RiffText/MFT3K/X Is The New Y/2

About

Yvonne goes to the 'pet store' for a new pet.

BLUEBRY: well now that it's in quotes it just sounds suspicious
SKUB: "You want a normal rabbit or a semi-automatic... rabbit?"

Marissa meets Strong Sad and Marzipan.
CAST: Yvonne, Marissa, The cheat, Strong bad, Bubs, Xaviar, Strong sad (mentioned), Marzipan(mentioned)
SETTING: The grill, The field, Bub's concession stand (outside and inside),

CHWOKA: Backwards and front, and they rejoin themselves, moving in every direction.
NACHOMAN: Chwoka, is that a Talking Heads reference?
CHWOKA: ...technically it's David Byrne, 1981.

NOXIGAR: Quite honestly, I don't see anything wrong with David Byrne of the Talking Heads when it comes to referencing them to make your riff funny. I mean, it's anything goes for references. MST3K itself was a font of references and used any and all of them when it came to witty quips and responses. If you're going to use a similar namesake...

The stick

Transcript

{cuts to Marissa and Yvonnes room. the two are sleeping on turned over kitchen chairs. yvonne gets up, and leaves the room. cuts to the kitchen.

CHWOKA: Where women belong.
SKUB: Oh, Chwoka, never change!

NOXIGAR: There is no circumstance where this joke could be funny. DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! STOP ENCOURAGING THIS UNFUNNINESS!

Yvonne walks in, and grabs a cup of coffee on the counter. she then notices the cheat, apparently asleep on the table}

YVONNE: Good morning, cheesy.

BLUEBRY: speak of the devil

NOXIGAR: Um, what? I thought TheCheese wasn't riffing this?

{two second pause} Um... the cheat?

{the screen pans to yvonnes eyes. the camera slowly zooms in}

YVONNE: {thinking} I thought the cheat was dead.

BLUEBRY: this got gritty fast

So I did the only logical thing to do at this point; totally

BLUEBRY: TOTALLY! {calls his girlfriends back in the 80s}

NOXIGAR: Totally. Not funny.

call the

SKUB: morgue

docter.

BLUEBRY: doctor
CHWOKA: Docter, docter Give me the news! I've got a bad case of constant errors!

NOXIGAR: See? Chwoka's at least trying to be funny in a similar fashion to MST3K this time.

{zooms back out. Yvonne pours her coffee on the cheat, whom instantaneously wakes up}

CHWOKA: HINT: only use "whom" if you could potentially substitute "him" or "her," with a minimum of rephrasing. "Him instantaneously wakes up" makes no sense.
COW LEG: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE

THE CHEAT: {painful the cheat noises}

CHWOKA: OH GOD MY EARS

NOXIGAR: If only reading this could warrant an "OH GOD MY EARS" agreement. But, since there is no audio from this...

YVONNE: Good morning to you, too.

{zooms back in to yvonnes eyes}

YVONNE: {thinking} And I totally didn't waste my decaf.

CHWOKA: Isn't decaf supposed to be non-energizing?
SKUB: I think this is like how dumb people say "well caffeine makes ME sleepy".

NOXIGAR: Caffeine can make people sleepy, it just takes a while due to how energy crashes work in real life.

{zooms back out}

THE CHEAT: {annoyed the cheat noises}

YVONNE: Well, I didn't mean to wake you! I thought you were dead!

THE CHEAT: {bargaining noises}

BLUEBRY: so now they're.. bartering?
CHWOKA: For their eternal souls, yes.
SKUB: Next up: ACCEPTANCE

NOXIGAR: Where was denial in all of this?

YVONNE: Forgetting the whole ordeal would be better. Forgiveness? {holds out her hand}

THE CHEAT: {happy the cheat noises} {shakes yvonnes hand}

CHWOKA: Anti-climactic, planetary, planetary, anti-climactic.
SKUB: Truly the race barrier has been brought down on this historic day

{marissa walks in}

MARISSA: I just had the weirdest dream. What do you think coffee covered cheese would taste like?

