(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/Wikihoodremake/eps/2
Summary
The team decide to explore an abandoned Military center in search for information on Time Travel, but the thing is that they are not alone.
Transcript
{Cut to the group standing outside of a clearing, with the cave adjacent. Cloak lands.}
CLOAK: So, what do we do now?
SEPHIROTH: Well, see, the reason why I rounded this team up was for 1 thing. For this. {Holds up the Chronos Gem.} I needed it for an invention I am working for. A time machine.
RICK: Time Machine, eh? Why am I the only normal one?
CLOAK: You know, that's the third time you've said that. And it's also the third time I haven't cared. If I can't sell it, I don't care for it. {begins walking off, picks up rick} This thing could get me a few bucks.
RICK: PUT ME DOWN
NOXIGAR: That hairdo's a mess, and despite your insistence on being "normal" you're anything but. You keep yelling stupid crap in all-caps and you seem to be nothing more than a living prop. My honest recommendation would be to go with my imaginary reflection of Namine here and be on your way with pretty much every Aruseus Emails character to have your ride pimped out by me later. 'Cause damn you need a makeover and you need it badly.
SEPHIROTH: Well, if you know what I am willing to pay you guys for, you'll change your mind.
DAGGER: I only want one thing, and I very highly doubt you can give it to me! As for my otherwise idiotic other, He just wants the treasure.
RICK: How much you paying?
SEPHIROTH: {Holds up a small glowing gem.} These. Thousands of them. They are Ragna Gems. Extremely rare. A single one can reach up to thousands in auctions.
NOXIGAR: Sephiroth, for the love of all that's mirthful, why are you introducing more concepts to part of an already-superfluous Chrono Gem scavenger hunt gone terribly wrong?
RICK: I'm in.
DAGGER: Like I said, uninterested.
SEPHIROTH: What is it that you want?
DAGGER: My old body.
SEPHIROTH: Ah... Alright. Go on then. It's not like we need you.
RICK: When are we leavin- {sees something move in the shadows} What was that?
SEPHIROTH: What?
RICK: Something moved in the shadows.
{Monolith lets off a blast into the shadows.)
MONOLITH: Probably nothing.
NOXIGAR: Probably nothing?
SEPHIROTH: Yeah. So... is anyone willing to go on another mission?
CLOAK: Oh, come on, big guy. You can't actually want to go an another mission with these 7.
RICK: I AM!
MONOLITH: {to Cloak} What's that supposed to mean?
SEPHIROTH: Who said I want to?
CLOAK: I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Monolith! And besides, you've got, An idiot, an explorer-AKA you, a useless girl, a bigger idiot, a Lawyer, a Decepticon, and a cabbit. Doesn't that just scream Idiocy to you?
NOXIGAR: You probably don't know the genre Wikihood Redux: The Remake was trying to emulate. To be honest, I don't know it either.
RICK: I WANT TO WHAT'S THE MISSION. Also, I'm the normal guy.
{A man in a dark suit walks onscreen.}
MAN: What's going on here?
NOXIGAR: How many jokers are we going to introduce every episode?
SEPHIROTH: {To Cloak} Listen here you cloaked freak. You don't need to come, and plus, it would be better if you didn't! You were just an annoyance last time anyway. And Rick, you're anything but normal. {To Black Suit} Mind your own business.
RICK: I don't have powers. Everyone else does.
{A phone in the man's pocket rings. He checks the phone.}
MAN: Oi, whatsyourface {looks at Sephiroth}, the phone's for you.
SEPHIROTH: Oh. Okay..
RICK: {The shadow moves} There it goes again.
MAN: Uh, "Sephiroth", how about opening it to respond?
CLOAK: Hmm...All righty, then. I just want to give my best friend a BIIIIIG pat on the back before I leave.
{Cloak gives Rick a huge slap to the back, then leaves.}
NOXIGAR: And here I thought he was being sarcastic!
SEPHIROTH: Right. {Picks up phone.} 'Ello?
VINDICATOR: {voice} So people in cloaks are freaks, huh?
RICK: The shadow is coming towards us.
SEPHIROTH: {To Rick.} Shh. {To Vindicator.} Not all people. Just this particular guy with multiple personalities. How did you know I said that?!
