RiffText/TheBluebryShow/4

{Bluebry is sitting in his house, which contains a phone and only a phone}

NOXIGAR: Well finally a good setting introduction.

"I wonder who I shall call next? I can't lose this contest with myself." repeated Bluebry in his own head

Noxigar groans, "This again?" He was not satisfied with the method of writing being put in place inconsistently.

{Bluebry fatefully picks up the phone, in multiple camera angles. The phone glares at Bluebry, even though it has no eyes}

"Well, better get on with it - no use stalling." joked Bluebry's inner monologue

{Bluebry gives a slight, soundless chuckle}

{Bluebry picks up the phone, then begins to look back and forth between the numpad on the phone itself and the charger}

"I wonder which one I should choose?" questioned Bluebry.

{A soft, classical, ambiet

NOXIGAR: ambient

piece plays over the speaker. Jumpcuts take place between the numpad on the phone and the one on the charger. Finally, Bluebry punches in some numbers.}

"I hope that wasn't the wrong number." thought Bluebry, nervously.

{The phone picks up, and a shocked Bluebry puts the phone to his ear.}

PIZZA CLERK: Hello, would you like to order any pizza?

"Oh, I must have dialed the wrong number..." thought Bluebry without thinking.

NOXIGAR: Thinking without thinking?

This is not logically possible

And no you did not identify it as one of your so-called "jokes" over at the bottom of the page

{Bluebry hangs up.}

BLUEBRY: Oh, what have I done?

{Bluebry picks up the phone once more again, and dials a different number.}

PIZZA CLERK: This is the pizza place, may I take your order?

BLUEBRY: I would like a pepperoni.

PIZZA CLERK: I am sorry, we are out of pepperoni.

{Bluebry pauses.}

PIZZA CLERK: Sir?

BLUEBRY: Yes, I am still here. I guess I will just take a cheese pizza.

PIZZA CLERK: What size?

BLUEBRY: Let me think about that?

{Bluebry pauses, and shifts from one foot to another. His feet are getting tired.}

NOXIGAR: I'm guessing Bluebry got {singing} PHYSICAL, PHYSICAL.

BLUEBRY: I think...

PIZZA CLERK: ...therefore I am!

NOXIGAR: "An out-of-place philosophical quote will definitely make this funnier!"
But not if two complete strangers are saying it unless serendipities are implied.

{Bluebry and Pizza Clerk give a half-hearted, socially acceptable, laugh.}

BLUEBRY: I was thinking I'd take a medium.

NOXIGAR: Wise call! Not too small, not too large! Medium should be sufficient!

PIZZA CLERK: We will get right on that.

{The phone goes dead. Bluebry gently puts the phone down.}

"I am regretting my decision, now." Bluebry thought.

"Huh? How come?," Noxigar asked curiously. Then he looked at the bottom of the page and realized Bluebry should not have ordered pizza to begin with.

{Bluebry is regretting his decision}

NOXIGAR: It's like he's trying to be bad on purpose
But at the same time every Im a bell fic after Bell Quest does this and each one still gets riffed mercilessly despite the fact they're intentionally bad.

{Bluebry's phone rings again. He picks it up. Soulja Boy is on the other end.}

SOULJA BOY TELL EM: HEY LISTEN HERE I GOT A NEW DANCE FOR Y'ALL IT'S CALLED THE SOULJA BOY

{Soulja Boy does the Soulja Boy dance. Bluebry joins in the dance.}

NOXIGAR: You keep ruining each mediocre page with your damned Soulja Boy repetition, thereby making each page worse than it could have been if you just fixed a few problems.

The End

THE JOKE

• Bluebry is lactose intolerant
• Pizza Clerk and Bluebry are both gay and hold unrequited love for each other but neither one knows the other one is gay

NOXIGAR: Nice information. I, erm, what? Two complete strangers holding unrequited love for each other? Unrequited love for each other? Then it's not unrequited love. Then the feelings are mutual.