(even if you aren't vegan)
Wikihood/arc/P6
Summary
The gang returns "home" to try and foil D'Arque's plan. Destitute and without a home, they have to operate the only way they know how - relying on their historical influences(or lack thereof) to help them rise to the occasion.
Transcript
{Chaos and the others depart from the Tank. The tank backs up behind the border ever so carefully.}
CHAOS: How in the world are we going to save everybody? This could take days, weeks, months, years; we're technically homeless now!
REMOLAY: Well, we need to break Droll's spell. Then, the rest should come tumbling down, right?
CHAOS: How do we go about doing that? The guy's got magic and a wall of dead people about him at all times.
REMOLAY: We'll need a good plan...
LEX: And some good weapons...
NOXIGAR: And a clever third thing.
{Noxigar takes out yellow daggers - Foudre. He inserts the yellow daggers in between his fingers on each of his hands.}
NOXIGAR: Sorry. I wanted to take care of that before anybody gets daggers in their eyes.
LEX: So, third thing, right?
NOXIGAR: Right. We need trial and error.
LEX: Wouldn't those be third and fourth, respectively?
OIRACUL: Technically, Lex is right.
{Noxigar thinks about it for a moment, and nods in confirmation at Oiracul and Lex being right. Then, Fritz and Lang show up.}
LANG: WE HAVE ARRIVED. WE WILL BRING BACK-UP TO HELP YOU SHORTLY.
FRITZ: YEAH, THIS TIME WE WILL TAKE CARE OF DROLL ONCE AND FOR ALL.
CHAOS: I dunno... the idea of dispelling undead forever is fine... but we do need some level of entertainment.
NOXIGAR: You want to spare Droll?
CHAOS: Of course!
NOXIGAR: Heh. Now I really need to find the necromancer gear. Once Droll is dead, the undead will die with him. But if we can get them on our side, we can have permanent guests in the Wikihood Manor, as well as all sorts of nobility!
CHAOS: Right, you're still wanting that gear.
NOXIGAR: And now we have a good chance at getting it! Of course, D'Arque's probably wised up since the Benadryl Incident.
LEX: Yeah, why did you think that plan would work?
NOXIGAR: Because it would have ridded us of a nuisance.
REMOLAY: Fair enough.
LEX: Well, at least you won't be using Roxanne and Maxamillion again.
REMOLAY: Let's go and try to regain our footing. We'll know where we are if we see a basement without any fixtures, won't we?
CHAOS: Actually that thing was pretty tricked out. Just like any neckbeard would want.
LEX: I think it will be evident nonetheless - we did leave near D'Arque theater. The greater the concentration of undead, the closer we must be.
REMOLAY: So, what do we think we need?
CHAOS: Hmm... it depends on how we want to work our way through the undead. This is going to take a few days, most likely.
REMOLAY: Maybe we could go round up equipment on the black market!
CHAOS: We have one of those?
LEX: You really don't know this town, do you, Chaos?
CHAOS: Of course not. I was the last one to arrive before we took off into space! I was barely an adult and I had a curfew, for Christs' sake! My knowledge of Townindale is fairly limited.
LEX: Maybe we should show you around town, first...
REMOLAY: No wonder you hate Town Hall! It's probably the only business you've been to in town.
CHAOS: You make it sound like I'm just going to wind up hating all the other buildings.
REMOLAY: Lex, let's go show him around!
{Noxigar taps his foot impatiently. Remolay turns to face him and sighs.}
REMOLAY: Noxigar, just take the wolf and go scouting. We need to find a place we can operate out of, considering we don't have a house.
OIRACUL: We can cover more ground, too.
NOXIGAR: You people and your-
{Oiracul drags Noxigar offscreen.}
LEX: Okay, so... show him around town?
REMOLAY: Yeah!
CHAOS: Right, I forgot you knew 95% of Towningdale, or something.
REMOLAY: Comes with the territory of being a businessman, doesn't it?
{Droll sees Remolay, Chaos, and Lex. Noting the tank near them, he suddenly panics and goes back inside the Theatre. He reports straight to D'Arque.}
DROLL: I thought you might want to know this! The so-called "Wikihood Crew" has returned, or at least three out of the five people are there.