RICK: Seph, the shadow is right behind you.
{Monolith lets off another blast in the direction of the shadow.}
MONOLITH: If that won't kill it, nothing will.
SEPHIROTH: GODDAMN IT RICK I AM ON THE PHONE {To Vindi} Huh?
{Pan behind Sephiroth. Vindicator is standing there.}
VINDICATOR: Because I've been behind you the whole time.
NOXIGAR: This is not knee-slappingly funny, so I'm just going to pass along to the next scene in the hopes of finding some redeemable quality I can milk from this Wikihood incarnation.
{Vindicator explodes into confetti}
VINDICATOR: {voice} I'm not inviting you to the Mars party. I'm giving it to the Necrons. {dial tone}
NOXIGAR: Was that comment written by Bell?
{The shadow grows larger.}
RICK: RUN!
SEPHIROTH: Wow. That was some crazy crack I took this morning!
NOXIGAR: You don't take crack. Please don't pretend that you take drugs.
{The man stares at the shadow, and throws a match at it.}
MAN: Well, it's not just your shadow. {lights a cigarette}
{The shadow starts walking at the man.}
MAN: Ugh.
{The man walks through the shadow.}
MAN: It's a SHADOW.
NOXIGAR: Why am I already lost on this episode?
SEPHIROTH: ......You know what, I'm just gonna go. {Presses a button on his sleeve. A fluttering sound is heard.}
{The shadow attacks the man, and starts to devour him.}
MAN: Can't say I've had this done to me before.
{The man throws the cigarette into the shadow causing indigestion. (If the match bounces off and can digest people, then obviously the cigarette would affect the shadow.)}
SEPHIROTH: What the hell is it?
RICK: A MONSTER
MAN: Xenospecies, Class #456 - "Shadus Eradis".
RICK: Damn.
{The fluttering sound gets louder, and a huge wind is felt. Out of the skies comes a black Helicopter, with a Mr. Game and Watch piloting it.}
SEPHIROTH: Right. I'm off to my destination. Anyone willing to endanger their lives for immense riches follow me. {Climbs onto the Helicopter.}
NOXIGAR: Thank you, Indiana Jones.
MAN: I'm in.
{The man grabs the landing gear (that bit down bottom) for the helicopter. So does Rick.}
SEPHIROTH: Right. Why don't you come inside? It's starting to rain, anyway.
{Rick jumps in. The shadow starts to, but Rick kicks it.}
MAN: It feels more epic and dramatic like this.
NOXIGAR: No, see, "epic and dramatic" would be Lex actually writing anything for Katawa Hearts and succeeding in making my blood boil so hot it melts the known universe.
SEPHIROTH: Right.... {The Helicopter flies off into the skies, as it starts to rain.}
RICK: So, where we heading?
SEPHIROTH: To the Wiki City Military Facility! Shut down in 1960, due to life threatening experiments!
NOXIGAR: I have a better explanation: People hated the Vietnam War so much that military facilities were attacked.
RICK: Can you get superpowers? Wait, isn't that where the Shadus Eradis was made?
SEPHIROTH: Well, one of the reasons why they were shut down was due to the fact that they had been playing god, so It's possible. And Super Powers? ....Don't be silly. This isn't marvel comics.
NOXIGAR: It's not Marvel Comics? Oh damn. I guess I won't have to wait for Joss Whedon to make a crappy movie version of you guys. That's fortunate!
RICK: That guy is two people in one. Cloak.
SEPHIROTH: But he's a deranged psycho thief who is likely to have just escaped from Wiki City Asylum.
NOXIGAR: Wait we're in Wiki City? When was that established?
RICK: Asylum?
SEPHIROTH: Yeah. Where else do you think Bat crap insane people go?
MAN: Vindicator's a deranged psycho, and he became the emperor of Mars!
SEPHIROTH: Well... I don't know what to say. Hey.. what is your name, anyway?
MAN: Zs'Skrayr Shu'uxipol, but you can call me Suzumiya.
{Noxigar writes down the name "Zs'Skrayr shu'uxipol" for later use in New Wikihood.}
SEPHIROTH: Right. Don't worry, I won't make any references. {Shifty eyes.}
SUZUMIYA: If you dare say anything about me, my name, and the anime known as Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu, I will see to it that your organs are ripped out one by one.
