RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/39

Aww yeah

Transcript

{Open to the two, both of whom are wearing headbands and sunglasses. A beat is playing in the background.}

NOXIGAR: Hm. This episode is going to be good; I can tell.

{Short pause}

NOXIGAR: Wait, what beat's playing?

QUINT: {Rapping} You know we're always being stupid but it's time for a change
I'm here to show the world what is within my range
So me and my pal Henry yo we got this all arranged
So now I've started rappin' 'bout my life as Koala bear
I'm short and I'm cuddly and I'm covered in hair
And though I might look cute to intrude or I will scare
But even though I'm great I gotta take a breath
And though I could afford it I do not take Crystal Meth
Anyway this been Quint, not my brother Seth

NOXIGAR: I never thought Quint and Henry could gangster rap

NOXIGAR: But, hey, they did it and made me look like a complete sap
NOXIGAR: I still think Quint is just itching for a smack
NOXIGAR: But at the very least I don't assume he's on crack
NOXIGAR: Since he's already disproved that fact
NOXIGAR: With absolutely zero tact
NOXIGAR: At the very least his rhyme's not absolute crap

NOXIGAR: Although I honestly wish his lyrics had less of a gap

HENRY: {Rapping} So Henry's here rappin' 'bout his trip to Maine
And even though it's long and I have right to complain
I'm so bad-ass I'm still goin' I don't strain
So I have to blades and an engine in the back
And the room I have inside me well this is just wack
and if you disrespect me I will give you a smack
Now this ain't the best beat I could do far better
And my mouth is so dry even the Sahara's wetter
so now I'm gonna let my buddy Quint freestyle another letter

NOXIGAR: They just switch the whole time, talking about their journey to Maine?

NOXIGAR: Well there goes a whole episode down the drain
NOXIGAR: Then again, I honestly shouldn't complain
NOXIGAR: I was not expecting much, given this show's track record
NOXIGAR: To think the episode would be golden the entire time was just absurd
NOXIGAR: And I really shouldn't have thought that, not a single word
NOXIGAR: Since that'd just be confirmation bias proving me right
NOXIGAR: At least Strong Intelligent shows he can properly write
NOXIGAR: A properly tolerable episode, if given the chance

NOXIGAR: I really can't keep this up, since there's no beat for me to dance

QUINT: So even though it says bear I'm actually marsupial
and despite not being human I still get all the groupies - all
and I'm all refreshed and ready now I've had a drink of soup eel
...flavoured, is what I would of said
but I ran out of syllables saved it for the next line instead
also with soup you should have a bit of bread
now I don't think there's a chorus but we gotta keep going
just like the sun keeps on shining and the winds keep on blowing
and up in the Antarctic it just keeps on feckin' snowing

NOXIGAR: I get the feeling Strong Intelligent didn't want to take that much time

NOXIGAR: Working on the episode, hence the massive quality decline
NOXIGAR: In the lyrical style, that I can't really get behind
NOXIGAR: Then again, I'm also not a fan of egotistical lines
NOXIGAR: As part of most freestyle rapping's rhymes
NOXIGAR: I feel like Quint's boombox is made of nickles and dimes
NOXIGAR: Or was cheap enough to feel like that was the case
NOXIGAR: Anyway, like usual I feel completely out of place

NOXIGAR: I highly doubt this riff will actually turn out to be ace.

HENRY: Sorry, gotta interrupt, I got things to say
I've been riding through these winds from August to May
I'm running out of food and out of games to play
I'm rapping and I'm running and I'm robbing the stores
and while I do this no sweat drips from my pores
and I do it whilst doing eighty-million chores
you see this is a very special episode of our show
for once no guest characters named Francis or Joe
considering usually twenty four hundred tend to show up in a row

NOXIGAR: This set of lyrics could have been eliminated

NOXIGAR: For the superfluousness could've been confiscated
NOXIGAR: I think the premise of this episode has exacerbated
NOXIGAR: Given Henry and Quint have been doing this rap for quite a while
NOXIGAR: And no special characters are around to say anything vile
NOXIGAR: I guess I can just turn back the giant sundial
NOXIGAR: I wonder if Strong Intelligent knows about Berthold Cumburnscarslich

NOXIGAR: And if not, it doesn't matter, my riff continues to go on without a hitch.

QUINT: See this is the last time, you go by the rule of three
also I gotta stop I really need to pee
also just clarifying I am a total G
So I'm not just rude I'm completely defiant
My gonads even larger than Andre the Giant
All the ladies love it so much and I will be their suppliant
I walk around town knowing that I'm completely balla
And then the bitches see me they go "holla holla"
and that's the last of the rhymes from the world's greatest koala.

NOXIGAR: {sighs} This goes on for way too long, I'm afraid

NOXIGAR: But I highly doubt this koala gets laid
NOXIGAR: And I also doubt that he gets paid
NOXIGAR: Looking at this episode continues to be more of a visual pain
NOXIGAR: My left eye feels like it's been repeatedly slain
NOXIGAR: This rap episode really doesn't have anything to gain
NOXIGAR: From repeating Quint's egotistical rhetoric repeatedly

NOXIGAR: Just a minute more of this, and I'm home free.

HENRY: So I have the privilege of finishing this song
it's gone on even longer than my eighty foot schlong
yeah, sorry about the last lyric, that really was just wrong
see, this annoys me so much I just gotta go on a rant
I know I shouldn't say it but I can't stop it, I can't
and then my ego shrinks to the size of an end
anyway here's the last few lyrics of this dreadful rhyme
so to finish up here's some herbs: mint and thyme
some fruits as well: banana, lemon and orange.

{The beat stops and Henry exhales, exhausted.}

{Takes a deep breath.}
NOXIGAR: I at least can enjoy the ironic lyrics of this rap, even if the rhyming style was completely off by several centimeters.

HENRY: What was the point of all this?

QUINT: Just to prove I was never on meth.

{Short pause}

QUINT: NO REALLY I

NOXIGAR: GET OFF THE TOILET

{End}

{Noxigar collapses.}