The RemolayRemadin Projects/Eyeless

Hey guys! I just talked to the writer and I'M GONNA BE IN THIS EPISODE! You remember me, right? What do you mean who am I? Can't you read my nameta- Where's my nametag?

Transcript

{Open on remolay gathering his things from the night before, Remadin and the Marks brothers are having a conversation off screen}

TRI: That's ridiculous, If you killed the Demon Retconnicus he shouldn't have had time to change you!

REMADIN: We were in the middle of conversation. He didn't notice until Remolay said something.

{Remolay picks realizes something is slightly off and puts his hands at his hips. Cut to Remadin, Tri, and Elipses}

ELIPSES: Well that makes as much sense as a demon with the power to change the entire world at their whi-

{Remolay screams}

REMADIN: Oh for the love of- What's wrong now!

{Remolay storms out swords in hand, they are now Scimitars)

REMOLAY: Look at what he did to my babies! Changing ME was bad enough, but my babies? We have to kill him again.

REMADIN: Oh sweet Valkyre we're never going to hear the end of this.

ELIPSES: What's the problem? Your scimitars look normal to me.

{Remolay gets up in Elipses face, Camera umps closer with each word.}

REMOLAY: They. Were. Fucking. KATANAS!

{cut to tri just sitting as he already was.}

TRI: Yeah okay shut up.

{Remolay looks at Tri and growls}

TRI: Just listen to me for a second. While you were fighting the Demon Retconnicus I was talking to our higher ups about your destiny. Mostly because we were only supposed to send you off on it, we actually have never had any idea what your quest was supposed to be

REMOLAY: Fucking knew it.

TRI: Yeah... Anyway, we haven't been getting anywere, so I've requested knowledge of your quest so that I can actually tell you what to do.

REMADIN: And their answer?

TRI: They said no and hung up. Did you know you can feel someone hanging up on your brain? Because it's happened to me twice now and neither one was pleasant.

REMOLAY: Hey, that "call" wasn't pleasant for me in the first place. Do you know what it's like to be suddenly put into a tr-

{Smash cut to a black screen, text appears saying "Remolay? Remadin? It's Valkyre..."}

REMADIN: Wha... Are you the "Higher Ups" Tri was talking about?

{Text changes to "Yes"}

REMOLAY: Wait, Tri and Elipses had a direct line to our motherfucking Goddess and never told us?

{Text changes to "They weren't allowed to, Remolay. But they screwed up everything else so I thought I'd save them the trouble"}

REMOLAY: Does that mean I can ditch those assholes?

{Text changes to "No, shut up and let me speak"}

REMOLAY: Sorry ma'am.

{cut to the real world, Tri and Elipses are watching Remolay and Remadin in a trance}

ELIPSES: So I take it she didn't tell you she'd contact them directly?

TRI: When does she tell us anything useful!?

ELIPSES: When do we listen?

TRI: ... Shut up!

{Cut back to the black screen. The text now says "You have been wandering aimlessly and made almost zero progress. I was hoping you'd get Retconnicus to fix the problem to save time but you screwed that up too"}

REMADIN: What if killing Retconnicus was part of our destiny.

{Text changes to "Then you'd still be elves. Remadin, has it occurred to you that your village WASN'T supposed to be destroyed and you were supposed to stay there?"}

REMADIN: More often than you'd think, Goddess. I'm just too far caught up in this now to turn back.

{Text changes to "Indeed. Now all of your destinies are intertwined due to Elipses' fuck up. You all need to travel to defeat "The Eyeless"}

REMADIN: You can't mean S-

{Text abruptly changes to "NEVER SPEAK HIS NAME"}

REMOLAY: Valkyre, you cannot send me on this quest. S-... The Eyeless even scares me... Where are his eyes!? WHERE ARE HIS LEGS!?

REMADIN: He was banished long ago. Did someone summon him?'

{Text changes to "Yeah... about that... Your banishing magic wasn't very strong back then"}

REMADIN: I always questioned using kids to banish him.

{Text begins to change. Get's to "The adults we" before Remolay interupts}

REMOLAY: I'm getting tired of reading, can we do this face to face?

{Remolay and Remadin appear in a replica of Remolay's old home in the village, across a table from a tall beautiful elven woman}

VALKYRE: If we must. As I was saying... The adults were even more terrified of The Eyeless. Sending the children was stupid. Irrational. Dangerous. but they were stupid, irrational, and dangerous.

REMADIN: Yeah, that explains a lot.

REMOLAY: Shut up, brother.

{Valkyre summons an image of a snow white man with no eyes, a constant smile, and no legs floating through a mystical tunnel}

REMOLAY: Oh holy shit!

REMADIN: He hasn't escaped?

VALKYRE: Not quite yet, my child. He has broken his cage, but the mind dungeon can hold him for a bit longer. This tunnel is the path to his escape, and once he does the world will be in grave danger. You must prevent him from-

REMOLAY: Escaping, yeah I get it. How did you expect me to get to him on my own?

