RiffText/MFT3K/Zarel Emails/6

Zarel E-Mail #6

Zarel becomes a robot...or does he?

SKUB: PLEASE SAY THIS IS ABOUT MEGA MAN
BLUEBRY: i dunno author, does he

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Strong Sad, Grape Nuts Robot, Strong Bad, Homestar, The Cheatbot, King Of Town, The Blacksmith, The Poopsmith, Wind-Up Zarel

BLUEBRY: so he does
CHWOKA: OR DOES HE?
NACHOMAN: This might be a trick.

Places: Zarel's House, The Stick, King's Castle

Transcript

{Cut to Zarel's Room}

ZAREL: WARNING: Using Zarel Emails as a respirator may cause side effects such as inability to breathe and wrecking balls to the torso. Ask your doctor or pharmacist.

SKUB: I find this hard to swallow sir
BLUEBRY: well played
NACHOMAN: I'm pretty sure any interaction with zarel emails is hazardous" to your health

</blockquote>

SKUB: <oops>

subj: what's a robutt

HERES HOPING YOU DONT
BECOME A ROBOT
CLING CLANG
WHOOPS TOO LATE -Your own worst enemy

CHWOKA: Himself?

{Zarel screams the email with the exception of the sender's name.}

STRONG SAD: {offscreen and faint} Keep it down!

SKUB: So is Zarel in his own house or does he just live in the Strongs' attic?
BLUEBRY: garage apartment

ZAREL: {typing} Too late? Too late for what? You mean that I'm turning into a robot or something?

SKUB: It's robot lupus.

What are you supposed to mean?

CHWOKA: What am I supposed to grammar?

Wait, I know how to answer this. {clears screen, typing} Would I want to become a robot...no. But I would have a robot made of me! But...I think that I've been beat to the punch. I mean, Strong Bad has that Grape-Nuts Robot-

NACHOMAN: Well then I guess the email's over

{Cut to The Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape Nuts Robot stand there. Homestar walks by}

ZAREL: {voiceover} -and nothing beats that!

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Now spell, "carp for brains."

SKUB: This was pretty funny the first time they did it on the actual website.

STRONG BAD: You hear that, Homestar? You're a carp...er...crap for brains!

CHWOKA: And people tell me Strong Bad would be a good replacement for us.

HOMESTAR: What ever.

SKUB: Woah, Homestar's got 'tude
BLUEBRY: don't make me snap my fingers in a z-for-ma-tion

STRONG BAD: Hey, man, don't be dissin' the Grape-Nuts,

BLUEBRY: why you always gotta be bustin trick

The Grape-Nuts is cool. So much cooler than that old, washed-up The Cheatbot I had.

{As Strong Bad is saying this, The Cheatbot walks in}

THE CHEATBOT: Meeeehhh... {walks away}

SKUB: Aw, he's crying! Look what you did.
BLUEBRY: it's...he's... learned how to love

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {Typing} Wait, I've got it! I need to BEST Strong Bad and get a robot that works much better than that stupid Grape-Nuts bot and hang out with it much more than Strong Bad does with his Grape-ity Nut Nut.

BLUEBRY: grape-ity nut nut grape-ity nut nut over the hills we go,
NACHOMAN: it's kinda sad when you're getting excited over the prospect of hanging out with a robot

{Cut to the King of Town's Castle}

ZAREL: Alright, so how much are we dealing this?

SKUB: "We need to keep this hush-hush; I can't do another nickel."
CHWOKA: You mean two and a half cents, right?

KING OF TOWN: You provide me with the best cook around and I will get my homies to make you a mechanoid!

SKUB: Nobody on Homestar Runner has ever said "homies".
BLUEBRY: he's so street

ZAREL: Sounds goo...King, did you just try to be gangster?

BLUEBRY: AINT NO TRYIN JUST WHO I BE

KING OF TOWN: Word! Blacksmith, rassle up this man a robot in the hizzy!

SKUB: {dusty heave}

{The Blacksmith salutes and runs off}

CHWOKA: THERE SHE GOES JUST A-WALKIN' DOWN THE STREETS SINGING DOO-WAH DIDDY DIDDY-DUM DIDDY-DEE
BLUEBRY: chwoka what is that
CHWOKA: It's not my fault you haven't watched Stripes.

ZAREL: Ooookay. I'll be back.

CHWOKA: Don't lie.
NACHOMAN: i wonder if that's a terminator reference let me check the fun facts

{Cut to the Whatsit Pile, Zarel bounds and gags the Poopsmith and stuffs him in a baseball bag.}

SKUB: Whgh-

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {typing} I hope the King is true to his word. It took me several awkward mall shopping

BLUEBRY: "several awkward mall shopping"...?
NACHOMAN: I think the author has frequent black-outs while he writes these. It would explain a lot.

and hours of learning hypnotism to get him a quote-on-quote "good cook." If this robot of mine isn't awesome as awesome, I-

{Zarel is tapped on the shoulder}

ZAREL: For the love of Pete Sampras I need to lock my-

CHWOKA: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S RANDOM

{Zoom out to see a rather cartoony-looking robot sporting clothing similar to Zarel's and a wind-up crank. Zarel turns to see it standing there, his jaw drops}

ZAREL: Holy crap! That looks amazing! I-I'm speechless! I...I need to show you to Strong Bad.

SKUB: "Finally. . . I have a robot date to the prom"
BLUEBRY: sorry mom, i'm taken this year

{Cut to the Stick, Strong Bad and the Grape-Nuts Robot are there, Zarel and Wind-Up Zarel walk in}

ZAREL: Impressed?

STRONG BAD: Hm. Somewhat. But can it talk?

ZAREL: I dunno, he ain't talking much. Well, give him some time and he'll speak up.

CHWOKA: He'll speak up, or we're gonna whack him.

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Kiss the butt.

SKUB: K-K-KISS THE RRRRRRRING

STRONG BAD: You tell him!

WIND-UP ZAREL: {in a southeastern accent} You are...an Englishman...with a dress!

SKUB: I LOVE TEAM FORTRESS 2
BLUEBRY: ...what's a southeastern accent exactly?
CHWOKA: Southeastern JAPAN

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: {5 second pause} Gah.

SKUB: When somebody says "gah" in real life, I punch them. True story.
BLUEBRY: ...ga ga ooh la la

{The Paper}

NACHOMAN: "Well, that's the best ending I can come up with! Save page!"

Easter Eggs

• Click on Strong Bad to see what happened to The Poopsmith.

Easter Egg Transcript

{Cut to the King's Castle. The Poopsmith is wearing an apron that says "Auntie Betty" and washing dishes, after 5 seconds, it cut backs to the previous scene.}

SKUB: The health inspector will not be impressed.

Fun Facts

• The intro is a take on a scene from Arfenhouse Teh Movie 6. WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES.

SKUB: Oh, man, I love movies where they do nothing but scream

• The Cheatbot is from SBEmail: technology.
• Wind-Up Zarel is a complete take, voice and appearance-wise, on an old What A Cartoon! character, Wind-Up Wolf. You can watch the cartoon here.

CHWOKA: I can pick up voices from transcriptions.

• Wind-Up Zarel's line is part of a domination line said by The Soldier from Team Fortress 2. The full line is "Scotland is not a real country! You are an Englishman with a dress!" This is said when a Soldier dominates an enemy Demoman, who is part Scottish.

SKUB: I told you, but you didn't BELIEVE I LIKE TEAM FORTRESS 2