(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/The Adventures of Domo and T Pedo/coolcon
{A newspaper shows up on the screen.}
NEWSPAPER: {Reading itself} COOLCON '09! Visit today! Favorite stars like... Domo! T Pedo! Pedobear! Lemon! Im a bell! Well-spider! Remains of Michael Myers! Jason Voorhees! Freddy Krueger! Japanese Woman! Crazy Man Dancing w/ Dynamite! Leatherface! Big Mac the Macintosh! Apocalypse! Hurricane! Ichigo! Naruto! Chuck Norris! MELON: MelonDemon43! Bluebry!The Dalek Ichigo Killed! Snakezon H4R0H1! And finally... Talking newspaper!
{Fade to T Pedo's American home. Domo is sitting on a couch, watching Scrubs.}
T PEDO:{walks in} ...Scrubs? You like that show?
MELON: omg i dont!!!!! it suk after teh got rid of jay dee!!!!1111
DOMO: Yes. Why don't you like it, Dr. Cox- I mean Tim?
T PEDO: I don't know...
{A newspaper flys through the window and hits Domo.}
DOMO: Damn newsboy... {Picks up newspaper and reads} T! Look at this!
T PEDO: WHAT IS IT D
DOMO: Candlejack is on the loo-
{Candlejack comes in. Domo shows him Big MacMELON: Sorry, I'll just have fries.and he takes that instead. Domo then pulls in another Big Mac.}
DOMO: Also, Coolcon '09 is tomorrow! Let's bring Big Mac, Lemon, Bell, and us! After all, we're VIPs and we get a free flight!
T PEDO: ...SWEET
DOMO: Hm, it says VIPS can bring one more. Who should we be?
T PEDO: Hmm...
IM A BELL: I already bought my plane ticket, so you can exclude me from the list.
DOMO: Okay... So now we need two more... BAHMELON: Humbug.LET'S JUST GO WITH YOU, ME, LEMON, AND BIG MAC. MCDONALDS BIG MAC: ME!?
MELON: I thought I said I would just have fries....
DOMO: No. The Macintosh
MCDONALDS BIG MAC: Awww...
DOMO: Now, let's go.
{fades to an airport. Domo and T Pedo shows the VIP to a ladyMELON: after getting a rather uncomfortable patdown. they go on the plane's first class section and sit down.}
IM A BELL:{walks in and sits down} Hey, guys.
LEMON: Wait, I thought you were going into Coach!
IM A BELL: I did, too, but I apparently bought a First Class ticket.MELON: I demand a refund!
DOMO: Anyways, I'll look at this cool comic I found at a cafe with this blond.
{Domo pulls out a comic about competitive motorcycle racing. A man in the comic winks at him and a sketch like hand comes out, inviting Domo to enter his animated world. Domo grabs the hand. Cut to the comic. Through a creative effect they both view each other through a window which shows them (and the cast members) alternately in live action and animated. Cut to real life. The flight aid of the plane comes back to give Domo peanuts, she finds Him missing and believes that he has left without peanuts. She angrily crumples up the comic book and throws it into the wastebasket. As this happens, two of the man's competitors in the race come back for revenge. One, wielding a pipe wrench, smashes the window. The man punches one of the thugs and retreats with Domo into a maze created by the crumpled paper. The man tears a hole so Domo can escape as he faces the two thugs. Domo, heavily ink-stained, reappears on the floor next to the waste basket on the plane, to the surprise of the airport employees and cast.}MELON: Wikipedia, much?
DOMO: Well, that was weird.
IM A BELL: ...Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
DOMO: That guy was just so dreamy... Oh, the plane is landing.
{It lands}
IM A BELL:{sarcastic} ...Well THAT was an amazing landing.
LEMON: Oh, was it?
{The get off the plane and find a guy with a sign saying "DOMO, T PEDO, BIG MAC, BELL, LEMON". They go to him and step onto a limo.}
IM A BELL: ...Dare I ask why we're standing on the roof of the limo?
DOMO: ...I don't know.
{The step into the limo. There are LEADMELON: Be careful, you might get LED poisoning!lights everywhere. this is playing on the radio.}
T PEDO: ...Wait, where are we going again?
{Everyone but T Pedo facepalms.}
DOMO: COOLCON 09 COOLCON 09
T PEDO: ...Was there ever an '08?
DOMO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THIS IS NEW.
T PEDO: OH I SEE
{The limo stops. Everyone walks out of the limo.}
LEMON; Here we are. Coolcon '09.
{Shows a gold, glowing building saying "Coolcon '09"}
IM A BELL: I wonder how much this cost.
GOLD GLOWING BUILDING: Coolcon '09! Coolcon '09!
{They walk in while doing a bad jig}
IM A BELL: DANCE DANCE DANCE {trips and falls}
{They show their VIP passes to a guy and go to their golden booth while doing a bad disco jig}
IM A BELL: DISCO DISCO DISCO {trips and falls on his afro}MELON: How phresh.
{A small, chubby, stinky kindergartner runs up to the stand}
KINDERGATNER: {to T Pedo} Hewwo! Me name Tim wike you!
T PEDO: HEY SAY THIS WORD OUT LOUD AND YOU WIN A PRIZE {pulls out a sign that says "Candlejack"}MELON: I sense a reoccurring theme.
TIM: Candajak!
{Pause. Nothing happens}
T PEDO: Hmm... CANDLEJACK
{Candlejack runs in. T Pedo gives him Tim. Candlejack takes Tim and runs off}
{Domo does a jig on top of the booth.}
T PEDO: RAZZLE DAZZLE {runs off}
{Five weird teenagers with iPods and Mohawks walk up.}
TEENAGER: haw haw look at those geeks! lol... LOL!!!