SEPHIROTH: {Calmly.} I said I wouldn't. No need to make threats.
SUZUMIYA: Either the organs or Vindicator makes you watch the Naruto english dub.
NOXIGAR: The English dub's not that brutal. It's bad, but I can tolerate it compared to most other English dubs. You'd be better off making people watch actually-shitty animes.
Without pausing or ad breaks. If such a time will come, those will be your choices.
SEPHIROTH: Oh god. I just threw up a little.
NOXIGAR: I'm guessing for the faint of butt, Naruto's English dub would be pretty brutal enough to make people vomit.
{As the Helicopter moves to the horizon, a huge rundown building is seen. The Helicopter lands right outside of the building.}
SEPHIROTH: Right... We're here..
RICK: So, what are we here for exactly?
SEPHIROTH: Apparently, after it was evacuated, the site was deemed so dangerous everything had to be left behind. Including Top secret blueprints to Military Inventions.
RICK: Since I am normal, I will need a weapon. Hmm...
SEPHIROTH: True. As we don't know who, or what lurks there, it would be a good idea to carry something for self defense. That is why I brought these. {Takes out 3 SMG Guns from the Helicopter.} Oh yeah. {He also takes out a pack of grenades.}
NOXIGAR: Sephiroth must be loaded.
RICK: {Grabs a gun} That shadow could still be lurking.
SEPHIROTH: Well, There could be more here.
RICK: Shall we go in?
SEPHIROTH: Sure.. But keep your guard..
{They go in. Rick cocks his gun.}
NOXIGAR: hehehehe cocks
RICK: Which way?
{cuts to an unknown room. marissa is here, asleep. she gets up, and looks around}
MARISSA: Huh. This isn't my room. {picks up her cell phone. she dials something.}
{cuts back. ricks gun vibrates, and a cell phone falls out of it}
MONOLITH: Uh, Rick, your primitive phone is "ringing".
SEPHIROTH: Monolith? Just out of curiosity, have you seen 2001: A Space Odyssey?
MONOLITH: Once.
NOXIGAR: Honestly 2001: A Space Odyssey is not that great a movie. Its pacing's the most sluggish I've ever seen in any film ever. There's also not a whole lot of plot consistency from what I can tell.
NOXIGAR: Kind of like Wikihood Redux: The Remake!
{Noxigar winks}
{Rick examines it.}
RICK: {phone} Yeah?
MARISSA: Um, did you people take me out of my room last night, and shove me into some sort of a {cuts to the room marissas in. it is a teal room. many forms of meat are in boxes or hanging from the cieling} freezer. {cuts back} That may also explain the cold in the room.
RICK: No. Where are you?
MARISSA: In a freezer.
RICK: I mean, are there windows?
MARISSA: {sarcastically} Yes. And there is also a homeless shelter in here for dog toys.
RICK: Guys, a girl is trapped in a freezer. What's your name?
MARISSA: {yelling loudly, causing rick to flinch for a second, and so everyone in the room hears} IT'S MARISSA, YOU IDIOT!
RICK: {sarcasticly} Who?
MARISSA: You are so lucky you are on the other end of the phone line. {closes her phone}
MONOLITH: ...We moving or not?
{the room starts shaking. Cut to a wall. Skywarp crashes through it. MB and Kisekin get out, and Skywarp transforms into robot mode}
MATURE BLING: Sorry we're late, everybody, we-
{pan out to show the room is empty}
MATURE BLING: ...Crap.
{cut back to the others. The room is no longer shaking. Sephiroth is walking across a hallway holding a flashlight with Rick, and Monolith following.}
SEPHIROTH: This place looks totally wrecked.
{Suzumiya walks in.}
SUZUMIYA: Sorry. I had to kill Incubus for making a song weeaboos can relate to.
NOXIGAR: I forgot what a weeaboo was.
SEPHIROTH: .....Right..
RICK: {hears a loud noise} What was that?
SEPHIROTH: As I thought.. We're not alone.
