RiffText/NukeNoid

The year is 2010. The Iraq War was finished, and all terrorists ever were rounded up and captured in Gitmo.

NOXIGAR: Implying that's historically accurate.

Funny thing about Gitmo. It was blown to pieces. Instead of killing the terrorists, it just gave them superpowers.

NOXIGAR: Implying that this doesn't just make the terrorists blatant Mary Sues. But hey, if this is satire, then I'll just go with it.

Super terrorists now prowl the earth, blowing things up in the name of chaos.

NOXIGAR: {sarcastically} Oh, no! Who will save us?

They weren't the only ones at Gitmo that day. A tour group of city cops was passing through the halls that day. When they entered, they were men. Now they are inhuman machines, built to kick all kinds of ass. They are the Armageddon Team.

NOXIGAR: And since they were inhuman machines, their distinct lack of sentience will start to show midway through the series. Then they will turn on the police force that trained them.

EPISODES

SEASON ONE: A NIGHT AT THE OPERA (OF DEATH) - 2012

• RENDEZVOUZ IN HELL PLAZA: PART ONE
• RENDEZVOUZ IN HELL PLAZA: PART TWO
• RENDEZVOUZ IN HELL PLAZA: PART THREE

NOXIGAR: Honestly, this could just easily be one episode and you could barrier the episodes by parts.

• DOWN BY THE BAY (IS WHERE YOU'LL BE BURIED): PART ONE
• DOWN BY THE BAY (IS WHERE YOU'LL BE BURIED): PART TWO
• DOWN BY THE BAY (IS WHERE YOU'LL BE BURIED): PART THREE
• THE FRITALIAN JOB: PART ONE

NOXIGAR: Wait, where are parts two and three? I'm going to assert that this was rightfully cancelled after part one aired.

CHARACTERS

Nuclear Noid is a member of the team. Armed with 5'o clock shadow and a head as bald as eagles, he takes none from nobody.

NOXIGAR: Except the Friend Zone. But I guess that detail just wasn't important, was it?

Bluebry Bullets is a member of the team. Known for his sharp wit and disregard for all-life, he's one crazy mother.

NOXIGAR: Crazy mother? I bet his kids are proud.

Sixpack "Nacho" Smith is a member of the team. A weapons expert who is days away from retirement and getting too old for this crap.
Brooks Jaxxon is a serious gung-ho soldier. He doesn't disregard orders, but that doesn't mean he regards them, either.

NOXIGAR: I'm going to assume he does his own thing while also doing what other people want him to do for the right price, since that's pretty much the character archetype of a mercenary.

Dinomyte is appropriately named because he is an alcoholic one eyed monster. We're betting he'll explode and kill Brooks in a week.
Thaddeus Lincoln Carver "Mu" VelJonhson is the most knowledgeable of the Armageddon Team, and often has intel that the others ignore completely.
Charging Chwoka Masterson is a deadly amnesiac. He doesn't know who he is or what happened, but he had a past life, and that inclines him to do Parkour chases and murder anybody in his way.
Stephen "Greaser" Barret is the rookie in the squad. Picked up from an unsuccessful mission where he was the sole survivor, he has manned up considerably and now wants to eradicate the terrorists that destroyed his friends. He's also the squad mechanic, and has considerable skill when it comes it to vehicles.

NOXIGAR: The vehicle of vengeance.

Danzal "The Crimson Serpent" Smervykajogick is an ex Soviet assassin from the Secret Society of Soviets. Pale-skinned and agile, he adds some flavor to the team. A flavor that requires acquired taste.

NOXIGAR: Acquired taste? So he's a connoisseur?

Heinrich is a villainous German terrorist who has a healing ability. The Team hates him for things he has done in the past, giving him a spot as one of the worst enemies.

NOXIGAR: {sarcastically} A terrorist who can heal? Oh shit, that's dangerous!

Colt, Tucker, and Briggs are three former members of the Team. What happened to them is a mystery, at least to Greaser.

NOXIGAR: I thought Greaser was the only survivor of his unit?

Cesar is Nacho's old partner from the SAPD who faked his death, causing Nacho years of grief, as he believed it was his fault. He is secretly alive with the ability to shapeshift.
F. Allen "Jack" Jaxxit who is this?????

NOXIGAR: Somebody.

Johnathan "The Jester" Lovechunks who is this!!!!!!

NOXIGAR: Somebody.

More to come?

NOXIGAR: When I'm done watching the A Team for the fiftieth time in a row.

For more information, head here.

NOXIGAR: Nothing else there, actually. I looked.