BLUEBRY: it would taste like coffee covered cheese

{everyone pauses for a second. then the cheat and Yvonne quickly get into another argument, with the two yelling incoherently.}

MARISSA: Wow. This house is already disfunctional!

'BLUEBRY: dysfunctional
CHWOKA: emphasis is a huge, important part of speech, but you probably shouldnt over do it.

NOXIGAR: That was the only line where they did this out of the entire fanstuff.

{a loud noise is suddenly heard.} WAAGH! What's happening!

CHWOKA: And Who's The Boss?

{runs offscreen}

{cuts to outside the grill. strong bad is knocking on the lid of the grill.}

STRONG BAD: The cheat! I totally have the videogame that I didn't hide from you!

CHWOKA: VIDEO GAME
SKUB: VIDEO GAME
BLUEBRY: VIDEO GAME
CHWOKA: VIDEO GAME
BLUEBRY: VIDEO GAME
NACHOMAN: i never got what was so funny about that meme anyway

NOXIGAR: No, NachoMacho. You're supposed to space video and game when you're talking about video games. It's just a grammar nitpick, all in all.

{the lid opens. marissa climbs out of the grill}

CHWOKA: Get up out of my grill!

MARISSA: What are you doing!?!

BLUEBRY: he is knocking on the grill and he doesn't need a reason because this is america
SKUB: There are absolutely no amendments against this and don't you dare try to check.

NOXIGAR: Aww, man! I was actually going to check! Damn it, Skullbuggy!
{Noxigar lightly chuckles}

STRONG BAD: Um... waking up the cheat?

MARISSA: It was like an earthquake in there!

SKUB: Too soon.

STRONG BAD: You haven't ever been waken up by strong mad.

BLUEBRY: astute observation there

MARISSA: And another thing...

STRONG BAD: Hold on a second.

MARISSA: What?

STRONG BAD: You're beginning to sound like mom.

BLUEBRY: ...wait...not like "my mom"

MARISSA: Sounding like mom

BLUEBRY: the-they're related
SKUB: ABORT MISSION, PLEASE

NOXIGAR: Nah, don't abort the mission. I actually find this mission to be hilarious in an ironic way.

is nothing compared to not being able to sleep! What about furniture? We had to sleep on chairs!

CHWOKA: You idiots, those chairs were decorative only!

STRONG BAD: Just grind up a pencil, and go over to bubs!

CHWOKA: Bubs doesn't deserve capital letters or an apostrophe. He must be so sad.
SKUB: "And then make him bleed"

MARISSA: What?

STRONG BAD: Bub's

SKUB: Bub is

takes pencil shavings as currency.

MAIRSSA: Who's bubs?

STRONG BAD: The blue guy at the consession

BLUEBRY: concession
CHWOKA: A place where Bubs generally just concedes to anything you ask of him.

stand. It's right over the-

CHWOKA: moon.
SKUB: EEEEEDGE

NOXIGAR: Instinctively I find Skullbuggy's joke to be funnier than Chwoka's. Maybe it's because of the EEEEEDGE he's got.

MARISSA: I can find a concession stand on my own, thank you. {walks offscreen to the left}

{the cheat flies out of the grill lid. yvonne climbs out, covered in scratches}

STRONG BAD: Woah, what ha-

CHWOKA: Catfight.

YVONNE: WE. NEED. FURNITURE!!!

BLUEBRY: !!!

STRONG BAD: Calm down! Just take this {holds up a bad of pencil shavings,

CHWOKA: THESE ARE THE BADDEST PENCIL SHAVINGS

and tosses it to yvonne}

BLUEBRY: walking-around money

and follow me.

{yvonne opens the bag, and looks in it}

YVONNE: Wha-

SKUB: Wait, wasn't the bag, like, plastic? Why couldn't she see inside of it? THE LOGIC DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY

NOXIGAR: Sometimes your riffs piss me off for the same reasons you're pissed off at Yvonne's reaction to having looked into the bag. I can't tell if this is supposed to be funny or if this is just plain stupid.

