(even if you aren't vegan)


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As the team decides their next move, Chaos and Tannenbaum have a pleasant chat deep within the Mario Universe, so that Noxigar can continue with his nefariously disagreeable plans sans the distraction. However, Noxigar still manages to dun goof and get an arrow wound on his shoulder. As a result, he goes to other universes to try and treat the arrow wound, befriending a doctor's assistant and some melee combatants in the process of travelling through different worlds.


{Chaos Wakes up, and Tannenbaum is across the small pink table from him.}

CHAOS: Tannenbaum! What are you doing here?

TANNENBAUM: Calm down, kid. I'm just here to talk. {pours tea out of a small pot with flowers all over it} tea?

CHAOS: What the? Where are we?

{Zoom out to reveal that they are within some sort of basement that has been defaced with crayons and has some girly toys strewn about, and Chaos is also chained to a chair, and in a dress.}

CHAOS: Oh come on, I only dressed like a woman once.

TANNENBAUM: I know, I just love torturing you. Now let's talk turkey. You see, you've been interfering with Noxigar's plans. Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop before you get too far in for your own good.

CHAOS: Not gonna happen.

TANNENBAUM: Well fine. Then perhaps I'll let you in on a little secret...

CHAOS: Try me.

TANNENBAUM: What if I told you that Noxigar is, as we speak, in this universe, working to take it over?

{Cut to the e-Ship. It has has touched down and everyone is filing out of it.}

JOEL: Man, I forgot why we stopped having fun like that.

PHIL: Because most of the time, it got us killed.

REMOLAY: Does death even rule at all here?

JOSEPH: Death has no jurisdiction in this universe because it's just them simulating the environment, so they can produce episodes at a faster rate than one every six months.

PHIL: It's a modest living.

REMOLAY: When all this universe mess is done, can I live here?

OIRACUL: Well, at least we saved the Bonus Stage universe.

{Pan to a hologram of Noxigar twenty meters away.}

H.N.F.T.F.: {muttering} ...for now.

{Cut back to Joseph and co.}

OIRACUL: We should probably go save universes if anything. Sitting here isn't exactly my cup of tea.

{Oiracul re-enters the e-Ship.}

OIRACUL: Mind if I borrow this? Or do you wish to find more gum and toothpicks, MacGruber?

{Joel shrugs.}

JOEL: Go ahead and take the ship. {slightly angrier} Mr. Fun-Ruining-Shit {points at Phil} will be ten times more turned on if the e-Ship was gone.

PHIL: I have to admit, lack of intense fun does kind of get me off.


OIRACUL: Many thanks, Joel Dawson.

{Cut: Noxigar, Bowser, and Peach in Bowser's Castle. Many Koopas are seated at what appears to be a wedding. Kamek is holding a "Koopa History" textbook in his hands as he tries to simulate a more-loosely-budgeted wedding.}

KAMEK: Do you, Bowser Koopa, take Princess Peach to be your beloved wife in sickness and in health until death?

BOWSER: Hell yes I do.

KAMEK: And do you-

{Mario charges onscreen, throwing a fireball at Kamek.}

MARIO: I object!

{Bowser sighs, triggering another set of statue traps as Mario dies.}

PEACH: I don't know how many times I can handle the wedding being interrupted.

BOWSER: Agreed. Mario's got only two more lives. I'm almost running out of traps to kill him with.

{Noxigar steps forward with a vial in his hand.}

NOXIGAR: May I try to destroy Mario for good?

BOWSER: Sure, I guess. He has two lives. Naturally some start with four. You already have an advantage.

{Noxigar shakes Bowser's hand.}

NOXIGAR: You won't regret it, Your Majesty.

{Noxigar darts out of Bowser's Castle to a red flag signaling where Mario reappears. Mario, you guessed it, reappears.}

MARIO: Wait! You're not Bowser! Why are you having him marry the princess?

NOXIGAR: It needs to be done. I mean, isn't Princess Peach the mother of Bowser Jr.?

MARIO: No! Stop asking that question! That was answered in Super Mario Sunshine!

{Noxigar takes out Book of Retribution, but starts drawing on it.}

MARIO: You're not even going to fight me seriously?

{Noxigar throws an acidic vial, hitting Mario in the face, continuing to draw.}

NOXIGAR: I'm using the same powers as Strong Bad and Namine; they draw whatever they want and it comes to life. I pretty much had to train myself five solid months to use them, what with my drawing being amateur in comparison.

