Wikihood/arc/51

Plot Synopsis

• The heroes enter the D&D Universe as they plan their next move while attempting to gain some upper ground.
• Noxigar defeats another bounty hunter after finishing off the Ferngully universe for good, then gains interest in one of Dr. House's assistants on the grounds of the codename "Thirteen".

Transcript

{Now at the House universe, Jacques is quietly waiting all by himself while sitting down. Pan out to reveal that he is in Dr. House's office, and he's on his computer.}

JACQUES: Who's computer am I on, anyway? {Clicks on the start bar, which brings up House's name.} Gregory House... OH! I get it! I must be in his office.

{Suddenly, the doors open, and a figure walks through them. Jacques stands up in an attempt to find out who it is.}

THIRTEEN: Dr. House, here are the diagnostics that you asked me for-.. Who are you, and what the hell are you doing here?

JACQUES: Who? Me?

THIRTEEN: Yes. You. You're the only one here. Now can you please answer my question? Or do I really have to call security?

JACQUES: {Grabs Thirteen's hand and shakes it.} The name's Jacques. Jacques DuFour. I'm here because I'm waiting for someone. I've got a certain "appointment".

THIRTEEN: Oh. If you have a medical appointment, then you really shouldn't be in here. You should be in the waiting room.

JACQUES: Aww. Why can't I be in here? It's nice. And cosy. ...And the internet's fast.

THIRTEEN: Yes, I know.. But one, this place is off limits for visitors. And two, this office belongs to Dr. House. He doesn't like it when people intrude. We had a certain issue with an intruder yesterday as well.

{Jacques' eyes light up at this comment. He edges closer.}

JACQUES: Intruder? What did he look like? What was he here for? ...You have nice eyes.

THIRTEEN: He was dressed in a black cloak, and he was here to deliver a vial for us to research. And umm.. thanks?

JACQUES: {Thinking} So it is him! ...Thank you for the information! {Bows}

THIRTEEN: Yeah.. No problem. Can you leave now? The longer you're in here, the longer I'll have to put up with Dr. House criticizing me.

JACQUES: Oh yes. Sure. I'll go over to the "Waiting Room". {Leaves}

THIRTEEN: ....Why are we getting so many strange people lately?

{House arrives, using his cane to limp back to his computer.}

HOUSE: I ask myself the same question every day. Anyway, what were the diagnostics you were so enthusiastic about?

THIRTEEN: The "FoxDie" virus that man asked us to check out. We did a few tests on it.. It's unlike anything we've ever seen in our lives!

HOUSE: Okay. What exactly did you test?

THIRTEEN: Certain properties of it. It turns out that it's not a naturally occurring virus at all. After looking into it, we found out that the virus was "activated" with a person's DNA. So in a way, this virus could be used to murder anyone on the planet in the most discreet way possible.. Provided the attacker had a knowledge for this stuff, and providing that the victim was injected with nanomachines. So someone like you or me.. We'd be completely fine. But this man comes from worlds much more different than ours. If he was truly devious, he could possibly harness this virus as a weapon in itself. Put it in a syringe with nanomachines, and bravo. You have yourself a bioweapon.

{Dr. House strokes his chin curiously, then pauses in thought.}

HOUSE: Well then, looks like we have ourselves a possible sociopath.

{Cut to Noxigar, who almost has the entirety of Ferngully chopped down.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} I should probably set up a monorail with this lumber instead of one of those add-ons. That way, I can ride it to the other worlds I replace.

{Noxigar chops down the last tree in the Ferngully universe, then steps out of the Super Deforestation Machine. A bounty hunter appears; he's the same one with the Frost Armor from the last episode.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: My employer gave me a special treat to deal with you.

{The bounty hunter takes out a pistol, and proceeds to aim for Noxigar's head. He carefully disposes of the safety only to realize Noxigar has spotted him.}

NOXIGAR: Ah, another chump for the slaying.

{Noxigar takes out a vial and hits the bounty hunter, only for the liquid to not do anything to him.}

NOXIGAR: ...my extra vial of snake venom didn't work? It was supposed to go down to your blood stream.

BOUNTY HUNTER: This Frost Armor gives your poisons the biggest "FUCK YOU" in all of anywhere.

NOXIGAR: Looks like this landlubber is tougher than I thought! I'll have to improvise.

