RiffText/MFT3K/X Is The New Y/2

About

Yvonne goes to the 'pet store' for a new pet.

BLUEBRY: well now that it's in quotes it just sounds suspicious
SKUB: "You want a normal rabbit or a semi-automatic... rabbit?"

Marissa meets Strong Sad and Marzipan.
CAST: Yvonne, Marissa, The cheat, Strong bad, Bubs, Xaviar, Strong sad (mentioned), Marzipan(mentioned)
SETTING: The grill, The field, Bub's concession stand (outside and inside),

CHWOKA: Backwards and front, and they rejoin themselves, moving in every direction.
NACHOMAN: Chwoka, is that a Talking Heads reference?
CHWOKA: ...technically it's David Byrne, 1981.

The stick

Transcript

{cuts to Marissa and Yvonnes room. the two are sleeping on turned over kitchen chairs. yvonne gets up, and leaves the room. cuts to the kitchen.

CHWOKA: Where women belong.
SKUB: Oh, Chwoka, never change!

Yvonne walks in, and grabs a cup of coffee on the counter. she then notices the cheat, apparently asleep on the table}

YVONNE: Good morning, cheesy.

BLUEBRY: speak of the devil

{two second pause} Um... the cheat?

{the screen pans to yvonnes eyes. the camera slowly zooms in}

YVONNE: {thinking} I thought the cheat was dead.

BLUEBRY: this got gritty fast

So I did the only logical thing to do at this point; totally

BLUEBRY: TOTALLY! {calls his girlfriends back in the 80s}

call the

SKUB: morgue

docter.

BLUEBRY: doctor
CHWOKA: Docter, docter Give me the news! I've got a bad case of constant errors!

{zooms back out. Yvonne pours her coffee on the cheat, whom instantaneously wakes up}

CHWOKA: HINT: only use "whom" if you could potentially substitute "him" or "her," with a minimum of rephrasing. "Him instantaneously wakes up" makes no sense.
COW LEG: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE

THE CHEAT: {painful the cheat noises}

CHWOKA: OH GOD MY EARS

YVONNE: Good morning to you, too.

{zooms back in to yvonnes eyes}

YVONNE: {thinking} And I totally didn't waste my decaf.

CHWOKA: Isn't decaf supposed to be non-energizing?
SKUB: I think this is like how dumb people say "well caffeine makes ME sleepy".

{zooms back out}

THE CHEAT: {annoyed the cheat noises}

YVONNE: Well, I didn't mean to wake you! I thought you were dead!

THE CHEAT: {bargaining noises}

BLUEBRY: so now they're.. bartering?
CHWOKA: For their eternal souls, yes.
SKUB: Next up: ACCEPTANCE

YVONNE: Forgetting the whole ordeal would be better. Forgiveness? {holds out her hand}

THE CHEAT: {happy the cheat noises} {shakes yvonnes hand}

CHWOKA: Anti-climactic, planetary, planetary, anti-climactic.
SKUB: Truly the race barrier has been brought down on this historic day

{marissa walks in}

MARISSA: I just had the weirdest dream. What do you think coffee covered cheese would taste like?

BLUEBRY: it would taste like coffee covered cheese

{everyone pauses for a second. then the cheat and Yvonne quickly get into another argument, with the two yelling incoherently.}

MARISSA: Wow. This house is already disfunctional!

'BLUEBRY: dysfunctional
CHWOKA: emphasis is a huge, important part of speech, but you probably shouldnt over do it.

{a loud noise is suddenly heard.} WAAGH! What's happening!

CHWOKA: And Who's The Boss?

{runs offscreen}

{cuts to outside the grill. strong bad is knocking on the lid of the grill.}

STRONG BAD: The cheat! I totally have the videogame that I didn't hide from you!

CHWOKA: VIDEO GAME
SKUB: VIDEO GAME
BLUEBRY: VIDEO GAME
CHWOKA: VIDEO GAME
BLUEBRY: VIDEO GAME
NACHOMAN: i never got what was so funny about that meme anyway

{the lid opens. marissa climbs out of the grill}

CHWOKA: Get up out of my grill!