{Mario gets back up, and has a look of panic on his face when he realizes his facial skin is being melted off by chemical acid.}

NOXIGAR: Watch out for the carbon dioxide. It likes to fizz, ya know?

{Noxigar, without turning his face to look at Mario, throws another vial at Mario's shoes, this time being a paralysis vial. Pan to Noxigar's drawing, which is of Bowser and Peach kissing. Pan back to Mario, who cannot move. Noxigar rips the drawing from the Book of Retribution, then places it in front of Mario.}

NOXIGAR: This is this universe's fate.

{Mario snarls at Noxigar, glowing purple.}

NOXIGAR: What's the matter, plumber? Speechless? I'd be too if I saw drawings of a similar nature from a hated enemy heavily consorting with a comrade!

{Noxigar shows several drawings of Namine and Roxas together, taking out a portable Bunson burner just to light them on fire. He cackles madly as Mario slowly turns into a Neoshadow and as the drawings burn.}

NOXIGAR: Well, there's better. But he was a pansy ass.

{The Neoshadow attempts to attack Noxigar, only to be hit with an arrow that also goes through part of Noxigar's shoulder. A bounty hunter arrives.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: Heh, you're the universe-ruining madman? I expected you to exhaust yourself against that person, then I'd get the money for killing you thereafter.

{Noxigar creates a nova of poison which corrodes the bounty hunter's voicebox.}

NOXIGAR: That will shut you up, slime. Wait, no. I view "slime" as a positive name, so technically I'd be insulting slime residuals all over the sector.

{Noxigar takes a vial of more corrosive acid and destroys the bounty hunter's lungs just with the glass shards entering. The bounty hunter dies agonizingly as Noxigar turns around and walks back towards Bowser's Castle.}

CHAOS: I can't believe you would do this to me, you monster!

{Cut back to Tannenbaum and Chaos.}

TANNENBAUM: What do I have to be afraid of?

CHAOS: Do you know what I am? Do you know what I do?

TANNENBAUM: Yes, I do. And you don't scare me any more or less than this tea party.

{Chaos gets angry and attempts to use his demonic powers.}

CHAOS: That's it, take this!

{Chaos begins shifting violently. After about 15 seconds of this, it turns out he's just sort of vibrating in the small pink chair. Bound up. In a dress.}

CHAOS: What the?

TANNENBAUM: Perhaps you forgot. You had your powers revoked. At least in this instance. There's one where you don't lose them, and you just go batshit insane of Noxigar. But those days are long gone. You have no power. And you best stay out of my way {Tannenbaum gets right in Chaos' face.} Got it?

{Chaos spits in Tannenbaum's face.}

TANNENBAUM: Very well, you leave me no choice.

{Tannenbaum's gem starts glowing.}

TANNENBAUM: Noxigar, evacuate Bowser and Peach. I've decided that this castle is kind the way, you know?

{Cut to Psycho Mantis, walking on a pathway. Pan out to reveal that the pathway leads up to Mario's Residence. As he attempts to get close to the door, a group of Toads come by and block him.}

TOAD #1: No way, Jose! Mr. Luigi's not accepting any visitors right now! His brother's just died!

TOAD #2: Yeah, that's right! You better just scram!

PSYCHO MANTIS: Aww, why the hostility? All I wanted to do was to console Luigi.. Times must be tough for him right now, that poor, poor man!

TOAD #3: shut up! We know your type! You're with him, aren't you?

TOAD #2: We saw what happened to Mario! We're not going to allow you to do the same to Luigi!

TOAD #1: Yeah!

PSYCHO MANTIS: Pfft. Please. I'm not going to kill him. It's not like me to do such a thing.

TOAD #1: We're still not letting you in!

PSYCHO MANTIS: Oh really now? Are you sure about that?

TOAD #2: Yeah! And nothing you can do can change that!

{Cut to the interior of Mario's house. Luigi is sitting on the bed, crying his eyes out. Suddenly, the three toads come into the house, followed by Psycho Mantis}

TOAD #3: {In a voice more breathy and scratchy than usual} Mr. Luigi, you have a guest.

LUIGI: I thought I told you not to let anyone in!

TOAD #2: {His voice identical to that of the other Toads} Yes, but we found this man to be totally trustworthy.

LUIGI: W..w..well, I guess if you say he's to be trusted, then I believe you.