{Noxigar takes out Eternal Flames again. He throws one at a great velocity towards his opponent, who takes the hit. Part of the Frost Armor dissipates, then reassembles moments after.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: Fire does nothing to the Frost Armor. I noticed this after smokin' my cigarettes with the Armor still on me.

{The bounty hunter takes aim at Noxigar and shoots. Noxigar barely, but nimbly, parries bullets with the other chakram. Noxigar jumps as the bounty hunter starts to reload, kicking him to the ground. Afterwards, Noxigar takes the other chakram, and places both chakrams inside his black cloak. He runs while the bounty hunter finishes reloading.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: Running's not going to do you any good. You chopped down what could have been clever hiding places.

{The bounty hunter chases after Noxigar. Cut back to the House universe.}

HOUSE: So while we've been researching the virus, Noxigar has probably researched where he can get his nanotech to make the FoxDie virus legitimately potent.

THIRTEEN: Then what do we do with it? We can't just give it to him! It would be morally unacceptable by anyone's standards! Shouldn't we give it to the government or something like that?

{Jacques walks back in.}

JACQUES: No. Give it to me.

THIRTEEN: You again? But.. how can we trust you? For all we know, you could be in the same boat as him!

{House takes the syringe, gently places it down on the floor, then smashes it with his cane.}

HOUSE: A plague upon both your houses.

{Cut to Noxigar, who manages to be pursued by the bounty hunter.}

HEXXUS: Hey Noxi, do you need my help or anything?

NOXIGAR: Just go to Glagitar.

HEXXUS: Cool, except I don't know where that even is.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, which Hexxus goes inside. The corridor dissipates quickly.}

NOXIGAR: Okay, let's see...

{Noxigar stops moving, then looks around. He sees quick sand, of which he thinks about. He jumps over it, while the bounty hunter doesn't look down. The bounty hunter then freezes the quick sand with Frost Armor much to Noxigar's dismay. However, the bounty hunter is also frozen in place as a result of quick sand's liquidous properties connecting with the Armor.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!

{Noxigar takes a Pepsi can, and offers it to the bounty hunter.}

NOXIGAR: Want some?

BOUNTY HUNTER: That's...generous of you... {The bounty hunter sighs, then drinks the Pepsi. A few seconds later, he keels over as the drink lowers his already-low body temperature.}

NOXIGAR: Hypothermia isn't a pretty sight. He won't die...yet...

{Noxigar looks up to the sky}

NOXIGAR: THE NEXT GUY YOU SEND OUT OF NOWHERE BETTER COME WITH A HEATER EQUIPPED, OR SOMETHING.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, heading for the House universe. He takes out the sketchbook whilst in the corridor, drawing the Ferngully universe's destruction, and Hexxus' own personal room in Glagitar. After the corridor opens to the House universe, specifically Dr. House's office, he notices a broken syringe and dried stains.}

NOXIGAR: I guess the doc's assistants couldn't handle being-

{Noxigar puts on sunglasses}

NOXIGAR: Outfoxed.

HOUSE: {Sarcastically} Yeahh! ...But seriously. We've done tests on your "virus", and we've found it to be potentially very dangerous, with the potential of killing thousands of people. Say Noxigar, you're not a psychopath, are you? Sociopath perhaps? ...Or are you just plain crazy?

NOXIGAR: Bounty hunters happen to be on my tail, due to my agenda of world-purging/world-sparing mood swings. Given the increasing difficulty of them, I figured I'd need the FoxDie virus to have a hard counter to some of them. Sometimes it's good to have resources to deal with difficulty curves. You'll be surprised to find that I did not get any nanotech.

HOUSE: Well I'm sorry, but I don't want to be indirectly responsible for any crap that happens due to that virus. Consider that my good deed for this week. And did you say bounty hunters?

NOXIGAR: Yep. Bounty hunters. The last one I managed to defeat using the terrain I was in to trap him in freezing quicksand. He had a Frost Armor and some other jargon he was babbling about. I gave him a Pepsi and the hypothermia sank in since the Frost Armor lowered his body temperature.

HOUSE: Ah, interesting. ..Not really. Anyway, one of these "bounty hunters" came to visit us earlier. Said he wanted to meet you. Unfortunately (Or fortunately, considering the way he dressed) for you though, you just missed him.