VALKYRE: I didn't. I was going to say wreaking havoc on the world. destroying everything in his path. You can't prevent him from escaping.

REMADIN: One question. At some point Tri and Elipses directed us towards a village that Remolay destroyed. Where does that play into this?

VALKYRE: Ah yes, The Greeter. He was a powerful warlock. Killing him delayed The Eyeless' return to our realm.

REMOLAY: And the rest of the village?

VALKYRE: Innocent Bystanders. It's you, Remolay. It can't be helped sometimes.

REMOLAY: And now I have to kill Sombaf.

VALKYRE: REMO- dammit.

{The image of the eyeless turns towards Remolay and smiles}

SOMBAF: Oh hey, It's been a long time! You ready to be part of my world? It's gonna be great!

{Remolay and Remadin start screaming. smash cut to them in front of Tri and Elipses, their trance breaking and them screaming. Tri and Elipses freak out}

ELIPSES: Guys! Guys! Calm down! What did she show you!

REMOLAY: The.. The eyeless... I spoke it's name... It looked at me...

REMADIN: It spoke of it's return in that horrifyingly gleeful voice.

TRI: You spoke it's name!? For the love of Valkyre, Remolay do you know what happens when you do that!?

REMOLAY: Valkyre kinda neglected to tell us that part, but he noticed me when I said it. Is that it?

ELIPSES: No. When one speak's Sombaf's na- oh shit.

TRI: Idiot brother! You know better than to speak Sombaf's- fuck!

REMADIN: Okay. Everyone. Stop saying Sombaf and Te- You know, I'd probably swear too if I knew what was going to happen.

ELIPSES: Well since everyone's said it, who cares now! When one speak's Sombaf's name he starts to haunt their dreams. The four of us are now in danger, and an Avatar of Sombaf will come to us in our sleep each night.

REMADIN: This feels familiar, somehow.

REMOLAY: So all we have to do is not sleep, right?

ELIPSES: That's stupid. You're stupid. We have to defeat the Avatars each night until we kill Sombaf.

REMOLAY: I can't believe I'm saying this, but that sounds tedious and I don't like that idea.

ELIPSES: Like it or not it's the only way.

REMADIN: Problem? I'm not a fighter. I literally do not know how to fight. I was the village's healer in a society where healers are considered pansies.

{Elipses opens his mouth but is interrupted by Remolay}

REMOLAY: Wall you better learn quick you fucking pansy.

{Elipses cringes and punches Remolay in the face}

ELIPSES: It's still his birthday, you ass!

{Remolay unsheathes a scimitar and holds it to Elipses throat}

REMOLAY: If you so much as think of touching me again, this will slice right through your neck.

ELIPSES: I have a gun, and my brother is already pointing an arrow at the back of your head.

{Zoom out to reveal that Tri is indeed already pointing an arrow at Remolay's head at point blank range}

TRI: The point is if you think about killing either of us, the other will strike you down in a heart beat

REMOLAY: No you won't, {Remolay pushes Tri's bow away} If I'm not around who'll be there to take out Sombaf.

ELIPSES: Remadin.

REMADIN: Yeah, I'd revive Remolay and watch him take the other of you out.

{Tri and Elipses gasp, Remolay starts to tear up}

TRI: Dude... What the hell...

REMOLAY: I've... I've never been more proud to call you my brother.

REMADIN: Don't get used to it. Family is everything and you're all I have left. Anything kills you and it will die. Not by my hands, not on my hands. Now shut up, put down your weapons and watch this {Remadin looks up to the sky} De'ruun!

{Everyone looks up as a large bird flies down right in front of them}

REMADIN: Meet De'ruun. He's been my friend since the banishing. If I recall correctly, he can carry 4 people on his back. Get on, he'll take us to the place of banishing. then we wait.

{Everyone gets on De'ruun's back. He starts to fly and gets a couple feet off the ground before a snap is heard and the bird fall's limp to the ground. Everyone get's off of his back and stands around him. He remains motionless.}

REMADIN: De'ruun?

{Remadin attempts to heal De'ruun. Nothing happens. He attempts to resurrect the bird multiple times and nothing happens. Remadin starts to cry}

ELIPSES: Er... You didn't take into account that all four of those people were very young elves, did you.

TRI: Very young humans, at this point.

{Remolay tackles both of them and starts punching them repeatedly}

REMOLAY: Don't you DARE make my brother feel worse about this! {Remolay gets off of them and walks over to Remadin} Hey brother... You want to do a burial for him?

{remadin nods, gets up, and hugs his brother. Remolay reluctantly returns the hug}

REMADIN: This is the worst birthday ever.

REMOLAY: I know, brother... I know.

{Screen fades to black with words "Unhappy end... God what have I done!"}