RiffText/TheWorld'sGreatest/The World's Greatest/30

Basic Maths

NOXIGAR: I thought this was differential calculus.

Transcript

{Open to the T.W.O, an organisation consisting of a koala bear named Quint and his helicopter friend Henry, who can talk. The scene is set over a generic sea, which is part of a smaller journey from Andorra to Maine}

NOXIGAR: What does T.W.O. stand for?

QUINT: I think we need to do something about the generic animal/foodstuff/obscure celebrity who has been infesting our gardens.

NOXIGAR: Who in their right mind would plant a garden in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?

HENRY: I'm on the scene.

{Henry flies inside a door on his body. Cut to the gardens, a lush place filled with beautiful flowers and some cabbages. Ruining the view is Howard Brown}

NOXIGAR: Every time Henry enters himself I just assume he's consuming LSD.

HENRY: Aah! Howard Brown! Britian's least famous celebrity!

HOWARD BROWN: {In a deep, gravely voice} LOW LOW RATES! AAAAHAAHAAHAHAH!

NOXIGAR: Apparently insulting Great Britain's sweetheart is funny for reasons I cannot fathom.

HENRY: Run! Quick Quint!

NOXIGAR: He's so in a hurry he forgot to place a comma in that sentence.

{The camera pans left, revealing Quint who has been here the entire time}

QUINT: I was just trying to figure out how you got in here.

{Short pause}

NOXIGAR: Everybody stops to pause. In the time it takes for one of Strong Intelligent's pauses, someone could be finishing that chapter of A Song of Ice and Fire.

QUINT: Anyway, yeah, okay, I'll run.

{Quint runs out the door and back on to Henry. Henry soon follows}

HENRY: Okay, so Howard Brown is infesting our otherwise amazing gardens. What are we to do?

QUINT: There's only one thing we can do.

NOXIGAR: Kill him? I'm fairly certain you guys have a strange enough morality and could just dump the body in the water when you are finished.

HENRY: What's that?

QUINT: Call them.

{Camera pans left, revealing no-one, an invisible person with a loud and booming voice, suspicously similar to the narrators in episode 18.}

NOXIGAR: There were no narrators in Episode 18.

NO-ONE: TO BE CONTINUEEEED?

NOXIGAR: Hopefully not.

{End}