DEBONAIR: Is the Nobody with them? I was going to put on a play I most certainly think he'll enjoy. I'm getting a stage director to rehearse it, and also am writing lines as part of an elaborate apology to them.
DROLL: Wow, I need to resurrect someone who will be more of a nuisance to these guys.
DEBONAIR: Aw, but why? It's all part of a scheme, you see. I get them in my abode, and then we analyze their threat levels.
DROLL: Need I remind you this isn't a Japanese anime?
DEBONAIR: Relax, my short green friend. You know I do love ancient Japanese theatrics!
DROLL: Different eras, different ways of writing a play/story!
DEBONAIR: If I can't have my fun, then whatever you're going to retaliate with will not succeed!
DROLL: Sir, you do realize I'll have to fire the entire Watch just so you can welcome them in?
DEBONAIR: All I want is for them to appreciate the theatre... forever
DROLL: Ah, gotcha. You want me to kill 'em, then turn them into Undead.
DEBONAIR: How did you manage to resurrect us if you're so thick-headed?
DROLL: You do realize I have a doctorate in pre-med, don't you?
DEBONAIR: Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know doctorates excused you from being so oblivious to my plans!
DROLL: Oh well. I guess I don't have to fire the Watch, then. I'll keep them around just in case!
{Cut to Oiracul, who has dragged Noxigar over to the border of Phoenixshire. Both Oiracul and Noxigar go through said border.}
NOXIGAR: Where are you dragging me?
OIRACUL: We're heading back to my original abode in Phoenixshire. Have you ever heard of the DuFour Estate?
NOXIGAR: DuFour... that sounds familiar, although I don't know why.
OIRACUL: Good. I plan to honor the lives of my friends, Joseph and Jacques.
NOXIGAR: Aww, that's sweet!
OIRACUL: Not as sweet as you might think, no. Their auras of envy and malice tore the group asunder. They both wanted my hand in marriage. Their fight over me is why I was highly uncomfortable with how Chaos was treating Miss Young earlier. You weren't of much help either, but you at least had an aura of effort.
NOXIGAR: These auras confuse me.
OIRACUL: We were bound to the Order of the White Duke. Her name was Anya, and she trained us all in various ways. Joseph was a paladin, while Jacques was the distant ranger of the group.
NOXIGAR: Nice team composition. I'm sure you got a lot done.
OIRACUL: Thank you. I trained for years to perfect many of the auras I'd employ. If only you guys called upon my services more often.
{Oiracul treks onward, no longer dragging Noxigar. He follows her on his own accord now.}
OIRACUL: A werewolf tried to raid the DuFour Estate. I was unfortunately bitten by it, although I managed to put it down. Alas, that werewolf managed to kill Jacques and Joseph. If only they had worked together...
{Eventually, they make it to the DuFour Estate's grounds. Tears well up in Oiracul's eyes, and she turns back. Noxigar hugs her.}
NOXIGAR: It's okay. Once we get everything we need, we can turn DuFour into DuOne.
{Eventually, Noxigar stops hugging her and marches on into the DuFour house. Oiracul soon follows, but does so more slowly. Cut to inside the DuFour Manor. Phoenixshire authorities are there. One of the Guards waves at Oiracul.}
OIRACUL: This is... intriguing.
GUARD ONE: Come to get your belongings again, miss?
GUARD TWO: We packed more stuff for you.
GUARD ONE: We missed you and your wonderful cookies.
OIRACUL: Thank you, gentlemen. While I'm here to get some of my things, I'm also here on urgent business. Have either of you seen a daemon-possessed entity named Vindicator?
GUARD TWO: Oh, Heavens no.
{Some other guards show up and give Oiracul a UPS truck which contains all of her furniture.}
GUARD THREE: We got your furniture organized into a singular truck, just like you asked!
GUARD FOUR: We also helped ourselves to some apples in your fridge, while also trying to clean it.
GUARD THREE: All of us wanted to do this for you, so we did.
GUARD FOUR: We wish for you to feel better, mistress!
{Oiracul gestures Noxigar to the passenger's seat in the truck, while she drives it back to Towningdale.}
NOXIGAR: Do you still have belongings at the DuFour Manor?
OIRACUL: The Guards are being paid in food and money, while I try to handle my furniture. I needed the truck mainly for the two beds which belonged to Jacques and Joseph, although I was tempted to burn them.
