RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/22

Summary

Don Skull starts a controversial radio show.

BLUEBRY: "I hope our president fails."
SKULLB: "Don't get me started on those nappy-headed hoes"
CHWOKA: "I'd like to strangle every kitten personally."

Cast: Im a bell, Sarah, Mature Bling, Tracy, Don Skull, Howard Stern, Hugh Hefner, Harvey Birdman, Yog Sothoth Bellstrom, Bailiff, Foghorn Leghorn,

SKULLB: I say I say I say, boy, this is awful

Jury Member

Places: Bling's Living Room, Radio Station, Courtroom

Episode Information: 404-Soundboards Make the Dumbest of Jokes Seem Like Comedy Gold

BLUEBRY: once i saw a borat soundboard and i made him say "borat is evil" it was awesome

Insult: random foreshadowing

Credit Joke: The Brothers Chaps

Transcript

{open to Bling's living room. Bell is sitting on the couch}

IM A BELL:{humming Tetris Type A}

SKULLB: This one time I played Tetris too long and I started seeing pieces drop when I closed my eyes. It's like with this, and how when I close my eyes I see nothing but suck.

...Huh? Oh. Umm... There's no cold open this time. ...G-go away.

BLUEBRY: Gladly!

{cue theme song, cut back to the living room. Everyone is there except for Don Skull}

IM A BELL: ...Hey, you know what would be fun?

BLUEBRY: everything but this?

SARAH: What?

IM A BELL: If we all-

SKULLB: - commited group suicide?

DON SKULL:{drives in} HEY, GUESS WHAT!

CHWOKA: Despite the fact that he's a car, he can still derail just as well.

MATURE BLING: ...What?

DON SKULL: I'm gonna host a radio talk show!

SKULLB: "I had literally no reason to do so, but whatever!"

TRACY: ...So?

DON SKULL: Well, isn't that great?

BLUEBRY: television killed radio

TRACY: ...No. This episode is likely being to as horrible as The Cleveland Show was,

BLUEBRY: ...what
SKULLB: NO DON'T YOU GET IT IT IS THE FUTURE AND TRASRKHADGFASFKALHF

before it was canceled five minutes into the premiere.

DON SKULL: What makes you say that?

TRACY: Cleveland was the least popular main character on Family Guy, and likely so are you.

SKULLB: Oh now I wonder why that would be Mr. Ku Klux Klanime

DON SKULL: ...Don't you even want to know what it's called?

CHWOKA: Nope.

MATURE BLING: Sure. Amuse us.

DON SKULL: Skull In The Morning.

{OOC: Yeah, I see wut u did thar, SkullB}

BLUEBRY: wait no i don't get it
SKULLB: But I didn't even do anything

MATURE BLING: ...That's about the most BORING name for a radio show I've EVER HEARD.

SKULLB: "NPR? Now THAT'S a RADIO staTION!"

DON SKULL: Quiet, you. Anyways, I need someone to help with reading the news. I was thinking Sarah.

SARAH: ...Why me?

CHWOKA: Because God hates you. Amen.

DON SKULL: Why do you think?

BLUEBRY: because of misogyny
SKULLB: Women have no place in are workplace

SARAH: ...It's radio, dumbass.

BLUEBRY: you've obviously never seen the that 70s show episode with "hot donna"

DON SKULL: ...What's your point?

SARAH: I-Nevermind.

CHWOKA: New from Apple: The iNevermind.
SKULLB: "Yah trick now go make some sandwiches"

{cut to a radio station.

CHWOKA: Is RoB trying to be Fraiser?

Don Skull is doing the show}

SKULLB: Hey hey hey HEY let's keep this PG-13

SARAH:{offscreen, pissed} This just in, Don Skull is a idiotic pervert with a heart of black.

SKULLB: Now is there something wrong with that, honkey

DON SKULL: Oh yeah? Well Sarah, YOU are a- {long bleep}

BLUEBRY: oh dear

{pan over to Sarah}

SARAH: ...I QUIT. {walks off}

DON SKULL: Screw you, ya {bleep}!

