RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/76

here are some true stories

NOXIGAR: That are, of course, not true.

Cisscript

{Open to the two}

HENRY: So, Quint, how did your ear candling go?

QUINT: Went down smooth, like a Belarus Budgerigar.

HENRY: Oh, is that a drink?

QUINT: No, I mean when I eat budgerigar's what the hell

NOXIGAR: You eat drinks? That's new.

HENRY: Oh. You know, I'm part budgerigar.

QUINT: what how

HENRY: How do you think I can fly?

NOXIGAR: You're a helicopter, not a drink.

QUINT: Oh.

HENRY: Come to think of it, I haven't seen mum in a while. Not since you last went to the Belorussian pet shop!!

QUINT: I think that's because she works as an ear candler, and gives ear candlings to all the fluffy animals. Being a fluffy animal, I was there. I had so much earwax and stuff that she had to have a little rest.

HENRY: Oh, that sounds fair enough.

{Short pause}

QUINT: Also I ate her.

{Noxigar vomits, then stomps on the couch in sheer fury.}

{End}