RiffText/RTOD/Kirbychu emails.pie/Zoo977

Summary

Kirbychu finds out who sent his second e-mail!

LIGHTNING GUY: And two emails from now, he'll discover who sent this one. It's a wonderful cycle of stupidity!

Cast (in order of appearance): Kirbychu, Albino, Homestar, Bubs, Strong Bad, Zoo977.

Places: Kirbychu's Computer Room, The Stick, Kirbychu's Lab, Bubs Concession Stand, Strong Bad's basement.

Date: February 26, 2008

Transcript

{Cut to Kirbychu's computer room. Kirbychu walks in and sits down.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I haven't seen The DS today. Oh well, he'll probably show up by the end of the email. {opens outlook express}

LIGHTNING GUY: Were you not in the mood for an email song today, either?

NOXIGAR: I didn't know e-mail songs were a mandatory asset.

It's all right. Take your time.

Dear DS-less,

LIGHTNING GUY: How coincidental.

Your Nintendo DS is currently shattered into many of pieces by the stick. I took all of the most important pieces and burned them. And it was ME that sent the email that got you in jail! HAHA! And considering i bend reality, DOUBLE HAHA!

LIGHTNING GUY: Suck on that, Mary lack of Sue.

NAMINE: Do most things falsely labelled as "Mary Sue" bend reality?
NOXIGAR: Not that I can recall. Honestly, the most often labels for something being a "Mary Sue" that I've seen have been attributed to female writers trying to have fun with any character they made. I recall trying to reclaim the neologism to explicitly be less discriminate with people making godmode characters, as more often than not male characters tended to be power fantasies, and more offensively so.

Sincerely,
Albino(zoos cheat)

{He stops reading at "I took all of the most important pieces and burned them."}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: NOOOOOO! Well, at least it's I fire-proofed it.

LIGHTNING GUY: Apparently extremely bad if they managed to get burned.

I also have all of the tools to fix it at my lab. I'll go get the pieces!

{Cut to The Stick. Albino is there wit a fire burning

LIGHTNING GUY: wit da s'moes an da steeks

in front of him. There is also a pile of plastic pieces next to him. Kirbychu walks in}

'ALBINO: Good, you're finally here. Now to...

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {interrupting} Oh, hi Albino. Look, I'm a little busy now, can we talk later? {he gets all of the pieces} See ya later. {runs off}

LIGHTNING GUY: Impolite much?

{Cut to Kirbychu's lab. Kirbychu is there with the DS pieces. He is standing next to Homestar.}

HOMESTAR: Why am I here again?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: You need to hand me things when I ask for them.

HOMESTAR: Oh.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Glue.

HOMESTAR: Glue. {hands Kirbychu a bottle of glue}

LIGHTNING GUY: The action never stops.

NOXIGAR: The action actually stopped at giving Kirbychu a bottle of glue.

{The screen fades to black. The words "2 HOURS LATER" come up. The screen fades back to Kirbychu and Homestar.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well it took 2 hours, but at least it's fixed. Now it just needs to charge. In the mean time, I should finish reading that e-mail. {Kirbychu walks back to the computer room and sits down. He then reads the rest of the e-mail.} THAT WAS YOU! I don't believe you. It was obviously your owner, Zoo977.

LIGHTNING GUY: He knows this stuff because he knows everything.

{Cut to The Stick. Albino is still there. Kirbychu walks up.}

ALBINO: FINALLY!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I'll get you an ice cream if you go get Zoo.

ALBINO: Okay!

LIGHTNING GUY: But I thought short guys like him were all lactose intolerant.

NOXIGAR: How does that make sense?

{They walk off. Cut to Bubs Concession Stand. Kirbychu and Albino walk up.}

BUBS: Hello, what do you need.

LIGHTNING GUY: What do you have.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: 1 ice cream cone, please.

BUBS: What flavor?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: What flavor?

ALBINO: Vanilla.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Vanilla.

BUBS: What size?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: What size?

ALBINO: Waffle cone.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: A waffle cone.

BUBS: How many scoops?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: How many scoops?

ALBINO: Three.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Three.

LIGHTNING GUY: This was the most useful conversation on the page.

NOXIGAR: I lament declining an offer to riff "Trapped in the Closet" that was given to me, I think by Ben.

NAMINE: Wait, really?
NOXIGAR: I didn't want to watch the movie specifically because I hated R. Kelly for being a paedophile. Then, I found out Hollywood's infested with paedophiles.
NAMINE: So, I'm guessing you're trying to hold back from nausea at remembering that?

{Noxigar nods.}

BUBS: Here you go. {hands Kirbychu an ice cream} That'll be $50.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: WHAT!!

LIGHTNING GUY: In that economy, you're lucky to see that.

How about $50 in pencil shavings?

BUBS: That's fine.

LIGHTNING GUY: This is why the economy's so bad there.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Here you go.

{He hand Bubs a pile of pencil shavings and walks off.}

ALBINO: Thanks. I'll go get Zoo.

LIGHTNING GUY: But Kirbychu didn't give you the ice cream y-

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Good. {walks off}

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, you sly...whatever you are.

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. Strong Bad is on the couch. Kirbychu walks up.}

STRONG BAD: What do you want?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I need your help fighting Zoo977.

LIGHTNING GUY: Don't people talk it out anymore?

Will you come?

STRONG BAD: I've got nothing better to do.

{Cut back to The Stick, where Zoo is standing. Kirbychu and Strong Bad walk up.}

ZOO977: Ready to fight?

LIGHTNING GUY: Why can't we be friends?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Yep, But first why don't you put on some fancy aftershave so you smell good?

LIGHTNING GUY: There's no point in getting dirty if you already smell like crap.

NOXIGAR: Wouldn't that make there be a point, then?

ZOO977: Fine.

STRONG BAD: Here you go. {hands Zoo a container of gas}

LIGHTNING GUY: That's not suspicious at all.

ZOO977: Thanks. {He covers himself with the gas}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: And who would fight without having a fancy gum cigar first?

LIGHTNING GUY: This dude is the queen of physical conflicts.

This thing is so fancy, you even need to light it! {hands Zoo a gum cigar}

ZOO977: Thanks. {He pulls out a lighter and lights the gum cigar}

LIGHTNING GUY: That's even less suspicious.

{Zoo catches fire,

LIGHTNING GUY: How ever did that happen?

and flies away.}

ZOO977: I'LL BE BACK!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Where will I find another paper to end this email?

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe you could actually use a paper this time.

{a tv pops from the top of the screen}

LIGHTNING GUY: This is no time to watch Desperate Housewives!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: A tv to replace The DS? Perfect! {begins to dance}

{"Kirbychu HR'D is currently partying.

LIGHTNING GUY: By himself.

NOXIGAR: Isn't partying by one's self normal?

please leave a message." appears on the TV.}

Trivia

• The "fancy aftershave" and the cigar are reference to to the Strong Bad e-mail "Lady...ing".

• It is unknown who really wrote the email. Albino could have written that he bends reality to blame it on Zoo, and Zoo could have signed it from Albino.