SARAH:{offscreen} Shut up!

SKULLB: Records of Bell: Misogyny Never Tasted So Sweet

{cut to the next day}

DON SKULL: Hey, welcome to Skull In The Morning! Today we have two people here who I consider the two greatest living m-

{cut to Sarah, listening to the broadcast and holding a cup of coffee}

DON SKULL:{from radio} -en here on Terra...

BLUEBRY: wait whoa was that a reference to latin and not to japan?
SKULLB: You're giving him WAY too much credit here, Blue.

SARAH:{takes a sip of coffee}

CHWOKA: Well, you see, it has to do with her mouth. That's why it's an entire line of dialogue.

DON SKULL:{from radio} ...Howard Stern and Hugh Hefner!

SARAH:{cue spit take}

SKULLB: "Spit take? You're out in five!"

{OOC: Yeah, apparently those two are still alive after a few hundred years. Oh, and, don't say anything about factual errors involving Howard Stern. Don Skull is not going to be a clone of Don Imus in this episode.}

BLUEBRY: yeah that reference got dated fast
SKULLB: I love how he presumes we care

{cut back to the station}

HOWARD STERN: Hey, it's nice to be here.

HUGH HEFNER: Yeah, I love Skull In The Morning.

BLUEBRY: isn't this like, the second broadcast?
SKULLB: Don't question Hef when he's done SO MUCH FOR YOU

DON SKULL: Hey, thanks! And, I see Hugh has brought two beautiful ladies with him!

HUGH HEFNER: It's too bad this is radio.

DON SKULL: Huh? Why?

HUGH HEFNER: ??? {looks at Howard}

HOWARD STERN:{to Hugh} Just ignore it.

SKULLB: Oh Howard if only that was so easy

HUGH HEFNER: 'Kay.

DON SKULL: Anyways, what do you think of my theory that-

{cut back to Sarah. Now she has no drink, and Bell is there}

DON SKULL:{from radio} -if you two fused, you would form a being greater and more powerful than God and Chuck Norris combined?

BLUEBRY: chuck norris got old too
SKULLB: Heck if this thing's timeline is correct then he should be dead.

SARAH:{spit take on Bell}

IM A BELL:{notices Sarah has no drink} ...Ew.

SKULLB: "EW COOTIES GET AWAY {passionate sex}"

{cut back to the station}

HOWARD STERN: In my personal opinion, I think you're a brain-dead marionette puppet.

BLUEBRY: AND THE CORPORATE WHITE MALE IS PULLING THE STRINGS

DON SKULL: Well, technically that's true. I'm manmade, and have no brain. ...Er, wait. Was that a compliment?

HUGH HEFNER: ...You are the most SEXIST, STUPID, AND IGNORANT PIECE OF JUNK THAT HAS EVER EXISTED!

BLUEBRY: wait, i thought you loved his show
SKULLB: And that's coming from Hugh Hef-

HOWARD STERN:{wide eyes} ...

DON SKULL: And this is coming from HUGH HEFNER! {presses a button}

SKULLB: OH I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU TOOK MY JOKE

{canned laughter}

HUGH HEFNER: ...God, I hate you. C'mon, girls. {walks out with the two women he brought} C'mon, Howard!

BLUEBRY: this-what

HOWARD STERN: Right! {follows Hugh}

CHWOKA: Wait, since when is Howard Hugh's lackey?

DON SKULL: ...Crap. Um... Well, that's it for today's show. Bye...

{cue montage of Don Skull yelling at random people on his show. He appears to be getting drunker and drunker. Finally, this happens}

DON SKULL:{to a woman} YOU, sir, are a member of the endangered species of lagomorph called the-{falls over}

{OOC: I dare ya to guess what he was going to call her!}

BLUEBRY: the fire ant
SKULLB: The beeyotch

{record scratch. Cut to a courtroom. One one side, there is Harvey Birdman

BLUEBRY: what
SKULLB: No no no you are NOT ruining that for me

and Don Skull. On the other, there is Sarah and Im a bell}

IM A BELL: Hey, Sarah? Who'd you get as our lawyer?

