User:Mitchell/Emails/2

Overview

Mitchell Email #2: defense attorney

Mitchell receives an email, asking him what it'd be like to be an defense attorney, however as he has done in the past, he changes the subject.

Cast (in order of appearance): Mitchell Smith, Elly Parker, Strong Bad, Homsar

Transcript

{Mitchell sits down at his computer, Trinity003, and starts typing "Running MS-DOS...".}

MITCHELL: Emails is very awesome. It's just as awesome as ssss...science.

{An email pops up on-screen. Mitchell then proceeds to read it.}

subject: Objection!

Say Mitchell,
Have you ever considered becoming a defense attorney?
You'd get to point your finger and yell things! You should try it out.

- Some guy who is not Badstar.

MITCHELL: {typing} Hmm, you got a good point there "some guy who is n...". Your name is too dang long. I'm just going to call you "Badstar", is that alright?

{Mitchell presses the "enter" key, clearing the screen and starting on a new paragraph.}

MITCHELL: {typing} I have no idea what a defense attorny is and I do not even necesarilly care. I have never played any of the Phoenix Wright games before. I mean, the term "defense attorny" has something to do with that, right? I'm not going off subject or anything. Y'see, I'm not very smart, so I know nothing about... {breif pause} courts or lawyers or anything of the sort. If you want attorneys, you should be watching stuff like Law & Order. I mean, I've never seen it, but you'd surely like it, considering the kind of stuff they talk about. I can't help you here. Unless...

{Zoom out, Mitchell turns to Elly who walks on-screen.}

MITCHELL: Hey, Elly. What's an attorney?

ELLY: Oh, an attorney? An attorney is a practitioner in a court of law who is legally qualified to prosecute and defend actions in such court on the retainer of clients. Alternative terms include counselor and lawyer.

{There is a pause. Mitchell appears very bored.}

MITCHELL: Nope. I didn't catch any of that. Maybe there is a simpler solution to solving this electronic message.

ELLY: {sighs} Well, just remember, I'm going out to get food from Bubs. I'll be back in just a few minutes. {smiles}

MITCHELL: {not really listening} Okay.

{Elly walks off-screen. Mitchell turns back to his computer and presses "enter" again, clearing the screen. Then he proceeds to type...}

>Forward to [email protected]

{Mitchell presses "enter" again and the following message appears on the Trinity003's screen.}

Your message has been sent.

MITCHELL: Excellent. Now I no longer have to deal with this. Now I can go and eat a peanut butter sandwich and watch old episode of the Cheat Commandos that I taped when I was a kid.

{Mitchell gets out of his chair and walks off.}

MITCHELL: The new seasons just aren't the same as the old ones, ever since they made that crappy spin-off show.

{Zoom in on the Trinity003. Fade to black. Fade in to show Strong Bad sitting at the Lappy 486.}

STRONG BAD: Email, na na, na na, na na.

subject: Objection!

Say Mitchell,
Have you ever considered becoming a defense attorney?
You'd get to point your finger and yell things! You should try it out.

- Some guy who is not Badstar.

STRONG BAD: Duh-duh-duh-Dear MITCHELL!? {extreme close-up on Mitchell's name} W.T.C.? {Camera zooms out} New New Paper, print me out a hard copy. {A holographic plastic sheet comes down of the email with green text and he grabs it.} I'll teach Michelle to steal my three hundredth and thirty eleventh email thunder.

{Cut to Mitchell's room. He's playing Connect Four.}

MITCHELL: Okay, your turn.

{Cut to the other side of the table, where Homsar is sitting.}

HOMSAR: Oh no! You shanked my Jengaship!

{Mitchell sighs angrily. At that moment, a knock at the door is heard and Mitchell walks over to the door. The camera follows him. He opens the door, and Strong Bad is there.}

MITCHELL: Oh, hi there, little boy. Is it Halloween already?

'{Strong Bad holds out his fist and shakes it angrily. The holographic sheet of plastic is in his hand with green text which seems to flicker as if they were lights.}

STRONG BAD: {angrily} Hey! Shut up! Some stupid guy that is probably really Strong Sad accidentally emailed me--

MITCHELL: Wait, wait, wait. Let me see that. {Strong Bad hands him the sheet and Mitchell reads it.} Ah, crap! This email will be the death of me.

STRONG BAD: For your sake, you'd better hope so. I don't even know you, and you already annoy the crap outta me!

{Mitchell puts his palm over his face in shame and annoyance.}

MITCHELL: Ugh, look. How about I make it up to you? {hands back the sheet} If I buy you lunch from Bubs'. Maybe we could be good friends.

STRONG BAD: {angrily} YOU, sir...! {smiles} ...are alright in my book.

{Strong Bad drops the plastic sheet, laughing.}

MITCHELL: Okay, let me just grab my stuff and maybe we could just hang out. {walks off}

STRONG BAD: Awesome. A free lunch. I swear, this day cannot get any better from this point on.

ELLY: {off-screen} Can someone help me with these?

{Zoom in on Strong Bad's face, he turns around as his eyes widen and his mouth becomes circular, in surprise. The camera pans to show Elly walking along slowly with two plastic bags, looking very heavy.}

STRONG BAD: Woah! A hot girl... in our town?! I gots to tell everyone!

{Strong Bad runs off. Cut to Mitchell as he is looking through his drawer and comes across an envelope. He raises an eyebrow in confusion and opens the envelope. The camera angle changes, so it shows what the paper inside the envelope says.}

Say Mitchell,
Have you ever considered becoming a defense attorney?
You'd get to point your finger and yell things! You should try it out.

- Some guy who is not Badstar.

{Mitchell's eyes widen, as he stares at the email. Dramatic horror music starts playing as the camera zooms in on his reaction. Then zooms in on the sheet of paper again. Then Mitchell starts running around the room, waving his arms in the air, screaming. He drops the piece of paper and runs to his computer desk, hiding underneath it, sitting down and rocking from side-to-side, as if traumatized.}

MITCHELL: There's no escape. This email will be the end of me.

{The screen fades to black and then it cuts back to the Trinity003 which displays white text on it's screen saying...}

Click here to complain, ask a question or just simply send an email to Mitchell.

{Mitchell can be heard screaming.}

STRONG BAD: What the crap...?

Fun Facts

Homestar Runner References

• Through-out the email, there are references to past toons at the Homestar Runner website.
  • The Connect Four game between Mitchell and Homsar previously occured in the toon Where's The Cheat? with Strong Sad and Homsar.
  • Strong Bad's reaction to the email that Mitchell forwarded is a reference to email thunder.
• The New New Paper is a reference to the New Paper.