RiffText/AruseusEmails/inboxclean

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Algernon, Homestar, King of Town, Tom (easter egg), Homsar (easter egg) Zombie Takuya Rasmuson (easter egg) Lois Griffin (easter egg) Stewie Griffin (easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, AruTopia, The Field, Cemetary (easter egg), Griffin House (easter egg)

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: December 6th, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS: Well, I haven't been checking my emails in a while so...I'm checking one. {clicks the email icon}

NAMINE: Well, I haven't been riffing Aruseus Emails in a while so... I'm riffing this episode.

Subject: Names

Dear Aruseus.
What's with all this Cool Name I mean Boring Name stuff?
Your pal, Strong Bad. Only Strong Bad.

ARUSEUS: Huh? Cool name I mean boring name?

NAMINE: And naming your self Arceus wasn't problematic in boringness?

Strong Bad, if you want to tell me something, I live right freaking next door! Anyways, lets move on.

BLORF!

ARUSEUS: Blorf? Why did...oh...wait. Algernon must be chewing on the power cord to the E-Mach. Hold on, viewers.

{Aruseus kicks under the desk, a smack is heard}

ALGERNON: {offscreen} BLORF!

{scurrying is heard}

NAMINE: Oh, if only I remembered who Algernon was...

MOVING ON!

ARUSEUS: There we go.

Subject:french

Aruseus,
Pouvez-vous parler français?
Si oui, quel français savez-vous?

De,
Un Certain Type

{Aruseus stops after "Pouvez-vous"}

ARUSEUS: WHAAAAAAAAAA? I can't understand this! It's like in...Swahili...or something.

NAMINE: It's in French, you ignorant piece of-
{Namine gets the joke. It's still a bad joke, but she got it.}

Oh well, DELETED!

SUPPRIMÉ !

ARUSEUS: Next!

Subject: cereal

Hey Kuibbi, Tom, and Arueus! What would you do to make
Cereal funner and gooder?
Cheerios,
Cow Puncher, SB CA

{Aruseus says "Kuibbi" as "Koohbuhbee" and "Arueus" as "Aruayus".}

ARUSEUS: Um...two questions for you! 1. Why do you abuse cows, and 2. DELETED!

NAMINE: No question marks? Also that second question wasn't a question, but an interjection.

DELETED!

ARUSEUS: And who the heck are Kuibbi and Arueus? They sound like...awkward Homsar-ish characters to me. NEXT!

NAMINE: So... virtually any other character who isn't you? Only without the Homsar-ish qualities?

Subject: creator?

Yo A-man!,
Are you an Arceus? 'cause I heard they are the creators
of the world! Do you have the power to create stuff? Like
an army of clones of you to take over the world?
Peace to you, Zippy, Tom, and Cyrus,
LordJ , City of State, HRFWIKI.

ARUSEUS: Hey! One I can actually answer! {typing} Well, I would make more me's, but I wouldn't rule the world! I'd start my own colony, AruTopia!

{Cut to a field with Aruseus' dream house from aruseus of town.}

ARUSEUS: {voiceover} And the clones would do no work and play all day! It's always something different each season. For winter, they'd do..snow stuff! Sledding, snow angels, snow-me's, you name it!

{Cut to AruTopian fields, they are covered in snow, and several Aruseus...es are doing things, one is making a snow angel, one is skiing, two are building a snow sculpture of Aruseus}

NAMINE: Is this going to be like in Being Malkovich where the only thing they can say is "Aruseus" and the guy gets a splitting headache after entering his own mind?

{Cut back to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: Well, someday, I'll build AruTopia. I have a dream...

{Zoom out to show Homestar standing next to him}

HOMESTAR: Who are you supposed to be? Martin Luther King Jr?

NAMINE: ...Excuse me while I vomit from the forced joke.
{Namine vomits from the forced joke.}

ARUSEUS: Get out.

{Homestar leaves}

ARUSEUS: Next!

KillBots

Dear Aruseus,
If you were a giant, rampaging KillBot,
What would you destroy first?
From,
Lord Imothy Albert Bellstrom

P.S. Thank Fang Wolf for giving me a virus-ish email. <sarcasm>I really needed a third virus email.</sarcasm>

{Aruseus ignores the P.S.}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Hehe...funny name. But, I would destroy the King of Town. It's my lifelong dream. Well, next to {quickly} building AruTopia, opening up a pie shop, becoming an engineer, reviving Takuya Rasmuson from the dead, killing Lois Griffin, becoming a Jedi, making Brian Griffin my Jedi student...

NAMINE: I'm going to guess that this guy loves Family Guy and Jedis. He should honestly play a Star Wars tabletop game and leave this referential humour to rot.

{Fade out and back in}

ARUSEUS: ...beating Strong Bad at PS3,

NAMINE: Strong Bad upgraded from N64?

killing Lois Griffin, and destroying the King of Town.

{Wave to the Field. The King of Town is walking.}

KOT: Doodoodoohoodoo...

{A metal foot crushes him, zoom out to see a giant robot Aruseus}

KILLBOT ARUSEUS: {mechanical voice} I RULE THE SCHOOL!

NAMINE: Really? That's the best one-liner you've got? "I RULE THE SCHOOL"?

{Cut back into the Computer Room, the words from before are still there}

ARUSEUS: Well, that wraps that email up. See ya, guys!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Aruseus when he says "awkward Homsar-ish characters" to see a picture of Tom standing with two Homsars, one dressed as Kyubii, the other as Aruseus.
• Click on "Takuya Rasmuson" to see an extra scene.

{Cut to a cemetary, Aruseus is standing outside of Takuya Rasmuson's grave, peeking into a hole he dug. A Zombie version af Takuya with exposed bones on his arm, a ripped shirt, and ruffled fur pops out}

ZOMBIE TAKUYA: BLAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

ARUSEUS: AAAH!! {smacks Zombie Takuya with a broom repeatedly}

• Click on "Lois" to see an extra scene.

{Cut to Peter Griffin's House, Lois is walking up to Stewie}

LOIS: Come here, mommy's gonna change-

{A large metal foot crushes Lois}

STEWIE: I say...it's a dream come true!

{Namine vomits from the other forced joke.}