NOXIGAR: If it's any consolation, I will not have those beds put into other rooms. So, in a way, you can theoretically get new roommates!
OIRACUL: {smiles} While it's highly generous of you to offer me roommates, those beds will likely be used just to house some of my other belongings. Clerical items, mainly. The point is, those beds are of sentimental value to me. But I won't use them, nor will I have others use them.
NOXIGAR: So... you bake cookies?
OIRACUL: Yes. I make sure my cookies are enhanced by good auras, so those who consume them live better lives overall.
{Oiracul starts the car, while Noxigar gets an idea.}
NOXIGAR: Hang on a sec!
OIRACUL: Is something the matter?
{Noxigar goes over to the truck's backside, and notices the door wasn't closed.}
NOXIGAR: Yes. The door's not closed.
{Noxigar gets in, closing the door behind him. The truck decides to move, which shifts Noxigar around in the truck. He notices a necromantic helm.}
NOXIGAR: The Helm of Atomsk1! That is the first of many pieces to the necromantic armour.
{Noxigar puts on the Helm of Atomsk. A surge of green energy surrounds him. The furniture and Noxigar swirl about. Oiracul hits the gas and prepares to drive. Before she can begin the action of driving, the scene changes to the others, as they walk down the street. As the town is still in its "Historical Reenactment" decor, the gang looks incredibly out of place.}
CHAOS: So, what are we looking for?
REMOLAY: The Black Market. Owing what I know from movies, most Black Markets usually stay in the blackness they're so fond of. It's safe to assume they're not brainwashed like everyone else is.
LEX: Right! So we should be careful trying to get in, to not set off the attentions of the townsfolk.
REMOLAY: Precisely.
{Remolay finds a sewer entry and forces Lex and Chaos down it. He then goes down into the sewer entry.}
LEX: Now this is more like it!
{Zoom out to reveal the sewer's interiors have been modified to allow for a steampunk entry to them. Of course, to make sure toilets can do what they're supposed to, pipelines have been drastically altered and streamlined.}
CHAOS: {pinches his nose} The smell is appalling!
REMOLAY: You get used to it when your profits can get you endless supplies of Febreeze among other things.
{They enter a black market store. The merchant eyes Chaos suspiciously, while recognizing Remolay.}
MERCHANT: {speaking in a thick Russian2 accent} Oh, Remolay, it's a...surprise to see you! And Lex too? Ah, excellent! This is most brilliant indeed! I thought you ended up like the rest of this town! Up there, they've all gone.. loopy! It's as if they're all zombies.
LEX: Yeah, to keep it simple, Mr. D'Arque kinda cast a hex upon the entire population of the town. We managed to get out of it due to a fortunate mishap regarding our power supply.
MERCHANT: I see. I knew that man could not be trusted. I've been here for a long while, and I've heard many a tale of him. He used to spend entire months in that theater of his, working away and disturbing everyone else with the noise! Whenever anyone tried to investigate this, they just simply disappeared! But nobody ever did anything about it! Too many crazy occurrences in this town, if you ask me. Just comes to show you that crime does pay! Hahahaha! So, what are you here for, and who is that man you brought with you?
REMOLAY: Well, Mr.. oh damn! I forgot your name..
MERCHANT: Volkov! The name is Volkov!
REMOLAY: Volkov, right! Sorry! Yeah, Mr. Volkov.. Well, we're kinda not welcome in this town anymore...
VOLKOV: How is that a problem? Neither am I! Hell, I'm not even welcome in this country! Haha, but I digress. Carry on.
REMOLAY: Not only that, but our house got moved a long away away by a bunch of robots working for a robotic, narcissistic businessman. Long story there. What we're trying to ask you is, could we possibly stay here for a little while? Until we end up fixing this little problem we have on our hands.
LEX: Oh, and this fella here, he's... I'll let him introduce himself!
{Lex pushes Chaos forward, stepping back to let him speak.}
CHAOS: Damn you Lex. Um... I'm... Oh to hell with it it. I'm Chaos, and I'm the badass leader of this hardcore crew of dudes. We're the baddest bitches around, and we need your help to house us and possibly supply us with illegalities so we can go back up there and kick that bony jerk's ass. We intend on breaking this spell he has over the populace and also showing him that we are not to be goddamn messed with! You got it, Russkie?
