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CASE: The Destroyed GameBoy

JUDGE PRESIDING: The Honorable Judge Judge

DEFENDANT: Maloa

DEFENSE: Badstar Strunner, Attorney at Law

PLAINTIFF: Stan

PROSECUTOR: Stan, who played "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" like once or twice

Talk

JUDGE: Court is in session. Will the defense please explain to us the nature of this case?

MALOA: What?

JUDGE: I said "defense", not "defendant".

BADSTAR: Its actually pretty simple, your honor. The Plaintiff's Gameboy was apparently struck by an axe. My client is believed to be the one responsible.

STAN: Because he is-

JUDGE: Prosecutor! You will not speak out of turn.

STAN: {grumbles}

BADSTAR: And that is basically whats going on, sir.

JUDGE: I see. Prosecutor-

STAN: Yes, sir?

JUDGE: Please present the evidence.

STAN: ... What?

{Stan turns to see a little girl sitting beside him.}

MAYA: Don't worry, Stan! Just check your Court Records!

STAN: ... What?

JUDGE: Evidence, Mr. Stan!

STAN: Oh, right.

{Stan gives the Judge his GameBoy.}

STAN: It was cleaved in half.

JUDGE: I can see... Defendant!

MALOA: Yes?

JUDGE: What were you doing just a few minutes ago?

MALOA: Asking stan what to do with my spare briefcase from one room away.

JUDGE: Mmmhmm. Please give a detailed testimonial of what happened.

MALOA: So, I was in stans room. I put the briefcase under his bed. Then I noticed family guy was playing. So, I switched the channel to futurama. When I turned around in a bit, the gameboy was smashed.

BADSTAR: Hmmm... your honor, may I please begin my cross-examination?

JUDGE: Why, of course.

BADSTAR: Thank you, your honor. Mr Maloa, would you mind repeating your testimony?

MALOA: I would, but I will. I was in stans room. I put the briefcase under his bed. Then I noticed family guy was playing. So, I switched the channel to futurama. When I turned around in a bit, the gameboy was smashed.

BADSTAR: HOLD IT! Briefcase? What briefcase?

MALOA: A briefcase filled with paint.

BADSTAR: Hmmm... your honor?

JUDGE: ... Why would you put paint in a briefcase?

STAN: Because he's a fool, that's why! Only the most foolish of fools would make the foolish decision to foolishly put paint in a foolish briefcase!

{Stan takes out a whip and whacks his desk with it.}

MALOA: Not neccisarely. {opens a website about oralina. it talks about paint viles being the currency in oralina}

YOG:{walks in} Your honor, excuse me for interrupting, but, are you sure it's a good idea for Stan to be both the Plaintiff and the Prosecutor?

BADSTAR: Your honor? This briefcase may be important. I think it should be submitted as evidence.

JUDGE: Alright, fine.

[ Briefcase has been added to your Court Records. ]

YOG: And of course everyone ignores a REAL prosecutor...

STAN: ... You are a lawyer, aren't you? Well, whatever. I'd rather not have a manifestation of cosmic horror defend me. I'm my own man.

MALOA: Whatever. {takes a bag of rollos out of his pocket}

YOG: ...Right. I'll go... Scare the crap out of random hobos. {walks off}

STAN: ... Cool.

JUDGE: Continue the cross-examination.

BADSTAR: Yes your honor. Mr Maloa? Are you sure you didn't see anybody enter the room?

YOG:{offscreen} OH, BY THE WAY, I KNOW WHO DID IT. YEAH. BUT I AIN'T TELLING YA WHO.

STAN: OBJECTION!

JUDGE: Oh god what

STAN: We have a witness!

MALOA: He said he won't tell.

STAN: {yelling} YOG IF YOU COME HERE AND TESTIFY I WILL PAY YOU.

BADSTAR: OBJECTION!

STAN: What? He's a witness!

JUDGE: Explain it, Badstar.

YOG:{walks back in} Actually, I will testify. It wasn't Maloa. It was...

{drumroll}

YOG: ...The brother of...

{...}

YOG: ...One of my brother's f-

RANDOM BRIT: GET ON WITH IT!

YOG: ...Okay, it was BADSTAR'S BROTHER.

{dramatic sting}

MALOA: Told you!

STAN: How do you know?

BADSTAR: I say my brother should come here and testify!

JUDGE: Agreed. Bring him in!

HOMESTRONG: {Appears at witness stand} Right here, your honor!

JUDGE: Alright. State your name and then testify.

HOMESTRONG: My name is Homestrong Strunner. I was walking to the bathroom in Stan's house. I passed the bedroom on my way there and saw the defendant destroy the gameboy with an axe!

MALOA: {sarcastically} And it's totally legal for a ten year old to buy an ax.

JUDGE: Mr. Strunner, please cross-examine the witness.

BADSTAR: Yes, your honor. Please repeat the testimony.