SUZUMIYA: Why don't you go find out? {an evil smile crosses Suzumiya's face}
SEPHIROTH: Good idea... I'll go ahead. {Walks off ahead.}
{Rick goes to the right.}
RICK: Something is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
SUZUMIYA: No, not you. {points at Sephiroth}
{Rick is missing. Blood is everywhere.}
NOXIGAR: I guess Rick was just... {sunglasses} Too normal.
SEPHIROTH: I'm still going onwards!
{Cut to some sewers. Rick is panting. He sees a gang.}
RICK: Damn.
GANG LEADER: Alright, so we take everything. .....Gus! Check to see if anyone else is in the facility!
GUS: RIGHT SIR! {Starts to walk towards Rick.}
{Rick cocks gun and hides. When Gus comes by, he jumps behind him and puts gun to his head.}
RICK: {Imitating cop} FREEZE!
GUS: {Punches Rick in the face and grabs him.} SIR! I FOUND ONE!
GANG LEADER: Already?
NOXIGAR: There are gangs? Who else is in the Caverns of Time?
{Rick shoots gus and starts shooting guys. He runs out of ammo shortly and pistol whips Gus, who is on the floor. He then roundhouses the Gang Leader in the face and takes his guns and ammo. He starts to leave, when a shadow pops out.}
GANG LEADER: ......NOT RIGHT NOW!!! {Jumps on the back of Rick, and puts him in a grappling hold. He grabs the guns back and leaves along with the rest of the members.} SEE YA JERKFACE!!!!
RICK: Umm, help? {starts running, but heres a ticking sound. Sees a bomb.} DAMMI-
BADSTAR: {Sarcasm} Oh no, they're taking away the annoying Klavier look-alike. Whatever will we do?
{Cut to the other end of the sewer, where the gang members are. A flash is seen behind them.}
GANG LEADER: HA!
DOUG: Nice one James!
GANG LEADER: I know, I'm a genius. Let's see if anyone else is here, since he was.
{Cut back.}
RICK: IT'S A BOM- {explosion starts} GET OUT! I WILL STAY BEHIN- {more explosion sounds}
NOXIGAR: I hope Rick makes it out alive, to be honest.
{Cut back to where Sephiroth and the others are. The explosion is heard.}
SEPHIROTH: What the hell was that?!
ANA: RICK! He's out there!
BADSTAR: Whoo-hoo! I mean, um, no! What a tragedy!
{Ana roundhouses Badstar.}
NOXIGAR: What was that for?
SEPHIROTH: Damn! We gotta got get over there!
{The gang run by, holding huge sacks of objects.}
JAMES: DAMN IT! THESE BAGS ARE HOLDING US DOWN!....They probably aren't worth much... DROP THEM! {They all drop the sacks and run off.}
SEPHIROTH: Who the hell were they?
ANA: I know them. They used to work in England. They are the Running Bulls.
NOXIGAR: The Running Bulls? That sounds like a Bluehaven gang name if ever there was one.
MONOLITH: I'll get 'em.
{Monolith runs quickly after the gang and eventually catches up to them because of his mechanisms. He grabs the back of the shirt of both the leader and another guy and lifts them up high.}
MONOLITH: Hello there, boys.
JAMES: It would be a good idea to run. Somebody planted a bomb in the sewers under here, and surprisingly it wasn't us.
NOXIGAR: Wait we're in sewers now?
DOUG: Yeah. Also, one of your friends is stuck down there, so let us go, and we won't do anything.
MONOLITH: I don't think you're in a position to negotiate, boys. After all, I'm the only one who can bend your bodies out of proportion and can still stand to listen to the cracks.
JAMES: Just let us go man.. We're just simple people.. We only came here for one thing..
SEPHIROTH: Just let them go. They're not worth the time.
{cut to MB, Skywarp, and Kisekin}
MATURE BLING: Where the HELL are they?
NOXIGAR: Where the HELL are what?
SKYWARP: I dunno. {sees some stairs] Hey, MB! I think I just saw something move at the bottom of those stairs!
MATURE BLING: Huh? {walks over to the staircase, looks down it}
{Skywarp warps to behind MB, and pushes him down the stairs}
MATURE BLING: DAMMIT, SKYWARP!
NOXIGAR: Why did someone bring a Transformers character into this?
SKYWARP: Teehee.
{cut back to the others}
SEPHIROTH: I wonder where everyone went after we left the cave?
