RiffText/TheBluebryShow/1

Transcript

{Bluebry enters the retail outlet and walks over to the first salesperson he sees}

NOXIGAR: . Bluebry opens his mouth to try and say something, but unfortunately due to the lack of a proper intro he ends up not saying anything.

BLUEBRY: Excuse me, where is the returns desk?

SALESPERSON: Right over there {points off in the distance}

NOXIGAR: There's a slight problem with this fanstuff that, while completely nitpicking, is relevant as a context identifier.

NOXIGAR: It appears the "a" indefinite article is not welcome at the "choom" table.

NOXIGAR: Which sucks, since in this fanstuff said indefinite article is necessary to identify some of the context proper.

underneath the sign that says "returns"

BLUEBRY: Thank you.

{Bluebry walks over to the returns desk and gets in line. There is one person ahead of him, and she is currently being served.}

NOXIGAR: YO DAWG THIS BITCH GETTIN' SERVED.

LADY: {yelling} Am I unhappy? I'm very unhappy with how terrible I'm being treated.

Apparently she is unhappy

NOXIGAR: Apparently something is wrong with this retail store and Bluebry should leave before he becomes just as unhappy

RETURNS CLERK: I'm sorry that your television broke, however you purchased this item one year past the amount of time our return policy allows. Now, I will be happy to give you one hundred dollars in store credit out of sym-

LADY: One hundred? Do you know how much money I paid for this television? I want the full price.

{Another sales clerk moves over to the empty space.}

NOXIGAR: The empty space of which lacks specific context.

OTHER SALES CLERK: Next in line, please.

{Bluebry walks over to the newly opened space and places his damaged cell phone on the desk}

OTHER SALES CLERK: Hello, my name is William, how may I help you today?

NOXIGAR: "And by help you, I mean be as unhelpful as humanly possible. Just so we're clear."

BLUEBRY: Hey William, I'd like to return this cell phone.

WILLIAM: Alright, and how long have you had this phone?

BLUEBRY: Three months.

WILLIAM: And, do you have the receipt on you?

BLUEBRY: Uh no, unfortunately, it was a gift.

NOXIGAR: "My friend got it from a pawn shop."

WILLIAM: Oh, well that rules out returning it. Policy demands that we have a receipt of the item.

NOXIGAR: At least William makes the rules clear so I don't have to have an outside reference frame for half of these "jokes".

{The lady who is also currently being served continues to rant and rave.}

NOXIGAR: Apparently offscreen so as to save time and energy that could've been spent trying to write a good episode.

WILLIAM: Can you call the person who bought the phone and see if they still have the receipt?

BLUEBRY: Well, my phone is broken, so no.

WILLIAM: You may borrow my phone. {moves the desk phone towards Bluebry}

NOXIGAR: Awww, that's so sweet of the retail clerk!

{Bluebry picks up the phone and dials a number}

NOXIGAR: Finally, "a" did something cool and can sit in the table with the Plastics!

BLUEBRY: {into phone} Hey... I'm at the store, I need to return something... my phone... Yeah, it died, do you still have the receipt?... No?... Alright, thanks though... Bye. {hangs up} She does not have the receipt.

WILLIAM: We can attempt to fix it though. I can just tag it in now and we can have a guy look at it in... an hour or so. Just write down your home number on this sticky note and we'll call you when we've figured it out.

{Bluebry gets out a pen and writes down his home number}

WILLIAM: And, can you just describe the problem for me real quickly?

NOXIGAR: That, comma. It's, so necessary.

BLUEBRY: Well, it died.

WILLIAM: Alright, we'll get that call in for you in an hour or so. Have a nice day.

BLUEBRY: You too.

{Bluebry walks off}

{Crank Dat Soulja Boy starts playing on Bluebry's cell phone}

SOULJA BOY TELL EM: SOULJA BOY UP IN THIS HO WATCH ME CRANK IT WATCH ME ROLL

NOXIGAR: Wait, I don't get how a cellphone can die and just play some stupid-ass ringtone simultaneously. Is that the ringtone for when the phone shuts off?

The End