SARAH: Don't worry.

{the courtroom door opens. A man walks out, but is obscured by shadows}

IM A BELL: ...You got HIM as our lawyer?!

SARAH: Yeah. Is there a problem?

IM A BELL: YES there's a problem! He's-

{camera spins around to show the shadowed lawyer. Light hits him, revealing he is Yog Sothoth Bellstrom}

IM A BELL:{offscreen} -my older brother.

BLUEBRY: family discount!
SKULLB: THE GOAT WITH A THOUSAND MOUTHS IA! IA!

YOG: So, who am I-

CHWOKA: Egg Yog.

SARAH: Us!

YOG: Huh? Oh. Okay-{sees Bell, is amused} You? On the PLAINTIFF'S side? Please tell me this is a joke.

SARAH: No. We're trying to shut down a rather adult radio show.

YOG: ... {laughing} Okay, this HAS to be a prank! Where are the hidden cameras?

BLUEBRY: there, there, and there!

SARAH: What's so funny?

YOG: Bell is the biggest pervert I have ever known! And that's kinda creepy coming from his brother.

SKULLB: Is there such a thing as conversational dissonance?

Why would he be trying to-

IM A BELL: One; She's my wife. Two; He insulted her on air.

BLUEBRY: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
SKULLB: bawwwwwwwwww

YOG: ...Okay, okay, this has gone FAR enough. Bell couldn't get a girl if his life depended on it!

BLUEBRY: man speaks the truth
SKULLB: Good God he's said something right

IM A BELL: What about my-

SKULLB: "-unborn baby?!"

YOG: That was an accident!

SKULLB: See that's why you use protection

besides, she died less than a year after you married her! But seriously, this is just stupid. This is obviously a joke. I'm outta here.

IM A BELL: ...IT'S NOT A {BLEEP}ING JOKE, JACKASS.

CHWOKA: "Just a regular one!"

YOG: ...Oh. Umm... Sorry about that.

IM A BELL: Shut up and sit down.

YOG: ...Right. {sits down}

BAILIFF: All rise.

{everybody stands up}

SKULLB: "Now sit down again."

BAILIFF: Honorable Judge Leghorn presiding.

{Foghorn Leghorn walks in wearing a robe and sits down in the bench}

BLUEBRY: {sighs}

FOGHORN: Y'all may be seated.

{everyone sits down}

FOGHORN: So, what's yer problem?

SARAH: Your honor, my husband and I are trying to shut down a radio show. Skull In The Morning.

FOGHORN: Skull'n The Mornin'? I LIKE that!

SARAH: ...This is gonna be a LONG case...

{cut to a few hours later}

BLUEBRY: seems like a short case to me :S

FOGHORN: Has that there jury reached a verdict?

SKULLB: "Your honor, we find Tom Robinson guilty of all charges."
CHWOKA: Wow. That was a classy joke!
SKULLB: Oops, sorry. ANIME ANIME STUPID KID {raspberry}

JURY MEMBER: We have your honor.

CHWOKA: And we're not giving him back!

We find the defendant... Guilty.

BLUEBRY: wait, do we even know the charge
SKULLB: Woman bawwwwwwed and purple me has to pay???

FOGHORN: Hrm... Well, as much as it pains me to say this, Skull'n The Mornin' must be canceled immediately. {bangs gavel}

SARAH: We did it! WE DID IT! HAHA!

CHWOKA: He said they had to cancel Skull'n The Mornin', not Skull in the Morning.

YOG: Yes. Yes we did.

CHWOKA: {Ben Stein impersonation} I am so happy right now I could cry.

IM A BELL: Well, congratulations, brother. You've earned my respect. For the next few minutes at least.

DON SKULL:{sighs, drives out}

{fade to black. cue credits}

SKULLB: toot