RiffText/RTOD/Kirbychu emails.pie/3 Trials

Summary

Some zoo down the road asks Kirbychu what he would rather do out of three options.

LIGHTNING GUY: 1. Kill yourself.

NOXIGAR: I think I stopped finding telling people to kill themselves funny when I read various suicide stories a long time ago.
NAMINE: So, you've never found them funny?

2. Kill me 99. Comedy option

Cast (in order of appearance): Kirbychu, Strong Mad, Da Huuuuuuudge, Homsar, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Homeschool Winner.

Places: Kirbychu's Computer Room, The Field, Da Huuuuuuudge's cage, The Alligator pit, a volcano, The Jail.

Date: February 24, 2008

Transcript

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {opens outlook express} My laptop's still here and an e-mail's so near.

Dear atchoo,

Would you rather dive into a pit of lava, fight off 5 alligators at once, or try and beat strong mad up? please tell me what would happen.

Sincerely,
That zoo down the street... 977

{He says bless you after atchoo, and reads the name as "the 977 zoo's down the street".}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Wow. It took 977 zoo's full of people and animals

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would there be people in cages? They're so difficult to clean up after.

to write 1 email. That's kinda depressing, really.

{clears screen}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well Zoo977,

LIGHTNING GUY: Zoo977 is well, I presume.

they all sound equally terrible, so I'll do them all in reverse order to see the outcome of each one!

LIGHTNING GUY: Can't you just do them all in regular

{Cut to the field. Strong Mad is there. Kirbychu walks up.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Hey Strong Mad, want to fight?

STRONG MAD: YOU WON'T WIN!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: How do you know?

STRONG MAD: I'M BIGGER!

KIRBYCHU HR'D: I'll still win.

LIGHTNING GUY: I JUST WILL

NOXIGAR: What made that kind of retort funny?

{Strong Mad punches Kirbychu, causing him to go flying. He eventually lands on top of Da Huuuuuuudge.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Well, at least I'm at the zoo.

{He gets off of Da Huuuuuuudge and walks to the alligator exhibit}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Okay alligators,

LIGHTNING GUY: The alligators are okay, I presume.

be prepared to die at the hands of...{thinking} wait, what am I doing? I can't wrestle a pack of alligators. {normal} ... uh, HOMSAR!

{Homsar waddles up to Kirbychu.}

HOMSAR: AAaaAAaaAAaaAA! What is it, Yeller Spike?

LIGHTNING GUY: Let's see how he messes this one up.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {Sigh} In you go!

{He picks up Homsar and throws him in the alligator pit.}

HOMSAR: AAaaAAaaAAaaAA! I'm the king of all crocodiles!

{The alligators suddenly drop dead}

LIGHTNING GUY: That's why you can't touch the king.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Wow. Just... wow. I guess I should just jump down and take a picture of myself holding a dead alligator It'll

LIGHTNING GUY: Totally make up for that missing dot there.

look like I did it! {He does so} Okay, now for the last trial. TO THE VOLCANO!

{Cut to a volcano. Kirbychu is standing on the edge of the caldera.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: 1, 2, 3, GERONIMO! {He jumps into the volcano. A splash is heard.}

{Cut back to Kirbychu's computer room. Kirbychu walks in completely burnt and black}

LIGHTNING GUY: Darn. Now you can't use our water fountains.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: {typing slowly} Well Zoos 1-977, I did everything you wanted me to do. I'll even upload a picture of me fighting a gator to prove it. {He uploads the picture of him and the dead alligator.} Well that's the end of my show!

LIGHTNING GUY: Well that's, please come soon.

Now to go get...

{The King of Town bursts into the room, followed by the Poopsmith dressed as a trooper}

KING OF TOWN: {interrupting} You're under arrest for killing all of the alligators at FCUSA County Zoo!

LIGHTNING GUY: Word travels fast. The KoT travels slower.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: WHAT! That wasn't me, it was Homsar!

KING OF TOWN: Then what's with that picture?

LIGHTNING GUY: It was his good twin brother.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: ...Oh, dang... {gets dragged away by the Poopsmith.}

{Cut to a jail. Kirbychu is locked in a cell.}

KIRBYCHU HR'D: Whoever sent that e-mail is so going to pay when I get out!

{Homeschool Winner walks up behind Kirbychu.}

LIGHTNING GUY: You better have metal underwear on.

NOXIGAR: Is metal underwear a fetish? I hope not.

HOMESCHOOL: If you get out, that is.

KIRBYCHU HR'D: HELP!!!

{The DS comes down. It reads Click here to help break Kirbychu out of jail e-mail Kirbychu}

LIGHTNING GUY: Kirbychu never gets out, and ends up married to Homeschool the next month.

NOXIGAR: Why? I'm pretty sure Homeschool's not in jail.

Trivia

• This e-mail was updated on December 1st 2009.