The RemolayRemadin Projects/Changes

Time may change me, but I can't trace time.

Transcript

{open on the 4 in a forest, cleaning up from the previous night}

TRI: Remolay, I have to say. That was quite a story last night about Remadin being adopted and all.

{Remolay tries to shut him up but is, of course, too late}

REMADIN: {surprised} I'm what!?

REMOLAY: Nothing! He said nothing!

{Remadin looks Remolay in the eyes}

REMADIN: You promised me you wouldn't lie to me on my birthday...

REMOLAY: {sigh} Look, We'll talk about it later, okay?

REMADIN: No. We have to talk about this now.

REMOLAY: Alright... Alright. {sighs again} Tri is lying.

REMADIN: No, you are again.

REMOLAY: {frustrated} Dammit! I hate you Tri! Remadin, sit down with me. Now!

{The brothers sit down on a log}

REMOLAY: {calmly and sincerely} Twenty years ago our parents were raiding a vi-

'{Elipses jumps between Remolay and Remadin}

ELIPSES: Guys! Guys! Important thing! Drop whatever the fuck you're doing and pay attention!

REMOLAY: {thankful} I love you, Elipses!

ELIPSES: I do not swing that way, friend.

REMOLAY: {normal} Okay, never mind. I hate you too.

{awkward silence}

ELIPSES: Anyways... I have discovered a vital target for completing your destiny. The dark wizard Retconnicus.

REMADIN: The Dragon Retconnicus, eh?

ELIPSES: That's right, the sorcerer Retconnicus. He can use his abilities to change the very fabric of reality. She could be doing it right now and we'd never even notice. This power could be used to change Remolay's destiny. It could be used to remove Remolay's destiny.

REMADIN: Oh dear...

{Remolay smiles ear to ear}

REMADIN: That's bad. brother.

REMOLAY: I fail to see how.

ELIPSES: If you no longer have your destiny, the universe will be destroyed.

REMOLAY: What!? It can't destroy the universe, It's the only place I know that has stuff I can kill!

ELIPSES: Good enough for me. The three of them must be stopped.

REMOLAY: And how do we find this Demigod Retconnicus?

{Elipses pulls out a map labeled "The Castle Retconnicus" and opens it to show Remolay}

ELIPSES: From what I can tell her cave is 80 miles northwest of here.

{A thatched roof cottage appears behind Remolay}

REMADIN: Well it sure was nice of her to let us camp out here. I don't really want to kill him.

REMOLAY: You never want to kill anyone, now get your ass into Retconnicus's Inn.

{cut to inside of Retconnicus's mansion, in his private study}

RETCONNICUS: No, no. a pool would be much better here

{an indoor pool appears in the study's place}

RETCONNICUS: Perfect! Oh, I am so tired of being a human male again, I think it's about time for another change.

{Retconnicus turns into a cat, Remolay and Remadin barge into the room}

REMOLAY: Magical Feline Retconnicus, show yourself! {falls into pool} Gah! Can't swim!

{Remolay swims to the pool ladder and climbs out. Retconnicus turns into an elven woman and shows herself}

RETCONNICUS: Well now you can.

REMOLAY: Now I can what?

RETCONNICUS: Swim.

REMADIN: But I taught him how to swim 6 years ago

RETCONNICUS: Exactly, because I willed it to- Oh whatever. Why are you here.

REMOLAY: We mean to kill you, beautiful sorceress!

REMADIN: He means to kill you, I want nothing to do with it.

RETCONNICUS: {sighs} Look, I could just bring you to the end of your journey.

{Retconnicus turns into a young boy}

RETCONNICUS: Would that be acceptable?

REMOLAY: Too late, already stabbed you in the heart.

{Retconnicus looks down to see a sword through his chest.}

RETCONNICUS: So I see...

{Retconnicus turns into a demon}

RETCONNICUS: Remolay and Remadin! I curse upon thee... HUMANITY! Humanity with all knowledge of what you've done!

{Retconnicus dies and the two are transported outside of the castle, now human. Remadin looks Remolay over, who is revealed to be caucasian}

REMADIN: You know, this is not what I thought he had in mind when he said Humanity.

{Remolay looks Remadin over, seeing that Remadin is clearly of Asian descent and not Caucasian.}

REMOLAY: Yeah... now might be a good time for that talk, brother.

{Elipses and Tri jump in from behind them}

TRI: Hey guys, how'd it go.

{Remolay turns becomes enraged at the fact that nothing went his way on this day}

REMOLAY: {yelling} Fuck it! Remadin, you're adopted! Our parents murdered your birth parents in a raid on their village. They tried to raise you as one of us, but the polite and intelligent nature of your people just had to shine through instead of our nasty diskishness!

ELIPSES: Jeez Remo, why are you so mad?

REMOLAY: {screaming} He turned us fucking human!

{Remolay runs into the woods}

TRI: {to Remadin} What's he talking about, you've always been human.

REMADIN: {sighs} Explaining all this is going to be fun...

{fade to black, writing appears on the screen: "Dedicated to Remolay the Writer's sanity, 1994-1994"}