{The three toads leave the house in single file, leaving only Luigi and Mantis in the room.}

PSYCHO MANTIS: Greetings, sir. I've been wanting to talk to you for some time. {Takes a bow.}

LUIGI: Umm, yes.. Who are you anyway, and why are you even here?

PSYCHO MANTIS: Oh? Did I not explain who I was? My most sincere apologies. You may call me Psycho Mantis...

{Cut back.}

REMOLAY: Well, we're glad to have saved your perpetually doomed lives, but I think we should go. Don't we have some sort of maze to get to?

JOSEPH: I have a better idea...everyone get in the ship. This is going to be intense.

{A beeping sound is heard. Jacques looks at his wristwatch, which is flashing. He presses a button on it and the flashing and the beeping sound are gone.}

JOSEPH: Eh, what was that?

JACQUES: A message from one of my superiors. It's instructing me to travel to another location. One that happens to be different to this one.

JOSEPH: Ah.. So you won't be joining us then?

JACQUES: Unfortunately not. But seeing as we both share a similar goal, I can bet you that our paths might cross again. But until then, I must bid you all adieu. {He bows, then presses another button on his watch, where he disappears in a ray of light.}

PHIL: ...Whoa.

{A gate opens up in the sky as everyone is piling into the ship.}

JOSEPH: Bye, guys!

{The pod bay doors close.}

JOEL: We should have them over more often.

PHIL: Well maybe if your cooking wasn't SO BAD.

JOEL: I do all the work around here and I give and I give, and all you do is yell! {cries}

PHIL: This is why we can't have nice things!

{The ship takes off heading gate-ward. Cut back to Noxigar, whose necklace glows with Tannenbaum's message of evacuation echoing as Bowser and Peach stand next to him.}

NOXIGAR: Bowser, Peach, both of you might have a wondrous honeymoon back in my fortress of Glagitar.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, and both Bowser and Peach go through said corridor. Noxigar then clenches on to his shoulder no thanks to the arrow wound.}

NOXIGAR: Agh, damn. I should really start being more careful when I intervene. There could have been more than just a shoulder wound. And why are bounty hunters after me just because I'm crusading to stop having universes which have one-trick ponies that end up buggering off the second episode they're used? Some people must be that naive, I guess.

{Noxigar goes through his own corridor of darkness back to Glagitar.}

NOXIGAR: {thinking} I'll hold off on trying to recruit M. Bison until I can be sure that no bounty hunters are on my tail.

{Cut back to Tannenbaum and Chaos.}

CHAOS: Now what?

TANNENBAUM: Well, I'm not going to allow you to stop me...and perhaps this will teach you a lesson.

{Tannenbaum begins emitting a great purple glow. A hologram of Noxigar appears next to the chair.}

H.N.F.T.F.: Hello there, Tannenbaum. I evacuated Bowser and Peach as you instructed. I have an arrow wound of which I will find someone to mend so that way when I try to recruit more Nobodies I don't end up with more wounds from reckless bounty hunters. If there are any more of which would pursue me, please feel free to warn me of them whenever you spot 'em.

{The hologram fizzles after it turns around to wink at Chaos. Cut to Noxigar, who is opening another corridor of darkness. A montage of entry into universes such as Grey's Anatomy, General Hospital, and others lead Noxigar to the House universe instead, but not before he colonizes all of the other hospital universes with Nobodies replacing the humans. Noxigar warps to House's office using a corridor of darkness.}

HOUSE: ...what exactly are you doing in my office? How did you do that?

NOXIGAR: Doctor Gregory House, I presume?

HOUSE: You know my name?

{Dr. House stands up from his chair.}

HOUSE: I have a patient who might or might not die of some arsenic poison.

NOXIGAR: Did you say poison? I love poison!

HOUSE: Yeah, I get it, you have a hard-on for Bret Michaels. However, I need to seriously do my job, or else my boss will fire me. I don't have time for this.

{House storms out of his office, panicked.}

NOXIGAR: Well that conversation turned bleak in a matter of seconds.

{Dr. Wilson, House's sidekick, arrives.}

WILSON: Hello, there. Are you wanting to see Dr. House?

NOXIGAR: Well, yeah. I have a severe arrow wound.

WILSON: How in the hell do people still shoot with arrows anymore?!

NOXIGAR: Beats me.

{Noxigar thinks of shrugging, but that will only worsen the wound, so he doesn't.}

WILSON: Well, I can treat it. How much money do you have?

