RiffText/AruseusEmails/virus

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Homsar, Kyubii, Pter, Tom, Lord T, Anthruseus, Ekersby

NAMINE: I forgot who half of these people were!

Places: Computer Room, The Field, PK House, Tom's Room, Lord T's Fortress, Pink Cloud Zone

Computer: Intell 600

Date: April 28th, 2007

Transcript

{Cut to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: Here comes the Thnikka-email!

NAMINE: Is the Thnikka-email just Bubs with a paper saying "TH" taped to his chest?

   Hello Aruseus. You have one email with an attachment.

NAMINE: "The attachment will anticlimactically kill your computer."

ARUSEUS: Sweet. Let's open it.

   subject: Congratulations!

   Dear Anonymous,
   Congratulations! You are our lucky winner
   of the best virus protection software.

   Download? Y/N

ARUSEUS: Ok. {types Y}

   Program Download

   Downloading: 1%...
   30 mins remaining

ARUSEUS: Thirty minutes? That'll take...hours!

NAMINE: It appears your knowledge of time is heinously limited.

   Quit whining.

NAMINE: Pretty sure not even the Compy 386 talked like this in Strong Bad Emails.

ARUSEUS: Can it, Stan.

   Whatever.

NAMINE: Pretty sure no other computer outside of HAL 9000 actually gave its master(s) any sass. Just saying.

{The screen fades to black, as the words, "30 minutes later..." appear onscreen. Fade back to Intell}

ARUSEUS: Zzzz...wha?

   Program Download

   Downloading: 100%...
   Complete
   Run now? Y/N

{Aruseus types Y}

   Program Dowwe9ruilikepiewteu

NAMINE: Do you not run an antivirus on your computer? Even a trial-based one works to make sure your computer lasts a month!

   Congratulations. Virus download complete.

ARUSEUS: WHA!? Alpha Stan, help!

   jkgkfgjsfkgjsfjgisfjgisfjgfisgjfdkjgfdkljgfdkogoirefugr8eoursg...

NAMINE: Since that's totally the way computers would talk.

ARUSEUS: Huh? Argh!

{Black pixels spew out of the screen, turning the whole computer room into a PBTC version, Homsar's head appears on the Intell's screen}

HOMSAR: {glitchy} ...e...The Cheat...trophy!

NAMINE: I expect this to be the only time where Homsar is in-character and true to his actual traits from Homestar Runner canon in Aruseus Emails.

{Cut to the Field}

ARUSEUS: Aaah! The Paper?

{The Paper comes down saying, "What it is, my doge?"}

ARUSEUS: Help stop the virus!

{The Paper comes down saying, "Ok. I'll try." but then turns into a swarm of Fightgar Action figures, An explosion is heard, along with Crack Stuntman's voice}

CRACK STUNTMAN: {voiceover} Blaaaaaaaah'm Crack Stuntman!

NAMINE: You didn't put Crack Stuntman in the list of "people who appear"

{Cut to Pter and Kyubii's house, they are playing Wii}

KYUBII: Aw yeah! Another victory at Wii Golf!

PTER: How can you hit so correctly?

KYUBII: Well, it's-

NAMINE: "The fact I time-travelled approximately a year-and-a-half to get a gimmick which makes the Wii Motion Controls actually tolerable!"
NAMINE: And even then, the only genuinely superb game on the Wii was Super Smash Bros. Brawl, not counting third party stuff you could also attain for the PlayStation 3 or XBox 360.

{Kyubii's bottom half disappears, along with Pter's head, which switch's places with Kyubii's bottom half}

PTER: This feels awkward.

NAMINE: That's because it is awkward!

{Cut to Tom's Room, Aruseus runs in}

ARUSEUS: Tom, we gotta escape this virus.

TOM: To Strong Bad's House!

NAMINE: "Strong Bad always has the solution we need!"

{Cut to Strong Bad's Living Room}

ARUSEUS: Nobody here, but the alternate universe portal.

TOM: Let's go.

{Cut to 20X6, Lord T's Fortress, Tom and Aruseus come in via the portal}

LORD T: {To Tom} Are you a clone of me?

ANTHRUSEUS: {To Aruseus} Are you my dad?

TOM AND ARUSEUS: No!

NAMINE: Welcome to Lord T's Fortress, where "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours"

ARUSEUS: We're escaping from a virus.

ANTHRUSEUS: Crap. You do know they can travel through alternate universe portals.

NAMINE: Pretty sure they can't. Because viruses become trapped in their hosts, this means the email should not be occurring the way it is!

ARUSEUS: What?

{Black pixels enter, Tom and Aruseus run. Lord T turns into a purple Terrel, Anthruseus becomes a white Browntant with Anthruseus ears}

ANTHRUSEUS: {beeps}

LORD T: Tweet!

{Cut to Pink Cloud Zone}

NAMINE: SUDDENLY WEED DREAMS

ARUSEUS: How will we escape this virus?

TOM: You idiot! We mus

NAMINE: must

destroy the Intell 600!

ARUSEUS: Why?

TOM: Because if we don't, we'll end up like that guy. {points to Ekersby}

EKERSBY: {pouty} You we're

NAMINE: were

never there for me.

TOM: Let's go!

{Cut back to Computer Room, it is still virused}

NAMINE: It is so virused that run-on sentences and blatant incorrectness of grammar dominate most of the episode, where it would otherwise be So Okay It's Average

TOM: Hi-yah! {smashes Intell with a hammer}

ARUSEUS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALPHA STAN!

TOM: We can bring him back. {Holds up disk}

ARUSEUS: Oh. TO THE COMPY STORE!

TOM: Oh, and The Paper is gone too.

ARUSEUS: Eh, he wasn't much.

{The words, "Click Here to Email Aruseus" flicker on the smashed Intell 600's screen}

NAMINE: He had bang for his buck, at least.

Fun Facts

   * "What it is, my doge?" is a line from sbemail: alternate universe.
   * Ekersby's line is from his Stinkomanuel page.

NAMINE: Where's "You regurgitated the sbemail: virus plot for the second time in a row" fun fact?