{Badstar gets up, bruised from the kick}
BADSTAR: DAMN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KICK ME
{Suzumiya kicks Badstar.}
SUZUMIYA: I only did it so I could fit in.
NOXIGAR: So is violently abusing Badstar going to be a running gag or will that be a plot point that gets buggered off in five minutes?
{Badstar falls unconscious. Cut to the blue void. Badstar appears}
BADSTAR: Huh? What? ...Oh for the love of god, not this hellhole again!
VOICE: Oh yes it is! {laughs} Oh, and, you got knocked out by two kicks? You're more of a wuss than I thought!
BADSTAR: Shut up! Like I said before, I'm not here for you to insult me! In fact... why the HELL am I here anyway!? I get you're training me... but... for what!? What danger can I possibly be in!?
VOICE: That is for me to know, and for you to find out. And now back to your training.
BADSTAR: Ya know what? I don't have to listen to this! {Covers ears(?)} LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU
VOICE: Oh, shut up.
{cut to the ruined city. Badstar is lying on the ground, with an ape-like shadow looming over him}
NOXIGAR: WHY IS PINPOINTING THE EPISODE'S MAIN LOCATION SO HARD?! {facedesk}
BADSTAR: ... {Slowly looks up}
{the shadow walks over Badstar as if he didn't notice him}
BADSTAR: {Gets up. Looks back at shadow} H-hey! W-who are you!?
{the camera spins around to show the ape-shadow walking towards Gilligan and Badstar's wife, who are also on the ground. The shadow pulls out a knife. It then starts becoming more humanoid, rather than ape-like}
NOXIGAR: Badstar has a wife?
BADSTAR: HEY! Get away from my son! {Runs towards the shadow}
{the shadow appears not to notice Badstar. His shape changes even more, as his body shrinks and his head expands}
BADSTAR: I said... GO AWAY! {Lunges towards the shadow}
{Badstar passes through the shadow as if he was a ghost. The shadow changes once again, this time becoming Badstar. Gilligan screams}
BADSTAR: Wha...? No... STOP IT!!! STOOOO-
{Badstar appears back in the void}
BADSTAR: Gah! {Falls backwards}
VOICE: You won't get out that easily!
NOXIGAR: I concede that I'd rather watch Naruto's English dub than this Wikihood remake episode.
{A large, floating boot appears beside Badstar. It kicks him offscreen. cut back to the ruined city. Only Badstar is onscreen. he is staring offscreen. Multiple screams are heard, and blood splatters onto Badstar's face. Cut back to the void}
VOICE: Training scenario one... complete. You may now exit the void.
{a door appears beside Badstar}
BADSTAR: N-n...NO! TELL ME WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS! WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT ME!? TELL ME!!! WHO ARE YOU!? W-
{Noxigar tries to hum the theme to Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya but winds up failing due to laughing too hard during part of it.}
{Cut back.}
MONOLITH: {to James} Right, why are you here?
{OOC: He's still holding them up by their shirts btw. - Nebs}
BADSTAR: {Wakes up} WHAT KIND OF SICK BASTARD ARE YOU!?!?
{cut to MB}
BADSTAR:{distant} WHAT KIND OF SICK BASTARD ARE YOU!?!?
MATURE BLING: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
NOXIGAR: WHAT KIND OF SICK BASTARD ARE YOU!?!?
{Cut back to the others. Long silence.}
MONOLITH: Awkward...
JAMES: While you're holding me, your friend is in danger!
MONOLITH: What makes you think he's my friend? {tightens his grip} Now, why are you here?
JAMES: Why are you grabbing me?
NOXIGAR: Quick! Someone grab James' boobs and compliment them so we can get somewhere with this plot!
MONOLITH: Why not? Now answer my question or I'll really lose my patience.
JAMES: Heh... heh... heh...
{The same shadow appears behind Monolith and starts to ravel itself around him. As Monolith is distracted, James and Doug escape from the grasp, and run outside, with the shadow following.}
SEPHIROTH: Damn.. I wonder what their deal was..
NOXIGAR: Your chemotherapy, Lexon Darkheart.
MONOLITH: Idiots, now they'll get it ten times worse.
