RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/38

yeah, Max is back but this time with some restraint

NOXIGAR: Is the restraint enough to actually matter, or...?

Transcript

{Open to the two and a trans-atlantic Falcon}

NOXIGAR: Finally, some variation!

QUINT: Right Vince?

VINCE: Aight. I've juss bin up ta dem united states int I?

NOXIGAR: Alright.

{Noxigar inhales.}
NOXIGAR: Remember what Remolay told me. The appalling lack of effort into most episodes is the joke.

{Noxigar exhales.}

QUINT: Really? Shame that's nowhere near Maine.

VINCE: really? Are you lookin' to go to maine, cos I got dis man who is constantly flying between maine and dis exact spot!

NOXIGAR: I've got this guy on Tumblr who likes to advertise people to become "meguca." Is he the same guy as whoever Vince is talking aboot?

HENRY: Do tell more!

VINCE: His name is Mr David Cock, and he is made enti'ly out of kfc chicken skin.

NOXIGAR: So he's a walking KFC advertisment.

{enter David Cock}

DAVID COCK: 'ELLO YOU WANKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.

{Noxigar inhales.}

NOXIGAR: The randomness is intentional. That's what separates this from one of the Choom Gang's works.

{Noxigar exhales.}

HENRY: well this is just absurd

QUINT: And this man is very impolite!

DAVID COCK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A TURD? FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU

{Enter David's Mum}

DAVID'S MUM: Davie? Are you playing your computer games again?

DAVID COCK: Oh, for god's sake mother, will you be polite enough not to interupt when I am having a good old waffle with these lovely gentleman. AND IT AIN'T CALLED A COMPUTA GAME COS IT AIN'T ON A COMPUTER YOU NOB'EEEEEEED.

DAVID'S MUM: Come on, stop faffing about, church is in ten minutes! And it's not saturday, so no excuses!

DAVID COCK: OKALLY DOKALLY FUCKIN' DOO. BYE BYE YOU NOB CLAMS!

{David leaves}

NOXIGAR: He pretty much lifted this from one of the Nostalgia Critic's episodes. And not even a good one, at that.

QUINT: I remember when we used to have some part in these episodes.

MAX: FUCK YOU, QUINT, GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA

QUINT: I have you know I was not Melbourne in Australia, and that is a Great Barrier Relief!

NOXIGAR: I'm sorry. Maybe it's just me being a Yank, but unfortunately I didn't get anything that Quint just bloody said.

MAX: You disgust me.

MR KEE: You also disgust me, and my good friend Sister 3.

HENRY: I would like to take a moment to point out we're yet to have a short pause in this episode. IF YOU COULD START THE FANS PLEASE.

{A cat with remarkably short paws enters}

CAT: Will I do?

MAX:no....NOOOO....NOOOOOO

{Max flips over the table}

MAX: MY PANTS!

NOXIGAR: I found something genuinely funny in The World's Greatest. It took 38 episodes, but I did it.

DANIEL BRYAN: YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

BEN: Get out of here, Daniel Bryan, I'm gonna lose all my Mindy- I mean nerd cred with the cool kids here at the Wiki User Wiki!

NOXIGAR: Nerd cred? The bugger's that noise?

SHEAMUS: BRYAN! It's time for a rematch, bitch.

{Sheamus knocks out Daniel bryan in 6 seconds. And yet Daniel Bryan ascends to a higher plaine of existance,

NOXIGAR: existence

and speaks his divine words upon Quint, Henry, Max, Ben, Vince, Sheamus and David's Mum who you'll notice forgot to leave}

DANIEL BRYAN: I forgive, you Sheamus. I must go now. My planet needs me. {Ascending} YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

{Note: Daniel Bryan died on the way back to his home planet - Planet Funk}

NOXIGAR: Planet Funk? That sounds like something from a Sega Genesis game.

THIS KID: Kindness can grow, so plant a seed. Happy Earth Day. Disney loves you.

{the kid plants a seed in the garden from episode 30 and is swallowed by trees}

MAX: (crying) I'm gonna miss you, this kid.

QUINT: Shuckeh Duckeh quack quack!

MAX: Man Quint, you sure are lively today. Maybe you should stop drinking all those coffee-flavoured soups.

QUINT: didn't you hate me like six lines ago or what

MAX: I'M SCHIZOPHRENIC YOU UDDER RAM!

NOXIGAR: I think you meant "bi-polar," and if you didn't then I'll take that back.