MARISSA: What are you doing!?!

BLUEBRY: he is knocking on the grill and he doesn't need a reason because this is america
SKUB: There are absolutely no amendments against this and don't you dare try to check.

STRONG BAD: Um... waking up the cheat?

MARISSA: It was like an earthquake in there!

SKUB: Too soon.

STRONG BAD: You haven't ever been waken up by strong mad.

BLUEBRY: astute observation there

MARISSA: And another thing...

STRONG BAD: Hold on a second.

MARISSA: What?

STRONG BAD: You're beginning to sound like mom.

BLUEBRY: ...wait...not like "my mom"

MARISSA: Sounding like mom

BLUEBRY: the-they're related
SKUB: ABORT MISSION, PLEASE

is nothing compared to not being able to sleep! What about furniture? We had to sleep on chairs!

CHWOKA: You idiots, those chairs were decorative only!

STRONG BAD: Just grind up a pencil, and go over to bubs!

CHWOKA: Bubs doesn't deserve capital letters or an apostrophe. He must be so sad.
SKUB: "And then make him bleed"

MARISSA: What?

STRONG BAD: Bub's

SKUB: Bub is

takes pencil shavings as currency.

MAIRSSA: Who's bubs?

STRONG BAD: The blue guy at the consession

BLUEBRY: concession
CHWOKA: A place where Bubs generally just concedes to anything you ask of him.

stand. It's right over the-

CHWOKA: moon.
SKUB: EEEEEDGE

MARISSA: I can find a concession stand on my own, thank you. {walks offscreen to the left}

{the cheat flies out of the grill lid. yvonne climbs out, covered in scratches}

STRONG BAD: Woah, what ha-

CHWOKA: Catfight.

YVONNE: WE. NEED. FURNITURE!!!

BLUEBRY: !!!

STRONG BAD: Calm down! Just take this {holds up a bad of pencil shavings,

CHWOKA: THESE ARE THE BADDEST PENCIL SHAVINGS

and tosses it to yvonne}

BLUEBRY: walking-around money

and follow me.

{yvonne opens the bag, and looks in it}

YVONNE: Wha-

SKUB: Wait, wasn't the bag, like, plastic? Why couldn't she see inside of it? THE LOGIC DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY

STRONG BAD: Never mind. {walks offscreen to the right. Yvonne follows}

{cuts to bub's concession stand. bubs is standing there. The sign reads 'pets - 50% off!'.

CHWOKA: I'll take the front half, thank you.

Yvonne and strong bad walk onscreen.}

YVONNE: Um... Who are you?

STRONG BAD: Bubs. he's a lonely old guy with no life.

BLUEBRY: way to say it right in front of his face you monster
SKUB: I know somebody who would agree!!! Please, read Coach Z Emails :3

BUBS: I havent seen you before!

CHWOKA: This is how Bubs talks.

YVONNE: Hello! I'm... Um... Simone U. Dono.

BLUEBRY: seymour butz

STRONG BAD: Righ- wait, I didn't know you sell pets!

BUBS: They're in the basement.

BLUEBRY: "where screams can't be heard"

YVONNE: A pet would be nice... do you take {holds up the bag}

SKUB: "bullets to the head? If not, FILL UP THE BAG"

pencil shavings?

BUBS: It's on the list! {checks the bag} With this many, I'll let you get... a pet, and... two large pieces of furniture,

BLUEBRY: how convenient

or a homestar.

YVONNE: Perfect!

SKUB: "I've always wanted a Homestar!"

I'd like to see your pet selection!

CHWOKA: B-but, you came here for furniture...

BUBS: Right this way! {presses a button. a round patch of grass yvonne and strong bad are on lowers}

BLUEBRY: what doe—i don't even know what that means
CHWOKA: You know risers? Those are like that, only exactly the opposite.
SKUB: Lookin' like a fool with yo patch of grass on the ground

YVONNE: Cool.

