RiffText/AruseusEmails/media

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Strong Sad, Wolf, Tom, Lucas Aura, Foxx, Garzel, Vindicator, Chernobog, Ninja Fox/Kyubii, Tex, Fenri, Pter

Places: Past Arumails, Aruseus' Room, Kitchen, Living Room, Battlefield, AC Cast House, Tom's Room

Computer: SkyPod

Date: October 6th, 2008

Transcript

The Email

{Black screen, the word "Season 1" fades onscreen in white.}

NARRATOR: Season 1...it began.

NAMINE: The horror of mundane email spinoffs which would all cause Strong Bad to convulse and be hospitalized for about six months.
NAMINE: No really there hasn't been a good email spinoff in ever. Arceus Emails comes close, yet is still so far I don't even want to measure the distance.

{Flashback to variations}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it, Bubs. All my variations.

NAMINE: {imitating Arceus} All my variations of terrible author avatar characters who have no personality and little development.

{Fade back to the black screen, the word "Season 2" fades onscreen in white.}

NARRATOR: Season 2...it lived on.

{Flashback to movie critics}

STRONG SAD: You managed to snag a copy of Dangeresque 3!?

STRONG SAD: But I hated the Dangeresque movies! Why would anyone have me be enthusiastic for them?!

NAMINE: Weren't they all really terrible?

STRONG SAD: Yes. Very yes.

{Fade back to the black screen, the word "Season 3" fades onscreen in white.}

NARRATOR: Season 3...it moved.

{Flashback to IOU}

ARUSEUS: {waking up} Day two of my new life, and I still miss my friends. If Fang didn't die, than this would've never happened.

NAMINE: If Fang were still alive maybe we'd have a character who's not a breathing author mouthpiece for random Nintendo endorsements?

NARRATOR: Season 4...begins. After this email of course.

NAMINE: "The author's collegiate exploits took priority over Arceus Emails after seven episodes of Season 4. It is never going to be finished."
NAMINE: And a good thing, too.

{Fade into Aruseus' Room, Aruseus is sleeping}

ARUSEUS: Zzz...Megama...Power...Power Fighters...wha? Oh. Hey. How the hell did you get in here? {rythmic beat, music starts} Every morning is another day. Another day, another email. Wait a minute, how many do I have? Meh, dunno.

NAMINE: Only a few more emails left. Then I can be rid of this horrible email show once and for all.

{Aruseus walks into the hallway}

ARUSEUS: Time to go down, and check it. Check that friggen email. Check it like it's ripe, like it's hot, like it's true, like it's bright!

{Wolf walks past Aruseus as he walks into the kitchen}

WOLF: Sup, man.

NAMINE: The lack of a question mark irritates me more than the mere concept of Dead Fantasy.

ARUSEUS: Hey. {in rhythm} Whatver you do, whatever you say, you'll never be as good as me! I'm better then you, or anyone else, so never try to top me. Just quit trying, there's no chance! You'll never catch up to me.

{Aruseus snatches his SkyPod off of the counter and walks into the living room}

ARUSEUS: I'm the cream of the crop, the tip of the top! Now shut up and let me check my email! {clicks the email icon}

SUP FURRY GUY

THIS IS YOUR PDA TELLING YOU THAT THIS IS YOUR 100TH EMAIL.
PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION:
Dear Aruseus,
What other media have you been in beyond this? It could be anything.
Games, Shows, Commercials, Toothpaste Jingles, Toy Ads, Shopping Coupons.
-Your PDA.

ARUSEUS: Woah. Does every SkyPod come with a built in message for the 100th email checked? Wait...THIS IS MY 100TH EMAIL?! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I made it!

NAMINE: {imitating Arceus} After 37 emails, I'm already more successful than pretty much every other Email show on the Homestar Runner Fan Wiki!
NAMINE: Dude you should be lucky you even made it to email 100 at this point.

So...anyway, this is my 100th email. {typing} Well, trusty PDA, what other things have I been in...Well, lots of things. Let's all recap on everything.

{Aruseus stops typing and faces the camera}

ARUSEUS: Ok, juys. First up, the game. Well, let's cue the Supra Star Smashers battle.

NAMINE: Endorsements

Super Star Smashers

{Cut to the Battlefield in Super Star Smashers}

ANNONCER: 3, 2, 1, GO!

{Aruseus and Tom start battling, Aruseus throws a few special attacks, eventually knocking Tom offstage}

TOM: AAAGH!

ARUSEUS: {up taunt: spins around like Falco} Not a problem.

{Tom attacks Aruseus with a Flash Magnet, Aruseus is hit, but retaliates with some Smash Attacks, Tom eventually dies again}

TOM: Guh!

ARUSEUS: {side taunt: does a series of rapid-fire kicks} Had enough?

{Tom hits Aruseus off the stage and Meteor Smashes him down into the pit}

ARUSEUS: Ack!

TOM: {side taunt: creates a fire in his hand and swipes it, putting it out} Hmph.

{The battle continues, eventually ending with Aruseus as the winner}

ANNOUNCER: GAME!

{Cut to the winners screen}

ARUSEUS: Heh. No sweat.

ANNOUNCER: The winner is...Aruseus!

NAMINE: We. Did not. Need. This part. At all.

The Aura Chronicles

ANNOUNCER: And now for a special Aura Chronicles special episode...special!

