(even if you aren't vegan)


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{Cut back to the unknown Sharoth throne room. Draco is sitting on the throne}

DRACO: Ah, it feels good to substitute Leo. Now to plan my real crowning. So... shall I have a musical number do it, like that good singing servant of Leo's?

LEFTY: Uh... sure.

{Lefot walks in.}

LEFOT: Why are you imitating Leo?

DRACO: What, I like imitating people!

LEFOT: Come on!

DRACO: Fine! {They walk out.} This is gonna be gold!

{Cut to a cottage. Celia is there. The Door knocks. She opens it. At the door is Draco.}

CELIA: Oh, hello, Drago. What a pleasant suprise.

DRACO: I'm just full of 'em! Now, This is the day your dreams come true.

CELIA: What do you know of my dreams?

{Music Starts.}

DRACO: I know enough. {Singing.} You've been dreaming, just one dream
Nearly all your life
Hoping, scheming, just one theme
Will you be a wife?
Will you be some he-man's property?
Good news! That he-man's me!
This equation, girl plus man
Doesn't help just you
On occasion, women can
Have their uses too
Mainly to extend the fam'ly tree
Pumpkin, extend with me!

DRACO: We'll be raising sons galore!

CELIA: Inconceivable!

DRACO:Each built six foot four!


DRAGO: Each stuffed with ev'ry Draco gene!

CELIA:I'm not hearing this!

DRAGO: You'll be keeping house with pride!

CELIA: Just incredible!

DRAGO:Oh so gratified

CELIA:So unweddable!

DRAGO: That you are a part of this idyllic scene.
Picture this: A rustic hunting lodge,
my latest kill roasting over the fire,
my little wife massaging my feet, while
the little ones play on the floor with the dogs.
We'll have six or seven!

CELIA: Dogs?

DRAGO: No, Strapping me!

CELIA: Imagine that!

DRAGO:I can see that we will share
All that love implies
We shall be a perfect pair
You are face to face with destiny!
All roads lead to...
The best things in life are...
All's well that ends with me!
Escape me? There's no way
Certain as "Do, Re,"
Celia, when you marry...

DRAGO:So Belle, what would it be?
Is it yes, or is it oh, yes!

CELIA:I...I just don't deserve you! {Guides him to the door.}

DRAGO:Who does? ME!

{She slams the door in his face, making him lose balance, and falling flat on his face, in a puddle.}

LEFOT: Success?

DRAGO: I'll show you success! {Grabs him by the neck, making him choke.}

LEFTY: Ya know, you did sound pretty vain. Change your tune so you sound more... considerate towards her feelings. Every man must consider their woman as their equal. Otherwise the king would not be a sensible, just ruler.

{Music plays again}

LEFTY: A king is a good king
Never unyielding to anyone
Taxes are medium
Because high ones are never fun
being a king has its merits
and you need plenty of them
Celia won't marry you
If you sound vain and dumb
Hunting's a good sport, yes
But is it her interest?
Give her some opinion
Your kingdom will thank you for it

DRAGO: .....I spit at your advice! Nobody's as strong, and smart, and handsome, as me!

LEFTY: While all of that is true
Lions are just as strong
They are just kings of the jungle
Or they'd be overthrown 'fore long
Brains and brawn can combine
But actually use your brains
Conceitedness shows the contrary
You want people to think you're smart

DRAGO: You're singing has no rhyming. But it is original.

LEFTY: Write my advice down
Future kings listen to advisors
Their might comes from constitution
Constitution is full of organizers
Make sure to feed your ducks
Females love animals plenty more
Celia won't say, "Drago sucks"
If you listen heretofore

DRAGO: Who the hell are you anyway?

LEFTY: Lefty's the name, good advice and being Court Jester's my game!

DRAGO: I thought Clopin the VI was the Jester. Oh no.. 2 Jesters?

LEFTY: Who is this Clopin?
My sense of justice is pure
Clopin sounds like someone who promotes elopin'
And makes people unsure
Did you write anything down
because this advice is important
Winning Celia will be very hard
'Specially 'cause she is independent

DRAGO: I would bludgeon you, but it wouldn't work, due to your Sharothian-ess.

LEFTY: Your turn to see your response to my musical advice. It'll work if you'd just listen. Why won't you listen?

DRAGO: Because you're spewing out some sentimental mush.

LEFOT: Yeah! Scram!

{OOC: I'm considering changing Lefots name. It's to similar to the character he's based off.}

LEFTY: Uh... Lefot, aren't you just the naive, gullible minion character who eventually gets killed off by the protagonist?

LEFOT: No, the Lackey who always gets beaten up and abused by the villain, but stays faithful.