{Monolith quickly runs after them. However, the shadow engulfs them, and they are soon gone, fading away in laughter.}
JAMES: HAHAHAHA! See ya loser! Hope to see you around again... {Fades away.}
SEPHIROTH: What the hell?! ......That, Is not normal.
MONOLITH: {yells out} COWARDS!!!
SEPHIROTH: Well, I hate to defend them, but you were threatening them.. But what was that they dropped? {Points to the bags.}
MONOLITH: I suppose that's another way at finding out what they were doing.
{Monolith opens the bags and various blueprints of Military Inventions fall out.}
SEPHIROTH: Whoa... How did they get a hold of this stuff?
NOXIGAR: Bluehaven dudes have connections to old military command units that were dropped after the Korean War.
MONOLITH: They must've found all the good stuff. See anything you want?
SEPHIROTH: {Checks through the bag.} Nope, Nope, nope.. Wait!... Is that what I... {Picks up a few sheets.} Oh god... It is! .....Wait.. There's something else... {Picks up even more sheets.} Whoa.. This is better than I had hoped!
MONOLITH: Can we leave then? I think I lost any interest in this place when my people-to-be-crushed got away.
SEPHIROTH: What about Rick? He's probably close to dying down there.. If he isn't already..
MONOLITH: Meh, who cares.
NOXIGAR: I do, you big dope!
He'll inevitably somehow become healthy again and follow after us.
{Monolith starts to leave. As he leaves, a large rupture of the ground begins, accompanied by the rising of a large, robotic machine.}
SEPHIROTH: GAH! OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
MATURE BLING:{offscreen} HEY! BE QUIET OVER THERE!
{The robot fires a laser at MB.}
MATURE BLING:{offscreen} OW
{The robot attempts to crush Sephiroth with his giant claw arm, Sephiroth jumps to the floor and rolls, narrowly missing the claw.}
SEPHIROTH: Damn!
{Just then, a window breaks. The robot tries to gain a visual on the object, and lo! It is Cloak, Wearing an eyemask and a cape. He lands on the third flight of stairs and begins tiptoeing, only to trip on his cloak and fall from the third flight all the way to the first floor, where everyone else is.}
NOXIGAR: Nobody warned Cloak about stairs?
CLOAK: Ow.
SEPHIROTH: Whoa.. Are you okay? {Runs over to Cloak to help him up.}
CLOAK: Yeah...I'm fine. I just decided to come back to steal your valu-Kill off one of-Get you into troub-Fine, I came here to help you guys. I realized while I was looting things in Costa Rica,
{Cut to a flashback of Cloak sitting in a beach chair drinking a fancy drink. He sips it several times, then shifts his head, and drops the glass it came in down his cloak.}
CLOAK: And I'd noticed something. It was a crappy photoshop picture that you gave me. It had all of us in a group photo that you could obviously tell was cropped from different pictures, standing in the cave before it came crashing down. This poorly drawn testament to our friendship moved me to...steal some nerd's superhero get-up and fly back here. I only found you guys because when I slapped Rick on the back, I left behind a beacon that I figured I could use later to steal you valu-Kill off one of-Get you into troub-...Buy you all chocolates?
NOXIGAR: You came an awful long way just to buy them chocolates.
SEPHIROTH: Thanks! Well, as you see, we're in a bit of a pickle here, as this place is set to explode, and there's a big-ass mecha trying to kill us. Yeah... HOLY CRAP!
BADSTAR: HOLY HELL ROBOT. ...Wait! I have a brilliant plan!
CLOAK: No need, citizen! {rips off superhero clothing} I have a brilliant plan to defeat this beast!
{Cloak flies up along his arm, dragging his blade along it. He lands on the head, and begins stomping it. The robot picks him up with the cut hand and throws him to the wall.}
CLOAK: Ow.
BADSTAR: ...NOW do wanna hear my plan?
{Repeats the same process with the other arm. He hops on the head and constantly dodges the cut arms.}
CLOAK: I'm listening...
BADSTAR: We defeat the mechanical beast... WITH A SONG! {Pulls out a cane and tophat}
NOXIGAR: Suddenly my stomach acid is boiling while I am trying to figure out what's going on.