{Noxigar summons a Scholar Nobody who gives Noxigar his wallet.}

NOXIGAR: Allow me to check.

{Wilson looks panicked.}

WILSON: What...was that?

NOXIGAR: A Nobody. You play Kingdom Hearts 2 at all?

WILSON: No... but what you did was freakish.

NOXIGAR: I know, right? Anyway, I could help cure your superior's arsenic patient if-

WILSON: No. You don't want to mess with House's cases. He'll get angry.

NOXIGAR: {thinking} Anger's how so many people turn into Heartless these days. This will be a cinch if this pattern keeps up. Then again, I'll probably be attracting bounty hunters if I mess with this universe like I did all the other hospital-dramas. Besides, House tramples all of them and screws them with no mercy, and I like House.

WILSON: There's also the fact my superior also happened to be doing a pseudo-reality "game" with a majority of the employees. And three of those contestants kept their jobs.

{Noxigar searches through his wallet.}

NOXIGAR: And here's a $50 tip so that way you can treat your ladyfriend the evening after this accomplishes. I'd like to feel whole again, which is the only reason I dated this one person. Sometimes a heart could be mended, whereas in my case I no longer have one.

WILSON:'re giving me $50 extra and you claim you have no heart?

NOXIGAR: Uh, yeah?

WILSON: You seem as bizzare, yet as astute as Dr. House. Have you visited him before?

NOXIGAR: No... {thinking} I just watch a metric shit ton of House on television, then relay out my knowledge.

WILSON: You seem nice enough to invite over for coffee.

NOXIGAR: Sorry, but I don't do coffee.

WILSON: Fair enough. Anyway, why did you want to help Dr. House with the arsenic patient?

NOXIGAR: It's a long story stemming from the fact that I am a master of poison. I can make poisons, and I can also alleviate someone of them. If the subject I am after is immune to poison, then I can support someone with healing and the whole shebang.

WILSON: I see... so you're like the Poisoner from Romeo and Juliet?

NOXIGAR: In a way, yes.

WILSON: You and I might be new best friends.

{Dr. Wilson offers to shake Noxigar's hand. Noxigar's sleeve shakes Dr. Wilson's hand.}

NOXIGAR: Being a Nobody isn't all doom and gloom, despite my lack of a heart.

WILSON: You might not want to throw around the obscure terminology, as I'll just be baffled.

NOXIGAR: Oh. Then forget I said anything about being a Nobody, then.

{Cut to the castle. The grounds begins emitting purple rays a-la the energy generated by Tannenbaum. Soon, these rays grow bigger and purple fire also begins to engulf the castle. It then explodes into rubble and Tannenbaum is standing in the middle of the remains.}

TANNENBAUM: This whole world is just in the way. But I'd rather not attract attention to such a universe. {looks back} Now that he's out of the way, I shouldn't have any problems destroying some of these other universes. And of course, I need to capture more people...

{Tannenbaum leaps into the air and tears a rip into the area, revealing The Void. He goes through, ends up in The Void, and tears another hole into another universe. He goes through it and the tear closes. Cut back to the e-Ship.}

JOSEPH: Head gate-ward! We're going to that damn maze universe.

REMOLAY: So your better idea is doing the exact same thing I said we had to do?

JOSEPH: No, my better idea is showing you all what happens to artificial universes.

{The e-Ship goes through the portal and emerges outside of a massive square-shaped castle on a giant land mass, below a giant dark pit of glowing energy.}

JOSEPH: Follow me.

{Everyone gets off the e-Ship.}

OIRACUL: Well, at least we'll follow through with-

{Noxigar's hologram appears.}

H.N.F.T.F.: Good day, gentlemen...and lady. {points at Namine for a few seconds} Anyway, I'm mostly testing your mental competence. So, feel free to step inside, and if you beat all of my traps, I'll let you destroy this {mockingly} "artificial" {regular tone} universe free of charge.

OIRACUL: Hey, smart-ass, would you like some medical treatment later after we give you a can of whoop-ass? {looks to Joseph, calmer} I have an aura that I can absorb and turn into an orb of whoop-ass, more realistically. {Looks back at Noxigar} Whoop-ass!

H.N.F.T.F.: Pffft. Bounty hunters... so single-minded. Anyway, feel free to go forth. Just note I designed a Nobody based off an ancient Greek minotaur who hungers for human flesh, just like in the mythology.

OIRACUL: I'll have you know that I am here to alleviate Jacques of being ripped-off by the person who set the bounty on you!

