(even if you aren't vegan)


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Noxigar lands in Olympus Coliseum, and enters a tournament. Adel's plans resume progress.


{Noxigar has a dream. He is in Castle Oblivion, in younger days. He is training for alchemy with Vexen and Lexaeus}


VEXEN: Good, you're in time for my new milkshake. It is fiery, just the way we know Axel likes it.

LEXAEUS: Hey, shouldn't we test it first?

VEXEN: I don't see why not. A chocolate Firaga Milkshake could burninate him if he's not careful. Hey Noxi, want to try this milkshake?


{Noxigar drinks the whole milkshake. Lexaeus and Vexen laugh heartily as Noxigar's mouth is on fire. The dream fades. Auron wakes him up, and both persons are in a room inside the coliseum.}

AURON: Hey, man. You alright?

{Noxigar nods.}

NOXIGAR: Where am I?

AURON: Olympus Coliseum. Cloud and I need a third person to enter the Hermes Cup. All it consists of is 4 Behemoths.

NOXIGAR: Sounds hard.

{Cloud arrives}

CLOUD: It is. The talkative goat said noone except for Sora has beaten the cup.

NOXIGAR: What am I waiting for? Let's go!

{CC then walks into the room}

CC: I'm just curious. Do you have any other tournaments going on? Cause I want to tear Deathbringer apart!

AURON: Who are you? Who is Deathbringer?

CC: I am nothing but a figment of your dark mind. Deathbringer is...

{Points to Noxigar}

CC:...that man's heartless.

AURON: {sighs} Not interested.

{Hercules walks onscreen. He points at CC}

HERCULES: I was lookin' for you. It's your turn to do the Hermes Cup.

{Hercules drags CC offscreen}

CC: {offscreen} Do you have any milkshakes?

HERCULES: {offscreen} After the Hermes Cup!

CC: Who am I fighting anyway?

{Cut to CC in the Coliseum. He fights 4 Behemoths and Deathbringer}

DEATHBRINGER: Payback time, punk!

{Cut back to Noxigar, Auron, and Cloud}

{Znex appears.}

ZNEX: Hello. I found another villain from another universe.

{A giant walks through the side of the Coliseum and stomps onto Noxigar and the others.}

ZNEX: You might want to stop him.

{OOC: What's happening? Is everyone still in the simulation, and has anyone revealed the person behind it? If someone other than me has done it, prepare for a lot. Sephiroth}

{OOC: Noxi isn't in the simulation. DiZ and other persons are.}

{Cloud slashes the giant into pieces}

CLOUD: {sigh} Stop bringing useless objects. We're trying to win a tournament. The Hermes Cup's 1st round begins with 4 Behemoths, and we're training.

{Cut to the simulation.}


{Ground starts to shake.}

SEPHIROTH: Okay, what's going on?

???: A lot.

{The area around everyone crumbles into data, and then, the data creates a replica of a Dying Earth. Riku arrives, pointing his blade at ???}

RIKU: Finally, I found you!

{??? just ignites an explosion that blows Riku away. He then attacks Riku with 9000 cuts to the body, never missing. He then beats him to the point in which 1 more hit would kill him, then throws him to the floor.}

???: You think you're so tough? Think again. {Snatches Blade, and reveals himself to be a Cyborg, with lots of White Cybonic Attachments. On his chest, is a Computer screen. On the screen reads "Aperture Science", along with the Logo.} Call me Aperture 5600X.

{Hades arrives with Adel}

HADES: Woah! Riku, you all right, man?

{Riku coughs blood}

HADES: I'll take that as a no. Hey, robot! {points at Aperture 5600X} Where is the one named Joseph?

APERTURE 5600X: That information is information I am requiring as well as you. This fake universe was created to scan your minds and place a copy of your minds in the mind bank. The creation was me. I am the upgrade of GlaDOS. I am the new Aperture Science.

ADEL: Well, where is he?

{Cut to Joseph in one of the behemoth's stomachs.}

JOSEPH: Ow. My head. Wait. Where am I?

{Joseph looks over at Hermes, who is also in the stomach.}

JOSEPH: Explains why they call it the Hermes Cup. Wait, how do I know that?

{Joseph looks at a dissolving pamphlet on the ground.}


{Cuts to the collisseum.}

NOXIGAR: Why is it called the Hermes Cup?

AURON: I've no idea.

CLOUD: A Pegasus Cup, yet no Pegasus as a final boss. We have yet to get past Round 1: Colossal Gate.

{One of the Behemoths charges at Cloud, only to be split in half by a Sonic Blade. Auron, despite having only one arm, manages to hold off 2 Behemoths. Noxigar takes out his green staff, and a bottle of poisonous vodka}

NOXIGAR: Behemoths love vodka. Xemnas told me.

{Noxigar throws the bottle of vodka at the dead center of the arena, poisoning all 3 remaining Behemoths. CC then jumps back into the collesium.}

CC: That was fun. Oh, hey guys.

CLOUD: Did you beat Round 1? Or did you flee for your precious milkshake?

???: Hey, Cloud! Guess who's for the final round?

