it outside! {points outside}

{Cut to outside the house, where the rain is pouring heavily and stormy clouds gloom over the city of Reedsen}

{Beat}

{Cut back to inside, Conchris stares out for a moment before suddenly regaining colour}

CONCHRIS: I think I'm better now.

JAKE: You sure you're not afraid to get wet?

CONCHRIS: No!

JAKE: You sure?

CONCHRIS: No! I mean, YES!

JAKE: {grins} Are you sure you're not just a little chicken? {starts mimicking a chicken} Cheep cheepcheepcheep cheeeeeeEeEeEeEeE-

{Katie smacks Jake over the head with her bags of stuff, causing him to fall to the floor}

KATIE: There will be no chicken dancing in this house, mister!

CONCHRIS: {points to the floor} Hey, what's that? {kneels down and back up, holding a piece of paper} What's this?

KATIE: Oh, that's a flier for the Villain's Council. Remember those guys?

CONCHRIS: No?

KATIE: Sigh, has time messed with your head?

CONCHRIS: If you count being trapped on a train for five years messing with your head, then yes.

KATIE: Well, it appears that they're having an open day tomorrow, and protagonists, like us, are invited! Isn't that great?!

{Beat. Katie is grinning whilst Conchris looks skeptical}

CONCHRIS: Uhh... no? What if it's a trap?

KATIE: Nonsense, it's not a trap! They assured me.

CONCHRIS: They? As in the ones giving out the fliers or the ones that are i-

{Katie whacks Conchris over the head with the bag of stuff, knocking him unconscious}

KATIE: BOTH!

{Cut to a time card reading "The Next Day" with a little 8-bit jingle in the background}

TO BE FINISHED