H.N.F.T.F.: Huh? Rip-off?

OIRACUL: Never you mind. I know some of the people that place bounties. I did quite a few individual bounties and was significantly underpaid for them. You, on the other hand, are now on the news for killing and outfoxing bounty hunters. {Oiracul shows Noxigar a newspaper of what occurred at the Mario universe}

H.N.F.T.F: Heh, my friend told me one of the instances was that bounty hunter having poisoned the arrow just to kill me slowly, and the poison not working. In fact, get through my Yoku Puzzle and I'll mention the first letter of his name. Not like you'll guess my client's name through that. And the first letter is the only clue I'm giving you, so use it wisely!

DiZ: Confusing. Detrimental to productivity. I wonder how Jacques will be able to get his bounty if such nonesuch is to be expected.

{Cut back to Noxigar, who is drawing in the Book of Retribution. He draws a bomb attached to the Mario universe. Moments after, he draws Psycho Mantis evacuating Luigi and a number of Toads out of the Mario universe. Later, Noxigar draws himself pushing a button from a blast trigger, destroying the Mario universe. Psycho Mantis walks up behind him.}

PSYCHO MANTIS: Heeeey Noxi!! You will not guess what I've just done!

{Tannenbaum's voice appears again.}

TANNENBAUM: I could've saved you some effort, you know. I do have the ability to do that.

NOXIGAR: Fair enough. I also conquered some more universes. You know all those hospital dramas? This one is the one I'm sparing, but all the rest are pretty much ours, in case we get hurt at all.

PSYCHO MANTIS: {Starts poking Noxigar} Noxi! Noxi!!! NOXI!! {Stops} Wait a minute.. {Looks around} Ooh, we're in one of those hospital shows! Liquid always loved watching them.

TANNENBAUM: Trust me...I can find greater use in destroying universes. Now, where are our rebels?

{Cut back to Maze World. Joseph walks through the Holo-Noxigar, ignoring him and everything he says, and walks into the beginning of the maze. He puts his hands to the wall.}

JOSEPH: Tell me, do you know what occurs when you create an artificial universe?

REMOLAY: Mass chaos and instability in the omniverse?

JOSEPH: Well, yes, but more importantly, it's like making a cardboard version of the universe you want. Case in point...

{Joseph pulls his hands back and his sword appears. He throws it through and it tears through the walls.}

JOSEPH: Forget Noxigar's agenda. We've got an omniverse to save. Now, on the bottom of this floating landmass, there's a crystal suspending this land. As soon as the new Nobody sees this, you're going to need to distract them while I get down there and break it. Then we're going to make the most epic escape ever. Got it?

REMOLAY: You don't have to tell me this one twice! {pulls out his katana to prepare}

JOSEPH: I'm gonna get to work climbing.

{Joseph runs back outside, and his sword begins to follow suit. A large, silver minotaur wielding boxing gloves punches a wall. Joseph stops and turns around, as it is smelling the area. It grins obsidian teeth, and charges. Cut back to Noxigar.}

NOXIGAR: Through usage of holograms "from the future," I have been able to lure the "heroes" into one of my own created universes. One called Maze World. I designed a Nobody after a Greek mythological beast that used to live in mazes such as the world I created. The function of Maze World is a distraction. I presume the Bonus Stage universe is still alive? Once I fix this arrow wound, I'll go and recruit M. Bison.

{Noxigar turns to see Psycho Mantis.}

NOXIGAR: What exactly did you do, Mantis? I would like to hear.

PSYCHO MANTIS: Well, you know how I decided to rescue Luigi and a number of Toads from the Mario universe, right? You're probably wondering "Oh, why would he do that, especially after I killed his brother!" Well, picture this. Taking Super Paper Mario into consideration, I decided to "modify" Luigi for myself. After a few mind configurations and all that, I pretty much revived Mr. L! Great, isn't it? But above of that, I even managed to "modify" a few of the Toads, as well. Now.. THEY ARE NO LONGER INNOCENT BEINGS, BUT VIOLENT KILLING MACHINES THAT JUST HAPPEN TO BE QUITE SHORT! {Bursts out laughing} Oh, I'm so sorry about this.. I haven't done anything like this for a long time!

TANNENBAUM: My, my, what great progress we've all been making.

NOXIGAR: Well, our armies also have more means of recovery outside of my rainforest universe with its hospital. The hospital drama sector has been completely taken over by my Nobodies. Some of them deserved it, since they refused to treat a wound on my shoulder.

