(even if you aren't vegan)


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Running short of cash, a few of the people in the gang decide to get jobs.

New Characters

  • Vikings
  • Norman Viking


{Open: The living room. Everyone is sitting down, in front of the television. Sephiroth is looking through his wallet, counting the money inside it.}

SEPHIROTH: 11... 12... 13... 14... and a penny. Well this is great, all I have on me right now is 14 dollars, and a penny. This is just enough to buy a few microwavable meals.

{Noxigar looks up his bank account.}

NOXIGAR: $400. Not bad, but after a month it turns into $100. Yeah, we'll need to keep occupations to maintain a budget. Right now we could do with one month's worth of groceries.

SEPHIROTH: Looks like at one of us needs to get a job. If you want, I will. I heard ExMart is accepting new positions. Plus, we're friends with the manager, so he'll probably give us a chance.

NOXIGAR: Very well. I shall head to ExMart.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness, going to the manager's office}

SEPHIROTH: ...No harm in both of us going, I guess.

{Sephiroth walks through the corridor too. Cut to the office. ExDeath is sitting at the desk, wearing a suit.}

NOXIGAR: Hello there, ExDeath. I was wondering if I could get a job working here in the working field of taste tester and baggage person.

{Two Vikings can be seen in the background doing the jobs that Noxigar just asked about.}

EXDEATH: Yeah.. Sorry, those jobs are taken. By those europeans back there.. I do have two jobs open for you guys though.

SEPHIROTH: What are they?

EXDEATH: Well.. you won't really enjoy it...

SEPHIROTH: Just tell us!!

{Cut to Sephiroth and Noxigar working underground, knitting clothing.}

SEPHIROTH: Oh great. 5 dollars an hour, for knitting clothing. Welp, this is a sucky job.

NOXIGAR: Hey, at least people get to wear these!


SEPHIROTH: Yes sir!! you goddamn one-eyed freak...

{Cut to the lair of the Triad of Trigonometry (which is what we will call Sine, Cosine and Tangent as a collective). The three are standing around... science-ing, I guess, when they suddenly hear a sloppy wet knock on the door.}

SINE: Cosine, go get the door. I'm too busy with these glowing test tubes.

COSINE: Do those- do those do anything?

SINE: They glow and bubble, which I think is scientific.

{Cosine grumbles and walks down a ton of stairs to get to the door. Once at the bottom, she opens the door to see a soaking wet Space Allen, standing in the rain.}

COSINE: Oh... uh, are you here for somebody?

SPACE ALLEN: {exasperatedly, shivering} Hey, do you know where I can find a place to stay? I just need some shelter, that's all...

COSINE: {worriedly} Oh, you're soaking wet! Would you like to come in?

SPACE ALLEN: Oh, God, more than anything!

COSINE: Well, come on in, we've got more than enough room...!

{Cosine leads Space Allen inside. Cut to the laboratory upstairs, where Sine and Tangent are still working. Cosine comes in, Space Allen following closely behind.}

SINE: {turned to his work} So who was it?

COSINE: Oh, just a traveler. He needs a place to stay and I thought-

{Sine turns around, groaning.}

SINE: Look, just because he's holding a cardboard sign asking for money doesn't m- AAH!

{Tangent whips around to look at Space Allen and screams.}

TANGENT: D-did one of your experiments get out again?

SINE: Look, I don't make mutants, okay? I just graft legs where legs shouldn't go-

SPACE ALLEN: What, am I seriously that repulsive to you of all creatures? {quietly} Bunch of hairless apes.

COSINE: This is Allen, and he'll be staying a while, okay? Just until he can get back on his feet. ... Tentacles.

SINE: Oh, come on, Cosine. Haven't we been over this?

COSINE: {not paying attention} Suckerfoots? What would you call them...?

{Sine grabs Cosine by the shoulder.}

SINE: No visitors. This is a prohibited area.

TANGENT: So the gift shop is...?

SINE: {sighs} It seemed like a good idea at the time. Drop it.

{Space Allen walks over to the scientific stuff and looks at it. He grabs a test tube full of a glowing blue liquid.}

SPACE ALLEN: Hrm... nice stuff you've got here! It's bubbling, glowing, smoking... Say, I know how to handle some of this stuff.

SINE: Woah, woah! {rushes over, keeping Space Allen away} Don't touch that! It's very unstable at the moment touching it might make it combust and explode!

TANGENT: In English?

SINE: {sighs} He touch, make go boom. That simple enough for you?

TANGENT: {cheerily} Got it!

SPACE ALLEN: Look, let me see this, okay?

{Sine panics and tries keeping Space Allen away. Space Allen pushes Sine away and squirts a couple drops of a clear liquid into the test tube. The liquid inside turns to a slightly glowing green, and the bubbling and smoking stops.}

SPACE ALLEN: Oh, by the way, did you want to make an explosive? Because that's what I made and if you didn't then sorry.

SINE: ... Hm. You seem useful. Mind if we let you work with us a bit?

SPACE ALLEN: {narrows eyes} What's in it for me?

SINE: We go quartersies on profits.

SPACE ALLEN: Done deal.

{The Oddly-dressed Strange Humanoid from Episode 37 lets himself in, holding a cardboard sign.}

TOSH(as he will now be known): Ooh, colours.

{Cut back to Noxigar and Sephiroth}

NOXIGAR: Woohoo! I finished my cloth-making! I wonder how many of these blankets ExDeath really needs.

SEPHIROTH: I dunno, but I hope he likes these sweaters! I spent all my time making them extra cosy!

AHRIMAN: Let me check!!! {Picks up Noxigar's blanket with wing and rubs it a bit.} Hmm.. It's quite good actually! And you.. {Picks up one of the jumpers and does the same thing.} Yeah.. These are really good! How would you guys like a promotion? You'll be allowed to handle the machines!