{Noxigar, plainly not paying attention, rifles through the folders of the assistants. He finds one file labelled, "Thirteen"}

NOXIGAR: Well, if it isn't my favorite number!

{House looks at Noxigar oddly}

HOUSE: Um, a bounty hunter showed up. Shouldn't you be scared or something?

{Noxigar turns back to Dr. House.}

NOXIGAR: I'd like to meet this "Thirteen" person, whether or not the bounty hunter is here.

{Dr. House facepalms.}

HOUSE: Thing is, Jacques asked to take her to one of the restaurants within the city.

NOXIGAR: Wait, who's Jacques?

HOUSE: {impatiently} The bounty hunter who was looking for you. Sheesh, how absent-minded can you be?

{Noxigar leaves the door, saluting Dr. House.}

NOXIGAR: I shall come back with DuFour and he shall be DuOne.

{Noxigar turns around, makes a running start, then jumps out of the office window when he reaches it. House looks down to see him fall, then roll into a taxi.}

HOUSE: Wow. That was possibly the worst pun I have ever heard in my life.

{Cut: The taxi. Noxigar is driving with his feet on the steering wheel while he is drawing the sixth fragment of Marshal's Depravity. Pan to the gas pedal, impaled with one of six lances, known as Lindworm. One of the other Lindworm lances is also right through the heart of the original taxi driver, who is slowly fading and becoming a Dusk.}

NOXIGAR: Alright, let's see if we can't get a restaurant where there's some fashionably-awful bikerman inside. IF I were DuFour, where would I go to score?

{Cut to the Universal Regenesis headquarters. The White Duke is standing at his computer screen, watching each event as it happens. The Black Duke is standing behind him.}

BLACK DUKE: Hmph. You send him off to do one thing, and he ends up taking some random doctor chick to dinner! Honestly, Pryce! You put too much trust into the man!

WHITE DUKE: Oh please! And you can talk? You've sent like.. Six bounty hunters after him already, and all of them have ended up being road kill! Like your latest one! Hypothermia caused by Pepsi. {Grins at the Black Duke}

BLACK DUKE: Shut up, you! At least mine actually have focus on getting the job done! Pfft. It doesn't matter, anyway. I've already assigned someone else to the job anyway. Someone who I think will do miles better than your man.

WHITE DUKE: Really now? Enlighten me.

BLACK DUKE: I decided to spice things up a bit, so I decided to assign the bounty to Oiracul Dufour.

{The White Duke is shaken by this statement.}

WHITE DUKE: Oiracul?! You're pulling my leg here! He's not even a bounty hunter! He hasn't even gone through the VR Training! Why would you do this?

BLACK DUKE: Easy. I've been observing him for quite a while now, and I can safely say that he can be trusted to the same bounty as Jacques. Good enough, right? {He chuckles in excitement, as the White Duke just stands there, amazed at this decision.}

WHITE DUKE: B..b..but..-

BLACK DUKE: Plus, even though you are the leader and all, you still assigned me as the leader of the Bounty Hunter regiment. I've got just as much of a say in this as you do, sir.

WHITE DUKE: Yes, yes! I get what you're saying! ...Fine. I won't criticize this choice any further. After all, I've trusted you many times before this, haven't I?

BLACK DUKE: Heh. That's the spirit.

{Noxigar parks the taxi near an "All-you-can-eat Sushi Buffet," stepping out of the car to go inside. The Dusk Nobody follows him. Cut inside. Jacques and Thirteen are sitting at a window seat, talking.}

THIRTEEN: Did you know that Sushi was originally made in Japan just as a way of preserving fish? The eating style caught on, and after a while, it became a whole new dish of its own?

JACQUES: I didn't know that, actually. Quite interesting. How did you know that?

THIRTEEN: Oh, don't ask. Just random factoids I picked up.

{A beeping sound is heard. Jacques just ignores it.}

THIRTEEN: What was that?

JACQUES: Oh, nothing.

{The sound stops. Noxigar enters, and spots Jacques. He sighs, as he notices Thirteen. He finds a booth seat distant from theirs, and proceeds to give $20 to a nearby waiter. Noxigar then gets some steaks, places them on a plate, and eats them quickly.}

NOXIGAR: Steak is always good, regardless of the restaurant type.

