RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/13

Summary

Bell and Sarah marry

SKULLB: Bell cant write

NOXIGAR: Firstly, can't
NOXIGAR: Secondly, that sentence is actually good; it just needs a period.

Cast: Sumo Wrestler, Jigglypuff, Announcer, Im a bell, Sarah, Store Owner, Father Koteigainen, Don Skull

Places: Sumo Wrestling Ring, Wedding Shop, Church, Reception

Episode Information: 301-Matrimonious Episode 13: Confuscious Say: Man Go To Bed Drunk With Woman Wakes Up With Wedding Ring

SKULLB: Confucius Say: My Name Not Spelled Confuscious

Insult: anthropomorphic trash cans

Credit Joke: Shonen Jump

Transcript

{open to a sumo wresting ring. A VERY fat sumo wrestler

CHWOKA: "PLE-E-E-EASE let me die"

is fighting Jigglypuff}

ANNOUNCER: I can't see any way Jigglypuff can win this!

BLUEBRY: play dirty

{Jigglypuff breaks a smashball and uses his final smash, pushing the sumo wrestler out of the ring}

SKULLB: Ohhhhh sh** son Jigglypuff bringin the pain

ANNOUNCER: I guess I spoke too soon!

BLUEBRY: Just stop speaking then

IM A BELL:{walks onscreen} WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE SHOW?

BLUEBRY: They're both terrible

{camera swings around to show the announcer is Tracy}

TRACY: THIS! {laughs}

SKULLB: You are the only one laughing

{cue theme song. cut to a wedding shop. Bell and Sarah are looking through the clothes. Bell holds up a red tuxedo}

IM A BELL: What do you think of this?

SARAH: Hmm... Kinda bland.

BLUEBRY: i'm thinking SEEEEEEEQUIIIIIIIINS

IM A BELL: Hmm... {blasts tuxedo. it's jacket now has black flames around the bottom and white horns on the shoulders. the pants are now black}

CHWOKA: this is a real classy wedding

SARAH: NOW it's better!

SKULLB: No it's not at all

IM A BELL: Good. Hold on a second. If we're going to film this in Japan, I'll have to do this. {inserts a babelfish into the camera}

BLUEBRY: MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL
SKULLB: TOO LATE

NOXIGAR: ...exactly how is this funny other than it referencing the 4th wall in an obscure historic reference to the Soviet Union while Gorbachev was around?

Now then. {walks up to counter} Excuse me, sir. i'd

BLUEBRY: I'd

like to purchase this tuxedo.

STORE OWNER: You ruined it! You have to pay two times the price!

BLUEBRY: have you ever BEEN to a store
SKULLB: You break it, you suck

IM A BELL: Which would be?

STORE OWNER: You must pay me 40,000 yen!

SKULLB: IN AMERICAN MONEY THAT WOULD BE

IM A BELL: Sure. {reaches into pocket, pulls out 40,000 yen, hands to the store owner} Here you are, sir.

STORE OWNER: Eh-Thank you, sir.

IM A BELL: Sarah! Come on and pick a wedding dress already!

SARAH: Okay, okay! Which is better, a pitch-black one, or a white one with red around the bottom?

SKULLB: Neither

IM A BELL: Look, tell ya what! I'll just summon one

CHWOKA: What, like, with a satanic pentagram?

when we get back.

CHWOKA: Why didn't you just do that for the tux?

SARAH: That's sounds fine.

BLUEBRY: this breaks the number one rule of reality in that WOMEN GO INSANE OVER THEIR WEDDINGS

NOXIGAR: Personally, I think it's less cliche.

STORE OWNER: Damn godmodders...

CHWOKA: You know, this is really the problem with overpowered characters. There are no obstacles.

{cut to a church. Bell and Sarah are at the podium. Bell is waring}

BLUEBRY: wearing
CHWOKA: warring

{the edited tuxedo, and Sarah is wearing a black wedding dress with red around the bottom. The minister is an angry-looking japanese man}

FATHER KOTEIGAINEN:{loud and high-pitched} Do you, Imma... Emo... Emma... H-how do you pronounce this?

IM A BELL: Imothy Albert Bellstrom.

FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Oh. Okay then. Do you, Imothy Bellstrom, take Sarah McAllister to be your lawfully wedded wife?

IM A BELL: I do.

FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: And do you, Sarah McAllister, take Imothy Bellstrom to be your lawfully wedded husband?

SARAH: I do.

FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Now, if anyone has any reason why these two should not be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace.

CHWOKA: They typically say this part before the holy unbreakable bond is forged.

DON SKULL:{offscreen} He's a freak!

CHWOKA: Of all the things wrong with this wedding, you pick that out?

IM A BELL: Screw you, Don Skull!

DON SKULL: 'Kay!

CHWOKA: Blood related, SkullB, BLOOD RELATED!

FATHER KOTEIGAINEN: Okay. You may now kiss the bride.

{Bell and Sarah kiss. Cut to the reception}

CHWOKA: EWWWWWWWWWWW THEY'RE KISSING

TRACY: Heh. So you two finally married.

CHWOKA: Heh. So you conjunctions.
SKULLB: they don't have conjunctions in NIPPON

NOXIGAR: The sentence didn't need conjunctions.

IM A BELL: Yep. Now we don't have to worry about any illegitimate children!

BLUEBRY: {shudders}

SARAH: Uhh... You didn't have to when we weren't married. Reality-bending powers, remember?

IM A BELL: ...SON OF A-

{cue credits}

CHWOKA: No fade to black? Nobody ends up laughing at the end?

NOXIGAR: I felt the same way about the Wedding Singer in that it wasn't funny