Zarel Emails/7

This email has been re-written as of 2014. To view the original, click here.

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Zarel E-Mail #7

Zarel is a dragon, and gets questions about said being a dragon.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Coach Z, Homestar, The Cheat, Roboganger, Strong Bad

Places: Zarel's House, The Locker Room

Transcript

{Cut to Zarel's Room}

ZAREL: Shall we do it? Email opener! {in rhythm} Za-rel! Za-rel! Za-rel maaaaail!

subj: Pwning Powers

Dear Zarel
Since you are a dragon looking
thing, you should have some type
of powrs. Can you show them to us?
From,
Man (No Powers)

{Due to the lack of a comma, Zarel doesn't pause after reading "Dear Zarel" and says the senders name as "Manno Powers."}

ZAREL: {typing} Manno Powers? Like...are you Austin's long lost brother or something? Who has significantly more mojo than he does? Because that would be cool, having more mojo than your brother. {clears screen, resumes typing} So, do I have any cool powers? Yes, yes in fact I do. For one, there's my ability to control the wind to my own liking. Dunno where I got it, and I dunno why I question it.

{Cut to the Locker Room, Coach Z and Homestar are there}

HOMESTAR: So, what were we teekin' about before? Hold on, Strong Bad check! {looks around, runs behind a locker} Aha! Thought you could hide from me, eh?

{A smack is heard and The Cheat flies from behind the locker offscreen}

THE CHEAT: MEEEEEH!

HOMESTAR: Alright, now that that's over with, what were you saying?

COACH Z: I was saying before that I blame it all on super tight pants.

HOMESTAR: Ooooh. Super-tight pants. That’s tighter than tight pants.

{Suddenly a breeze blows Homestar's hat off his head}

HOMESTAR: Oop! Hold on.

{Homestar picks his hat up and puts it back on}

COACH Z: Pants did it.

HOMESTAR: Coach Z, did you leave the windows open?

COACH Z: What windows? This place is air-tight! What is made here stays here!

ZAREL: {offscreen} Wait what?!

{Zarel can be heard puking offscreen}

COACH Z: I blame that on pants, too.

HOMESTAR: Sweet jingles, Coach. Open a window sometime.

{Cut back to the Cappy}

ZAREL: {typing} Okay, so my power can only make little breezes, so it’s not too impressive. Still...urgh...I hate thinking about Coach Z's locker room. I don't understand why that isn't nominated the smelliest place in Free Country, nay, the entire world! If I could use my little breezies to filter out the ick, I’d be a hero!

{Roboganger pokes him on the shoulder}

ZAREL: {turns to him} Yes, my friend slash robo-me who doesn't break into my house because he lives here.

ROBOGANGER: You got another email.

ZAREL: How did you know? Did the Blacksmith put some kind of hotspot in you? {Roboganger shrugs} Anyway...

subj: ancestry

Dear Zarel:
As a dragon, I can only assume you have
quite the history behind your family. Were
your ancestors the knight-eating kinds of dragons,
or the lucky Asian dragons, or what? I'm actually
genuinely interested, here!

- Skub

{Zarel reads "here!" as if he was giving someone something.}

ZAREL: {typing} So you really want to know my history behind my family don't ya, Yellow Skubmarine? Well, good luck then! You go research it youself! As for this email, can somebody give me aaaaaAAAAA-

DELETED!

ZAREL: {simultaneously} DELETED! {laughs manically}

STRONG BAD: Haha, you’re learning the ropes! You tell them, man! Delete all emails that have to do with parentals! Or...boxing gloves!

ZAREL: Indeed! I will not stick it to the email man! Oh, also; housebreaker! Sic 'em, Gangamesh!

{Roboganger jumps at Strong Bad, knocking him into the hall room, several punching noises are heard.}

ZAREL: Just remember, no hitting below the belt, okay? You two play nice now!

{The Paper}

Fun Facts

• The email opener is a reference to the Tatsunoko Productions anime, Yatterman. In the 2008 version, this is a take on the English subtitles when they do the victory pose.
• Zarel refers to Austin Powers, a popular movie character.
• The entire part of the email where Zarel shows off his wind power is a take on the Strong Bad Email: super powers.
• This is another instance of Kicking The Cheat, People Breaking Into Zarel's House, and another mention of Pants and Puking.
• Zarel deletes the email having to do with his family line, much like how Strong Bad deletes emails regarding his parents. In fact, Strong Bad tells Zarel to delete emails having to do with that or boxing gloves.
• "Yellow Skubmarine" refers to the popular song by The Beatles, Yellow Submarine.
• Hitting below the belt is a penalty in combat sports like wrestling.