{Cut to Namine, DiZ, and Homsar, who are at Marshal's Depravity.}

HOMSAR: daaaAAAAaaaaaAAAAaaa, make me a chocolate-covered manga and I'll give the lead poisoning when the bell tolls 1.

DiZ: Homsar, I don't really understand much of this place either.

NAMINE: WAIT, wait wait wait wait. Why are we here and not in the e-Ship? How is anything making any sense?

HOMSAR: I make dollars at the grocery store.

DiZ: Well, as sodding brilliant as the man with gum and toothpicks thinks he is, his machine is so faulty that we had to crash land. Apparently this was convenient enough a location.

{Namine facepalms.}

NAMINE: Isn't that just great. We don't even know if this is originally one of Noxigar's replacements to something he loathed. We don't even know where Oiracul and Joseph are and how safe they are. And...where's Remolay?

REMOLAY: {offscreen, yelling} I'm over here! I'm just looking for a place to hide my swords. I feel like I can't use them now...

{Joseph appears from offscreen.}

JOSEPH: This place is so confusing. I don't even know how to navigate through it. We should take the time to think, rather than explore it.

{Zoom out to reveal that Chaos is on the first fragment of Marshal's Depravity, while Joseph and co. are on the second fragment. Erstwhile, the D&D universe is revealed to neighbor the sixth fragment of Marshal's Depravity. Cut back, with Oiracul included.}

OIRACUL: I smell trouble. I'd agree that time to think would help. Something shot down our Tin Machine while it was set to course for the D&D universe.

JOSEPH: Yeah, probably bounty hunters making mistakes, or whatever is looking for me.

{Joseph turns around and unknowingly heads in the direction of Chaos.}

JOSEPH: Let's walk and talk. I like to pace as I think.

{Everyone else follows Joseph. Remolay still has his swords.}

REMOLAY: So there's no guarantee we'll ever come back here, right? I mean this world after we leave.

JOSEPH: Doubt it. Unless there's a real need to. We don't even know anything about this place.

REMOLAY: Well, what I mean is would it actually be safe to leave my swords here?

OIRACUL: I wouldn't guarantee our stay here to be long once we find an exit.

{Cut back to Dr. House's office. Assistant Nine has a spare syringe with the FoxDie virus in it. He places it down, then researches it. House is also present.}

NINE: I wonder how Dr. House managed to split that virus into three separate parts for each of us to study? Say, where's Thirteen?

HOUSE: She got time off for good behavior and quick learning. She was several hours faster than you at finding the bioweapon's true weakness. Nanotech. I'm just relieved Noxigar hasn't gotten any of it yet, or we'd have ourselves a heyday.

NINE: Hmm...perhaps I can find an antidote, then place it inside the FoxDie virus to make it useless?

HOUSE: That...would be a start.

NINE: I'll get on that right away.

{Nine takes his syringe and departs with it. Cut to the buffet.}

JACQUES: Hey.. Thirteen?

THIRTEEN: What is it, Jacques?

JACQUES: I just want you to know... I like my sushi like I like my women. All-...

THIRTEEN: Yeah, shut up please.

JACQUES: Sorry.

(Cut to Tannenbaum. He is leaping from tree to tree in Marshal's Depravity.}

TANNENBAUM: Grr, I've spent all my precious time going through empty universes looking for a bunch of insignificant pests, and I've gotten nothing!

{Tannenbaum hops down.}

'TANNENBAUM: I doubt I'll get anywhere unless I just pull a can of RAID upon the universe. Only effective way to kill bugs like them. And my dear Voidspawn, it does hurt to be apart from them. But as long as I have the Star Orb splitting it will exponentially grow, and the more star orbs, the more raw power I gain to destroy the pointless universes with. And the dead bodies? Just make more voidspawn out of 'em!

{Tannenbaum hears some rustling in the bushes.}

TANNENBAUM: Time to get back to business. Flattery will get me nowhere, unless I can do something worth it. Who knows? Maybe the rustling will be him?

{Tannenbaum hops back into the trees. A squirrel appears out of the bushes.}

TANNENBAUM: Oh, a distant cousin of the Tempest no less. Oh well.

{Tannenbaum opens his mouth wide and pounces at the squirrel.}