NOXIGAR: Promotion sounds fun. Why not? I like a challenge, and that's why I played the awesomeness that was Megaman X6.

AHRIMAN: Uhuh... Alright, follow me.

{Noxi and Seph follow Ahriman over to the door. He opens the door to reveal a factory, automatically creating jumpers. In the corner of the room is a snack bar.}

SEPHIROTH: Cool. So what do we do?

AHRIMAN: You put the articles of clothing you've already made into the scanner, and then set the machine to create as many copies as you want.

SEPHIROTH: Cool.. But why did we have to knit in the first place?

AHRIMAN: The reason being, that the machines are able to mimic the exact patterns of the clothing, and they'll be able to do the rest of the work. Think of it as your real job. The one before this was just a test.. if you will.

SEPHIROTH: So, how much do we get paid?

AHRIMAN: 15 dollars an hour. However, do make sure that the machines don't overload.. Once they start getting hot, it's a good idea to turn them off for a while to let them cool down. If you don't, then bad things will happen.

SEPHIROTH: Right, got it!

{Noxigar puts one of his blankets into the copy machine. He pushes a button and many other blankets arrive.}

SEPHIROTH: Heh, nice.. {Puts the sweater into the machine.}

{Distant bell rings.}

INTERCOM: That would be lunch break. Either proceed to the food area or get lost for a few hours. Thank you.

SEPHIROTH: Yay! {Runs out without stopping the machine.} Come on Noxi! We'll miss all the food if we're not late!

{Cut to the Wikihood house. Gillian is sitting there, all by herself.}

GILLIAN: Damn, with those two having jobs, and everyone else doing god knows what, I'm by myself. ...I could do with a few extra bucks I guess.. {Leaves.}

{Cut: Noxigar pulling the lever on the machine down to stop it, then hastening himself for lunch. The lever however, shoots back up. Cut to the lunch room. Noxigar and Sephiroth are sitting at a table, and Gillian comes an joins them.}

SEPHIROTH: Oh, hey Gillian.. Didn't know you got a job here too.

GILLIAN: Yeah, I just joined a few minutes ago. I'm the intercom woman.

SEPHIROTH: Eh, I thought that voice sounded familiar.

{Noxigar finishes his hamburger}

NOXIGAR: That was a good burger.

{The two Vikings from before walk over holding fishburgers.}

VIKING 1#: Adjø, good sirs.

VIKING 2#: Do you mind if me and my friend sit down with you?

SEPHIROTH: Sure, go ahead.

{They sit down and start eating noisily. Cut:The Mall. Chaos is walking around, looking at all of the shops with a slightly sad look.}

CHAOS: Man, I can't believe I have to find a job here. There's nothing that really peaks my interest. I mean, where's all the interesting stuff, the book shops, the fantasy stores, card collectors, novelty items?

MALL SHOPPER: Dude, it's like 2010 already. All that stuff's low-tech and boring to the average kid, the main target of malls, as well as desperate mothers and various beatniks and punks.


{The Mall Shopper shrinks into a little nub and explodes.}

CHAOS: Well, I guess I have to nut up and pick a place.

{Chaos picks up a divining rod.}


{The stick begins to vibrate and Chaos walks offscreen. Cut back.}

SEPHIROTH: You know, it's not a good idea to eat fast. It's bad for your digestion. It also makes you more likely to overeat.

{Pan over to reveal that the Vikings have already eaten numerous fishburgers.}

VIKING 1: {in-between mouthfuls} What does that matter? We are Vikings, and we have strong stomachs!

{The second Viking burps so loudly and strongly that the surrounding windows shatter, and the people surrounding the group all start to have bowel problems.}

VIKING 2: Ahhh... {pats stomach} That was good.

{Noxigar walks away. Cut: Namine, DiZ, Homsar, Davaros, and Joseph.}

NAMINE: Hmm... now that they have jobs, how shall I introduce Sharath?

DiZ: I'd assume Oiracul is to not be forgotten...again...


{Cut: Sharath, where Oiracul is located.}

OIRACUL: Joseph? Where are you?

{Cut back.}

JOSEPH: Isn't Sharath a whole new planet? Because if that was the case, then I'd assume that they'd have to find a way and a reason to get off of the earth.

DAVAROS: Judging on what I remember, Sharath isn't really that new.. Well now it is, but it didn't use to be. I remember it being a galaxy however, with lots of planets.. But it seems that Namine here decided to amalgamate the planets into one, and then she decided to move the planet much more closer to ours... Or yours, I should say.

NAMINE: Huh? What do you mean?

DAVAROS: As you all probably know, I am part of a distant planet myself.. Being a Glabal and all. My planet's long gone, anyway.. So I guess I could call this my new planet.

{The door busts open. Spiral Pegacion comes out of it. He then points at Namine.}

SPIRAL: Are you the legend of which Theta told me about?

NAMINE: ...Legend?

SPIRAL: He said you could bring back Iris from death and you could marry us.

DiZ: We don't reverse tragedies.

HOMSAR: Sorry, Juliet. Your Romeo is not here.1

SPIRAL: Could you at least kill Zero?

HOMSAR: I'm sure he's undefined.2

JOSEPH: Did we really?

DiZ: Homsar and I did.

SPIRAL: Are you kidding me?! You can't do anything?

NAMINE: I think that assertion can be made without having to ask.

JOSEPH: Actually...I think Oiracul may actually be able to do something about it. Being a Cleric, he has the ability to revive others, but it's an expensive process, though that may just be my inherent nerd thinking...Look, even if there was a way to bring this person back, I don't think it could happen. Do any of you?

1. "I'm afraid I'll have to agree. We don't reverse tragedies.

2. "Zero cannot be divided from his own soul. We tried that already."