RiffText/AruseusEmails/moviecritcs

Cast (in order of appearence): Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Salesman Guy, Strong Sad

Places: Computer Room, Discount Movies, TLA Living Room

Date: June 21, 2007

Computer: A-Tech 950

Transcript

ARUSEUS: I'll stop the world to check email...I've seen the crapmail and it's getting dumber, every time.

NAMINE: You could sing those lyrics, and- wait, I know that song!

Hello Aruseus. You have 1 new email.

ARUSEUS: Okay.

{Five second Pause}

NAMINE: Biggest waste of five seconds ever.

Well?

ARUSEUS: Sorry. {Clicks the email icon}

subject: movie critic

Dear Aruseus,

I am a film critic from a television show,
"Good Movies Vs. Horrible Movies" and I was
suggesting if you can be a movie critic just
like the others. Then, they'll love you.
Good luck,
Mace Carl Arnold, MOVIE CRITIC Hollywood, CA

NAMINE: Hey, can Hollywood ruin wearing blue hair for Noxigar?
{beat}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Movie critic? That's sort of a problem...

NAMINE: "I hate Doug Walker and his terrorist friends with a fiery passion"

{Aruseus clears the screen}

ARUSEUS: {typing} Free Country doesn't have much movies...

What about Discount Movies?

ARUSEUS: Oh. Ok.

NAMINE: "But they're so cheap Coach Z can afford it!"

{Aruseus leaves, Cut to Discount Movies, Aruseus is holding some movies, talking with the Salesman, who looks like 1-Up without a hat and with a blue button-down shirt}

SALESMAN: So you would like to rent these movies?

ARUSEUS: Request from an email. I will rent them and critique them.

SALESMAN: You're Tampo, right?

ARUSEUS: No.

SALESMAN: Robstar?

ARUSEUS: No.

SALEASMAN: Strong Bad?

ARUSEUS: NO! I'm Aruseus!

NAMINE: "I mothafukkin' herald ALL these mirthful miracles!"

SALESMAN: Dude! You rule! Can I have your autograph?

NAMINE: I like how initially it was hard to recognize Arceus, and then the Salesman pretends he wasn't an awkward arse.

ARUSEUS: Sure.

{Aruseus signs a napkin and hands it to the Salesman}

SALESMAN: Come again!

{Cut to the TLA Living Room, Aruseus and Strong Sad are watching a movie}

STRONG SAD: You managed to snag a copy of Dangeresque 3!?

ARUSEUS: Yep.

{the TV screen goes black, and the words: "This movie is not out yet, you just wasted your money" appear onscreen}

ARUSEUS: WHA!? I want a refund! {runs out}

NAMINE: That's the whole point of Dangeresque 3, you realize.

{"Click here to email Aruseus" appears on the TV screen}

STRONG SAD: Whatever happened to Alpha Stan?

NAMINE: He's either dead or going through Soap Opera Syndrome.

Fun Facts

NAMINE: I wish this was taken seriously.