HOMESTRONG: My name is Homestrong Strunner. I was walking to the bathroom in Stan's house. I passed the bedroom on my way there-

BADSTAR: OBJECTION! You say you passed the bedroom while walking to the bathroom?

HOMESTRONG: Yep.

BADSTAR: I find it hard to believe.

HOMESTRONG: What do you mean?

BADSTAR: I mean... IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO PASS THE BEDROOM!

MALOA: FAIL!

BADSTAR: You see, according to these floor plans of Stan's hallway... {Pulls out said floorplans} the bathroom is on the left side of the hallway. The bedroom is on the same side, BUT... it is at the end of the hallway! So there is no way Homestrong could've seen it!

HOMESTRONG: ERK!

STAN: Objection! What if he was just coming out? Maybe he got his words mixed!

HOMESTRONG: Y-yeah! Thats it! After I left the bathroom, I heard a noise coming from the bedroom. I went to the bedroom and saw the GameBoy get destroyed!

BADSTAR: HOLD IT! You saw Mr Maloa destoy the Gameboy?

HOMESTRONG: Yes! I'm positive I did!

BADSTAR: OBJECTION! If he did it, that mean his fingerprints would be on it. But I did a fingerprint scan earlier! THE DEFENDANT'S FINGERPRINTS WERE NOT FOUND!

HOMESTRONG: N-NO!

STAN: OBJECTION! This guy's wearing gloves! There would be no way that any fingerprints would be found on it!

MALOA: {looking at his hand} I dont even know if I have fingers.

BADSTAR: Hmmm... I think I know the real culprit is! It is... the witness, Homestrong Strunner! And I can prove it!

STAN: Show me the evidence. Evidence is everything in the court of law. Remember DL-6, Badstar? Do you?

MALOA: Show the evidence, so I can go find out about my lack of fingers.

BADSTAR: Yes. Yes I do. Anyway... TAKE THAT!!! {Presents the briefcase}

STAN: ... And what is that supposed to mean?

JUDGE: Explain it or you'll be penalized, Mr. Strunner.

BADSTAR: You see, look closley and you'll see a footprint! But not just any footprint! A footprint that is the exact same size as... THE WITNESS'S FOOT! Do you know what this means? Homestrong walked into the room. The briefcase was peeking out of the bed and in the way. Thus... HOMESTRONG KICKED IT FULLY UNDER, LEAVING HIS MARK!

HOMESTRONG: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Okay, FINE!!! I ADM-

STAN: OBJECTION! This is completely convoluted! What if he stepped on it before that time? Do you have any evidence supporting this claim of yours, or is it just wild mass guessing?

JUDGE: ... I have to agree. This is seeming a bit... set up.

HOMESTAR TIGER: {Wearing a bookbag} Is this Algebra class?

MALOA: {screaming} CAN I JUST GET MY BRIEFCASE BACK?!?

BADSTAR: Okay, fine. Then I have to present... the final piece of evidence! TAKE THAT! {Presents the axe}

HOMESTAR TIGER: AAH!

MALOA: If you even scratch the briefcase with that...

HOMESTAR TIGER: I take it this is NOT algebra...

MARISSA: {walks in wearing gym clothes} Woah, thats some serious renovation.

MALOA: This is science!

HOMESTAR TIGER: Oh. Whoopsie. Guess I should have read the map more carefully. Wait a minute-Are you guys talking about a gameboy?

MALOA: I think we're discussing how one works.

BADSTAR: You see, look at the side! It say's clearly... "Property of Homestrong Strunner"! See? {Gives the axe to the judge}

JUDGE: ... It does say that.

STAN: OBJECTION! Somebody could have taken that from poor Mr. Strunner!

BADSTAR: Oh really? Well I can prove somebody didn't!

JUDGE: Mr. Strunner, we'll hear you out.

BADSTAR: You see, I was with Homestrong. He had brought his axe to the house. He brings it wherever he goes! There is no way my client could have taken it! HE WAS ALREADY IN THE BEDROOM!

HOMESTRONG: N-n-n-n-n........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BADSTAR: What more proof do you need?

HOMESTRONG: {Slams head on stand} F-fine... I admit it... I did it... just please stop.... stop...

STAN: ... I guess I lose this time. Good job, Strunner. ... This was the first and last time you'll ever get lucky like that.

{Stan leaves.}

BADSTAR: Err... your honor? The verdict, please?

JUDGE: Mr. Maloa is innocent! Bring out the dancing lobsters!

{Later in the lobby...}

BADSTAR: I-I can't believe it! My first trial... and I actually won!

{Homestar tiger is still standing in the middle of the courtroom.}

HOMESTAR TIGER: When does class start?

MARISSA: {doing push-ups} When Maloa stops these push-up drills!

HOMESTAR TIGER: IIIiiiii'mmmm..... gonna go back to my hut. {Takes off}