Zarel Emails/36

Zarel E-Mail #36

Zarel abandon's Bubs and seeks out a new person to buy stuff from.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Bubs, Stan Khan, The Poopsmith (Easter egg), Homsar (Easter egg)

Places: The Roomy-Vac, Bubs' Concession Stand, Strongbadia, Stan Khan's Not-So-Shady Bizz-niss Stand

Transcript

ZAREL: Your honor! To help my defendant's case, I present...exhibit email! {the email comes up} Oh boy, a long one.

Tired of worthless scams?

Greetings, friend, I am new to this town.
I am a travelling businessman in search for some new customers.
As soon as I came here, I noticed that the predominant form of business happened to be that of Bubs and his concession stand.
Don't you people know what he's doing to you? He's been scamming all of you out of all your money by charging you huge amounts for worthless items!
You know what would be a good idea? If you bought from me instead. So we can both take this pathetic man down.
- Stan Khan

ZAREL: {typing} Are you telling me that Bubs {accents the "uh" sound, saying it as "buuuuuuubs"} has been behind all sorts of...shady business? {the text is a darker color and is wavy} Looks like it's time for Zarel Mikhail Lewis III to in-vest-o-gate! I'm off! {he leaves}

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand, Bubs has a couple of "Strong Badge: The Movie" Strong Bad jello pops for sale, as well as a few poorly made Zarel and Strong Bad pinatas}

ZAREL: Alright, Bubsy Malone, the jig is up!

BUBS: What are ya talkin' about? We're not playing Dangeresque today!

ZAREL: Don't think you can fool me! I know you've been scamming us for the past few centuries!

BUBS: I know! It's what I normally do!

ZAREL: Well I'm not gonna take it, no I ain't gonna take it anymore! I'm taking my shady business elsewhere, and I'm totally not going to not come back here to buy stuff!

{Zarel leaves}

BUBS: Wait! Zarel! You can't just not leave me for good! Aw, crabadonk! I wonder where he's going for shady businesses now?

{Cut to Zarel in The Field, walking and holding a "Hella' Pages" book}

ZAREL: Alright, so Stan Khan's bwees-nass should be around here somewhere. Hold on, I'mma call this guy.

{Zarel pulls out what appears to be a black smartphone}

ZAREL: Hello? Mr. Khan? The place behind the fence? With a lead pipe? Got it.

{He hangs up. Cut to Strongbadia, where he walks behind the fence. He appears to walk down some stairs, but the next shot proves he was just crouching his legs while walking in place. The next shot shows Zarel kneeling behind the fence with Bubs, who has set up "StanKhan's Not-So-Shady Bizz-niss Stand". Bubs is wearing a shower cap and a fake mustache, and has "stan khan" written on a piece of paper that's taped to his chest.}

ZAREL: Are you Mr. Khan?

STAN KHAN: {making no effort to alter his voice} Yup! That'd be me! Stan Khan! Master of not-so-shady business!

ZAREL: Don't you mean "bizz-niss?"

STAN KHAN: Oop! I...aw, double Crabadonk!

ZAREL: Aha! Turns out your not-so-shady stand is actually for shady business like I'd thought! I knew there was something funny about that email!"

STAN KHAN: Wait! I can change!

ZAREL: Not a chance, Kan Kan! I'm taking my business shades {Pulls out some sunglasses} and my shady business elsewhere! Good freakin' day! {Puts the shades on and walks off.}

{Cut back to Bubs'}

ZAREL: Bubs, can you ever forgive me for doubting you?

BUBS: What happened?

ZAREL: Well it turns out this not-as-shady business guy I got an email from was shady as a whatsit pile under a palm tree. I decided to take my business back to you. So what do you say? How's about I go back to always being your customer and never having left you in the first place?

BUBS: It's a deal that's been sealed for a while!

{Cut back to the Roomy-Vac}

ZAREL: {typing} So lesson learned! Never trust anyone who wears paper on their chest, or some form of facial disguise. You never know what kind of crook they'll be underneath. Now if you'll excuse me, Tin Can, I have some lawyers to talk to!

SINGERS: {offscreen} Here comes the Thnikkaman!

ZAREL: Get out! I don't trust you in here!

THE THNIKKAMAN: Yeah! Beat it, kid! Oh, you mean me.

SINGERS: {offscreen} There goes the Thnikkaman!

ZAREL: Come to think of it, do I trust anyone in here?

{The Paper}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Zarel when he says "whatsit pile under a palm tree" for a picture of The Poopsmith on vacation. Written on it is; "Do it yourself, King!"
• Click on "lawyers" for some extra dialogue.

ZAREL: {turns to his left} So, how are those lawsuits coming along?

{Zoom out to see Homsar in a suit next to Zarel}

HOMSAR: Aaaah, my man tights won't be anymore the whiter!

ZAREL: Sounds good. Keep doing your thing.

Trivia

• Zarel calls Bubs "Bubsy Malone", though the name could be considered a nod to something else.
• Zarel and Bubs' first dialogue refers back to chemistry.
• "Crabadonk" refers back to the chair.
• Zarel's line "Mr. Khan? The place behind the fence? With a lead pipe?" is a nod to the Clue series, in which cases would be solved by piecing together a person's name, the location of the murder, and the murder weapon.