VOLKOV: I think I do. Alright, I'll let you all stay, but only because I expect something from this. When you go kick that man's zadnitsa, be sure to grab a whole bunch of nice stuff for me while you're at it. I'm talking about jewels here, gold, all that expensive and fancy treasure he must have. Is that a good deal?
REMOLAY: Yes, it's a great deal! Thank you, Mr. Volkov!
{Cut to Noxigar, in the truck with the Helm of Atomsk affixed to his head. The truck has stopped, and the door in the back has opened.}
OIRACUL: {gasps} Woah, Noxi! Are you... okay?
{Noxigar faintly nods, then gets up.}
OIRACUL: I see that you've found... one of the Necromancer Armor pieces. How many are there?
NOXIGAR: I don't know. Anyway, why did you stop the truck?
OIRACUL: We made it back to the tank. I need to take the furniture out of this truck and transfer it there until we resolve this problem about our Manor.
NOXIGAR: Do you need me to lend a hand?
{Oiracul shapeshifts into a tall, muscular orc.}
OIRACUL: No, unless you mean scouting to make sure none of Droll's cronies try to take the furniture.
NOXIGAR: Alrighty then.
{Cut back to Volkov and company.}
VOLKOV: Where are your friends? The one who excessively drinks Pepsi and the one who is a werewolf?
LEX: We're covering ground, trying to gather materials to defeat D'Arque with. I do get the feeling that something amiss is going to occur, but I won't let it bother me. Right now, we kind of just need shelter.
VOLKOV: Thankfully, the Black Markets have an underground hotel which you are welcome to stay at for as long as you need!
REMOLAY: Thank you. I have made a reservation there already.
VOLKOV: Splendid! {turns to Chaos} I do hope you enjoy your time here, for we are all wonderful people once you get to know us!
CHAOS: {rolling his eyes} Oh, I'm sure you are.
VOLKOV: Oh, and Lex. I transferred those purchases Chaos made onto the Point Card4 again.
LEX: The Point Card? I haven't seen it be used in ages.
CHAOS: That's because you gave it to Noxigar for safe-keeping some few months ago. Now he probably still has it and might misuse it!
LEX: Oh, come now. Unless there's an auction for one of those Necromantic Armor pieces, I'm pretty sure Noxi's probably just going to help push the bill with food4.
REMOLAY: We better hope the Necromantic Armor's expensive, because then the Point Card gets really juiced up.
{Lex shrugs. The Wikihood Gang keeps going further into the Black Market. They reach a point further underground that's much bigger and wide open, revealing the Black Market to be a booming center of illegal business underneath Towningdale.}
CHAOS: What the hell? How did I not know of this?
LEX: I offered to show you in the past, but you were never interested!
REMOLAY: Relax. He's here now, so he may further enjoy this.
LEX: Okay.
{Chaos, Lex, and Remolay shop through the various Black Market stores. In between shopping venues, they discuss various topics.}
REMOLAY: So, wait, how do we juice up the Point Card if we do not possess it?
LEX: I went and had the Towningdale Bank link all of our credit cards and receipts to it.
REMOLAY: So magic is how you do it?
CHAOS: Pretty much.
LEX: It's less magic and more occultism - those bank tellers are ruthless.
CHAOS: They're probably brainwashed, like everyone else!
REMOLAY: So, what do we do now?
CHAOS: What's that over there?
{Chaos fashions his hand towards a sort of general-store looking building.}
REMOLAY: Probably some shit shack of a convenience store.
CHAOS: ...Can I go check it out?
REMOLAY: Have you never been in a Seven-Eleven®5?
CHAOS: No, I grew up in a fairly stuffy part of my hometown. Only place I've heard of such a thing is in television.
REMOLAY: ...Uh, sure, here - take $20 and go crazy.
{Remolay hesitantly and quizzically hands Chaos a $20 bill. Chaos runs off with it.}
REMOLAY: How could he possibly have lived such a sheltered life?
LEX: Chaos? Not surprised. He's almost as much of a shut-in as Vindi is...er, was.
REMOLAY: Think Vindi would hit the black market?
LEX: He'd probably have to stumble upon it by chance, being insane and all.
