RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/87

{Noxigar frantically searches for Episode 87.}

NOXIGAR: Oh, I know it's here somewhere. Lex's episode, it's gotta be here!
NAMINE: Lex wrote an episode?
NOXIGAR: Yeah, and-
{Noxigar finds "Ben's Asshole" from Tyrannosaurus Lex's edit history.}
NAMINE: ...this just got weird.
NOXIGAR: Eh, it's typical shock jock humour.
NAMINE: I admittedly expected better from Lex.
NOXIGAR: I didn't.
NAMINE: Wow, low blow, mate.
NOXIGAR: Why are we increasingly talking like Ben & Lex?
NAMINE: I dunno. I kind of lost track after we stopped watching CM Punk videos to WWE it up.
NOXIGAR: I'm waiting for the BELL QUEST reboot still.
{Short pause.}
NAMINE: I'm still waiting for Katawa Hearts. Of all the things Lex proposes that involve getting you to riff something on purpose and he's only included me in the cancelled project of his.
NOXIGAR: I could make a Katawa Hearts.
NAMINE: No, then it wouldn't be as awesome as Lex doing it.
NOXIGAR: How come?
NAMINE: What if Lex wrote about me, and wrote me so out-of-character that your Somebody would find it horrifyingly atrocious, that instead of disliking it he liked it begrudgingly?
NOXIGAR: That
NOXIGAR: That might've actually been his plan all along.
{Namine sits on Noxigar's lap.}
NAMINE: {whispers in his ear} What if Ben and Lex decide I get to travel the United States and fight Meryl Streep with them?
{Short pause.}
NOXIGAR: I, uh, think you're supposed to ask me what you want for Christmas this year.
{Namine closes her eyes and shakes her head, but laughs a little.}
NAMINE: Nox, you silly sausage. I already have what I want for Christmas.
{The camera zooms out of the paused episode, to reveal Namine's PlayStation 4 and games.}
NAMINE: Lex got it for me.

NOXIGAR: Go, Lex!

meanwhile in scotland

NOXIGAR: PROGRESS, THEY FINALLY PROGRESS THROUGH-

{Short pause.}

NOXIGAR: They were in The Atlantic Ocean proper. I forgot.

Transcript

{Open to the Scottish highlands. Fergus the Red Squirrel and Moira, Henry's cousin (Who's an Ice Cream truck) are hanging around.}

MOIRA: GUID DAY FERGUS, AH GOT A TEXT FRAE HENRY.

FERGUS: HENRY, YE SAY? AIN'T 'E YER WEE 'ELICOPTAE CUSSIN'?

MOIRA: AYE, LAD. 'E AND QUINT WANNAE VISIT.

FERGUS: VISIT? WA TH' BUCK WOODS ANYBODY WANT TAE VISIT SCOOTLUND?

MOIRA: SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTLUND

FERGUS: SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTLUND!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOXIGAR: Already, Moira and Fergus are my kind of people. I always fantasized about talking ice cream trucks.

{Moira and Fergus do a highland jig to bagpipes, twirling their kilts while doing so. Cut back to Quint and Henry.}

NOXIGAR: How does an ice cream truck fit in a kilt?

HENRY: On second thought Quint, let's not go to Scotland.

QUINT: aren't we supposed to be going to maine

HENRY: oh yeah

{They're in their living room.}

HENRY: oops

NOXIGAR: They prepared for the wrong trip.