CC: The behemoths were easy. For Deathbringer, since if I attacked he'd just get curaga'd, I just kept running around until he died.

NOXIGAR: Vamparic Rot has that effect; if not attacked, your HP deteriorates.

CLOUD: I suppose Hermes or Sephiroth is final round?

AURON: Nah. Hermes would be too fast, and he's a drifter. He'd only have a speedy kick, as he has no other weapons.

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Oh Cloud, you are right. And just 1 thing. These battles are minor. The last one, I will kill you!

{Three dozen Gargoyle and five dozen Wyvern Heartlesses arrive onscreen}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Round 2: Aerial Mayhem.

CLOUD: Couldn't you have come up with a better name?

AURON: Cloud, we don't have time.

{Noxigar uses Poison Nova on the Gargoyle and Wyvern Heartless, totally wiping the floor with them}

NOXIGAR: That was easier than the behemoths!

{A montage of Auron, Cloud, and Noxigar beating all the rounds in their way plays. At the penultimate(second to last), Joseph is out of the Behemoth's stomach.}

JOSEPH: Well, whaddya know? You made it!

{OOC: Round 2, Joseph.}

AURON: You're the penultimate round?

JOSEPH: You bet it! {twirls keyblades}

{Cloud uses Sonic Blade to send Joseph flying, and Noxigar plants a gas bomb in the dead center of the arena, where he believes Joseph will land. Auron gets out a gas mask and puts it on.}

{Joseph opens his eyes and everything gets inverted and freezes.}


{Joseph glides down to the team of three, and unleashes a flurry of combos and finishes it with a heart-shaped blast. Auron, at the last second, triggers the gas bomb, and throws Cloud into the air.}

{Joseph just barely dodges the cloud of gas and...Cloud, and recovers on the ground.}

JOSEPH: Well, that was fun! But we still need to finish this!

{Noxigar knocks Joseph in the back of the head with his green staff. Then he taks out the venomous vodka from before and whacks Joseph in the left shoulder with it.}

JOSEPH: Y'know...

{Josephs clothes turn green.}

JOSEPH: I get forms like Sora. Forms like...

{Joseph dashes towards Cloud and makes hundreds of keyblade attacks, Poison flioes out of the blades while doing so.}

JOSEPH: Venom form!

NOXIGAR: Venom form? That's just Valor form with immunity to poisons! Lexaeus showed me them all! Exchange of the Spirit!

{Noxigar transforms into Noxilexaeus}

NOXILEXAEUS: I get forms, too. Forms you've never heard of.

{Noxilexaeus takes out a tomahawk and hits the ground, causing rocks to pop up and hit Joseph. When Joseph is hit, he teleports.}

JOSEPH: Last Time I checked, Valor form couldn't do THAT!

NOXILEXAEUS: Well, you're not in charge with defeating Roxas! {Noxilexaeus hits Joseph with the tomahawk, knocking him into a pillar. A flashback of Lexaeus doing the exact same thing to Riku occurs. Noxilexaeus checks on the unconscious Joseph, much like Lexaeus approached Riku to see if he was alive. However, afterwards, Lexaeus is killed by Riku in the Heartless costume soon after. This memory makes Noxilexaeus back away from Joseph.}

JOSEPH: Do you really want to make me angry again? {The keyblade he held in his mouth last episode appears out of nowhere.}

{OOC: I have to go.}

{OOC: Okay. I'll wait to finish the battle another time. That, or I call it a draw.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Oh, it is only a matter of time before I defeat you Cloud. While Noxigar, keep on doing what you're doing.

JOSEPH: Well, you seem to be getting the message. {puts back the keyblade, then turns into a form where he wears Terra's Helmet, shoulder pads, bracers, and leggings. His two keyblades turn into Terra's Keyblade.} Enigmatic Form!

FF7 SEPHIROTH: I'm patient. And then, I will destroy you Cloud. I will crush you.

CLOUD: Then how comes you have failed all the other times!?

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Fool. That was due to many miscalculations on my part. But, I now know everything I need to do, and you can consider yourself dead.

{Noxigar drives Bubs' gremlin, taking out a Firaga milkshake which he throws at Joseph's Enigmatic armor. Auron and Cloud hack and slash at Joseph. Noxigar confiscates Joseph's black Keyblade, swallowing it whole, like a snake. Hades arrives with an unconscious DiZ on his shoulder.}

HADES: Yo, Nox! Try the Snakes on a Gummi Ship attack!

{Noxi lifts his right sleeve to the sky. After 5 seconds, a Gummi ship covered in snakes lands on Joseph. A window breaks and all the snakes from the Gummi ship engulf Joseph}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Looks like he's down. Now, for my battle.

{FINAL BATTLE: One Winged Angel!}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: It's ironic, my Wing Count changes now and again. But anyway.

