Zarel Emails/30

Zarel E-Mail #30

Zarel gets arrested?!

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Bubs, Coach Z, Prison Inmates

Places: The Roomy-Vac, Dark Room, Prison

Transcript

ZAREL: {rapping} Thirty is a number for something important! It is such a number, for something important!

subj: Arrest

Dear Zarel "The Wind Dragon" Lewis,

This is a cease and desist letter for your arrest.
We will arrive in 3 days.
Sincerely,

The Police guys.

ZAREL: {typing} Alright, all right. Is this some kind of joke? Are we trying to rope in an Arumail-style {mock tone} "serious plot?" {end mock tone} Are we trying to abide by any 1.6 rules or more-than-twenty-line limits? Because that's what it seems like you're trying to do!

{Zoom out to see Bubs and Coach Z standing next to Zarel}

BUBS: {imitating a buzzer} Braaaaamp!

ZAREL: What?

COACH Z: Sarry, Zorel. It ain't no jork.

ZAREL: Wait a minute, I get what's going on. This is going to be some kind of "Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon" parody, isn't it? I see! Foxx and I were behind Bubs trying to break in to steal chocolates, and we were using fireworks! However, he forgot to remove the pthoom, since all we needed was the bang, and then Homestar comes in and imitates a siren like this; {imitating a siren} "Way-oo! Way-oo! Meh. Meh. Me-"

{Bubs puts his hand on Zarel's shoulder}

BUBS: Sorry, Z, but me and the other Z are serious!

COACH Z: {annoyed} Oh, so I'm "the other Z" now?

BUBS: Shut up, kid, let's just take this guy in!

{They begin to drag Zarel offscreen}

ZAREL: Wait! I-I'm innocent! Just what the crap am I in for anyway?! I refuse to be a part of plots derived from 2009!

{The screen fades to black. In the black, we hear Zarel tossed to the ground, and a spotlight on him is lit. His hands and feet are tied.}

ZAREL: Oof! Since when did Free Country USA have cops? Actually, since when did they have cops that sucked?

???: Ah, he's arrived.

ZAREL: Hey, you there. Answers. Now.

???: Answers to what, Zarel?

ZAREL: Why am I here? And better yet, why didn't I just detach myself and escape?

???: That's right, I forgot. I'm not the only one who can do that. Anyway, your answers...

ZAREL: Yes?

???: Well, let's just say your writer has a fondness for rejected characters.

ZAREL: ...what?

???: Homeschool Winner. Just what is he doing here? He should not exist.

ZAREL: Look, can we stop with the fourth-wall breaking here? What does this have to do with Homeschool Winner? Why not take him in and not me?

???: Because this isn't his show. It's yours.

ZAREL: ...what does this have to do with me?!

???: Well, nothing, actually! You're not actually arrested! {laughs a little}

ZAREL: Wait...what?!

???: You see, word has gotten out that you're incarcerated. But that's a lie. Everyone believes you're in for petty theft. But no, you're not going to be incarcerated.

ZAREL: Phew...

???: You're going to be executed!

ZAREL: WHAT?!

???: And it's also funny that you babble on about that piece of trash Arumail show...That's just where I'm from.

ZAREL: A...ruseus?

???: Wrong!

{The light flicks on to reveal Fang}

ZAREL: Fang? That you?

FANG: Correct. And I'm here to take your place.

ZAREL: So that's what this is? You're going to kill me for the starring role?

FANG: Once again, correct.

ZAREL: Sheesh, I didn't think I was that important. So what's the deal here? Computer viruses? Big black tower? 30X2? Computer viruses again? Murder trial? Armageddon?

FANG: You...missed one.

ZAREL: Huh?

{Fang pulls out a list}

FANG: {as if speaking off character} Number 75...that guitar battle kinda thing.

ZAREL: {as if speaking off character}' Oh.

FANG: {tosses the list away} Anyway...no. I have something even better planned.

ZAREL: Gonna get your army?

FANG: {angry} That never happened! Um...crap. In all honesty, I have nothing!

ZAREL: Fang, untie me. I'd like to make a proposition.

FANG: You're just going to escape!

ZAREL: Trust me on this one. I won't. I promise.

FANG: Pinky promise?

ZAREL: ...you don't even have pinky fingers. You've got those...paw things.

FANG: ...Whatever. Anyway... {unties Zarel}

ZAREL: {gets up} Ah, thanks. Anyway, here's my proposition. Why don't I just let you back in the cast? You could use a reboot.

FANG: But...detaching was my thing! I was the original fall-apart character!

ZAREL: You can be! Heck, I don't even do it much! Eight out of thirty times I've either done it or mentioned it.

FANG: Nine, if you count today.

ZAREL: Right. Anyway, it can be your thing now, if you'd like.

FANG: Really? You'd do that for me?

ZAREL: As long as you don't kill me.

FANG: Eh, I probably wasn't going to do it anyway. I didn't bring that old sword I had.

ZAREL: Ah, come here, you!

{The two hug}

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Awwww!

ZAREL: Homestar? What are you here for? Get out!

{Pan over to the right, to show Homestar}

HOMESTAR: I was arrested for petty theft!

FANG: Oh, about that...Strong Bad made a bet with me...he said I couldn't trick Homestar into being arrested.

ZAREL: Get out of here!

{Zarel dives at Homestar and a cartoon fight cloud appears}

{Cut to Zarel and Fang outside the Roomy-Vac}

ZAREL: Well, here I am now!

FANG: Impressive. So it's a house you live in, and a computer?

ZAREL: Yep, a house-puter!

FANG: Quite awesome.

ZAREL: So where will you be living, Fang?

FANG: Oh, me? I don't have any place at the moment...

{Soft piano and rock music begins to play}

FANG: {singing}

So you've come to analyze me,

And tell me where I belong,

But don't you put your finger on me

I'm a vagabond...

{record scratch}

ZAREL: Okay, enough with that. Just live here.

FANG: Aww...I had a moment going on there...

{The Paper}

FANG: Papers still do that?

ZAREL: OF course! What else do you expect from an email show in the Homestar Runner universe?

{Pause for 10 seconds}

{A pile of rocks are dumped on Zarel}

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} That's for the crud-out-of-beating of me! Only I'm allowed to do that at the Strong Badathlon!

{A dump truck motor is heard as Homestar drives off}

ZAREL: {weakly} I knew we forgot a running gag or two...

Easter Eggs

{Click on Zarel's hand protruding from the rocks to see a scene}

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. Fang and Strong Bad are sitting on the couch}

STRONG BAD: So he fell for it?

FANG: Yeah. You owe me.

STRONG BAD: {hands him a ten-dollar bill} That's what I get for betting on Homestar...

Fun Facts

• The characters and places lists may or may not be mostly a lie to hide the truth.
• Zarel not only mentions various parts of Arumail, but the old guidelines of the HRFWiki and Wiki User Wiki.
• Zarel mentions just about every "epic" Arumail. Too bad they all...y'know, sucked total arse.
• This incorporates every known running gag in Zarel Emails.
• Fang is singing the first verse of "I'm a Vagabond" by Andrew W.K.