RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/17

Summary

CHWOKA: Hey guys, I bet Skully B hates this show!

NOXIGAR: I bet you all hate this show.

Some werewolf-thing escaped.

CHWOKA: {imitating Strong Sad} Oh, some animal died...
SKULLB: Awww, my fursona werewolf escaped.

Cast: Mature Bling, Im a bell, Sarah, Tracy, Don Skull, Doctor Octopus, Japanese Women, Feral Bell

Places: Bling's Living Room, Tokyo, Female Bathhouse, Alley

Episode Information: 305-Do Not Leave Feral Forms Of Yourself In The House

BLUEBRY: i try not to

Insult: unimaginative insult

Credit Joke: NO

Transcript

{open to Bling's living room. Everyone but Bell and Sarah are there. They walk in. Bell and Sarah are wearing clothes that images of will be uploaded soon}

CHWOKA: Any day now...

{Skip over to three years later. Still nothing.}

MATURE BLING: Hey, guys. What's with the clothes?

BLUEBRY: they "got that look"

IM A BELL: We decided to get a change of style. The golden Gi wasn't cool anymore.

CHWOKA: They were NEVER cool.
SKULLB: Th- dammit.

SARAH: Don't you like them?

SKULLB: I don't.

MATURE BLING: I do, but, why is Bell wearing the tux he wore at your wedding?

BLUEBRY: he likes to wear it when he touches me

TRACY: I honestly don't care. But, Sarah, you DO look hot in that.

SKULLB: MIDWF

NOXIGAR: MIDWF? OH, I GET IT. Damn acronyms...

IM A BELL: She's your stepmom. That was disturbing.

CHWOKA: Like any other interaction Tracy has with everybody he's related to ISN'T?

TRACY: Screw off.

SARAH: Gladly. {her and Bell exit the house}

CHWOKA: OHOHOHOHOHO


YOU SEE, THEY ARE HAVING SEX

NOXIGAR: YOU SEE, WHY WOULD THEY HAVE SEX OUTSIDE?

TRACY: ...They went into their house, didn't they?

DON SKULL: You-You don't think they took you SERIOUSLY, did they?

SKULLB: Ewwww I bet they're kissing

TRACY: You're saying they DIDN'T?

MATURE BLING: ...Oh, I JUST realized why they have a separate house!�

{Chwoka reaches up and slaps Bling in the face}
BLUEBRY: because a second house is like a second tax dependency, right?

{pause five seconds.

CHWOKA: Oh god no.
BLUEBRY: What?
CHWOKA: Well remember last time they did this?
SKULLB: Oh sh...

Doctor Octopus flies in,

CHWOKA: SON OF A BITCH!

slightly charred and with an eyepatch}

DOC OCK: DOCTOR OCTO

CHWOKA: -pussy!

NOXIGAR: I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.

G-

TRACY: GET OUT!

DOC OCK: Okay... {flies out}

SKULLB: HE SWITCHED IT UP ON US HE DID

NOXIGAR: "That's what we do sometimes with context on the same things. Such as SPOOK CLIFF"

{cue opening theme. cut back to Bling's living room, a while later}

IM A BELL:{yelling at Tracy} You WHAT?!!!

SKULLB: MY LELOUCHE- wait a minute... I'm getting deja vu and I'm not sure why.

TRACY: Sorry, I didn't know the basement door was supposed to be locked!

BLUEBRY: this sounds REALLY creepy

IM A BELL: Well, it's too late now, He's already loose.

MATURE BLING: What are you talking about?

IM A BELL:{sighs} Look. I used to have a werewolf-like form called Feral Bell. As his name suggests, he is very wild and dangerous.

BLUEBRY: liiiiiiiiike a werewolf!

I learned how dangerous he CAN be when I was vacationing in the Wikian Galaxy a couple decades back. So, I forced this form in the basement of our old house. I had just migrated him to this house's basement, and now Bling tells me he let him out.

SKULLB: It's like I want to care but my windpipe would tie itself in a knot if I did.

MATURE BLING: I was curious about what was in the basement! I never looked in there!

SARAH: Wait, if he's so wild and dangerous, why didn't you refuse with him when we got married?

IM A BELL: I didn't think of it.

SKULLB: Well that explains a lot

DON SKULL: Shut up shut up SHUT UP!!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL THE GODDAMN INNUENDOS!

CHWOKA: See SkullB? Even robots have genetics.
BLUEBRY: ...in YOUR end-o

NOXIGAR: I remember "In your end-o" from Scrubs. It wasn't funny then. It's not funny now. It will never be funny.

IM A BELL: ... {head turns into an angry emoticon} stfu n00b! {kicks DS}

CHWOKA: Ow, my pixels!
SKULLB: Ouch, my two screens!
BLUEBRY: dialog so riveting it can only be found on every Halo match ever

DON SKULL: Ow.

IM A BELL:{head transforms back to normal} Now, let's go track down Feral Bell. {pulls out a shotgun}

BLUEBRY: let's carry a gun with us through a crowded city

SARAH: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM?!!

IM A BELL: They're just tranqs.

SARAH: Oh. Good.

IM A BELL:{southern accent} Now let's go bag us a werewolf!

TRACY:{southern accent} YEE-HAW!

SKULLB: a-huck a-huck a-heeee

NOXIGAR: Perhaps everything seems to be parodic, from some of Bell's scripting to the riffing, but... this response doesn't... nevermind.

{cue montage of Bell and co looking through Tokyo for Feral Bell. cut to a random street there}

IM A BELL: This is stupid.

SKULLB: YES

Let's think logically.

SKULLB: YES

Feral Bell is as perverted as he is dangerous. So, where would a perverted werewolf go?

BLUEBRY: your harddrive

TRACY: Female-only bathhouses?

SKULLB: NO

IM A BELL: That seems logical.

SKULLB: NO

What's the closest female-only bathhouse to our houses?

BLUEBRY: i think there's an iphone app for this

NOXIGAR: Too bad I don't have an iSuck to check for you.

TRACY: I'll take you there.

{cut to a bathhouse. Many nude women are hiding in a corner, scared. They're censored by steam, of course. Feral Bell is taking pictures of them. Bell and co walk in}

SKULLB: I sure do hate this show!!

IM A BELL: FOUND YOU!

FERAL BELL: GRRR! {throws camera, runs out}

TRACY:{catches camera} Hehehe.

IM A BELL: OH NO YOU DON'T! {runs after FB}

SARAH: Hmm... I think I'll stay in this sauna for a little bit. {starts to take off clothes}

SKULLB: MIDNWTFUAC

NOXIGAR: Okay, now this acronym is just confusing.

{cut to an alley. The audience is heard complaining.}

BLUEBRY: {whispering} i think he heard us

{Feral Bell runs in, with Bell right behind. Bell jumps up, bounces into the air off of FB's head, pulls out shotgun, and shoots a tranquilizer dart into FB's neck}

FERAL BELL: AAaaarghhh... {collapses}

IM A BELL:{lands, grabs FB, walks off}

{cut back to the bathhouse. Sarah has just put her clothes back on. The guys jaws are dropped. Tracy is taking pictures. Bell walks back in carrying FB}

SKULLB: Nothing awkward about this at all! {destroys a city}

IM A BELL: Done. Let's end this stupid episode.

EVERYONE ELSE: Agreed.

BLUEBRY: this includes us

{cue credits}

SKULLB: Records of Bell: M{cue credits}

NOXIGAR: {credits suddenly stop}

NOXIGAR: Looks like-
{Sunglasses are put on.}

NOXIGAR: The action finally stopped.