RiffText/RTOD/Kirbychu emails.pie/SSX

Summary

Kirbychu and SSX throw a Smash Bros. Party.

LIGHTNING GUY: {raises hand} Smash a brother right here, please.

NOXIGAR: You're not a brother. You're an acquaintance-at-best.

NAMINE: I'm not entirely sure why you use that turn of phrase.
NOXIGAR: Back in 2013, Lex and the others tried uniting the entire Wiki User Wiki together. This meant adding Chwoka and seeing how he was doing. When asked about his opinion on us, he declared us "acquaintances-at-best," buggered off, and since then it had become a running joke of sorts. Considering how my own WUW experience actually was, "acquaintance-at-best" is still a good descriptor for quite a few people on here, as well as for a majority of the people whom left the WUW right around '09-'10.
NAMINE: You're using it sincerely, though?

NOXIGAR: With regards to John, absolutely.

Homestar ruins it.

Cast (in order of appearance): Kirbychu, X On Fire(SSX), Strong Bad, Homestar, MKWii, The Cheat, Sam The Man.

Places: Kirbychu's Computer Room, Kirbychu's Living Room, Kirbychu's Den, Kirbychu's Bedroom, Kirbychu's Kitchen, Kirbychu's Back Yard.

Date: June 26, 2008

Transcript

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well, I should check my e-mail.

LIGHTNING GUY: No, you shouldn't.

{long pause} Now.

LIGHTNING GUY: No, never.

{opens Outlook Express}

LIGHTNING GUY: Crap.

Hey there, Kirbychu!
I got Brawl! I'll bring it over there 5 minutes ago.
~X On Fire

KIRBYCHU HR'D: What? Don't you mean...

{Zoom out to show that X On Fire is standing next to Kirbychu.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Burning letters can use doors, too.

X ON FIRE: {inturupting} Hi K-Chu.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Ack!

LIGHTNING GUY: He's choked on his own words.

{falls out of his chair} Don't sneak up on me like that, SSX!

X ON FIRE: But I've been here for 5 minutes. And I'm not Super Sonic X anymore!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well... SSX stands for X On Fire! Sx

LIGHTNING GUY: Sxandalous.

Son Xfire!

X ON FIRE: Okay... Wanna Brawl?

KIRBYCHU HR'D: LETS THROW A SMASH PARTY!

LIGHTNING GUY: He just asked to Brawl, dude.

NOXIGAR: It was elongated acceptance.

Jeez.

We'll invite EVERYONE!

X ON FIRE: YAYS!

LIGHTNING GUY: You just can't help making anyone around you look like a complete moron.

NOXIGAR: Yes, but you also have the same problem.

{The screen fades to black. "5 hrs. Later" comes up. The scene then fades to Kibychu's Living Room. All 12 main characters, MKWii,

LIGHTNING GUY: Who,

SSX, Sam the Man, Kirby, and Meta Knight are there. Kirbychu walks in.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I just ordered us twelve-dozen extra large pizzas!

LIGHTNING GUY: And X on Fire's paying for it all!

Now let me just say a few things. In here there will be Brawl playing, my room will have melee, and den will have the original. Snacks will be in the kitchen. Pizza will be here in about half an hour, so until then, have fun!

EVERYONE: YAY!

LIGHTNING GUY: YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!

NOXIGAR: Making you chopped liver.

{Cut to the den. Kirbychu, Kirby, Homestar, and Strong Bad are holding N64 controllers.}

STRONG BAD: I don't believe how great the graphics on this thing are! It almost looks real!

LIGHTNING GUY: Welcome to 1996.

NOXIGAR: You have to give Kirbychu credit for characterizing Strong Bad correctly.

HOMESTAR: Man oh man oh man! I rock at this game!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Homestar, you've already lost all of your lives, and you're holding the controller upside-down on top of that.

GAME: GAME SET! The winner is... Kirby.

LIGHTNING GUY: What a surprise.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I WIND!

LIGHTNING GUY: Good for you. When are the pizzas coming?

{cut to Kirbychu's room. Kirbychu, SSX, MKWii, and The Cheat are playing. Kirbychu is Kirby, SSX is Luigi, MKWii is Samus, and The Cheat is a yellow Kirby.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Me, SSX and MKDS...