REMOLAY: Should we maybe...go follow Chaos?
LEX: Nah, he's good for it. Let's keep on the lookout for useful items.
{The duo continues onward. Cut back to Noxigar and Oiracul, who have moved all of her furniture into the tank's interior, finally.}
OIRACUL: Okay. Now that we've finished that, we should probably drive the tank to the site where our Wikihood Manor once stood.
NOXIGAR: Good idea.
{Oiracul pilots the tank, driving it through the border between Midway City and Towningdale. They now have made it to Towningdale. Cut back to Chaos and company.}
LEX: So... what are the odds of us running into Sharothian Castle Curtains6 at a Black Market Bed Bath & Beyond?
REMOLAY: I... unfortunately have no idea what you're talking about.
LEX: Eh, just something Noxigar claims he found earlier at a Bed Bath & Beyond. I assume he meant one of these ones, since I don't expect any average store involving bedwear to have Sharothian Castle Curtains.
REMOLAY: If you want to go to a Bed Bath & Beyond, the Black Markets assuredly have it.
LEX: That's one less episode we have to dedicate to getting these items. Thank you.
{Lex darts over to the Black Market Bed Bath & Beyond. The merchant is a rather clean and ordinary looking man, surprisingly enough.}
BBAB MERCHANT: Ah, greetings there, good sir. May I interest you in anything?
LEX: Yes actually. This may sound a bit ridiculous, but I don't suppose to have a pair of... Sharothian Castle Curtains by any chance?
BBAB MERCHANT: You know of the Sharothian Castle Curtains? Oh, this is most surprising indeed! Need I tell you about their history? The story regarding them and the legendary hero who once owned them?
LEX: Um..
BBAB MERCHANT: Yes, for these curtains once belonged to a king! A king known as Leotheras the Great! How he crushed the revolution by the vengeful mage known as Drago, and how he won the hand of the beautiful maiden known as Celia!
LEX: Yeah, I really don't ca-..
BBAB MERCHANT: Oh, his tale is known to many as a myth, but I believe it! With the help of his consort, Zane, and his knights templar, Sephiroth and Lavos, he carved a mighty empire and-..
LEX: Please stop. I don't care for your fairy tales. I ask you, do you, or do you not have these castle curtains?
BBAB MERCHANT: {sighs} Nobody cares for history these days... Yes, I do have them, but what makes you think I am willing to sell them?
LEX: Considering how this is a store that sells curtains, and while I have absolutely no idea why a recognized store chain would even be part of the black market, I can assume that they are for sale. So please, bring them to the table so I can buy them and get out of here before you try to tell me another story.
BBAB MERCHANT: Oh fine then.
{The merchant takes the Sharothian Castle Curtains from the bottom of the counter and hands them to Lex, who pays for them with the Point Card. As he turns to leave, the merchant beckons him.}
BBAB MERCHANT: Are you sure you don't want to hear the story about how Davros the Destroyer was destroyed by the power of Mercury's Tear?
LEX: No, thank you! Goodbye!
{Lex walks out of the store with the curtains and closes the door behind him quickly. He exhales in relief.}
LEX: Jeez, what a dreamer.
{Lex ponders for a moment.}
LEX: Oiracul might've been handy to be around so she could hear those myths. She seems to have a fancy for the mythos surrounding other cultures, or at least their "auras". Oh well. At least I have these Castle Curtains.
REMOLAY: Good, you're done. Should we go check on Chaos?
{Cut to Chaos, who is riding a coin-operated spaceship7 ride, enjoying himself far too much. Lex and Remolay enter the scene.}
REMOLAY: Chaos, what the hell are you doing?
CHAOS: Look, they have tiny spaceship rides!
LEX: Let the little kids have a turn!
{Chaos hops out of the machine, and pulls out a cigarette and a lighter.}
CHAOS: I never knew they made pre-packaged Mojo! This so beats having to order cartons of Mojo offline!
REMOLAY: Wow, he really does live a sheltered life.
{Chaos lights the cigarette and takes a long drag. He offers some to the kids.}
CHAOS: Want some Mojo, children?
{Lex tackles Chaos to the ground.}
LEX: You idiot! Little kids can't smoke cigarettes! They're bad for you!