{Auron and Cloud hack and slash at FF7 Sephiroth, while Noxigar throws a gas bomb. This music plays in the background}

{All of a sudden, the black Kebyblade is thrown out of nowhere.}


{Chaos Form Joseph appears.}

JOSEPH: I was just tossed aside, like garbage. Well, NO MORE! If you want to win this tournament, you need to beat Sephiroth AND me! {Grips keyblade in mouth, and pulls out others.}

{OOC:When Joseph uses Chaos Form, He partially turns into Chaos. That's why he still thinks you haven't beaten him.}

{The name of the fournd appears again, and a Joseph Megaman sprite runs across the screen and takes out his keyblades. the slash the board, so it says "Chaos Form Joseph" as well.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: You fools! {Runs at Auron, picks him up, and then throws him to the floor. He uses 10 slashes, and then creates fire pillars where Auron is. He automatically KO's him. He then does the fast slash at Noxigar, knocking his health down by 3 quarters.}

{OOC: FF7 Sephiroth is about as powerful as a combination of his KH1/2, and FF7 forms.}

{Joseph Teleports behind Noxigar, and wraps his chains around him. He then pulls his arms aapart with full force, and repeatedly slashes Noxigar.}


{FF7 Sephiroth transports everyone into the Northern Cave, in FF7, and then puts a barrier around the cave.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: The Hermes cup was just a fake cup. The real cup is, THE SEPHIROTH CUP!!!

{The ground then lowers down, into a new part of the Underworld Stadium. Painted Flags of FF7 Sephiroth, and Joseph are hung everywhere.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Ready for the real game?

JOSEPH: The best I'll ever be.


{OOC: Can we end the simulation? You're here, and I'm here, and I want to unveil my new character.}

{FF7 Sephiroth looks to see that Noxigar is unconscious.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Joseph, you overdid it. Oh well. There's gotta be a way to wake him up...

JOSEPH: Knock him around some more. It'll give him a good jolt.

CLOUD: Hey! You forgot about me!

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Oh, no I didn't.

{Cut to a laboratory, where everyones minds are hooked to a computer. Aperture 5600X unhooks them, and places them in a teleport pad.}

APERTURE 5600X: Simulation, Ended. Data, Copied.

{OOC: Noxigar, Joseph, Adel, FF7 Sephiroth, and Hades were out of the simulation before this. That elaves.. anyone else.}

{Just then, Adel breaks down a wall into the room.}

ADEL: You1 You're behind all of this!

{Adel uses one of his psychic balls to attack Aperture 5600X. It dodges and turns invisible. Then, Adel is about to destroy the characters, but a person that looks like CHoas, wearing armor like the shell of Demon Chaos, comes from nowhere and tackles him. He pulls out two Wave Swords, and everyone wakes up.}

????: Not so fast!

ADEL: Who are you? Father!?!

????:' No.

{The figure slashes Adel out of the room, and the stranger helps everyone up.}

APERTURE 5600X: You have provoked me. Die. {Turrets come and shoot the stranger with poison bullets. Aperture then launches 10 Rockets at the stranger. He dodges the bullets and hops on one of the rockets, then makes them collide with each other until they are all gone.}

????: It was not I.

APERTURE 5600X: {sigh} How are you speedy enough to exceed the speed of sound?

{The two battle each other, neither side gaining the upper hand. Aperture 5600X finally catches the stranger off guard and uppercuts him into the sky.}

{OOC: Just a little note Noxi, can you ask permission when using my custom characters?}

SEPHIROTH: Whoa... What happened? Where's my company!?

{OOC: My bad...}

{DiZ walks onscreen with Hades next to him}

DiZ: Your company no longer exists. {points at Aperture} That robot created illusions of everyone's dreams, and stole my simulation ideas. In a sense, your company was The Company That Never Was.

HADES: We unplugged Noxi just in the nick of time. Unfortunately, he's with FF7 Sephiroth and the Joseph guy we're huntin' down.

{Oiracul arrives}

OIRACUL: So, in a sense, we need to get out of here?

HADES: Exactly.

SEPHIROTH: Diz, aren't you supposed to be dead or something? Didn't you die?

APERTURE 5600X: There is a difference between Stealing and Inspiration Diz. And Adel you little shrew, keep on what you are doing and face destructions.

DiZ: Me? Dead? No. I don't remember dying or anything.

OIRACUL: Let's just band together and find Noxigar...

{Cloud falls from an unknown corridor of darkness and lands on Aperture 5600X}

DiZ: Is that... Cloud?

{Everyone looks up, to see FF7 Sephiroth throwing the unconscious bodies of Cloud, Noxigar, and Auron down there. He then Jumps, along with Joseph, who follows along.}

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Now Cloud, to finish what I had started a long time ago. {Jumps up, and is just about to impale Cloud, until Vincent comes, and pushes the blade away from Cloud.}

VINCENT: No way Sephiroth!

FF7 SEPHIROTH: Hmph. I'll destroy you both.

{Jafar comes from behind Hades.}

JAFAR: Joseph! I've been looking for you!

HADES: Wait! ....Oh darn. Did we seal the gates of Hell?

JAFAR: ....Oh, we didn't.

{Cut to the Gates of Hell, where originally dead Wikihood characters start to come out, with The Glabal leading them.}

DAVROS: Tonight, we scale a full attack on everyone!

{The Episode Ends.}