RiffText/RTOD/SSXMails/BHZ/The X 2

WILL BE FORMATTED LATERCoach Z turns on the tv in his room, and lays down in his bed.

LIGHTNING GUY AND MR. CLOUD: The action never stops!

Commercial announcer: If you are watching this commercial, you have just won a million dollars! Just enter the following string of numbers on your telephone and talk to an intern for up to 6 hours and 21 minutes!

LIGHTNING GUY: This couldn't possibly be a sham!

Coach Z: I've gorttar gert a pern and perper!

Coach Z runs out, and the number (54392) 123-456-789-1011-1213-1415 appears on the bottom of the screen.

MR. CLOUD: Nope, not a sham at all.

Coach Z: Harve any orf you gurys seen my pern and perper?

SSX: No.

Gir: Loser.

Coach Z: Storp fading me!

LIGHTNING GUY: Not to fade you or anything, but the joke got old when you first used it.

MR. CLOUD: What do you mean, Lightning Guy? Old jokes are the greatest. They're full of wisdom and experience.
{Steve Martin gives a thumbs up.}
LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, I get it.

NOXIGAR: I don't, but what else is new?

Because he's an old joke.

{Steve Martin slumps off in shame.}

Coach Z returns to his room. He quickly copies down the phone number on the screen,

MR. CLOUD: Who would've figured that the pen and paper was sticking out of his ass the entire time?

and runs into another room to a phone. Coach Z punches in the phone number on the paper.

Intern: Hello, welcom to the U.S. Ar-

Coach Z: I'll accerpt irt!

LIGHTNING GUY: Sorry, sir. We speak English in this country.

Coach Z hangs the phone up, and runs back into his room.

3 hours later...

Someone arrives at the house. He presses the doorknob,

MR. CLOUD: I'm pretty sure you put keys in doorknobs, not your fingers.

and SSX gets it.

LIGHTNING GUY: The doorknob? I can't really picture that well.

The man at the door: Hello. My name is Mr. GuyWhoPicksPeopleUpToBringThemToBootCamp.

MR. CLOUD: Poor man must have been tortured by classmates.

Have you seen this man?

LIGHTNING GUY: I ain't seen nuttin', coppa!

Mr. GWPPUTBTTBC shows SSX a picture of Coach Z.

SSX: He's in the health risk zone.

MR. CLOUD: Harsh, man.

Mr. BootCamp guy: Thank you, sir.

That Mr. guy heads to Coach Z's room. He takes COach Z

LIGHTNING GUY: {screaming} CO-{normal} ach Z.

outside.

Coach Z: Are you the gury who girves me thre mirllion dorrlars?

The person: Ummm.... No.

You-know-who stuffs Coach Z into the back of his truck. Long-name man drives Coach Z to a local boot camp.

LIGHTNING GUY: It was a sham after all? What a freaking surprise!

Later, at the high-security boot camp place...

Lutennant: Alright, vollunteers! Listen up! You will be going under intense training and even more intense crawling under barbed wire!

MR. CLOUD: Intense.

I wi- Hey, where's that funny-talkin guy?

Coach Z: I'm rigrht herrrrrre!

Lutennant: Why aren't you wearing the U.S. army's boot camp's clothing?

LIGHTNING GUY: It didn't match my eyes.

Coach Z: What? U.S. arrrrrmy? Get me ourrta herrre!

COach Z runs as far away as he can from the boot camp, and ends up back at SSX's house.

MR. CLOUD: The high-security boot camp place had security so high that Coach Z escaped without the least of a hindrance.

NOXIGAR: Because Coach Z wasn't a volunteer.

Meanwhile, at SSX's computer...

SSX: Ok, let's see what I can do here. Gir's new computer's kind of weird when it comes to checking email.

A>Boot_Mail_of_SSX.com

Dear SSX, Didn't you used to have some sort of X thing on your head? Fromly yours, ChocolateMetal

A>Boot_text_entering.exe

A>What? I've always had an X Have you taken a vow of not looking at foreheads?

LIGHTNING GUY: No, he's just taken a vow of not caring.

I just spilled invisible paint on it.

MR. CLOUD: Invisible paint that you can't see through.

And yes, invisible paint exists. I also don't use my X as much. But it's still awexome. I'm not exactly sure how many powers it contains. I lost count at 15 million.

Coach Z bursts through the door.

CZ: Nerver say mirllion agairn!

LIGHTNING GUY: Mirllior...ner...na. I can't do it. You win this round, Eminem.

NAMINE: I don't think Coach Z could stomach writing multiple "raps" about beating women to death.

All of a sudden, a huge explosion is heard.

SSX: Well, this is probably the best time to show that I stil have an X.

MR. CLOUD: He does so bad on tests that they have to dock him eighteen letters.

SSX levitates to the room where the explosion occured. He sees D_R and Teatime lookind

LIGHTNING GUY: Loo kind. Loo very kind.

around the room.

SSX: What hppened

MR. CLOUD: To the a?

in here?

Teatime: Uhhh.... D_R lit a match, and I burped on it.

D_R: Yeah. No explosves were invloved.

LIGHTNING GUY: But were explosives invloved?

D_R uses her telekenectic powers to cover uo a hole in the wall with a drawer.

MR. CLOUD: Yeah, moving something like a drawer wouldn't shake the floor or anything inconvenient like that.

Meanwhile, in HoL's storage closet...

Poke_Homsar enters the room, and sits down in front of HoL.

HoL: Hey! get outta here, pudgy! This is my room!

P_H: I'm just a passing trunkset!

LIGHTNING GUY: He's probably the most coherent person on the show.

HoL: Ugh. I'm not bunking with a stack of white and blue pncakes!

MR. CLOUD: This guy easily takes second.

P_H: Woaoaoaoah! I'm more than meets the sky!

Meanwhile, in the garage...

DB walks in to fund his cardboard poses in the trash.

DB: Ummm, Depressio, why are my works of art in the trash?

LIGHTNING GUY: Your works of art are as essential to the trash as the trash bags themselves.

NOXIGAR: I feel like you just facelifted a Roger Ebert quote without a suitable punchline set-up.

Depressio: Because they weren't art!

DB: Yeah, welll.... Sadmails aren't art, either!

MR. CLOUD: And this show is, of course.

The trash can smashes into DB's head, and all the poses pour out, along with 4 cans of cool spray.

DB: Thanks, roll of fat!

LIGHTNING GUY: Where did you hear my little pet name for your mother?

Meanwhile, at SSX's computer...

SSX walks up to the computer, to find Gir watching on of the many Zim episodes he downloaded.

SSX: Hey, Gir, can I finish my SSXMail up now?

After a short pause, Gr turns the volume up.

MR. CLOUD: GRR WANT LIGHT BOX

SSX(Thinking):Maybe I can prove my X is real on Gir...

A faint shape representing SSX's X begins glowing on SSX's forehead. Gir falls off the chair, and on to the table.

LIGHTNING GUY: Am I about to witness a rape here?

{Noxigar sighs, and facepalms}
NOXIGAR: It sounds so akin to what John normally says on the regular, that I often wonder how he's been able to have a "persona" in the first place.

SSX gets on, and continues the email.

LIGHTNING GUY: That was as anti-climatic as that boot camp escape.

A> Well, that pretty much answers your question, EdibleSteel. Tune in next time to see Teatme lodge a pen up Coach Z's nose!

The paper comes down.