{Lex stands Chaos up, holding his hands behind his back.}
LEX: Obviously, we should have kept you on a tighter leash. Let's go, Rem. Besides, this brand of cigarettes sucks. It's all about the Morleys.
REMOLAY: LEX.
LEX: Sorry.
{The two work to drag Chaos offscreen. Cut back to Noxigar and Oiracul, who have now made it to where the Wikihood Manor originally was. To their surprise, the Manor is in tiptop shape, although construction Rosen-Borgs are present. Fritz and Lang are seen acting as overseers.}
FRITZ: WE'RE ALMOST DONE, GUYS.
LANG: YOU GUYS CAN CLEAR OUT. WE HAVE TO BUILD A NEW FLOOR FOR MORE GUESTS.
FRITZ: MORE GUESTS? I THINK THEY'RE CONTENT WITH THE CURRENT COMPANY THEY'VE GOT.
LANG: I DON'T LIKE TO TAKE CHANCES. BESIDES, MORE TENANTS ARE HOW THESE GUYS ESSENTIALLY PAY THEIR CHEAP-ARSE RENT.
FRITZ: SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET A BRITISH ACCENT CHIP INSTALLED?
LANG: SINCE LAST WEEK, YOU BLOODY TART.
FRITZ: IF ONLY I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.
{Noxigar and Oiracul step out of the tank, transferring furniture to the Manor's foyer. Before they can head up the stairs to put Oiracul's DuFour furniture in her room, Fritz and Lang interrupt them.}
LANG: HELLO. WE MUST BALLY WELL HELP YOU WITH YOUR FURNISHINGS.
{Lang and Fritz proceed to carry the furniture for Oiracul and Noxigar. They do this with relative efficiency, to the point where the furniture transferral takes less time than it normally would.}
OIRACUL: Their convenience just shaved off a bunch of time. Shall we look for Vindicator now?
NOXIGAR: I'm pretty sure we were supposed to get on that right away after Chaos, Lex, and Remolay left for the Black Markets.
OIRACUL: Alright. At least we have a tank to drive in.
NOXIGAR: That does make things go a lot more smoothly.
{Noxigar and Oiracul get in the tank and drive around Towningdale. They take awhile, but they also fail to find Vindicator after about an hour of driving. However, some undead spot the tank, before being promptly run over. The Helm of Atomsk glows, causing the undead revive themselves. The undead promptly follow the truck temporarily. Later, the undead crumble near the Wikihood Manor property.}
NOXIGAR: I think my Helm glowed for a few seconds. Were we near anything we might've run over?
OIRACUL: This minimap didn't identify anything; I don't think so.
NOXIGAR: Okay. I wish we could see the outside from the interior of this tank.
OIRACUL: I heard a couple thuds earlier but couldn't tell what they were.
NOXIGAR: Have we found Vindicator yet?
OIRACUL: I don't think he's here. He probably left for a different place. There aren't any space programs near here, so he probably went a lot farther in Listless than we want to go.
NOXIGAR: Alright. Should we, uh, go to where Chaos and the others are to tell 'em this?
OIRACUL: Yeah. However, we're going to have to ditch the tank to go to the sewers. And we're going to have to find an entrance.
NOXIGAR: Fair enough.
{Noxigar and Oiracul maneuver the tank onto the property and hop out. They move quickly under cover of night. As they advance, undead and brainwashed townsfolk seem to be about, as the theater is ablaze with light.}
NOXIGAR: Maybe if we take the power out...
OIRACUL: Are you sure it's not magic, but instead technology?
NOXIGAR: We'll worry about that once we find our way back to the crew.
{The two head around the back, where they can hear raucous laughter coming from the theater. The two try to ignore it and head around, before coming on a sewer grate close to where the others entered to the Black Market. The two silently contemplate clever ways to pry it off, before Noxigar just decides to use acid to melt it. The two head into the sewers, and as soon as they land, they hear annoying noises. Pan to reveal they are within range of Remolay, Lex, and Chaos.}
CHAOS: Hmm...I don't see any hypnotic patterns on the TV anymore.
{Chaos is flipping through channels on a shoddy televison. The shopkeep comes over and confiscates the remote.}
LEX: Maybe he turned it off in favor of something more old fashioned?