{Wilson returns with coffee}

WILSON: Uh...who is your new friend, Poisoner?

NOXIGAR: Meet Psycho Mantis. He was just telling me of his recent idea for recruitment. Once I'm done here, I plan on taking over unfit universes.

WILSON: Well, well. Sounds... interesting, to say the least.

NOXIGAR: I do need this arrow wound fixed, though, before anything else bad happens.

WILSON: Fair enough. I shall get a first aid kit and bring you one for yourself so next time you replicate William Tell you don't do it poorly.

{Wilson walks towards a cabinet, and takes out a first aid kit. He applies alcohol on Noxigar's wound and later some healing cream. After that, he bandages Noxigar's shoulder.}

WILSON: There. All better.

NOXIGAR: You have my gratitude, doctor. I might just give you one of my recently-colonized hospital universes, but I have a M. Bison to recruit.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, then smiles at Dr. Wilson.}

NOXIGAR: Give Dr. House and his other assistants my regards!

{Noxigar goes through the corridor of darkness that leads to the Street Fighter universe.}

WILSON: ..M. Bison?

PSYCHO MANTIS: It's a long story.

WILSON: Uhuh. Well... Good luck with that.. universe thingy you two are doing.

PSYCHO MANTIS: Thank you.. And give my regards to Hugh Laurie. {Disappears into the Void, using it as a shortcut to Glagitar.}

WILSON: Wow. ...I need a drink.

TANNENBAUM: You get used to it. They're both pretty dumb. That's why I'm kind of doing my own thing.

WILSON: ...Please leave.

TANNENBAUM: Mayhaps you've noticed-

{Cut to Tannenbaum on some sort of world covered in dark fire ravaging the land and large amounts of property damage.}

TANNENBAUM: I'm not even there?

{A small child appears before Tannenbaum. Tannenbaum looks down as his gem begins to glow. He raises his hand appears to swipe at the child, who then transforms in an explosion of Void energies into a new creature, a dark dark blue creature with the same gem as Tannenbaum and two small flippers, as well as a long tail.}

TANNENBAUM: Another Voidspawn to add to my collection...

{Zoom out to reveal Tannenbaum has a small army of Voidspawn following him, all of various shapes, sizes, and varieties.}

TANNENBAUM: As soon as I'm done clearing this universe of all living creatures, then I can worry about destroying it. {Big toothy smile}

{Cut to Noxigar in the Street Fighter universe. M. Bison appears, also.}

NOXIGAR: Good day, M. Bison. I was wondering if I could help you take over your universe? My Nobodies can provide all the aid you need to carry out your plans. That is, if you wish to join me in ruling multiple universes or obliterating them if they prove useless or just plain awful.

M. BISON: You aren't going to kill me the minute we finish taking over my world, right?

NOXIGAR: No. I won't. If we rule this world together, then your goals can be accomplished.

M. BISON: Ruling the world... together? Bah! What incessant babble! I wish to bring the world together on my own, thank you! Now shoo!

NOXIGAR: Well, it would-

M. BISON: I told you my answer and it is final!

{Noxigar simply turns around and walks away.}

NOXIGAR: Sheesh, where can I get help to take over the Street Fighter universe if M. Bison proves uncooperative?

{Ken and Ryu are doing their usual ripped-superpowered-kung fu fighter thing when Ryu manages to get the upper hand. As Ryu proceeds to win, the last hit knocks Ken into Noxigar.}

KEN: Oh, sorry there, stranger. You know, you should really watch were you're going around here.

NOXIGAR: Thanks for the tip. Name's Noxigar.

KEN: You can call me Ken. What are you doing here, anyways?

NOXIGAR: I wanted to recruit M. Bison for his military genius to conquer other universes aside from this one. It would appear he refuses to cooperate. Perhaps I can, oh I don't know, "persuade" him to join my side. Anyone here who he might be romantically involved with? Or perhaps even better, anyone here who seeks revenge against Bison?

{Ryu approaches Noxigar.}

RYU: I have my next opponent athand: someone who wanted to be an ally of Bison!

NOXIGAR: Uh, okay. I don't see how some combat won't-

{Ryu pulls a Hadoken, sending Noxigar fifty metres up in the air.}

RYU: You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance.

{Ken scratches his head, eyelids lowering.}

KEN: We could've used him to get to Bison and finish him off once and for all, then turn him in to whoever keeps making these damn posters.

