Zarel Emails/47

Zarel E-Mail #47

Zarel wraps things up.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Pter, Foxx, Fang, Strong Bad, Homestar

Places: The Roomy-Vac, Zarel's Living Room

Transcript

{Open to the Roomy-Vac, Zarel is snoring at the computer and the lights are off. Dust is on the computer screen, and Homestar Runner's trademark spooky wind howl noise plays through the room.

PTER: Zarel...

ZAREL: {mumbling}

PTER: Zarel.

ZAREL: {mumbling} Email...Gotta...email...

PTER: {sighs and pulls out a megaphone} ZAREL!!

{Zarel jerks up, with a visible grey beard on his face, baggy eyes, and his horns are a bit droopy}

ZAREL: {screams} GAH! BILLY HATCHER! {slightly delirious} O-oh, it's you, Pter. Gimme a sec, I'mma checkin' my email! {bashes hands on the keyboard resulting in gibberish, his enter, and this comes up.}

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Bad command or file name.

ZAREL: Gonna checkin' my email! {bashes hands on the keyboard again}

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Seriously. This isn't coherent speech.

ZAREL: {mumbling} Eeeeeee-mail! {bashes hands on the keyboard again}

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Oh, to the pits with this. Here's the email.

ZAREL: Yaaaaaaaay!

subj: Please, Zarel.

Dearest friend and buddy; Zarel.

You need help. Please, the email show had a good run. I think it's time to call it quits. It's been four years and your email break which was supposed to be for a week or two lasted almost four months. You've been asleep for about FOUR MONTHS. STRAIGHT. Come on, Zarel. It's time to move on.

With a lot of concern,
Your friends. All of them.

{Zarel mumbles all the words and stops at "call it quits".}

ZAREL: {mumbles his words, he's typing complete nonsense} Call it quits? Ain't no way I'm calling it quits! I need to delete this email because it's STUPID! Stupid. Stupid. Deleted. {he types "dehtndle"}

{The Roomy-Vac dings}

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Zarel, they're serious. You need help.

ZAREL: Whaaa? Nah, Compy-Vac, you're crazy.

{The Roomy-Vac dings three times quickly}

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You're the crazy one!

PTER: Zarel, please. It's over.

ZAREL: Over? No, it's not over, Foxx...it's never over! Our work is never over!

{Zarel falls down, and a flatline sound plays. Pter has a look of horror on his face, and picks up Zarel}

PTER: Zarel?! Speak to me! ZAREL!

{Scroll to see Foxx sitting down on the floor with a laptop}

FOXX: Oh, that flatline was me. I'm playing Surgeon Simulator 2013.

PTER: You freakin...

{Fade into Zarel's Living Room, Pter and Zarel are sitting on the couch...well...Zarel's moreso slumped over unconscious than sitting.}

PTER: Hi, everyone. Pter here. Zarel would normally be speaking, but he's kind of...in a slump.

ZAREL: {mumbles}

PTER: Anyway, we here at Zarel Emails would like to thank you for a wonderful four years. We had some fun, and...did some things that weren't so much fun. But it was fun, nonetheless. Now, before we close up the show, let's run down quite a few secrets we were going to reveal in later episodes but, sadly won't get a chance to. {Foxx takes a seat next to Zarel} Foxx? Would you like to start?

FOXX: Uh...I got nothing. I really didn't have a lot of secrets that I kept. Pter, I know you got something.

PTER: {a bit nervous} Uh...well...Zarel's underwear is pink!

FOXX: Your species, man! Tell us what you are! Are you a dinosaur? A lizard? A bird? An alien?! What the crap are you?!

PTER: Alright, alright! I'll spill! I'm a d-

{The lights go on, cutting Pter abruptly, and Strong Bad and Fang burst into the door}

FANG: Guys! Big news!

STRONG BAD: Guess who's freakin' back, baby! We're gonna be living the dream again! The days of waiting for a new sbemail are over, my sort of friends!

HOMESTAR: And probably your freaky fanky wiki thing too!

{With this news, Zarel snaps awake, completely normal. Well, whatever constitutes for normal.}

ZAREL: Sweet sacks of potato salad! We're coming back? I mean, you're coming back?

STRONG BAD: Yup! Now I can find out the mystery of the Compe! Or lack thereof! {ominously} Oooooooo!

HOMESTAR: I can get back to my bread musica-

STRONG BAD: No.

ZAREL: And I guess this means...

FANG: We'll be back, too?

FOXX: Were we even going anywhere?

PTER: Haha, this is awesome news, guys. Ready, guys? One...two...

ALL: THREE!

{They all perform a wave-like gesture, all appearing in a star graphic with the words "WE'RE BACK!" under it. The classic tune from the old intros plays as well.}

Trivia

• No one will ever know Pter's true species except me.