REMOLAY: Like what, hypnotic want-ads in the newspaper?
CHAOS: Like hypnotic theater shows!
REMOLAY: So, if that's true, then we'd have to crash a performance and shut it down. The lights, the sounds, and the magic!
CHAOS: So, if we can short circuit the place, deafen the audience-
{Lex is browsing a large assortment of ear-chopping devices and 'permanent silencers', and appears incredibly excited.}
REMOLAY: Temporarily-
{Lex's expression fades.}
CHAOS: And then stuff Droll full of pain, then we should be able to do it!
NOXIGAR: Aww, but I only have the Helm of Atomsk!
LEX: Actually, Nox, remember when you found that Bed Bath & Beyond?
{Lex takes out the Sharothian Castle Curtains. Noxigar immediately swipes them and puts them on.}
NOXIGAR: I am completely grateful for your help involving the Sharothian Castle Curtains!
LEX: Was your plan a... disguise, perchance?
NOXIGAR: I could assume it was a disguise. No, I wanted to see if I could collect all the Necromantic Armour pieces in order to possibly control the undead. Y'know, swing D'Arque's plan against him? We'd have total control over all undead, him included, and then it will be our turn to exile someone, or possibly execute them!
REMOLAY: That plan is worrisome.
OIRACUL: But it's sound enough where it can be complied with. We do have to know a guarantee of how many pieces there are, among other variables.
CHAOS: Variables such as my capacity to care about this at all. Let's just go in the theatre, see what's going on, and then come up with a more resound battle plan.
{Noxigar immediately takes off the Helm of Atomsk and the Sharothian Castle Curtains, putting them back inside the tank.}
NOXIGAR: Alright, I'm ready. Let's, er, do this?
CHAOS: We just need a few items...Remolay, haggle.
{Remolay steps up to the merchant and pulls out $400 in bills, placing them all on his counter. Remolay then proceeds to talk at an unbelievably fast pace, taking some of the bills off of the pile every few sentences. After mere moments, Remolay pockets all of his money and has acquired a bazooka, a specially-designed frag grenade, and a laser coil gun.}
CHAOS: Perfect. Now, Noxigar, you'll take the coil gun and destroy the circuit breaker in the basement, turning it all off. It should only take a few shots, which is all that thing's good for. It requires a good amount of charging to power up.
{Lex tries to grab the bazooka, but Chaos swats his hand away and gives him the grenade.}
CHAOS: Lex, this grenade should be able to deafen everyone in the house, so they can't hear each other - If my projections are correct, that will be everyone in town.
LEX: Projections...?
CHAOS: Lex, the entire town is brainwashed. Of course they're all going to be there.
LEX: Wait, if I'm in the house, won't I also be dea-
CHAOS: REMOLAY! I need your help to man the bazooka. We're going to kill Droll with a point blank gut buster.
REMOLAY: Are you sure about all of this?
CHAOS: Trust me, I have a great distraction prepared. Let's go, team!
NOXIGAR: Wouldn't it be easier to just use the tank?
CHAOS: About that...
{Cut to the main lobby of D'Arque Theater. A large mass of undead are present. The door is blown open as the tank rolls into the doorway. The Undead spring to action, with surprising vitality and power. They surround the tank. Inside are Fritz and Lang, who then hop out and roll away in a slapstick frenzy. The undead split up and try to catch them. The gang then proceeds inside.}
CHAOS: Ready, team? We've been through worse shit than this, and it's time to put our space pirate expertise to use, just like the old days! Let's do this!
{Everybody puts their hands into the center of the huddle and salute.}
REMOLAY: I can't believe this! I get to be a space pirate! This is awesome!
{One scene change later, Chaos and Remolay are tied up onstage and defaced in makeup, Lex is stumbling around deaf, and Noxigar is dragging a paralyzed Oiracul into the house, which is in commotion with deaf, unbrainwashed citizens. The power is still evidently on, and the bazooka has been confiscated.}
DEBONAIR: You didn't think we wouldn't plan for this! What do you think this show is for?
REMOLAY: What are you going to do, kill us?
DEBONAIR: No, I'm going to...
{D'Arque raises an axe and slashes at Chaos. The axe, unsurprisingly a toy, still manages to cut the bonds on Chaos and Remolay, which are just feather boas.}
CHAOS: Let us go?