GARZEL: Wow. We haven't had an episode since summer.

FOXX: Shut up, meatbag.

LUCAS: So...who wants to get pizza?

ARUSEUS: I do!

FOXX: I'm stuck in this crappy show...

{Namine pretends to pat Foxx on the back}

{Foxx blasts himself in the head}

GARZEL: Woah. Foxx managed to kill himself off the show.

LUCAS: That means...WE'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! {runs out}

Shinigami Commercial

{Cut to the Mall}

VINDICATOR: {pulls Chernobog away from Shiruku} I'm watching you, got it? {clenches fist}

{Fade to black, text appears onscreen}

TEXT: A brother...

{Cut back to the Mall}

CHERNOBOG: {pained} I think he broke my ankles!

{Fade back to black, text appears onscreen}

TEXT: His sister...

{Cut back to the Mall}

{Shiruku drags Chernobog out from under Tex and kisses Chernobog on the cheek.}

SHIRUKU: {blushing} Did I-

{Fade back to black, text appears onscreen}

TEXT: And...wait, who are these guys?

{Cut back to the Mall}

NINJA FOX: Have no fear! NINJA FOX IS HERE!

TEX: {facepalm} -for God's sake, I'm half a Lucario...

CHERNOBOG: Ever try a Seventh-Layer bean burrito?

{Fade back to black, text appears onscreen}

TEXT: Shinigami. A new series starring the Vindicator family.

{Cut back to the Mall}

TEX: DON'T {bleep}ING START WITH ME, SCIENCE BOY. THIS IS WHY I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

NAMINE: I'm pretty sure there's other reasons for your lack of a significant other.

{End commercial}

Back to reality...

ARUSEUS: Wait...hold up. I am not in that Shinigami commercial!

TEX: I know! I was!

ARUSEUS: But...this is about ME being in media! Why the hell did you show that?

TEX: Because Lucario McTorso over here doesn't get any love.

ARUSEUS: Oh, COME ON! You got hugged by that girl!

TEX: Oh, right.

ARUSEUS: HOW COME I NEVER GET GIRLS?!

NAMINE: Y'know, I'd never know the answer either.

AT LEAST I HAVE FRIGGEN LEGS! Get out of here, you! {picks up Tex and chucks him offscreen}

TEX: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

{crash}

ARUSEUS: So...I showed myself in media. There. Now...what else can make my emailpalooza special? I say...I throw a party!

{Fade to black, fade into the living room}

FENRI: Thanks for inviting me, Aruseus! I needed more screen time.

PTER: We all do!

TOM: Well, congrats. I remember when I tried to start up an email show...

{Cut to Tom's Room, Tom has the T-Comp on his desk}

TOM: {while typing: "run_t-mail.exe"} Goddamn Aruseus gets all the fans...

Dear Tom,
How do you do the thing with the fire and all?
Mr. Guyperson

TOM: Oh god. This is just like asking Strong Bad about his gloves. Do I have to...DELETED.

DELETED!

{Cut back to the living room}

ARUSEUS: You only got one viewer. Yourself.

FENRI: Wow.

TOM: J-just shut up.

ARUSEUS: Well, I must say I've come a long way. Since January 1st, 2007, I've been in this biz.

TOM: I must say, for once, you've impressed me.

ARUSEUS: Well, thanks. You're so hard to impress.

TOM: True dat.

ARUSEUS: Well, anyway, let's celebrate the 100th email!

TOM: To the idiot!

FENRI: To Aruseus!

ARUSEUS: That's me!

{They jump up and the screen freezes. The words "Here's to 100 emails! - Tom P and Aruseus" fade in, and the ending song (see below) plays}

{The Paper also comes down}

{Namine gets Ending Fatigue and collapses.}

NOXIGAR: Uh, Namine? Namine?

{Noxigar picks up Namine's body and proceeds to leave the theatre.}

Ending Credits

{During the fading, music starts}

{OOC: It was inevitable. I had to use this.}

{Credits start appearing at 0:25}

ARUMAIL 100: MEDIA

ARUSEUS PARKER AS HIMSELF

TOM AS THE CYNICAL KID IN PURPLE

PTER AS THE FLYING TORSO

TEX AS THE NOT FLYING TORSO

FENRI LUNAEDGE AS LUNAEDGE, FENRI

GARZEL AS TEH POKEHYBRID

LUCAS AURA AS TEX'S BRO

FOXX AS THE NOT FOX IN SOCKS

WRITTEN BY: TOM P.

CHARACTER DESIGN: TOM P, CAPCOM, NINTENDO

VOICES

ARUSEUS - WILL SMITH

TOM - TOM P.

PTER - TONBERRY

TEX - GENERIC SURFER GUY

FENRI - HIMSELF

SMASH ANNOUNCER - GENERIC ANNOUNCER GUY

MUSIC - ALL THE OKKUSENMAN GUYS

NOXIGAR: {offscreen} Okkusenman is a terrible song and it ruined Wily Castle Stage 1 of Megaman 2 for me FOREVER.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR 100 GREAT EPISODES

THE CREDITS ARE OVER

GO AWAY NOW

I MEAN IT

THERE'S NO CAKE

STRONG SAD: NO CAKE? Aww, man! I don't get any rewards for watching bad email shows...
{Strong Sad also leaves.}