{Cloak tears a huge hole in the head. Then he jumps off and pulls out a match. He begins running to the top floor.}
CLOAK: No. That's a horribly strewn idea. We need something clever.
BADSTAR: Oh, c'mon! I spent 20 bucks on these!
CLOAK: You just need something more complex...something like...{prepares to light the match}
{Skywarp, in jet mode, flies in. MB and Kisekin jump out of him, and he transforms}
SKYWARP: I say we push him down a flight of stairs.
NOXIGAR: Someone warn these people about the dangers of stairs.
CLOAK: No thanks. {Cloak lights the match and holds it up to the sprinklers. They begin to go off, and fall in the Mecha's cuts. The mecha begins to malfunction, then deactivate.} Perfect.
{The mecha grabs hold of Rick and exposes a detonator, set for 10 seconds.}
CLOAK: That's a new feature.
NOXIGAR: {sighs} It keeps happening.
{Cloak begins to jump and fall off the guard railings, to reach Rick faster. Before he can get to Rick, the timer hits Zero. The mecha explodes, and Rick is left in the middle of the Mecha's leftover ashes and debris. Cloak falls face-first into the ground.}
CLOAK: I meant to do that.
BADSTAR: ... Can we sing and dance anyway?
CLOAK: Dude, somebody just died. Now, I know that he wasn't the most liked character, but we still deserve to mourn his loss.
MATURE BLING: ...No, I say we sing and dance.
BADSTAR: {Tosses a hat and cane to MB} Let us dance, my friend!
MATURE BLING:{puts hat on} Oh my, yes!
{The opening tune to this starts playing}
BADSTAR: ...Fly me to the moon! Let me sing among the stars!
MATURE BLING: Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars!
BADSTAR: {Starts dancing} In other words... hold my hand!
MATURE BLING:{starts dancing as well} In other words... baby, kiss me!
SKYWARP: I hear the sound of yaoi fic writers mashing keys on their keyboards...
NOXIGAR: No, I think the Frank Sinatra music would've repulsed most yaoi fic writers, if not confused them into losing their idea in the first place.
BADSTAR: Fill my heart with song! Let me sing forevermore!
MATURE BLING: You are all I long for, all I worship and adore!
SKYWARP: Their typing is getting more furious...
NOXIGAR: No, that's my typing in a small attempt to tell you why your joke is not funny.
BADSTAR: In other words, lead me true!
MATURE BLING: In other words, I love you!
SKYWARP: The yaoi fic writers' fingers are starting to hurt...
NOXIGAR: This joke has overstayed its welcome, Prince Ahellno!
CLOAK: I'm seriously going to kill you two! Oh Crap!
CHORUS: OH CRAP!
CLOAK: They caught me in their singing.
SKYWARP: Their hands just broke...
NOXIGAR: Nope, that'd be carpal tunnel.
{Badstar and MB link arms and start to walk down a long flight of white stairs}
SKYWARP: Now they have to type with their feet...
NOXIGAR: People don't type with their noses or elbows? Or get cream to mitigate the carpal tunnel in their hands?
BADSTAR: Why don't you fill my heart with song? Let me sing forevermore!
CLOAK: Let me pull my knife to end you and to end this horrid score!
{The stairs collapse and Badstar and MB are crushed. A mysterious person stands nearby.}
MYSTERIOUS PERSON: Hm, I wonder how that happened.
{The mysterious person pulls a well face and disappears in a swirl of light.}
NOXIGAR: FORCED MEME GET OUT
SEPHIROTH: Guys? Don't lie there, we've got what we need. Let's go!
CLOAK: Um, screw that. What about the mysterious guy that did it?
{MB gets up and dusts himself off. Skywarp is grinning}
MATURE BLING: ...Don't you dare. DON'T. YOU. DARE SAY IT.
SKYWARP: IN SOVIET RUSSIA, STAIRS ARE PUSHED DOWN YOU!
MATURE BLING: DAMN YOU, SKYWARP! Now help me get Badstar out from under these steps.
{Rick starts coughing. He is close to death.}
MATURE BLING: QUIET!
BADSTAR: {Pokes head out of steps} Aw, CRAP! I think he survived! {Notices Ana giving him a deathly glare.} {Nervous} Gah! I mean...uh... thank jesus! He survived!