{Ken takes out a poster with a drawing of Noxigar on it.}

RYU: The reward is not what is to be sought, Ken. What is to be sought is pure, unadulterated discipline.

KEN: Yeah, let's go ahead with that. Even though we could pay bills with that money and, you know, maybe get new kung fu equipment.

RYU: Now is not the time to be a smartass.

{Noxigar falls back down on the ground, not far from Ryu and Ken. He takes out a vial.}

NOXIGAR: {coughs} My turn.

{Noxigar, shaking, throws a vial of dark-green sludge at Ryu. However, Ken takes the hit for him. The sludge corrodes Ken's clothes, then it corrodes his skin. Eventually, Ken is left with his skeleton and organs, glowing purple and transforming into a Heartless.}

RYU: You?! What have you done to my friend?!

NOXIGAR: I was testing to see how low pH can really go for it to be fatal to humans and cause their Heartlesses to make decent Nobodies simultaneously. I amplified the pH of the usual acidic vials I use against my opponents. It seems your friend here sacrificed himself to save you. Too bad. I wanted to have that sludge be used on M. Bison, or maybe Guile.

{Ryu closes his eyes, shakes his head, then smiles.}

RYU: Bison, of course!

NOXIGAR: Of course!

{M. Bison appears out of nowhere.}


{Ken's Heartless finishes transformation, then it tackles M. Bison to the ground only to be thrown about into a wall by Bison. Ken's Heartless fizzles out of existence, with a heart floating to the clouds like a balloon.}

M. BISON: Heh, game over for him.

NOXIGAR: That was my only preliminary sample of my experiment! Agh, why did Ken do that to himself?!

RYU: You explained the motive a few seconds ago. {angrier} You have a lot to answer for, both of you!

{Ryu's eyes start to water. He then glows purple as he, too, becomes a Heartless.}

NOXIGAR: ...two for the price of one, I guess...

{Ryu's Heartless, yet another Neoshadow, goes after M. Bison, only to be electrocuted to death from Bison's fingers.}

M. BISON: Electricity that powers Japanese trains... enough power to run it through someone.

NOXIGAR: Well, it seems the desired effect has taken place.

M. BISON: You were instrumental to removing two of my enemies. Allow me to give you an honorary medal.

{M. Bison gives Noxigar a medal, which is attached to his jacket.}

NOXIGAR: Um, thanks?

M. BISON: It is the most welcome I can give to a nobody such as yourself. Please do not interfere with my world domination plans, however. Again, I have electricity powering Japanese trains within my sinewy veins.

NOXIGAR: {thinking} You rhyme well, good sir.

M. BISON: May I make a suggestion?


M. BISON: I shall destroy this world, since no one seems to want peace as much as I do. Will you help me, Zangief, and my other allies by making a Bisonopolis?

{Noxigar takes out a sketchbook.}

NOXIGAR: I'll see what I can do.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness.}

NOXIGAR: In the meantime, why not enjoy my fortress Glagitar? I want to evacuate everyone.

{M. Bison summons all of his forces and all go through the corridor. Noxigar then goes through, creating a lobby room in Glagitar for Bison's troops as well as several training rooms and lodging for all the troops.}

NOXIGAR: I might want to rest up a bit. Let's see how the Minotaur Nobody is doing? I mean, I pretty much used the Maze World as a distraction, same with the doomsday device I created to "destroy" one of the other universes. Say, how about I visit Strong Sad?

{Noxigar revisits the Homestar Runner universe. He sees Strong Sad being surrounded by other Nobodies, incapacitated.}

NOXIGAR: Tsk, tsk. Shouldn't have tried to sabotage your glorious future.

{Noxigar picks Strong Sad up and places him in his own bed. He then looks at Strong Bad and Strong Mad.}

NOXIGAR: ...they're put back together? Heh, neither of them stands a chance to the rest of the Homestar Runner characters' Nobodies anyhow.

{Strong Sad wakes up.}

STRONG SAD: What? What are you doing here?

NOXIGAR: Eh, just came to check up on you. You looked like you were hurt trying to fight your own brothers.

STRONG SAD: I regretted my decision once Joseph and the others explained your motives more clearly.

NOXIGAR: Is that so? Well, I spared your universe, didn't I?

STRONG SAD: You did.

NOXIGAR: And I gave you position as Regent-General, didn't I?

STRONG SAD: You did.

NOXIGAR: Then what seems to be the problem?