STRONG BAD: Never mind. {walks offscreen to the right. Yvonne follows}

{cuts to bub's concession stand. bubs is standing there. The sign reads 'pets - 50% off!'.

CHWOKA: I'll take the front half, thank you.

NOXIGAR: Or it's just a good discount. Bubs enjoys discounts.

Yvonne and strong bad walk onscreen.}

YVONNE: Um... Who are you?

STRONG BAD: Bubs. he's a lonely old guy with no life.

BLUEBRY: way to say it right in front of his face you monster
SKUB: I know somebody who would agree!!! Please, read Coach Z Emails :3

NOXIGAR: I don't really know if Coach Z Emails was kept during the HRFWiki Purge. So even if I wanted to read it, I'm not sure I could.

BUBS: I havent seen you before!

CHWOKA: This is how Bubs talks.

YVONNE: Hello! I'm... Um... Simone U. Dono.

BLUEBRY: seymour butz

STRONG BAD: Righ- wait, I didn't know you sell pets!

BUBS: They're in the basement.

BLUEBRY: "where screams can't be heard"

{Noxigar groans}

YVONNE: A pet would be nice... do you take {holds up the bag}

SKUB: "bullets to the head? If not, FILL UP THE BAG"

NOXIGAR: Another case of not funny. As much as I want to imagine this being funny, it hurts my brain to do so.

pencil shavings?

BUBS: It's on the list! {checks the bag} With this many, I'll let you get... a pet, and... two large pieces of furniture,

BLUEBRY: how convenient

or a homestar.

YVONNE: Perfect!

SKUB: "I've always wanted a Homestar!"

I'd like to see your pet selection!

CHWOKA: B-but, you came here for furniture...

NOXIGAR: Sometimes people change their minds. Hasn't that happened to you when you've gone shopping?

BUBS: Right this way! {presses a button. a round patch of grass yvonne and strong bad are on lowers}

BLUEBRY: what doe—i don't even know what that means
CHWOKA: You know risers? Those are like that, only exactly the opposite.
SKUB: Lookin' like a fool with yo patch of grass on the ground

NOXIGAR: Wait, is Chwoka emulating Mike? Properly? This actually might be a halfway decent riff if this keeps up!

YVONNE: Cool.

{cuts to a large grey room. many cages with birds are seen all around. the round patch of grass comes down. yvonne and strong bad stepp off

BLUEBRY: "Bring it On: Yvonne and Strong Bad Stepp Off"

NOXIGAR: A-a-and I tempted fate.

it. bubs walks in}

BUBS: Just tell me if you find one you like.

SKUB: "Remember, you pay by the hour!"

NOXIGAR: They didn't come here for jobs, or to employ people! This makes no sense in the context given.

{walks off screen}

STRONG BAD: Woah, he has scorpions? {runs offscreen}

???: {scraggley voice}

CHWOKA: Now let me tell you a story...

Psst. Hey, missy.

BLUEBRY: "got some candy in my van over here"

YVONNE: Huh? Who's there?

???: Over here.

CHWOKA: There, and everywhere.

{yvonne walks to the right. the screen pans quickly to a rainbow bird}

CHWOKA: Then the cameraman vomits from motion sickness.

{Noxigar laughs pretty intensely.}
NOXIGAR: Nice acid trip joke. This is probably the crowning moment of Season 2's riffings so far!

YVONNE: Was that you?

???: Yes. You need to get me out of here! I can't stand it here!

BLUEBRY: he thinks he's people

YVONNE: Who are you?

SKUB: "A victim of the maaan"

XAVIAR: Xaviar. Just get me out of here!

BLUEBRY: "get me out of the basement of screams"

NOXIGAR: Still going with that joke?

YVONNE: I do have enough to buy a pet...

XAVIAR: Please! It's either me, or that red potato guy

BLUEBRY: he has a name

NOXIGAR: Xaviar does not know Strong Bad's name initially.

gets a scorpio-

SKUB: I'm a Leo

NOXIGAR: Interesting little tidbit. Except I didn't care.