MKWII: IT'S WII!

LIGHTNING GUY: NO ONE CARES!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: ...yeah whatever, are tied!

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: "I can see the {bleep}ing scores. Also, I'm not a yellow {bleep}ing Kirby. I'm {bleep}ing Pikachu. Are you {bleep}ing blind, you {bleep}ing recolor?"

NOXIGAR: It'd be at least surprising if Lightning Guy actually cursed more.

SSX: You aren't even close!

GAME: {explosion} Player 4... DEFEATED!

LIGHTNING GUY: One down...

THE CHEAT: {sad The Cheat noises}

SSX: Told you!

THE CHEAT: {angry The Cheat noises,

LIGHTNING GUY: Translated: "Shut the {bleep} up, you {bleep}ed up excuse for a Sonic derivative! At least I can settle on my own {bleep}ing name, Mr. I'll Be This {bleep}ty Character One Minute, Then This {bleep}ty Character The Next!"

NOXIGAR: uwu

tackles SSX}

GAME: {explosion} Player 2... DEFEATED!

LIGHTNING GUY: Two down...

SSX: I hate you.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well I guess it's just me and...

GAME: {explosion} Player 3... DEFEATED!

LIGHTNING GUY: Three down and

The winner is, Kirby! {kirby fanfare}

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, what a surprise.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Never mind...

MKWII: Dang!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well, I'm done for now. I'm gonna go reheat some of last night's pasta for lunch!

LIGHTNING GUY: Then a bit more narcissism for dinner.

{walks off}

{Cut to Kirbychu's Kitchen. Kirbychu is going through the fridge. After a few minutes he comes out with a bowl of ziti.

LIGHTNING GUY: His fridge is so large,

NOXIGAR: I think it would've been specified as a mini-fridge if it were actually small.

it takes him entire minutes to find that crap.

He walks over to the microwave, which Homestar is standing at, holding a metal bowl.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Wait, Homestar don't start the microwave!

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, Homestar doesn't start the microwave.

NAMINE: I thought what Kirbychu said was actually correct.

HOMESTAR: {starts the microwave with the metal bowl in it} What?

{The house explodes.

LIGHTNING GUY: I hope you have insurance.

Cut to Kirbychu's back yard. Homestar lands hard on the ground, and Kirbychu soon follows.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: You idiot! You shouldn't put metal in a microwave!

LIGHTNING GUY: It will indubitably cause a house to blow up.

HOMESTAR: That party was fun! {walks off}

{Light screaming is heard. It slowly gets louder. Sam the Man lands on Kirbychu. SSX soon follows, landing on Sam.}

X ON FIRE: My Brawl Disc!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: My everything!

LIGHTNING GUY: X On Fire's Brawl Disc!

BOTH: NOOOO!!

{Kirbychu's game systems and SSX's brawl disc fall from the sky. They are virtually unharmed.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Of course they are.

X ON FIRE: Yay!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: But what about my computer?

LIGHTNING GUY: "You'll never give me a break, will you?" said God.

{Kirbychu's computer lands on Kirbychu. It's cracked and broken in some spots, some keys are missing, parts of it are burnt, and there is a small gash in the screen.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I hope it still works.

{The computer boots up.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Screw climax, we have a story to tell!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Horray!

SAM THE MAN: Wait, X, aren't you a living flame?

LIGHTNING GUY: Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn't. Depends on how the author is feeling.

NAMINE: What even was X on Fire feeling?
NOXIGAR: Not sure. He never was on much.

X ON FIRE: Yes.

SAM THE MAN: Well then, could you get off my head?

LIGHTNING GUY: It's nothing personal, he just likes not having his hair on fire.

X ON FIRE: Sure. {gets off}

SAM THE MAN: {hair catches fire}

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, the irony.

Aw, crap. {runs around screaming}

LIGHTNING GUY: Running around like an idiot has been scientifically proven to stop fire.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well I guess this email's over. {record scratch} Wait a minute, I don't have my DS!

{The DS comes down reading "I'm fine.

LIGHTNING GUY: Was anything destroyed in this explosion?

NOXIGAR: Not sure. I know this email was destroyed in the explosion of you writing a riff or quip for every line of text possible.

Click Here to Email Kirbychu."}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Good.