{long silence. Kisekin attacks Skywarp}
NOXIGAR: Explain to me what kind of name Kisekin is, please.
SKYWARP: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOHWAITICANTELPORTRIGHT {teleports away from Kisekin. Kisekin simply jumps back onto Skywarp, and he starts running around} OWOWOWOWOW
CLOAK: Hey, some weird things are going on. Perhaps we should look into them?
MATURE BLING: No. {walks over to where Skywarp would be in a few seconds and sticks his leg out, tripping Skywarp, which causes Kisekin to let go of Skywarp and fly into Cloak, ripping a hole in his cloak}
CLOAK: Oh, no! You've ripped my cloak! {pulls it off to reveal another cloak.} Good thing I wear layers.
MATURE BLING: Whatever, Kakashi.
NOXIGAR: What does Kakashi have to do with this?
{A corridor of darkness opens up. A person in a black jacket with the hood covering its face arrives atop Skywarp. A nametag on him says Noxigar}
NOXIGAR: I see that you guys are in some peril?
NOXIGAR: Oh, good, I show up. Just when there would've been more plot holes in dire need of filling.
CLOAK: OH MY GOD, IT'S A FUTURISTIC MAGICIAN ASSASSIN COME TO DESTROY US ALL!
NOXIGAR: I am the futuristic Magican Assassin Puppetmaster behind all of this riffing! And I designed these curtains I'm hiding behind while controlling everything!
{Cloak pushes Skywarp, with Noxigar still on him, and he somehow falls down a staircase that appears out of hammerspace.}
CLOAK: Whoops.
{Noxigar slowly, but surely, gets back up}
NOXIGAR: What was that for?
{Noxigar slowly gets up the stairs, limping at times as opposed to walking}
NOXIGAR: I guess something's made you guys mentally unstable?
NOXIGAR: 10 POINTS TO THE GUY WITH THE BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT ABOUT EVERYTHING IN WIKIHOOD REDUX: THE REMAKE!
{Noxigar looks back at Skywarp, then takes out two red chakrams. He throws one at Skywarp, slicing him. Then another corridor of darkness arrives, and Noxigar kicks Skywarp into it.}
NOXIGAR: I'll have to modify that robot to suit your guys' needs.
CLOAK: I don't think he'd be too happy with that.
NOXIGAR: Who's he? Anyway, I'm off. I have to reinstall his personal drive so he doesn't get pain from being used as a platform. In addition, I also have to enlarge the platform that consists of him.
{Noxigar goes through the corridor of darkness, which closes behind him}
CLOAK: Man, this is all horribly strewn. I wonder if that Rick guy died yet.
{After a while, Noxigar arrives back through use of the corridor of darkness, and makes Skywarp larger in size}
SKYWARP: I like these improvements. Why am I larger though?
NOXIGAR: To fit more people in. Time travel brings a lot of people together.
{Sephiroth claps, grabbing the attention of the crowd.}
SEPHIROTH: Hello? Are we just gonna stay here like morons or what? Let's go!
NOXIGAR: About that... what kind of peril are you guys in? I might be able to help.
SEPHIROTH: This place is crumbling. It's quite a wonder why it hasn't collapsed on us yet, to be honest. Maybe a quick way out could be good? There's a free helicopter ride in it for you if you do!
{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness. Everyone goes in it. They appear outside, just in time to see the building collapse.}
NOXIGAR: I like how I just throw a wild wrench and the plot hole gets fixed. I also like how that didn't solve anything.
SEPHIROTH: Whoo. {Wipes sweat off brow.} So, what do we do with this "Rick" guy?
{OOC: ...Noxigar, how big did you make Skywarp, anyway? And, besides, his size in robot mode doesn't really affect his size in vehicle mode. He's compressing his size in robot mode.}
BADSTAR: Well, he IS dead, so I'd say bury him.
SKYWARP: I say you put him in me and I'll fly over a cliff and drop him.
BADSTAR: Or maybe we COULD EAT HIM
{OOC: I guess I modified him by adding a platform to let people windsurf while on Skywarp}
MATURE BLING: Eh, I don't think he'd taste that good.
{OOC: Oh. Okay then.}
NOXIGAR: AT LAST! THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER!