{cuts to a large grey room. many cages with birds are seen all around. the round patch of grass comes down. yvonne and strong bad stepp off

BLUEBRY: "Bring it On: Yvonne and Strong Bad Stepp Off"

it. bubs walks in}

BUBS: Just tell me if you find one you like.

SKUB: "Remember, you pay by the hour!"

{walks off screen}

STRONG BAD: Woah, he has scorpions? {runs offscreen}

???: {scraggley voice}

CHWOKA: Now let me tell you a story...

Psst. Hey, missy.

BLUEBRY: "got some candy in my van over here"

YVONNE: Huh? Who's there?

???: Over here.

CHWOKA: There, and everywhere.

{yvonne walks to the right. the screen pans quickly to a rainbow bird}

CHWOKA: Then the cameraman vomits from motion sickness.

YVONNE: Was that you?

???: Yes. You need to get me out of here! I can't stand it here!

BLUEBRY: he thinks he's people

YVONNE: Who are you?

SKUB: "A victim of the maaan"

XAVIAR: Xaviar. Just get me out of here!

BLUEBRY: "get me out of the basement of screams"

YVONNE: I do have enough to buy a pet...

XAVIAR: Please! It's either me, or that red potato guy

BLUEBRY: he has a name

gets a scorpio-

SKUB: I'm a Leo

{cuts to the front of the concession stand yvonne is standing in front of it, with xaviar on her arm.}

YVONNE: I'd like to buy this bird.

CHWOKA: So she can FLIP IT.
CHWOKA: This joke is going so hard over Zoo's head it's tearing his scalp off.

BUBS: Will that be all?

YVONNE: I would also like to small beds.

BLUEBRY: not for me, i small bed-ed yesterday

BUBS: I repeat; will that be all?

YVONNE: Yes.

CHWOKA: "I SAID, WILL THAT BEA LL?!?"

BUBS: The beds will be transported to your adress.

BLUEBRY: address
SKUB: Bubs is on the cusp of current technology!

Where do you live?

BLUEBRY: this dialogue is like if robots took over the world...

YVONNE: Um... in a grill...

BUBS: I know exactly where your talking about!

BLUEBRY: "I Googled it in my head."

Enjoy your new pet!

BLUEBRY: "Before we eradicate their species from the earth."

YVONNE: Thank you! {walks off screen}

BLUEBRY: "And hail robots."
SKUB: "Thank you customer! We will come for you last!!"

{cuts to the stick. marissa is sitting there. yvonne walks onscreen, with xaviar flying close by.}

YVONNE: Hey, Marissa!

MARISSA: Aw, what a cute bird!

CHWOKA: I'll hug it and love it and call it George!
SKUB: Tell me bout the rabbits, George

XAVIAR: I do have some dignity.

CHWOKA: But not mdesty. Put some clothes on already, you perv.

MARISSA: Um...

YVONNE: How was your day?

MARISSA: Good!

YVONNE: What'd you do?

SKUB: THE ACTION STOPS: NEVER

{the camera angle turns. marissa is hiding a book labled

BLUEBRY: labeled

'poetry book' behind her back. 'from strong sad and marzipan' is written on it}

MARISSA: Oh, much of nothing.

BLUEBRY: "now let's break for tea"

{the camera turns back} What's with the talking bird?

XAVIAR: Bubs was holding me hostage!

SKUB: "He has my family! Why aren't we going back?!"

YVONNE: He owns a pet store.

XAVIAR: So? It was pure torture there!

BLUEBRY: "in the basement of screams"

MARISSA: I see you are having a weird day, too?

YVONNE: You have no idea.

CHWOKA: That wasn't quite weird enough to justify this line, unless these people lead very dull mononous repetitive days.

{the screen fades to black}

CHWOKA: symbolic of the death overcoming the town}

Easter Eggs

None.

CHWOKA: "Go away."

Fun Facts

• Simone U. Dono is a play on 'someone you don't know'.

BLUEBRY: amanda love-n-kiss