{Droll and his date walk in from the front of the house.}
DROLL: Allow me to apologize for kicking you out of town. I should have thought about the implications of my actions, and just brainwashed you on-sight.
DEBONAIR: We also didn't expect you to resort to Rosenberg of all people for help.
CHAOS: In hindsight, he didn't really help us. He just dumped two of his dumbest robots on us and stole our house.
{Fritz and Lang roll in, apparently in some sort of commotion. They roll up to Lex, spouting paper receipts from their foreheads.}
FRITZ: {in some sort of pain} MASTER LEX, YOU MUS-
LEX: {Evidently deaf} WHAT?
LANG: {obviously pained} IT IS INCREDIBLY EVIDENT Y-
LEX: WHAT?
FRITZ: MASTER ROSENBER-
LEX: WHAT?
{Lang loses his senses and plows Lex over, Fritz following and trampling Lex as well, both obviously in a hurry.}
LEX: WHAT?
{The two roll up to Chaos and Remolay. Oiracul seems to have recovered, as her and Noxigar have brought Lex up to the front of the stage and they are all reconvening center stage.}
CHAOS: The hell is your problem?
FRITZ: MASTER ROSENBERG IS USING US FOR A MOST UNBEARABLE TORTURE.
REMOLAY: {Wiping off his makeup and taking off his wig} What is he doing to you?
CHAOS: Why'd you take your makeup off?
REMOLAY: ...I worry about you sometimes.
LANG: ROSENBERG {grunt} IS USING US AS...
FRITZ AND LANG: FAX MACHINES!
{eerie and dramatic flourish.}
OIRACUL: {obviously annoyed} For the love of Anya...
{Oiracul picks up the end of the receipt and begins to read it.}
OIRACUL: I think he's trying to charge us for the labor and the renovations to the house...
CHAOS: After he ripped it out of the ground?
NOXIGAR: Hardly worth the cost of losing Vindicator in town...
DEBONAIR: Is something the matter?
CHAOS: The way it looks, we're going to owe Rosenberg well into our deaths. He's charging us borderline millions of dollars for things he caused!
DEBONAIR: Oh, dearest me...
DROLL: That's inhumane8!
CHAOS: This other slip is a tab, and it says he didn't finish hooking up all of our utilities!
LEX: WHAT-
NOXIGAR: -are we going to do?
DEBONAIR: I could always help you guys...that is, if you'd be willing to forgive me.
LEX: WHAT?
{D'Arque takes two cymbals and crashes them into Lex's head. Lex's head shakes violently for a few moments, and shards of shrapnel fall out of his head. Lex gives D'Arque a thumbs-up while continually flinching.}
DROLL: Master, do we really have the kind of money to just throw away?
DEBONAIR: Maybe not after the whole brainwashing thing, and the redecoration, but I have another idea up my sleeve.
{D'Arque pulls Droll away from the group.}
DEBONAIR: {whispering} We shall use this opportunity to re-establish control over the town, using the same old same old magic. After we've overwhelmed the Wikihood crew with undead, we can pocket the money and maybe go after Rosenberg himself!
DROLL: Oh, that is most cruel sir.
{Droll steps forward.}
DROLL: Ladies and gentlemen, while Mr. D'Arque departs to take his skeleton makeup off, I have a wondrous announcement! This time next week, we shall be hosting a charity telethon and a marathon race to raise money for the Wikihood house! Please, bring your families and join us for the real show! Thank you and good night!
CITIZENS: {all still obviously deaf} WHAT?
{Droll becomes instantly frustrated.}
DROLL: {To the viewer} Just be back here next week...
END
1. You draw really well, Chaos. I kind of liked your drawing, and I wish I drew more in regards to my Tumblr. :V
2. He's a former Soviet spy who moved to the US during the Cold War.
3. Remember that Legend of Legaia reference I made? Yep, bringing it on.
4. Phrasing literally used by Nox three episodes ago, last I checked.
5. Of course, brought to you by our sponsors at Seven Eleven.
6. Part of the Necromantic Armour set. I really need to come up with a better name for the set, but I do have an idea about some of the pieces and their nomenclature.
7. FORESHADOWING
8. Get it? Because they're all undead?