IM A BELL: ... {sees the iPods, screeches, starts attacking them}
{Lemon and Domo combine their super duper powers to rewind time and pause it. They take the iPods and replace them with normal MP3s. resume.}MELON: I have a sense this will be getting redundant.
IM A BELL: ... {screeches, starts attacking the teens}
{Lemon and Domo combine their super duper powers to rewind time and pause it. They take the MP3s and replace them with plastic mp3s. resume.}MELON: This is getting redundant.
IM A BELL: ... {screeches, starts attacking the teens}
{Lemon and Domo combine their super duper powers to rewind time and pause it. They take the plastic MP3s and replace them with apples. resume.}MELON: This is getting redundant.
IM A BELL: ... {screeches, starts attacking the teens}
{Lemon and Domo combine their super duper powers to rewind time and pause it. They take the apples and replace them with Im a bell dolls. resume.}MELON: This is getting redundant.
IM A BELL: ... {screeches, rips open a hole in reality, runs into it}
{Lemon throws the teens in the hole and puts a patch on the hole. Domo smacks Lemon, takes off the patch, takes out Bell, and puts a No-teen patch on it. Im a bell smacks Domo and puts a nicotine patch on it. A huge crowd begins Domo, T Pedo, and Lemon dance for them}MELON: This is getting... oh wait.
IM A BELL: OH GOD THERE BEGINNING TO DOMO RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
VOICE: This place... This place is like, going to explode in 5 minutes.
IM A BELL: OH THANK GOD I WANTED TO DIE
{God's Almighty Hand comes in and grabs Big Mac, Lemon, Bell, Domo, and T Pedo, making them safe.
IM A BELL: DAMMITMELON: got dang it bobby
{BOOM.}
{a piece of wall stabs itself into Bell's head}
IM A BELL: HOLY HELLMELON: Batman!
{THEY RUN}
T PEDO: IIII'M RUNNING NOW {trips on a rock, explodes in a mushroom cloud}
DOMO: ATTOMMIIICCC BOMMMMB
IM A BELL:{transforms into what appears to be Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, but with a sword in his afro} SUPER FIST OF THE MAKE-THIS-SERIES-EVEN-STUPIDER: RANDOM CRAP
{cut to Bell in front of many burning people. His head starts shaking, turns red, and explodes. Then cut to a car. What is love is playing. T pedo, Lemon, and Domo are head bobbing. A vampire wielding a knife appears in the car}
VAMPIRE: SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS {repeatedly stabs Lemon in the ear}
DOMO: ACCIDENT? LIKE YOU BROKE A WINDOW MATT A BABYMELON: ...what?
IM A BELL: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF {pulls out a knife, repeatedly stabs Lemon in the other ear}
DOMO: I'LL TAKE YOUR AIDS {Pulls out Big Mac, repeatedly stabs Lemon in the heart}
T PEDO: WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WOZZLE {repeatedly bites Lemon on the nose}
DOMO: NORRRRMAAALLLL SOONG YOU SING IT TO BE NORMAL
{Cut to the Coolcon remains. There are many corpses and pieces of flaming gold.}
T PEDO: ...GOLD {touches the burning gold} OW. ...GOLD {touches the burning gold} OW. ...GOLD {touches the burning gold} OW. ...GOLD {touches the burning gold} OW. ...G-
{Bell roundhouse kicks T Pedo in the face}
DOMO: ... I CALL THE CORPSES
{Domo starts eating corpses, 10 a minute.}
IM A BELL: THIS TV SHOW SUCKS
DOMO: ... AND YOU JUST NOTICED THIS FACT
IM A BELL: WHY THE HELL ARE WE EVEN IN IT
DOMO: I DON'T KNOW THIS IS SO DUMB THAT WE'RE YELLING
IM A BELL: IS ANYONE EVEN WATCHING THIS SHOWMELON: Hmmmm... Maybe one?
DOMO: Actually, 335 people tuned into the first episode, and 422 for this, really.
IM A BELL: ...Neat.
DOMO: I know, really? Now 426 people have tuned in for this episode.
IM A BELL: How can you tell?
DOMO: Well, I'm reading a teleprompter.
IM A BELL: ...Teleprompter? What telepro-
{A teleprompter falls onto Bell's head, knocking him out. Domo fuses with bell, making Im a Doll,MELON: You can't hurt me, I'm a little doll! c:who fuses with Lemon's corpse to make Im a Dollmon. Then, Im a Dollmon forms with T Pedo to make T Dollmondo, who is 50 ft tall. (Tee Doll-mawn-do). T Dollmondo breaks out of the studio and rages over Hollywood}
T DOLLMONDO: GNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHL
{Helicopters and tanks come on and shoot}
T DOLLMONDO: HRAAAAAAAAALLLLLLGH {steps on some tanks}
{ T Dollmondo realizes he's two feet tall}
T DOLLMONDO: ...HHHHHNGHSHNIGGLETTY {runs into a wall}
F MATOMA: MMMMMPHMAAARRL {THIS IS YOUR MOM GO TO BED}
T DOLLMONDO: FLIGGELLLLLLSNM {I NO WANNA}
F MATOMA: GRRRAAOOUUULLL {DON'T MAKE ME PULL OUT THAT KNIFE}
T DOLLMONDO: SWAAAAAALLLLL {KNIFE WHAT KNIFE} {sees a knife in his chest} HNGHGHGHGHLBLBL {OH THAT KNIFE}
{T Dollmondo turns back into all of the characters, now passed out fade to black. To be continued...? is on the screen}
MELON: Of course randomness is always the punchline.