DRAGO: Quiet! {Smacks Lefot.}

LEFOT: Yes sir!

LEFTY: I was close. Anyway, why do you dislike the sentimentality?

DRAGO: {singing} Love's filled with compromises, Love really is revolting!, It's even worse than when you're moulting!, Enough of this fluff!! Just forget about love!

{OOC: Return of Jafar FTW.}

LEFTY: Alright, but at least consider my advice. In fact, try it with Celia and see the results come happen.

{OOC: O rly?}

{Lefty vanishes}

DRAGO: What a royal fool! ...Heh. Pun. Come on you slobbering imbicile! {They walk away from the cottage.}

{OOC: YA RLY. Since this episode is about them, what do you think they should do now?}

{OOC: Hmm... try something.}

{OOC: I have no idea. Namine, maybe? DiZ?}

{Drago and Lefot encounter DiZ at the castle's drawbridge}

DiZ: Oh, you two again. I'm here to guard this castle belonging to Leo from you.

{OOC: Noxigar and Namine's roles mirror Homestar and Marzipan. Yes, I just said Homestar and Marzipan.}

DRAGO: Orders by that weird Robe guy. ....Noxigar.. right?

DiZ: Heh. Thought you'd think I'd be gullible to believe that.

DRAGO: I don't care, anyway. Let's go. {They leave.}

{Cut back to Beast's Castle. Leo is sitting at a table, along with Noxigar, and Alucard, playing cards.}

LEO: Go fish.

NOXIGAR: Well, we have all night before you and Celia become king and queen...

LEO: Who said I'm getting married?


LEO: Screw Tradition!

ZANE: You're as ignorant as your father was when he was your age.

NOXIGAR: Even the greatest adventurers, like Alexander the Great and Leonidas the Spartan, had a wife who accompanied them.

{Cloak and Dagger appear.}

DAGGER: It's true! Don't you want to be like all of the famous conquerors?

LEO: Fun fact, all those dictators died. Plus, Royal life is boring. Have you tried it? Well, the only King I met who liked his job was... this little mouse. But he had adventure.

DAGGER: Everything has to die eventually. I learned that the hard way.

LEO: Yep. But us Sharothians have a long life cycle. We last a few billion years, then we fade out of existence, and become existence ourselves. I've got a long way to go. I'm only in my first life. I'm 16. Even Zane is young.

ZANE: I'm 347.

LEO: My dad was 77 Million. He died in this war, with the First Chaos. Then, a few heroes emerged, and sent him to doom. I saw it all from my window. The explosion was huge!

{An alarm goes off. A hologram of DiZ arrives.}

DiZ: We have a problem with rats running loose on our base.

{DiZ shows a security camera image showing Drago and Lefot}

DiZ: It seems they want to make up some stupid lie about Leo's "untimely demise" so they can be crowned king. And then Celia will be forced to marry him in the clichest of ways.

LEO: Don't worry. {Gets out a remote control, and presses a button. Drago and Lefot are launched out of the castle, and they land face first in another muddy puddle.} Thanks.. {Scans him with a device.} Ansem the Wise? I heard that Mousy guy talking about you.

DiZ: Interesting.

LEO: Yeah. By the way, can I ask you something? What happened to you, when that device blew up, you know, the one that you tried to destroy Kingdom Hearts with?

DiZ: What?

LEO: You know! When It blew up, it released some hearts, created some heartless, while the dusks tried to catch them. There was no trace of you after that.

DiZ: I do not remember any of that.

LEO: Never mind. You must of survived, but with amnesia.

DiZ: Oh bother.

LEO: You're not Poohbear, are you?

DiZ: No. Common British stuff. Would you rather hear "Oh bugger"?

LEO: You're British? Human? Well, you do sound like Christopher Lee.

DiZ: Now, are we going to advance the plot or are we going to discuss my character more?

LEO: Sorry! But yeah. I'm not gonna live here, so what should I do with this castle? I'm thinking of renting it out to multiple people. It is as big as a small planet, after all.

DiZ: We have to use it to do the "traditional" drivel your royal servant keeps asking about.

LEO: We don't have to.

ZANE: I give up.

{Dracula and Alucard walks in.}

DRACULA: I'll give you.... $100,000 a week to live in the top part of the castle. Do you have Belmont protection?

LEO: Yep.

DRACULA: Sold! {Gives money to Leo, turns into a bat, and flies to the top part of the castle.}

LEO: The money will pile up.

DiZ: Well, something big is happening nearby. You should check it out.

NOXIGAR: Okay, now we need to end this train wreck of an episode.

{The screen fades to black. End 'sode}