STRONG SAD: What you're doing seems rather arbitrary, and then it-

{Strong Sad collapses, holding his head.}

STRONG SAD: ...Gas mask... what's going on? Who are you?


STRONG SAD: No, I can't-

{Strong Sad kneels.}

STRONG SAD: Can't be given a heart attack, since I don't have a heart. I don't-

{Strong Sad screams, then falls down. Noxigar checks his pulse, to find none.}

NOXIGAR: ...You recovered your heart, didn't you? That's the price you pay. Without my heart, I can have the ENTIRE steak. Well, minus the bones, since I'm not too privvy on eating bones, but the gristle isn't hazardous for me anymore once I don't have a heart. Speaking of steak, I could go for a steak sandwich!

{Cut to to Jacques, who is now standing outside a golden gate that is half-open. Beyond that are lands that stretch for miles, and at the horizon, there is a castle standing there. Jacques' wristwatch starts beeping again. He presses a button, and it projects a hologram of a man in a cloak. However, his face is obscured by the darkness.}

JACQUES: Okay, what was the point of that? I thought you people told me to hunt down Noxigar!

???: We did. And that is why we brought you here.

JACQUES: But he said that he'd be waiting for us at the Maze World!

???: And you really trusted that guy? God, Jacques.. I didn't expect you to be so foolish! No, I'm afraid not. The maze world was a distraction for the others. But lucky for you, as you have us on your side to give you the proper information!

JACQUES: So, fill me in with the details then. Where am I?

???: Gladly. You are currently in a completely different realm altogether, seperated from the rest of reality. In a way, you're in a "Dream world" of such. And we've sent you here to collect something for us. Something that I personally believe will make this entire quest so much easier for you.

JACQUES: What is it?

???: They call it "The Crystal Ball". It's a magical artifact, crafted by the goblins themselves. It allows you to truly find what (or who) you're looking for. However, don't think you can just take it willy nilly from the castle. It's much more complicated than that. See, this entire kingdom has a ruler. His name is Jareth, the Goblin King. Despite the name however, he's very much human. And he's in possession of the crystal ball.

JACQUES: So, what do I do then? Steal it from him?

???: I don't think we have to be so rash. ..Just find him and ask for it. {Snickers}

JACQUES: Hey! What's so funny?!

???: Oh, nothing. It's just.. Well, you'll know when you see him. Bye. {Switches off.}

JACQUES: Oh great. I don't even know who the hell this "Goblin King" even looks like! Ah well. On to the castle, I guess. {Walks through the gate, into the magical kingdom. Suddenly, footsteps are heard from behind Jacques. Jacques turns around to see a man now standing in front of him, with long blond hair, and wearing a long black overcoat.}

JARETH: Well, aren't you the hasty one. You haven't been here 5 minutes, and you're already walking around like you own the place. God, you're worse than the girl.

JACQUES: Yeah, sorry about that. In all honesty, I just want to do what I need to do, and get out of here as quick as possible.

JARETH: That's what everyone says! They never want to stay, have a chat, or anything! {Sighs} Very well. So, what exactly have you come here for?

JACQUES: I'm looking for an object. A small crystaline ball.. Do you know what I'm talking about?

JARETH: Oh, of course I know what you're talking about. You're talking about this! {Whips out a crystal ball from his pocket.} It's a beauty, isn't it? {Grins} So, what exactly do you want it for? And what's in it for me?

JACQUES: Well, I kinda need it to help save the universe. ...Long story. And um..

JARETH: Hold your tongue. I'll give it to you.

JACQUES: Wow, really?

JARETH: Of course! But you must do something for me in return.

JACQUES: And that is-..

JARETH: I want you to make your way through my labyrinth, and meet me at the other end. ..All in 8 hours.

JACQUES: Seriously? What's the point of doing that?

JARETH: ..Entertainment. And for you to prove yourself worthy by-... Well, you get the picture. If you can do it within 8 hours, I'll be happy to give it to you. And don't worry about "finding" the Labyrith. You're in it!

{Zoom out to reveal the the entire kingdom is in fact- a gigantic maze.}

JARETH: Clever, no?

JACQUES: ..Very clever. Alright then. I'll prove myself by traversing through your Labyrinth. You will not be disappointed!

JARETH: I bloody well hope not. It's been a while since I've had fun like this. {Turns into an owl, and flies away to the horizon}

???: {Voice coming from watch} I told you!

{End episode.}