RiffText/RTOD/Kirbychu emails.pie/Spring Cleaning

Summary

Kirbychu empties his inbox. The Omega dies.

Cast (in order of appearance): Kirbychu, X On Fire

Places: Kirbychu's Lab

Date: June 29, 2008

Transcript

{Cut to Kirbychu sitting at his broken laptop. He is in his lab.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Since my house is being rebuilt, I'm stuck in my lab.

LIGHTNING GUY: Cool! I'll just sit here not caring, then. Continue.

Time to clean my inbox! {opens Outlook Express}

Dear Kirbychu,
Have you ever helped the FCUSA Police stop Strong Bad from committing a crime?

LIGHTNING GUY: Who does he look like? Snitchy McSnitch?

Tommyspud

KIRBYCHU HR'D: No. DELETE! {deletes email}

LIGHTNING GUY: Now that I think of it, he actually does.

Dear Mr. chu,
There has been a mistake in ordering your Copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
The copies all shipped to america have had defects, and your copy will be sent to you in one week.
Until then, Please enjoy the complimentary soundtrack, featurning

LIGHTNING GUY: Feet churning? That doesn't sound comfortable.

all tracks from the game.
It shall arrive at your door when I finish counting to ten in my head.
By the way, I started when I said "Counting to ten in my head." Ten!
From,
Nintendo of America President

KIRBYCHU HR'D: My copy's fine.

LIGHTNING GUY: IT JUST IS

NOXIGAR: I think if it had any known defects, a spambot would be the last thing Kirbychu trusted.

DELETE! {deletes email}

DeOre KraBtstU'
AaAaAaAiM ThE MAkeMonEy MaGnAte!

LIGHTNING GUY: This is officially the greatest email I've ever seen.

NOXIGAR: I think exactly the opposite when I see that same statement. I would imagine Homsar would not write as he would talk.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: ...No. DELETE! {deletes email} This is fun!

LIGHTNING GUY: You psychopathic monster.

Dear Kirbychu,
We are pleased to announce that your evolution stone is ready.
Unfortunately, we have lost it.
To recive a new one, please

LIGHTNING GUY: Check my spelling for me.

send us $1,000,000 and a corn dog.
It shall arrive when I finish counting to ten trillion.
From,
Biolab type organization

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I didn't order a thunder stone. DELETE!

LIGHTNING GUY: You're terrible at this.

NOXIGAR: I don't see how. He's answering bad e-mails, giving it a once over, and then deleting them. That's basically what a "spring cleaning" translates to.

{Kirbychu deletes email.

LIGHTNING GUY: You can't delete email. Email will be with us forever. {menacing} Foreverrr.

The screen sparks and goes black. Blue goop comes out of some cracks.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: That's not a good sign. To the lab! Wait, I'm already here...

{Kirbychu opens up the computer, revealing that the wires connecting the screen to the main system are charred and broken. There are also many other broken parts.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: That's gonna be hard to fix. {attempts to work on the computer, gets zapped} OW! {the screen turns on} Okay... how did I do that? On second thought, I don't care as long as the computer stays working until at least email number 10.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's when he planned to send himself a virus

NOXIGAR: This would have been clever if a 10th email actually existed.

and keep the audience of the edge of their friggin' seats.

NOXIGAR: If Kirbychu's 10th e-mail episode had been planned to involve a virus at any point, I'd just roll my eyes.

{works on computer with plastic tools and tape} That should hold it for now.

{The DS comes down.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Why are you coming down? This email's not over yet!

LIGHTNING GUY: How nice to know.

{The DS goes back up.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Good.

COMPUTER: {robotic voice} Kirbychu. I don't feel so good. I'm burnt, and sparky. I don't think I'm gonna make it.

LIGHTNING GUY: That doesn't mean anything. Computers can't think.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: NO! Don't die! It's only email 7!

LIGHTNING GUY: YOU WILL GET THAT VIRUS!

COMPUTER: I would need some serious repair just to have a chance to live.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I can fix you!

LIGHTNING GUY: I can fix you nine times!

COMPUTER: You don't have the technology to fix me.

LIGHTNING GUY: So suck on that, you fat yellow lard.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Are you sure you won't live?

COMPUTER: Good bye Kirbychu...{powers down}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: NOOOOOOOOO!!! {cries}

LIGHTNING GUY: It's alright. You'd have never even gotten me close to the edge

NAMINE: Is there anything that would get Lightning Guy close to the edge?
NOXIGAR: No. I'm under the impression that Lightning Guy's Tea Party-ness will forever keep him repulsive to anyone. I'm pretty sure even other extremist Republicans would find him to be trash.

of my seat, anyway.

{X On Fire walks in.}

X ON FIRE: What's going on?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: The Omega died...

LIGHTNING GUY: Then I suffered five rounds of epileptic shock.

X ON FIRE: That's to bad,

LIGHTNING GUY: As you can see, That took a wrong turn.

but it was just a computer.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: It was more than a computer! I loved it!

LIGHTNING GUY: It was my illegitimate son!

X ON FIRE: So put it in a special place, them beat up Homestar for causing the explosion.

LIGHTNING GUY: Them a rusty group of folk.

That should help.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Good idea.

{Kirbychu puts the Windows Omega in a cryogenic room.

LIGHTNING GUY: Last I heard, freezing a computer would just make it colder.

He then walks up to Homestar and beats him up.}

LIGHTNING GUY: It's completely his fault you have terrible cooking equipment.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I feel much better now! Now I just need a favor. Can I borrow your computer?

X ON FIRE: I would say yes, but the charger's broken and the battery's dead.

LIGHTNING GUY: I also don't like you very much.

You're an inventor, why don't you just build a new computer?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Good idea!

{The scene fades to show a silhouette of Kirbychu standing at a desk using a screwdriver on an unknown object.

LIGHTNING GUY: {whispering} It's his female parts.

NOXIGAR: Something in me wants to yell at him for a joke in awful taste.

NAMINE: Wouldn't it be a joke if it were possible to laugh at a transparently transphobic statement?
NOXIGAR: I can't really call it anything, then, since what was said wasn't a joke.
NAMINE: I feel like Lightning Guy's also been trying too hard with making fun of email shows, in general.

NOXIGAR: I concur.

The DS comes down.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Nice timing.

Trivia

• This reveals that the Omega can talk.
• This is the first email that the Omega was actually referred to by it's name.