RiffText/MFT3K/Zarel Emails/6

Zarel E-Mail #6

Zarel becomes a robot...or does he?

SKUB: PLEASE SAY THIS IS ABOUT MEGA MAN
BLUEBRY: i dunno author, does he

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Strong Sad, Grape Nuts Robot, Strong Bad, Homestar, The Cheatbot, King Of Town, The Blacksmith, The Poopsmith, Wind-Up Zarel

BLUEBRY: so he does
CHWOKA: OR DOES HE?
NACHOMAN: This might be a trick.

NOXIGAR: No, Wind-Up Zarel was just in the last episode.

Places: Zarel's House, The Stick, King's Castle

Transcript

{Cut to Zarel's Room}

ZAREL: WARNING: Using Zarel Emails as a respirator may cause side effects such as inability to breathe and wrecking balls to the torso. Ask your doctor or pharmacist.

SKUB: I find this hard to swallow sir
BLUEBRY: well played
NACHOMAN: I'm pretty sure any interaction with zarel emails is hazardous" to your health

</blockquote>

SKUB: <oops>

subj: what's a robutt

HERES HOPING YOU DONT
BECOME A ROBOT
CLING CLANG
WHOOPS TOO LATE -Your own worst enemy

CHWOKA: Himself?

{Zarel screams the email with the exception of the sender's name.}

STRONG SAD: {offscreen and faint} Keep it down!

SKUB: So is Zarel in his own house or does he just live in the Strongs' attic?
BLUEBRY: garage apartment

NOXIGAR: Do garage apartments even exist?

ZAREL: {typing} Too late? Too late for what? You mean that I'm turning into a robot or something?

SKUB: It's robot lupus.

NOXIGAR: No, the first rule is that it's never lupus. Except that one time that WE WILL NEVER MENTION AGAIN.

What are you supposed to mean?

CHWOKA: What am I supposed to grammar?

NOXIGAR: Um, no that statement was grammatically correct.

Wait, I know how to answer this. {clears screen, typing} Would I want to become a robot...no. But I would have a robot made of me! But...I think that I've been beat to the punch. I mean, Strong Bad has that Grape-Nuts Robot-

NACHOMAN: Well then I guess the email's over

NOXIGAR: Oh, Nachoman
{Noxigar pretends to pinch NachoMan's cheeks}

{Cut to The Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape Nuts Robot stand there. Homestar walks by}

ZAREL: {voiceover} -and nothing beats that!

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Now spell, "carp for brains."

SKUB: This was pretty funny the first time they did it on the actual website.

NOXIGAR: Erm, you mean the only time they did it on the actual website. That was an easter egg comment from the robot.

STRONG BAD: You hear that, Homestar? You're a carp...er...crap for brains!

CHWOKA: And people tell me Strong Bad would be a good replacement for us.

NOXIGAR: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE WOULD BE A GOOD REPLACEMENT FOR YOU POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS.

HOMESTAR: What ever.

SKUB: Woah, Homestar's got 'tude
BLUEBRY: don't make me snap my fingers in a z-for-ma-tion

NOXIGAR: I imagine Bluebry doing the z-formation finger snapping for some reason.

STRONG BAD: Hey, man, don't be dissin' the Grape-Nuts,

BLUEBRY: why you always gotta be bustin trick

NOXIGAR: But that's how Strong Bad's-
I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO AN ARGUMENT ABOUT WHAT BITS OF DIALOGUE MAKE STRONG BAD IN CHARACTER. BECAUSE THEN I'D TURN INTO CHWOKA FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THE RANTING. AND I'D HATE MYSELF AFTERWARD.

The Grape-Nuts is cool. So much cooler than that old, washed-up The Cheatbot I had.

{As Strong Bad is saying this, The Cheatbot walks in}

THE CHEATBOT: Meeeehhh... {walks away}

SKUB: Aw, he's crying! Look what you did.
BLUEBRY: it's...he's... learned how to love

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {Typing} Wait, I've got it! I need to BEST Strong Bad and get a robot that works much better than that stupid Grape-Nuts bot and hang out with it much more than Strong Bad does with his Grape-ity Nut Nut.

BLUEBRY: grape-ity nut nut grape-ity nut nut over the hills we go,
NACHOMAN: it's kinda sad when you're getting excited over the prospect of hanging out with a robot

{Cut to the King of Town's Castle}

ZAREL: Alright, so how much are we dealing this?

SKUB: "We need to keep this hush-hush; I can't do another nickel."
CHWOKA: You mean two and a half cents, right?

NOXIGAR: Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff that riff portion is disregardable.

KING OF TOWN: You provide me with the best cook around and I will get my homies to make you a mechanoid!

SKUB: Nobody on Homestar Runner has ever said "homies".
BLUEBRY: he's so street

NOXIGAR: I could imagine King of Town trying to talk gangster in a futile attempt to fit in with this generation's common American culture.

ZAREL: Sounds goo...King, did you just try to be gangster?