{cuts to the front of the concession stand yvonne is standing in front of it, with xaviar on her arm.}

YVONNE: I'd like to buy this bird.

CHWOKA: So she can FLIP IT.
CHWOKA: This joke is going so hard over Zoo's head it's tearing his scalp off.

NOXIGAR: What? Your joke's easy to analyze. You're basically saying Yvonne is going to flip the bird. In a way that is context-relevant and trying to be funny. If you hadn't made the remark about Zoo's scalp being torn off, this might be funny. Now you're making me cringe instead with your thoughts.

BUBS: Will that be all?

YVONNE: I would also like to small beds.

BLUEBRY: not for me, i small bed-ed yesterday

BUBS: I repeat; will that be all?

YVONNE: Yes.

CHWOKA: "I SAID, WILL THAT BEA LL?!?"

NOXIGAR: Pff, at least Zoo spaced "be all" correctly.

BUBS: The beds will be transported to your adress.

BLUEBRY: address
SKUB: Bubs is on the cusp of current technology!

Where do you live?

BLUEBRY: this dialogue is like if robots took over the world...

YVONNE: Um... in a grill...

BUBS: I know exactly where your talking about!

BLUEBRY: "I Googled it in my head."

Enjoy your new pet!

BLUEBRY: "Before we eradicate their species from the earth."

YVONNE: Thank you! {walks off screen}

BLUEBRY: "And hail robots."
SKUB: "Thank you customer! We will come for you last!!"

NOXIGAR: I initially laughed, and then I realized why these robotic sentences were formed. And I stopped finding the joke funny since it was rather easy to make.

{cuts to the stick. marissa is sitting there. yvonne walks onscreen, with xaviar flying close by.}

YVONNE: Hey, Marissa!

MARISSA: Aw, what a cute bird!

CHWOKA: I'll hug it and love it and call it George!
SKUB: Tell me bout the rabbits, George

NOXIGAR: MY JOKES MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

XAVIAR: I do have some dignity.

CHWOKA: But not mdesty. Put some clothes on already, you perv.

NOXIGAR: Xaviar's sentence was precisely spelled correctly, and you spelled modesty wrong. Are you okay?

MARISSA: Um...

YVONNE: How was your day?

MARISSA: Good!

YVONNE: What'd you do?

SKUB: THE ACTION STOPS: NEVER

NOXIGAR: "MFT3K: Just When You Thought One Joke Applied To A Different Writer's Series, We Wind Up Using The Same Joke In Another Writer's Work"

{the camera angle turns. marissa is hiding a book labled

BLUEBRY: labeled

NOXIGAR: labelled

'poetry book' behind her back. 'from strong sad and marzipan' is written on it}

MARISSA: Oh, much of nothing.

BLUEBRY: "now let's break for tea"

{the camera turns back} What's with the talking bird?

XAVIAR: Bubs was holding me hostage!

SKUB: "He has my family! Why aren't we going back?!"

YVONNE: He owns a pet store.

XAVIAR: So? It was pure torture there!

BLUEBRY: "in the basement of screams"

NOXIGAR: Wow, this running joke is getting gritty fast

MARISSA: I see you are having a weird day, too?

YVONNE: You have no idea.

CHWOKA: That wasn't quite weird enough to justify this line, unless these people lead very dull mononous repetitive days.

{the screen fades to black}

CHWOKA: symbolic of the death overcoming the town}

Easter Eggs

None.

CHWOKA: "Go away."

Fun Facts

• Simone U. Dono is a play on 'someone you don't know'.

BLUEBRY: amanda love-n-kiss

NOXIGAR: Well, this riff wasn't as bad as the previous. Although there was only one good thing: Chwoka making a funny remark about motion sickness and the cameraman vomiting. OH well. Skullbuggy was his usual "make me laugh while angry at him for being mildly irritating," and Nacho missed the point again. Also, Bluebry's repetition's getting gritty fast. Kinda like their one-liner for the entire fanstuff in general.