The RemolayRemadin Projects/Episode Six

The nation's lamest.

transcript

{open on Remolay in the apartment, sitting on the couch watching tv, with half a head of blonde hair. the hair is going over his eye like he's some sort of emo kid. Remadin walks in}

REMADIN: I'm back from the Furgeson ca- what's with the wig?

REMOLAY: What wig?

{Remadin grabs the hair off of Remolay's head and shows it to him}

REMADIN: This one.

REMOLAY: What is the... Where in hell did that thing come from!?

REMADIN: How do you not notice a wig covering one of your eyes!?

REMOLAY: I don't know, I thought I'd gone blind in my right eye or something. What does it matter?

REMADIN: It means someone broke into the apartment.

REMOLAY: And took nothing, didn't try to kill you somehow, and put a dumbass wig on me?

REMADIN: Do I have to quote Sherlock Holmes at you again?

REMOLAY: Yeah yeah, eliminated the impossible and all that bullshit, {Takes Wig and throws it in the trash can} It's not a big deal.

REMADIN: Well then... Now what?

REMOLAY: We go about ou-

{Various cutscenes from Saints Row The Third are shown while "You're on Fire" by They Might Be Giants plays at 5x speed. Cut back to the two, Remolay has the wig on again.}

REMOLAY: -r day as nor-

REMADIN: The wig is back.

REMOLAY: WHAT THE FUCK!

{Remolay takes wig off head and throws it in the trash again. Tri bursts through the door}

TRI: Did someone call for a wig abno-

REMOLAY: You aren't even in this episode, get out!

TRI: Fine! You bastard. {Tri leaves}

REMOLAY: Okay you were right. We need to do something about that wig.

REMADIN: let's see here {takes wig out of trash, looks at the inside of it} Nope, no tag about anything.

REMOLAY: It's clearly magic. I shouldn't have to say this. In fact I'm surprised I thought of it.

REMADIN: You're right. Remind me to have a talk with the writer later.

REMOLAY: I fired him, remember?

REMADIN: That wasn't canon. Now let's see here {Uses a magic detection spell on the wig} It's magic alright. Strong magic. I can't reove it, but I might be able to trace it.

{Fade to a sign that says "One piece of lazy writing later" Fade to the two in front of an apartment building. The wig is once again on Remolay's head, Remadin throws it into a nearby trash can}

REMOLAY: Which apartment did it come from.

REMADIN: Won't know until we're there. I know a way we can get in.

{Remadin starts to press all of the doorbell buttons, but Remolay punches through the window in the door and opens it from the inside}

REMOLAY: My way is faster, let's go.

REMADIN: Yeah, I'm going in by myself.

REMOLAY: The hell you are!

REMADIN: Barrier.

{Remolay falls to the ground}

REMOLAY: You win this round, brother.

{Remadin smirks and walks into the building. He notices the elevator is out of order, but then remembers he doesn't know which floor the guy is on and starts going up the stairs. Cut to Remadin knocking on a door. An anime haired man with eye make up like The Crow (that's what it looks like to me) answers}

CHAOS: Who in hell are you and how the fuck did you get in this buil-

{Remolay tackles Chaos from behind and starts punching him, the wig is back on}\

REMOLAY: Why! Did! You! Curse! Me! With! This! God! Damn! Hair!

REMADIN: Remolay, no! We need him to remove the spell!

REMOLAY: Oh yeah. {stops punching and throws the wig in Chaos' face} Get rid of this damn thing.

CHAOS: Fine... fine... {Makes the wig disappear} Now... will you leave me alone!?

REMOLAY: Oh no, I'm still going to kill you.

REMADIN: Barrier.

{Remolay falls on over on the ground, Remadin walks up to chaos}

REMADIN: That thing saves a lot of lives. I'm Remadin by the way, Remadin Da'Aylf.

CHAOS: How subtle. Chaos.

REMADIN: Well Chaos, Please for the love of Valkyre, never do that again.

{Remadin drags Remolay out of the room, who flips Chaos off. Fade to black with text that reads "And Chaos was never seen again."}