The Super Cryptogamer Super Show!/EP1

Transcript

(open: A stage. Cryptogamer and Shadowgamer are here.}

CRYPTOGAMER: Hello, fans, and welcome to the pilot episode of The Super Cryptogamer Super Show!

SHADOWGAMER: Umm... how can we have fans if this is our first episode?

CG: Future reference. Y'know, if someone comes across this episode in THE FUTURE {as he says this, a futuristic sound effect plays}

SG: Why are you so sure that we'll have fans?

CG: Why are you so sure your rent won't suddenly triple?

SG: Well what about THE FUTURE {sound effect from before plays}?

CG: {looking up from some paperwork} What was that? I was trying to quadruple a few things...

SG: Nothing, sir.

CG: Good now get back to work drone!

{SG takes a remote control out of his pocket and presses a button. The theme song plays. Cut to Clovington reading a piece of paper.}

CLOVINGTON: Let's see, so this is the script for the "pilot" episode. Wait there, governor, I can do without this rubbish! I'll make it bloody brilliant! Tally ho, and whatnot! {runs off. Cut to Vid and L.U.S.C.A.-4}

L.U.S.C.A.-4: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE.

VID: Well, make it compute. The script said you get replaced as the best chef in like four miles by Squatcha. At least, it did before I burned it and all them PETA flyers. {cut to Vid in front of a large fire.}

VID: ... {pulls out a marshmallow on a stick and put it in the fire.} Best. Day. Ever.

{Cryptogamer walks in}

CG: ...THIS IS UNSCRIPTED.

VID: Yup.

CG: WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IN STUFF IN THE NOT SCRIPT?

VID: 'Cause.

CG: WELL OKAY. {walks away. Cut back}

L.U.S.C.A.-4: THAT MADE 0.00% SENSE AND MADE MY HARD DRIVE DO THE EQUIVALENT OF PUKING.

{CG sticks his head in the door}

CG: So? Get back to work, drone! Lest the rates go up!

{CG leaves}

L.U.S.C.A.-4: SIGH. LOGIC DRIVES OVERRIDED. PROCEEDING TO SCRIPTED ACTIONS... WHY HELLO THERE VID. HOW CAN I SERVICE YOU?

VID: Burn the who-Er, uh, Squatcha made some kind of restuarant across the street, and it has better reviews and such and such. So according to the script that Supreme Overlord of All This Hotel wrote, you have to go get your reputation back.

L.U.S.C.A.-4: THAT SOUNDS PLEASANT. I SHALL TALK TO SHADOWGAMER.

{cut to Shadowgamer's room. L.U.S.C.A.-4 is talking to SG.}

SG: So, you want to ask my skull if you'll ruin Squatcha's business, right?

L.U.S.C.A.-4: THAT IS CORRECT.

SG: Okay, but here's the thing. Crypto took the skull because it wasn't in the script. Sorry. But I do have a skull-shaped magic 8-Ball. {takes out ball; shakes it. He turns it up, and the answer is displayed: CANNOT PREDICT NOW}

SG: Well that sucks.

{Solseri flies in}

SOLSERI: {gets out an unneccesarily large big called The Big Book Of Laws That Serve As Plot Elements and opens it to a random page. He points to a line saying "Big ol' furry things ain't allowed to cook."}

L.U.S.C.A-4: WOW THANK YOU SOLSERI. NOW I CAN GET BACK MY TITLE. {Grabs book and runs out}

SG: ... Git outta here {kicks Solseri offscreen}

{Cut to Squatcha's restuarant. It is full of people chatting and dining. L.U.S.C.A.-4 runs in the the revolving door.

L.U.S.C.A.-4: STOP! ACCORDING TO STATE LAWS, SASQUATCHES CANNOT OPERATE RESTUARANTS, BECAUSE THEY HAVE HAIR ON 90% OF THEIR BODIES!

{Squatcha walks in, wearing a full-body hairnet, followed by Utarefson, who is wearing a regular hairnet and a greasy apron}

L.U.S.C.A.-4: OH... THAT COMPLICATES THINGS.

{Suddenly, we hear a plane. Cut to outside, where Clovington is piloting an old-timey biplane. He is fling straight towards the restaurant.}

CLOVINGTON: Tally ho, governor!

{Cut back}

UTAREFSON: CHICKEN POT PIE!

RANDOM DINER PATRON: Ev'one, run for for your LIFE!

{all the people run out, save Squatcha, Utarefson, and L.U.S.C.A.-4. When the plane crashes, the diner explodes. Cut to Vid and CG sitting outside on lawn chairs}

CG: Told ya Clovington'd ruin the script and cause the obligatory explosion.

VID: Sweet deals! I'mma go get in on that action! {pulls out a flamethrower and runs off. A police car pulls up and some cops get out.}

CG: AH! Don't taze me bro!

OFFICE BRIMBLESKI: Uh, sir, we just want to that you'll have to find some way to payfor the damages.

CG: Oh. Plot development at its finest!

{end episode}