RiffText/AruseusEmails/crapmail

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Gunhaver, 1-Up, Tampo, DarknessLord,

NOXIGAR: Oh, I remember DarknessLord! He was a pretty cool guy! I wonder what happened to him?
NAMINE: I don't quite know. Hopefully, we get an explanation of his presence in this email.

Ert Plus, Cyrus, Zippy, Devon

Places: Computer Room,

Computer: Intell 600

Date: April 22nd, 2007 [edit] Transcript

{Cut to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: E-e-e-e-e-e-e-mail!

   Hello Aruseus. You have 7 new emails.

NAMINE: Good, this can have some length for once.

ARUSEUS: Am I really that popular? WOW!

   subject: TACO!

   Fang & Aruseus!
   Can we eat a taco?

   Mr. Meh!

ARUSEUS: Uh...this is crap. And what's with the "Fang and Aruseus"? Fang stopped checking 4 emails ago. Ah well. Time to be DELETED!

NAMINE: Thankfully, padding is still beneath Aruseus even though he kind of needs a little of it.

   DELETED!

ARUSEUS: Now that that worthless piece of crap is gone, time for another.

   subject: Pie

   To Aruseus:
   Can you bake me a pie?
   From Homestar Runner?

ARUSEUS: Hey! I got this at email 10! What's with the weird coloring? Guys, when emailing me, use "blockquote class= aruseus", please! No, I will not bake you a pie, I will DELETE you a pie!

NAMINE: Just bake the pie already! You could solve your problems and never get that email again.

   DELETED!

ARUSEUS: Alright. On to the real email.

NAMINE: 2 out of 7 emails completed, and it hasn't even been a whole minute.

   subject: MEH.

   Aruseus?
   How do you type with boxing gloves on?

   A fan

ARUSEUS: What!? I got this one already! DELETED!

NAMINE: Okay, 3 out of 7.

   DELETED!

ARUSEUS: Hmph! Next one.

   subject: troggie!

   aruseus, can you draw trogdor again

ARUSEUS: Come on! This one even sucks at grammar!

NAMINE: You're one to talk.

   DELETED!

NAMINE: 4 out of 7. Where's the substance? The jokes? The things that make Strong Bad Email still enjoyable to this day?

ARUSEUS: This time, it better be good.

   subject: jlammy

   aruseus
   i dare you to say jlammy 500 times!
   JLAMMY MAN

ARUSEUS: {mockingly} Ok! I'll say jlammy 500 times! Jlammy Jlammy Jlammy Jlammy Jlammy DELETED!

NAMINE: 5 out of 7, and he didn't even say Jlammy ten times.

   DELETED!

ARUSEUS: Come on! This is getting too crazy!

   subject: MEH.

   Aruseus?
   How do you type without boxing gloves on?

   A fan

ARUSEUS: DARN IT! SEND ME SOMETHING GOOD! {pounds keyboard}

NAMINE: 6 out of 7. This last email actually better be good.

   DELETED!(ow)

ARUSEUS: Ok. Seventh email, this better be good.

   subject: rip off

   Your show is a ripoff of Strong Bad Emails and it sucks.

{silence for about 5 seconds, a whoos is heard}

ARUSEUS: Grrrr............AAAAAAAAH!!!! {pounds keyboard repeatedly}

NAMINE: You could've picked better emails, you know. That'd save you the trouble of having to conjure this train wreck.

   DELETED!(ow, ow, ow, ow, ow)

ARUSEUS: My email show is not a freakin' ripoff! Everybody checks emails nowadays!

{several characters walk in, including Gunhaver, 1-Up, Tampo, DarknessLord, Ert Plus, Cyrus, Zippy, and Devon.}

DEVON: I check emails!

TAMPO: My show's quite popular.

GUNHAVER: I've got alot of emails!

1-UP: I have more than you!

DARKNESSLORD: My show's crazy!

ERT PLUS: I think Aruseus' friend, Jerry Kyubickyoulus sent me one.

ZIPPY: That wasn't even close.

CYRUS: Still working on my first email!

ARUSEUS: You see, Anonymous? My show doesn't suck...

EVERYBODY ELSE: Yeah!

ARUSEUS: ...and it is not a ripoff!

EVERYBODY ELSE: Yeah!

NAMINE: So... they're just satellite characters who shill Aruseus in order to justify this show not being a shameless Strong Bad ripoff?
NAMINE: This episode could've been better if you just deleted those emails without answering them and picked an email that would allow you substance and depth to go with the style

{The Paper comes down} [edit] Easter Eggs

   * Click on each person to hear them say something. 

DEVON: I got that same email!

TAMPO: One of mine was made into a Text Adventure and won FOTM.

GUNHAVER: I used to have an Alpha Stan like yours, Aruseus!

1-UP: I want pudding!

DARKNESSLORD: D-Lord Emails RULE!

ERT PLUS: His name is Jason Kyubireno!

ZIPPY: It's James Kyubii, idiot!

CYRUS: Still working on it...

ARUSEUS: Aru-mail forever! [edit] Fun Facts

Meh, I'll do 'em.

NAMINE: Why oh why are these emails still formatted poorly?