{Hospital people come in and put max in a straight jacket, then onto one of this hannibal lecter trollies,

NOXIGAR: Trouble with the trolley, eh?

then fire him into the sun}

MAX: Well, what a nasty fellow.

HENRY: I haven't spoken in ages.

EXPOSITION FAIRY: That's because of Old Man Randall's Helicopter speaky Tax, whenever you are within 4 feet of Randy, you can not open your trap.

HENRY: Damn that Old Man Randall. We should cut him open and sell his body for spare parts.

{The universe collapses in on itself. But then, from the apparently eternal darkness, a voice can be heard.}

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Don't worry, I shall save the universe, for I am the almighty.I. Am MARCIA WALLAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Marcia Wallace reconstructs the universe to exactly the way it was before in a matter of minutes. Henry is a sleep, and Quint wanders out from one of his doors, with a nightcap on and a mug of tea in his hand.}

NOXIGAR: Remember my training...

{Noxigar inhales, then exhales.}

NOXIGAR: The randomness is the joke.

QUINT: Morning, Henry, I got you a mug of tea!

HENRY: But you know I'm allergic to all hot beverages except for hot ribena!

QUINT: Oh, sorry, friend. What do you want for brekkie?

HENRY: I'll have 3 almond fruit cakes and the latest copy of 'gigantic asses'

NOXIGAR: Gigantic Asses. Are there seven issues of them, perchance?

QUINT: Sure thing.

{Short pause. And by that, I mean, Short Paws, the cat from earlier on tip-toes in}

CAT: I think i might leave now. There are still quite a few people in here from earlier that forgot to leave and it's getting a bit cramped.

QUINT: Oh, that's fair enou-

{Sheamus goes out of the way to crush the cat beneath his feet}

SHEAMUS: I FEAST ON THE BLOOD OF CRUSHED ANIMALS!

{Sheamus attacks Quint}

NOXIGAR: I think this is another WWE reference that goes over my head.

QUINT: Egad, my eyes!

MR KEE: I'll save you!

{Mr. Kee attempts to save Quint but instead just runs off of Henry, plummeting to the depths below}

DAVID'S MUM: Don't worry quint, I'll throw you my ghost-like human trapper, it traps humans that are very pale.

BEN: oh shi-

{Ben is sucked into the trapper FOREVER}

HENRY: Oh my god, look at Quint!

{Everyone looks at Quint, who now has a molerat instead of a face}

MAX: Good, good...my plan is working!

HENRY: What plan?

MAX: With Ben gone, I am now the only author of the show! I have free range to do whatever I want!

NOXIGAR: Who is Max again?

{Max turns the ocean into soup, whilst laughing evilly}

NOXIGAR: I could go on about the one time in a Pokemon Tabletop Adventures session where I froze the ocean, but I think the joke was already dead before I could kill it.

JACK: I don't think so, bitch!

MAX: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE! TURN HIM INTO GRAPES, ANYTHING!

{Max tries to turn Jack into something, but he appears immune}

JACK: I DON'T CARE! what you do to me, just DEEEEELLLLL MEEEEEEEEE what you plan to do with this internet writing story thing!

MAX: I dunno, probably just make it stupid. Stupider than it already, is, I mean.

JACK: Oh, really? Wow, that sounds good. I propose we join forces and destroy this bitch together.

NOXIGAR: He likes saying "bitch" a whole lot.

{Max and Jack combine into one to form a being called Max and Jack. Immediatley they begin turning things into gazelles and leaves. However, just as things, begin getting bad, Daniel Bryan descends once again from the heavens}

DANIEL BRYAN: STOP! I can not let you do this.

{Daniel Bryan applies the YES! lock on Max and Jack}

NOXIGAR: What's the YES! lock?

MAX AND JACK: Your yes lock can't hold us Bryan, we're the greatest, most powerful being in the universe, and you're just a boring old god.

DANEIL BRYAN: Oh, really? WELL TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

MAX AND JACK: GAH! MY RIBS, MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS RIBS!

{Max and Jack are destroyed in a blinding, brilliant light, and all that was good with the world is restored}

HENRY: Well that was fun, I guess.

NOXIGAR: All it did was raise more questions than answers.

{All of the characters who appeared slowly dissolve in, then bow, as a red curtain closes the show. End.}

NOXIGAR: Tin lining: this episode is a better performance than Kill La Kill will ever be in its lifetime.