Zarel Emails/27

Zarel E-Mail #27

Zarel is asked to make a sport.

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, A. Chimendez, The Umpire, Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Pter, Onion Bubs (mentioned, Easter egg)

Places: The Computer Room, The Athletic Field

Transcript

ZAREL: So, if I live in a computer, that essentially makes me TRON, right? Am I right? {pause} Alright, on with the email.

subj: sports team

Dear Ziggy Lube,
If you could invent a sport, how would you play?
I think it would be interesting.
-Rumble Red's grandson who's named Chuck

ZAREL: {typing, in a mocking voice} Ooooh. "But dragonling, they don't have any sports on my planet," you'd say to me...or maybe your grandpa. {starts to sound angry} You should be ashamed of yourself, complaining about your lack of Earth amenities like that...I don't wanna talk to you right now, so why dontcha take your little lack of sports and email and just go away!

{Zarel gets up and leaves, but after a few moments, he comes back onscreen}

ZAREL: {typing} Only kidding! {clears the screen} So a sport, huh, Chuckie? Well...the problem is, I'm no good at sports, let alone coming up with them! Why, here's a deleted scene from Kick-A-Ball that was deleted due to how much I sucked!

{Cut to the field from Kick-A-Ball, Zarel is about to kick the kickball, but when he does; the ball doesn't fly, but gets stuck on his talons and starts to deflate}

A. CHIMENDEZ: {offscreen} Cut, cut!

THE UMPIRE: {pops in from the right side of the screen} A-yer ouuuuuuttt!

A. CHIMENDEZ: Mr. Umpire, sir? We stopped rolling.

THE UMPIRE: I know but he's still ouuuuuuutt!

{Cut back to the computer screen}

ZAREL: I swear these feet have caused me nothing but trouble!

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Oh, Zareeeeeeelllllll-

ZAREL: Homestar, I swear to-

HOMESTAR: I know how to solve your feet problems!

ZAREL: Yeah yeah, I know, take-

HOMESTAR: You can borrow mine! {hands him a pair of socks and shoes, which are labeled "Size Dragon"}

ZAREL: Homestar, are you meaning to tell me you actually have spare legs and feet?

HOMESTAR: No no no...I wear pants all the time! I would never a-butt dance without my a-butt pants.

ZAREL: Homestar, this has nothing to do with-

HOMESTAR: {turns around and begins to dance} Buttdance a third time, come one everybody now!

ZAREL: Get out! {shoves Homestar offscreen} Wait... {Walks offscreen and Homestar flies across the screen and lands with a thud.}

HOMESTAR: Weeeeeee!

{Zarel gets back on the computer}

ZAREL: {typing again} Ah, forgot the door was that way. Wait a minute, I've got it!

{Cut to The Athletic Field, Zarel is dressed in a ragtime garb, Homestar is tied together with duct tape}

ZAREL: Come one, come all! Hear ye, hear ye! Step right up and Toss a Star! See how far you can toss a star!

HOMESTAR: I'm a star!

STRONG BAD: Wait a sec, hold the presses!

{Crowd gasp}

STRONG BAD: This man is clearly infringing on the Strong Badathlon here! The "Shooting Star" is clearly a cheap knockoff of the "The Cheat Chuck" of my games!

ZAREL: Uh, Strong Bad? There have been plenty of sports involving throwing some object.

STRONG BAD: Oh, slander, eh? I'll sue ya! I'll SUE YA!

{a loud smack noise is heard, and you see a newspaper with "Star Shooting" banned in Free Country USA" as its headline.}

STAR SHOOTING BANNED IN FREE COUNTRY USA "Strong Badathlon came first!" - Prof. Tor Coolguy

Local dragon, Zarel Lewis, had invented a copyright infringing sport titled "Star Shooting," which involved throwing resident idiot, Homestar Runner, across long distances. He was sued for ripping off the "Strong Badathlon's" own "The Cheat Chuck."

ZAREL: {typing} And so, Star Shooting was short-lived. However, there is another possible sport I'm thinking of playing for! All I need is a ball of the foot variety...

{Zoom out to show Pter next to Zarel}

PTER: Hey there, Zarel, I'm ready to be an actual normal character now-

ZAREL: {dive tackles Pter} FOOTBALL!

PTER: OW! Hey! I'm not a football...

{The Paper}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Zarel's chair for an extra scene.

{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon 2012}

Results 2012 StrongBadathlon

The Cheat Chuck

Still The Poopsmith......212pts.

Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating

Homeschool Winner....623pts.

Remote Put

Strong Bad........-10pts.

Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head

Strong Mad............7 billion pts

{Suddenly this pops up}

Purple Reptile-thing Football Dishwasher

Onion Bubs............3.1415926535 pts

{A crowd can be heard cheering, with one voice screaming "Onion Bubs!" over and over.}

Fun Facts

• Zarel's first response to Chuck's email is a near-direct quotation of this.
• "Purple Reptile-thing Football Dishwasher" is a reference to "Purple Monkey Dishwasher" from The Simpsons.