BLUEBRY: AINT NO TRYIN JUST WHO I BE

KING OF TOWN: Word! Blacksmith, rassle up this man a robot in the hizzy!

SKUB: {dusty heave}

NOXIGAR: What, tired of dry heaves?

{The Blacksmith salutes and runs off}

CHWOKA: THERE SHE GOES JUST A-WALKIN' DOWN THE STREETS SINGING DOO-WAH DIDDY DIDDY-DUM DIDDY-DEE
BLUEBRY: chwoka what is that
CHWOKA: It's not my fault you haven't watched Stripes.

NOXIGAR: To be frank, I haven't watched "Stripes" either. I kinda sympathize with Bluebry for once.

ZAREL: Ooookay. I'll be back.

CHWOKA: Don't lie.
NACHOMAN: i wonder if that's a terminator reference let me check the fun facts

NOXIGAR: "I'll be back" is a common thing to say. Why would you automatically think "Terminator"?

{Cut to the Whatsit Pile, Zarel bounds and gags the Poopsmith and stuffs him in a baseball bag.}

SKUB: Whgh-

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {typing} I hope the King is true to his word. It took me several awkward mall shopping

BLUEBRY: "several awkward mall shopping"...?
NACHOMAN: I think the author has frequent black-outs while he writes these. It would explain a lot.

NOXIGAR: No, I think the author has any black-outs.

and hours of learning hypnotism to get him a quote-on-quote "good cook." If this robot of mine isn't awesome as awesome, I-

{Zarel is tapped on the shoulder}

ZAREL: For the love of Pete Sampras I need to lock my-

CHWOKA: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S RANDOM

NOXIGAR: No, it's part of a Homestar Runner quote mixed with what he wants the action to dictate.

{Zoom out to see a rather cartoony-looking robot sporting clothing similar to Zarel's and a wind-up crank. Zarel turns to see it standing there, his jaw drops}

ZAREL: Holy crap! That looks amazing! I-I'm speechless! I...I need to show you to Strong Bad.

SKUB: "Finally. . . I have a robot date to the prom"
BLUEBRY: sorry mom, i'm taken this year

NOXIGAR: Freud would be right about Bleubry.

{Cut to the Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape-Nuts Robot are there, Zarel and Wind-Up Zarel walk in}

ZAREL: Impressed?

STRONG BAD: Hm. Somewhat. But can it talk?

ZAREL: I dunno, he ain't talking much. Well, give him some time and he'll speak up.

CHWOKA: He'll speak up, or we're gonna whack him.

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Kiss the butt.

SKUB: K-K-KISS THE RRRRRRRING

NOXIGAR: Um

Was there supposed to be a joke there?
{Beat}

I don't get it.

STRONG BAD: You tell him!

WIND-UP ZAREL: {in a southeastern accent} You are...an Englishman...with a dress!

SKUB: I LOVE TEAM FORTRESS 2
BLUEBRY: ...what's a southeastern accent exactly?
CHWOKA: Southeastern JAPAN

NOXIGAR: TEAM FORTRESS 2 has no JAPAN accents. Sorry to disappoint you sods.

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: {5 second pause} Gah.

SKUB: When somebody says "gah" in real life, I punch them. True story.
BLUEBRY: ...ga ga ooh la la

NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! You didn't punch Bluebry.
HA HA HE PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTBAG

{The Paper}

NACHOMAN: "Well, that's the best ending I can come up with! Save page!"

NOXIGAR: Dude, haven't you made a Wiki User Email? Or are you just trying to ride the coattails of your pals in this riffing shindig by just saying random shit on these riffs? Come now; you could've said something funnier here.

Easter Eggs

• Click on Strong Bad to see what happened to The Poopsmith.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to the King's Castle. The Poopsmith is wearing an apron that says "Auntie Betty" and washing dishes, after 5 seconds, it cut backs to the previous scene.}

SKUB: The health inspector will not be impressed.

Fun Facts

• The intro is a take on a scene from Arfenhouse Teh Movie 6. WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES.

SKUB: Oh, man, I love movies where they do nothing but scream

NOXIGAR: I need to make a deal with Dr. Brainfreeze about actually becoming their collective puppetmaster.

• The Cheatbot is from SBEmail: technology.
• Wind-Up Zarel is a complete take, voice and appearance-wise, on an old What A Cartoon! character, Wind-Up Wolf. You can watch the cartoon here.

CHWOKA: I can pick up voices from transcriptions.

NOXIGAR: Um,

No?

You couldn't pick up my voice in a million years from transcriptions.

• Wind-Up Zarel's line is part of a domination line said by The Soldier from Team Fortress 2. The full line is "Scotland is not a real country! You are an Englishman with a dress!" This is said when a Soldier dominates an enemy Demoman, who is part Scottish.

SKUB: I told you, but you didn't BELIEVE I LIKE TEAM FORTRESS 2

NOXIGAR: I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT AND WEAR ALL THESE HATS
OH CRAP I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS